Lela had been in the hospital for about a week, and the time had moved slowly yet fast at the same time. A few of the guardsman from her troop came to visit, as well as her family. While it was good to see them, she just wanted to be alone.
Words of her deeds had spread around the village and the surrounding towns. She was now known as Lela the Brave, however, she did not feel brave.
Deep down she felt like a broken woman. She had been violated and would now have to live as childless woman. No man would want to marry her now. Her dreams of settling down with a husband and a family had been ripped violently away from her. Her choice had been taken away, the future she was looking to build once her time as a village guardsman vanished in an instant.
A day later Healer Gemna came by to check on Lela.
"How are you doing my dear?" She gently asked.
Lela looked at her, devoid of any emotion and simply shrugged.
"I have news. We will be able to perform your procedure tomorrow is you consent. A well known healer who has much experience has agreed to take in your case."
"Then, let's proceed," Lela said lifelessly. "I just want to get this over with and move on with my life."
"I understand. I will be by later to tell you everything you need to know.." Healer Gemna quietly took her leave.
Lela sighed and just stared at the ceiling with tears sliding down the corner of her eyes.
***
I decided after talking with my therapist that I was done wallowing in self pity. I decided that I was not going to let this make me bitter. I decided that I was going to choose to stay positive.
I decided to go to work on Friday, I couldn't take another day at home and decided that keeping busy would be the best thing I could do for my mental health. So as usual, I got up and got ready for work.
I drove to work in silence, enjoying the peace. I knew once I got to work some of my coworkers would have questions so I drank in the quiet.
I parked my car and made my way to inside to wait on the elevator. I took it to the floor and when I stepped off and took a deep breath before walking in. It was still pretty early, so only a couple of patients were in the office but I made my way to the phone room.
About 30 minutes later a small group of my coworkers came to me, a few of them crying on my behalf.
"Oh my God are you ok?" Asked Anna. She gave me a hug and I tried to be gentle since her pregnancy was showing.
"I'm as ok as I can be right now. I'm in the best situation I can be considering and I have an appointment on Monday with the oncologist."
"I just can't believe it, " she said drying her eyes. "How can this happen to someone like you? You are so kind…"
"That's just how it is," I replied softly. "But I won't let this steal my happiness. I'm choosing to be positive and I won't let this get me down."
She gave me another hug, wiped her eyes, and went to get ready for her shift.
It was good to be busy, it kept the dark thoughts at bay. I kept reflecting on how lucky I was that I had an appointment with my therapist yesterday.
The reality of it all came crashing down as talked over the implications of what was happening to me. I was horrified that I did not take better care of my body, I was mourning the fact that I would never have children, and having five coworkers pregnant at the same time was like a dagger planing pushed further into my heart. My new reality was that I was now forever changed and there was nothing to do to stop it. My body had betrayed me in the worst possible way, and the only thing that was left was to pick up the broken pieces. Damned if I knew how to put them back together. It was going to be process, that's for sure.