General Wei Qing led thirty thousand cavalry to "cleanse the Wuling bandits."
At the mountain pass he was blocked by thirteen squealing piglets leading a swarm of outlaws.
Wei Qing reined in and asked coldly:
"Who is Liu Two-Dog?"
Two-Dog stepped forward, cleaver dripping pig blood:
"That's me. You here to arrest me—or to eat pork?"
Wei Qing stared for a long moment, then dismounted and dropped to one knee:
"Your subject Wei Qing… greets His Highness."
The entire army gasped.
Two-Dog stood stunned. Behind him Piggy slapped his thigh and howled with laughter:
"Damn it, say so earlier! You nearly gave me a heart attack—I thought we were fighting!"