When Someone Says "In Principle, I Agree"… It Means "Absolutely Not."
What hits your face in the morning isn't always sunlight.Sometimes it's tap water.
Tobika wiped the cold droplets off his cheeks and stared at Uzuki Yugao, who stood proudly at his bedside with a bucket like a dutiful executioner. Then he glanced past her at the still-dark sky.
The sun wasn't even up.Yugao was… terrifyingly diligent.
He dressed while yawning, walked to the calendar, and checked today's agenda.
"Morning: renovate the new shop, disguise the tanuki, and prepare it as the Uchiha Fried Chicken mascot.Afternoon: clan meeting—topic: Fugaku nearly getting flattened on the battlefield."
A full day of nonsense.Great.
He began brushing his teeth.
"Sensei!"Yugao poked her head out of the kitchen. "You've been home for two days straight. Don't you need to report to the ANBU?"
"Nope."Tobika spat out foam and inspected his reflection.
"Apparently Third Hokage's retirement is insanely boring. He wants grandkids. So our captain went off to start… preparations."
He clicked his tongue.
"Plus I just came back from a mission. The captain gave me time off."
Pregnancy wasn't something you triggered with a hand seal.And Shinnosuke was still in the hospital…
A month off wasn't impossible.
From the table, the kettle rattled.Shukaku's head poked out, eyes sharp.
"Kid," it hissed, "I thought the whole night, but I still don't get it.What does 'twelve hours on, twelve hours off' mean?!"
"What's there not to get?" Tobika shrugged.
"You know how your fellow tailed beasts live—trapped in some body for decades. Meanwhile you're my family. I can't restrict a family member's freedom, right?"
Shukaku stared like it suspected a trap. It wasn't wrong.
"So," Tobika continued, "you work twelve hours during the day. Then the night twelve hours are yours. Freedom is as precious as explosive tags in wartime. Touch it, chase it, enjoy it."
He leaned in, voice conspiratorial.
"You want to stargaze? You can.Try comparing that to the fox—you know, locked in a dark pit, whipped daily. Meanwhile you'll be lying on a pile of sand counting constellations."
"And hey, I can even take pictures of you being free. Then you can show the fox. Make it jealous."
Shukaku began steaming like a broken kettle.
Yugao rushed over, eyes sparkling.
"Sensei, is this your summon?"
Tobika picked his nose and gestured at the blushing tanuki.
"He's family. Also an employee. And a shareholder of the soon-to-open fried chicken shop."
Yugao lifted Shukaku into her arms, squeezing its cheeks. Stars glimmered in her eyes.
"So cute!"
"Family?" she repeated.
"Mm."Tobika nodded solemnly, then whispered under his breath—Family means no payroll.
––––––
Afternoon
Perched on Tobika's shoulder, Shukaku scanned the bustling Uchiha district.
Twelve hours of labor for twelve hours of freedom.It felt wrong, but not wrong enough for its tiny brain to articulate.
At least the disguise helped.Wearing a black cloak embroidered with red clouds, only its head was visible.A perfect hideout.
"Oh?"A familiar voice drifted over.
The red-haired jinchuriki.
Shukaku's eyes curved into two happy crescents.Its favorite victim was here.
"Go forward," it whispered. "I need a word with that woman."
Tobika spotted Uzumaki Kushina and sighed.
"Ah, so it was your summon," Kushina said as she approached."This little thing followed me home yesterday. I wanted to feed it, but then it suddenly freaked out and I… kicked it. By accident. It's not injured, right?"
"Tch!"Shukaku clicked its tongue and immediately directed its attention to her stomach.
"Fox," it called inside her mind, "I know you're ignoring me, but I can still talk."
"You know what's as precious as an explosive tag in wartime?"
Without waiting for Kurama:
"Freedom."
"Before coming to Konoha, I thought you were living a good life. Happy. Comfortable."
Its grin spread wide.
"Ya~ha~!"
"I know you're furious. But don't be. You can't even smell free air—mmph!"
Tobika slapped his hand over Shukaku's mouth and dragged it away.
Kushina blinked, thoroughly confused.
"Are all ninja cats so strange? So… weirdly snarky?"
"Not really."Mikoto folded her arms, watching Tobika retreat.
"It's more that like attracts like."
Kushina blinked again.
Then her gaze drifted toward Mikoto's stomach, a soft smile blooming.
"Oh—right! It's already June. Is he almost due?"
"Another month, according to the Medical Corps."Mikoto stroked her belly gently.
"Thought of a name?"
Mikoto glanced toward the Sarutobi compound.
"Sasuke."
––––––
Later, in the stifling clan chamber
Tobika eyed the empty seat at the head of the room.
He leaned toward Elder Ryoichi.
"So… the clan head died?"
Ryoichi's mouth twitched.
"Speak properly, you brat."
"I thought Fugaku got wrecked. You all talked like we needed a new clan head."
"He got wrecked," Ryoichi admitted, "but not fatally. This meeting is about deciding how much support we'll give the Fourth Hokage now that he's stabilized his position."
Tobika raised a brow.
"And what do you want to give?"
Ryoichi coughed, gaze flicking to several old elders.
"Full support. Minato is easy to negotiate with. I want to use this chance to improve our clan's public image. If we back him strongly, he won't oppose."
Tobika exhaled slowly.
"So you want to convince Fugaku to give up the Police Force?"
"Don't talk nonsense!"Ryoichi almost choked.
"Changing public perception isn't the same as throwing away authority. I'm asking if you have ideas."
"That's all?"Tobika rolled his eyes.
"Easy. Beautify the clan history. Reframe Madara. Influence the next generation rather than the old one."
He gestured broadly.
"Propaganda, Elder. Pretty up our side of the Senju–Uchiha story. Clean up Madara's image. Danzo smears us every day; his lies push perception one way. Our narrative pulls back the other way. We might end up closer to the truth than either side."
"Oh…"Ryoichi nodded vaguely.
Then he caught a specific detail.
"But what if the village leadership forbids us from spreading that narrative?"
"Ah."Tobika pointed at him.
"That's the real question."
He leaned closer.
"That's why Fugaku's divorce is crucial.If he divorces and marries Senju Tsunade, everything changes."
Ryoichi stared in horror.
Tobika continued, deadpan:
"The Senju and Uchiha fought for nearly a thousand years. If Tsunade marries into us, the symbolism alone rewrites history. One big family. Therefore we can openly promote Hashirama's legacy. And if we promote Hashirama, naturally Madara appears alongside him. No one can object."
His gaze sharpened.
"So, Second-Grandpa… you intend to support my proposal, right?"
"Gh—!"Ryoichi inhaled sharply.
Caught.
His eyes darted everywhere.
"In… principle… I agree," he said stiffly. "Your explanation is theoretically sound. But such matters require time. Slow discussion. Very slow."
Translation:Absolutely not.