Chapter 10 — High School Musical: Hogwarts Edition
When the Sorting Hat yelled "GRYFFINDOR!", three houses erupted in celebration—while Gryffindor fell into a deathly silence.
Except the Weasley twins, who applauded like lunatics.And Harry, who clapped because he had no idea what was happening.
Horatio slid into the seat beside Hermione, ruthlessly kicking Neville to the side.He shoved a note into Hermione's hand.
"Hermione, use your almighty SUPER FRONT TEETH to think of a way to save me."
Hermione refused to react.
She knew the truth of life: the more attention you give Horatio, the stronger he becomes.
Horatio sighed dramatically.
"Boring…"
He lifted his hands, showing the cuffs Dumbledore slapped on him.For ordinary students? Unbreakable.
For Horatio?
Three seconds later:
Click.Cuffs gone.
Silencing charm released.
He lifted the cuffs in triumph, waving them mockingly at Dumbledore.
Dumbledore's face darkened like the bottom of a burnt cauldron.
(Horatio's inner OS: "Understand? This is what god-tier alchemy talent looks like.")
Snape watched this disaster-in-progress and murmured to McGonagall:
"Well, looks like Slytherin will be keeping the House Cup for a few more years."
McGonagall, emotionally devastated, did not respond.
Dumbledore stood.Arms open.Grand smile.
Iconic moment.
"Welcome! Welcome to another year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our feast, I have just a few words:
Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!"
Food appeared.
Horatio examined the plates carefully.
All roasted.All fried.Potatoes cooked in eighteen different boring English ways.
He could take no more.He stood up.Reached into his bag.
Pulled out——the sacred Battle Robe of Sichuan Men.
Then: wok, stove, sauces, peppers, spices—
The full Chinese restaurant uncle setup.
With a dramatic flare of magic, the cooking fire roared alive.
Black Pepper Beef
Spicy Chili Chicken
Cumin Lamb
Tomato Egg Soup
The aroma drifted , Crawled and Swallowed the Great Hall whole.British children raised on boiled food instantly betrayed their country's cuisine.
Their souls left their bodies.Their forks dropped.Their hearts screamed:
"Why haven't we been eating this our whole lives??"
The hall devolved into chaos.
Dumbledore massaged his temples.
He couldn't punish Horatio.
Technically, he'd done nothing wrong.
"Silence!" Dumbledore finally said. "I will speak with Horatio privately about sharing recipes with the kitchen. For now, continue your… meal."
Horatio casually lifted three fingers at him.
Dumbledore sighed And nodded.
Deal struck.
Horatio glanced at Hermione drooling subtly.
"You want some?"
Hermione instinctively nodded—
then panicked and turned away.
So Horatio escalated.
"Look, Hermione… the Black Pepper Beef… sizzling… tender… every slice coated in thick black pepper sauce…"
Hermione: must… resist…
"And this Spicy Chili Chicken—crispy outside, juicy inside. The fragrance of chili and Sichuan pepper—"
Hermione broke.
She SNATCHED the plate like a starving tiger and started inhaling food.
"Slow down, nobody's stealing it," Horatio said, smiling as he slid her a bowl of Tomato Egg Soup.
Hermione swallowed a mouthful.
Exhaled.
"…What do you want from me."
"Good question. This semester's homework."
Hermione glared,Then sighed.
Realistically, she couldn't stop him from copying anyway.Might as well go along with it.
After dinner, Dumbledore cleared the tables and reminded everyone:
Forbidden Forest = forbidden
No magic in hallways
Quidditch trials in 2 weeks
Stay away from the 3rd-floor corridor unless you want "a painful and sudden death"
Horatio scoffed.
"You can stop snakes, badgers, and eagles maybe.
But lions? Good luck."
Then—
"Let's all sing the school song!"
Students groaned internally.
They sang.They suffered.Song finished.
Dumbledore inhaled to close the event—
And then:Horatio backflipped onto the table.
"EVERYONE.
LOOK.
AT.
ME."
He threw an enchanted speaker on the table.
Music blasted:
🎵 Canzoni Preferite (Golden Wind meme version) 🎵
Horatio performed JoJo poses.
Perfectly.Fred and George joined instantly.
Then Harry started moving, confused but helpless.
Snape sneered—Until he noticed SLYTHERIN HOUSE doing coordinated choreography.
Including Malfoy, who busted out a flawless Thomas Flair.
Flitwick leapt onto the table like a gremlin and danced with astonishing skill.
McGonagall and Dumbledore hesitated—But the meme magic was too powerful.
They, too, started dancing.
Snape stared at his legs in horror as they began moving without permission.
The entire school:Dancing.Vibing.
Possessed by the Rhythm Curse.
Only one consciousness remained immune—or so he thought.
In Professor Quirrell's turban, Voldemort muttered:
"Hmph. Childish tricks…
but once I return…
I will show you worms…
what TRUE dance supremacy looks like."
---
Historical Record, Decades Later
In Hogwarts' school archives:
An unnamed cosmic being created a cursed dance which swept across the wizarding world.Aurors and Death Eaters alike were powerless against its rhythm.
Scholars later named this era: The Great Wizard Shake.