Takumi didn't mean to wander to Sanwan Pavilion's docks—it just happened.
But the moment he turned the corner and saw Zhongli swirling tea like a man who had achieved the pinnacle of retirement, he knew exactly what fate awaited him.
"Takumi," Zhongli said with serene elegance, "care to join me for a drink?"
Translation in Takumi's mind:
Come, child. Pay the bill.
Takumi's eye twitched.
Even the Raiden Shogun, Venti, and Nahida combined couldn't fill a purse—but Zhongli? He was the final boss of bankruptcy.
Still… he went over.
"You're really enjoying retirement, huh?"
"Mm," Zhongli nodded, calm as ever. "I had planned to retire after the next Rite of Parting… but your arrival accelerated the timeline."
Takumi silently screamed.
Zhongli sounded like a man who had moved vacation up by twenty years because someone else volunteered to take over the business.
"Well, that's worth celebrating," Takumi said. Then—just to be safe—
"But Zhongli, did you bring Mora today?"
Zhongli paused mid-sip.
"…No. But simply put the bill under the Funeral Parlor. Hall Master Hu Tao won't mind."
"I MIND!!
I ABSOLUTELY MIND!!"
A furious voice exploded behind them.
A crimson-eyed girl practically materialized beside their table like a wild spirit. Dark circles, frustration, and chaotic energy all combined into one tiny hurricane.
Hu Tao, 77th Director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor, had arrived.
She slammed her hand on the table.
"Zhongli! How many times? How many times have you dumped your tea bills on my payroll?! I'm out there working my butt off, doing rituals, handling burials, writing poetry, and YOU—YOU SIT HERE DRINKING!"
She pointed at her dark circles dramatically.
"Do you SEE these?! Night shift! Because of YOU!"
Zhongli quietly cleared his throat, and Takumi resisted the urge to laugh.
Hu Tao turned sharply toward Takumi—ready to scold him too—
And froze.
"…Whoa. Handsome."
Takumi blinked.
Instant mood shift.
"Hey, little brother," Hu Tao leaned in, voice brimming with injustice. "Be honest, is this fair? He eats and drinks nonstop and dumps every bill on me. If I weren't financially stable, Wangsheng Funeral Parlor would've gone bankrupt ten times!"
Takumi coughed.
"I'll pay today."
Hu Tao immediately brightened.
"Good man!"
Takumi introduced himself politely. "I'm Takumi. Just arrived in Liyue recently."
Hu Tao perked up even more.
"So THAT'S why I haven't seen you! Takumi, huh? I'm Hu Tao—Hu as in walnut, Tao as in peach. Not a naughty peach though. Just a normal one."
Takumi chuckled.
Then Hu Tao suddenly leaned forward with sparkling eyes.
Her business instincts activated like a trap card.
"So, how about buying a tombstone in advance? You're new, no house, no land—LET ME SECURE YOUR FUTURE! Buy one tombstone, get the second half off!"
Takumi choked.
Buying a tombstone for himself was NOT on his agenda.
"I'd rather eat peaches than buy tombstones."
"Oh?" Hu Tao narrowed her eyes.
"Brother… are you flirting with me?"
Takumi slammed an invisible emergency brake.
"You're overthinking. Sit. Eat. My treat."
Hu Tao plopped down happily.
"I'll accept! And if you ever DO need a grave, I'll give you half off!"
"…I'm immortal," Takumi muttered without thinking.
Hu Tao: "???"
Zhongli: "Ah."
Hu Tao blinked several times.
"…Wait. You're not human?"
Zhongli took a deeper sip of tea, eyes glimmering.
He could feel Takumi's elemental core—growing stronger every day.
One day, Takumi might outlast even adepti lifespan.
Zhongli felt both amused and faintly exasperated.
Takumi straightened, offended.
"I AM human! A completely normal person. Just… stronger. Longer lifespan. That's all!"
Hu Tao gave him the slow, skeptical stare of someone deciding whether he was lying or being weird for fun.
"Eh. You don't LOOK strong. Actually, you look like I could beat ten of you."
Takumi's mouth twitched violently.
'Woman, I am the architect of a new civilization. Don't test me.'
"Don't underestimate me," he replied evenly.
"Looks are deceptive. As the saying goes—don't judge a book by its cover."
Then, with the confidence of a man prepared to double down on a bad decision:
"Do you see that tree over there? I can blow it up right now."
Hu Tao's eyes widened.
Zhongli slowly set down his cup.
"…Takumi."
Takumi realized one second too late—
He absolutely should not blow up property inside Liyue Harbor.
Hu Tao slapped the table, eyes sparkling with mischief.
"DO IT."
Takumi: "???"
Zhongli: "No."
Hu Tao: "YES."
Zhongli: "No."
Takumi internally: Why am I caught between a god and a chaos gremlin??
Hu Tao grabbed Takumi's sleeve.
"Come on! I wanna see! If you can explode it clean, maybe I can use it as inspiration for a new funeral parlor slogan! 'Explosive deals—literally!'"
Takumi nearly facepalmed.
Zhongli sighed in ancient disappointment.
"You cannot demonstrate destructive force within the harbor."
Hu Tao crossed her arms.
"Ugh, party pooper."
Zhongli raised a finger at her.
"Last time you had an 'idea,' Liyue Harbor nearly got flooded with paper lanterns."
"That was ONE time! And they were biodegradable!"
Takumi laughed.
This chaotic trio—he could get used to it.
Zhongli finished his tea.
"Regardless, Takumi, you should not throw explosions in the city. Save that for Guili Plains."
Hu Tao perked back up instantly.
"OHHH! You're the city guy! The build-everything guy! The big-shot-contractor!"
Takumi blinked.
"…Yes?"
Hu Tao slammed the table again.
"THEN YOU NEED MY HELP!"
Takumi: "I… do?"
Hu Tao grinned like a fox that had found free chicken.
"Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is GREAT at clearing land! We do burning paper money, ghost appeasing rituals, area purification—PLUS, everyone listens to our announcements!"
Takumi slowly realized…
Hu Tao was Liyue's most powerful PR agent.
Her announcements reached everyone—even if they didn't want to hear them.
…That was actually useful.
Zhongli nodded.
"She can assist. If you ask gently."
Hu Tao puffed her chest proudly.
"Of course! For a reasonable fee. Or unlimited free meals."
Takumi lifted an eyebrow.
"Unlimited? Not happening."
"Okay, okay! Half price meals!"
"Still no."
"Fine, ONE free meal per month!"
Takumi considered it.
"…Deal."
Hu Tao instantly beamed.
"WELCOME TO BUSINESS WITH HU TAO!"
Zhongli sipped tea again, satisfied.
A partnership had begun—
one construction planner,
one retired archon,
and one hyperactive director who could cheerfully negotiate funeral deals during lunch.
A strange trio.
But a solid one.
And as the sunlight hit Liyue Harbor's docks, Takumi couldn't help thinking—
Liyue was already beginning to change.
In the laughter.
In the plans.
In the small, ridiculous promises made at a tea table by the harbor.
This—
this was how a new era started.