Taunting Maxed Out
The Nine-Tails hung suspended by massive sealing chains, its colossal body pinned against an ancient stone pillar. It glared at the red-haired woman standing before it.
"Hmph."Kushina's presence was enough to sour its mood even further.
"What was that outburst just now?" she demanded.
Another cold snort. The fox shut its eyes.Maybe it really was hallucinating earlier…Because it could've sworn it sensed that foul, one-tailed tanuki's chakra inside Konoha.
The One-Tail?In Konoha?
She noticed its chakra beginning to boil over.
"Hey! Behave," Kushina snapped.
"Heh."The chains tightened. Kurama opened one eye.
"Did anyone come from Sunagakure today?"
"…What?"
Kushina raised a brow.The fox rarely initiated conversation.
"What do you care?"
She didn't wait for a response. Her expression shifted into thoughtful deduction.
"No… nobody from Suna. But Mikoto said Uchiha Tobika just returned from there."
Uchiha Tobika.
Uchiha.
Kurama bared its fangs, eyes flashing dangerously.
So the trash-talking tanuki actually ended up in the Uchiha's territory?
No—that idiot must've been captured with Sharingan. Dragged back by force.
The thought dragged Kurama back into its own memories.The sealing.The control.The humiliation.
Comparing its own suffering with Shukaku's only made it more furious.
"Damn Uchiha," it roared toward the clan district, "You're all a plague!"
"Hey!"Kushina planted her fists on her hips. "What is wrong with you now?!"
Kurama flicked its gaze downward—toward this jailer who held its existence by a thread.
"You Uzumaki aren't any better."
Kushina's eye twitched as chains coiled tighter, trying to shut Kurama up.
The fox inhaled deep, and bellowed—
"Senju—!"
Meanwhile—
Tobika stared at the tea kettle in front of him with the quiet despair of a man realizing his "special weapon" was, in fact, a kitchen utensil with attitude.
After earlier experiments, he had pieced together the truth.
The kettle's metal body was absurdly durable. Great for bashing someone's skull in.Close enough to a blunt weapon.
Samehada was a living blade.This kettle was a living kettle.Not the most prestigious comparison.
And the chakra transfer?He rubbed the kettle like a genie lamp—and it dribbled out enough chakra for maybe one C-rank jutsu.
Underwhelming.
As for taunting…Shukaku hadn't insulted anything yet. Instead it just looked depressed.
Tobika poked the One-Tail's chubby cheek.
"You're basically crippled now, huh?"
Shukaku twitched.Because yes—this was Tobika's fault.
Its body was in Suna without its consciousness.Its consciousness was in Konoha without its body.
Like being split in half.
Worse, it sensed that rotten fox's chakra inside the village.Which meant it—Shukaku—must also be physically in Konoha.
It glanced at the framed picture of Uchiha Madara on the wall.
A nervous shudder ran through it.
"Hey."It pointed at the photo."What's your relation to Uchiha Madara?"
Tobika followed its finger.
"That's Madara in the center. On his right is Uchiha Izuna. On the left is Elder Ryoichi's older brother, Uchiha Ryoda. Next to him is my grandfather, Uchiha Hiko."
Shukaku's eyes slowly drifted upward.
Human relationships were worse than tailed-beast politics.So many layers. So many terms. So many headaches.
Steam practically hissed from its skull.
"So…"It finally held up its fist."So Madara is also your grandfather."
Tobika's mouth twitched.
He took a deep breath and began the thankless work of explaining Uchiha genealogy.
"By generation: Elder Ryoichi is my second grand-uncle. His older brother is my great-grand-uncle. But that guy calls my grandfather 'big brother.' So my grandfather and Madara are the same generation. Madara was clan head, so my grandfather liked calling him 'Big Brother Madara.'By hierarchy, Madara is my great-grandfather—no blood relation, though."
Shukaku's mind exploded.
Steam everywhere.
"So it was your grandfather," Shukaku muttered darkly, "who split me away from my real body?!"
Tobika blinked.Then nodded.Because his system's nickname was "Old Grandpa."
"Of course. Evil Uchiha…" Shukaku growled, glaring at Madara's portrait. "…up to their tricks again."
It retreated into the kettle.Too many emotions today.
After about an hour—
Bang. Bang. Bang.
Hammering sounded inside the room.
Shukaku nudged the lid open, eyes brimming with a sudden, eerie brilliance.
Something the Sage of Six Paths once said echoed in its mind:Even if separated, the tailed beasts would one day return to one another.Guided rightly.And understand true power again.
No one had guided Shukaku in centuries, but that didn't stop it from believing the old man's words.
Meaning…
Its return to its body was possible.
It just needed to survive long enough.
Shukaku inhaled sweet air, eyes gleaming.
Running away from humans sounded far better than staying in Tobika's cramped house.
It eyed Tobika's back.
"Hey. Do I have a chance of going back to my real body?"
Tobika froze mid-hammer swing.
Back to its "real body"?Did these beasts… actually want to become the Ten-Tails again?
Did it want its sense of self erased?Was this some weird attraction to Kaguya's power?
Tobika remembered the Fourth War.Shukaku could return to its primal form—
Oh.
He sighed.
"Just wait about ten years. You'll reunite eventually."
Ten years?Not long at all.
The tanuki shrugged internally.It usually slept for months at a time anyway.
Then—
It quietly slid toward the window.
Time to escape.Test its freedom.See whether this contract was absolute or partial.
It leapt.
Plap.
It landed on the same floor.In Tobika's room.
It turned around.
Tobika was smiling at it.
Its face darkened.
Two more attempts.Two more plaps.
The contract was real.
Shukaku trembled with rage.
"Why can you summon me?!"
"No idea," Tobika said cheerfully. "Probably because we signed a contract."
A contract.
A damn summoning contract.
Shukaku bolted out the window in denial—and immediately popped back into the room.
By the third try, it was shaking with existential despair.
Tobika hopped out the window behind it.
Let the tanuki run. Let it taste hopelessness.
He wasn't worried.This tiny tanuki hardly resembled a tailed beast.Anyone who'd seen the real Shukaku wouldn't make the connection.Its chakra was weak.Its form was different.
Honestly, it was cute.If he disguised it properly later, even the Sage of Six Paths would hesitate.
Shukaku sprinted through Konoha like a tea kettle possessed.
Villagers stared.
"Did that kettle… grow legs?"
"No, it became a spirit."
"It's kinda cute."
"Wait, I saw an Uchiha crest on its back."
The interest stopped immediately.
Ah.An Uchiha family pet.
Weird, but acceptable.
Shukaku zigzagged through narrow alleys, avoiding grabby hands that wanted to hug it.It stopped suddenly when a swaying backside blocked the path.
Women behind it whispered:
"What a waste. It escaped again…"
Shukaku glared at them.
Pathetic, fake humans.When it was huge, no one wanted to hug it.Now that it was weak, everyone wanted a piece.
Humans should sleep with their eyes open.
It turned forward—
And sensed a familiar chakra.
A certain fox.
Its grin turned wicked.
The One-Tail shadowed Kushina all the way to her house.
Meanwhile, ninjas hiding nearby whispered among themselves.
"Should we intervene?"
"That tanuki's acting weird."
Kakashi shook his head.
"It's weak. Probably the Uchiha clan's summon. And Lady Kushina already noticed it."
And so Shukaku followed Kushina home unhindered.
"Fox!" it finally shouted.
Kushina stopped, turning slowly.
"…Do tanuki normally talk like that?"
Shukaku fell silent.Then stared directly at Kushina's stomach—where the Nine-Tails slept.
If it didn't expose itself, and Kurama didn't rat it out—no one would know.
Kushina looked behind herself.Nobody there.
"…You're talking to me?" she asked.
The tanuki nodded.
The fox's container.Who else?
"So you followed me all this way just to call me a fox?" she said coldly.
Shukaku broke into a sweat but nodded again.
Inside the house—
Crash! Crash! Crash!
Minato peeked out from the bedroom.
"Kushina? What's going on?"
"Nothing!" Kushina snarled, yanking Shukaku's cheeks."Just disciplining a rude tanuki!"
Shukaku didn't feel a thing.
It focused instead on shouting directly at Kurama inside her belly.
"Stinky fox! Didn't know your container was this violent. Your life must be torture."
Silence from the fox.
Shukaku continued smugly.
"My first container was a monk. A good man. Unlike yours. He had self-control. I heard both your containers were women? Must be awkward for you, huh? When humans do their nightly breeding—"
Kurama stayed silent, but Shukaku could feel the spike in chakra.
Shukaku's grin widened.It was having the time of its life.
Kushina frowned.
Was this weird tanuki broken?
Still… kind of cute.
She dropped it onto the table.
"Stay here. Say one more wrong thing and I'll stew you."
"Tch."
Shukaku spat on the floor behind her and trotted after her, tail swaying.Still taunting Kurama as it walked.
"Humans are fake, fox. Your container's fake too. But I know you can hear me. The Sage said we'd stay together forever…"
It looked up at Kushina's very pregnant backside and cackled.
"Yaaaah-ha—!"
"GET OUT!"
Boom!
Kushina kicked it straight out of the house.
She clutched her belly.
"That damned tanuki… scared me."
Inside her seal—
Kurama finally opened its eyes, glaring in Shukaku's direction.
Still the same foul-mouthed rodent.