His expression closed, but she sat up and gripped his hand.
"You have to care. You have to choose to care. The way you are, if you
don't, you won't—and she'll know. Just like you did. You cannot do that
to her. She has to be someone that you decide to care about."
She swallowed hard, looking down. "We don't know how long I'll . . .
after everything. I need you to promise that if I'm not here, you'll love
her for me"—her voice cracked—"the way I would love her. She has to
be that important to you. Do you promise?"
Kaine had grown pale, but he nodded. "All right."
"Promise me."
"I promise."
Helena was put on bedrest during the last month of pregnancy
when her heart began to struggle with even simple things like the stairs.
She nearly fainted, and before the dizziness had passed, Kaine had
her in bed and would not let her leave it.
Riding Amaris, he had gone to the larger islands and found several
medical texts on pregnancy, which he had read from cover to cover,
designating himself as obstetrician. He would not hear of Helena doing
anything, and when she tried to protest, he cited passages from the
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books.
Several women in the village came to the house and helped Lila
manage cooking and cleaning. With nothing else to do, Helena began
writing, filling a journal with everything she could think of. She wanted
it all written down: her version of events. Who she was, and what she'd
chosen, and why. Answers to all the questions she'd ever wished she'd
asked her own mother.
The winter solstice passed, and so did Helena's due date, and she
thought she would always be pregnant and never leave her bed when
her labour finally started. It moved at a relentless creep for more than a
day with little progress as Kaine grew more and more worried. Lila was
somehow the most levelheaded among them.
"We're all vivimancers. No reason to think we can't get one baby
out," Lila said, kneeling by Helena's legs while Helena leaned against
Kaine, his hand pressed over her heart, making sure the rhythm stayed
even when the contractions crested and ebbed.
"I hate this," Helena finally said, beginning to feel like it was never
going to end, her forehead slick, curls clinging to her face.
"I know." Kaine smoothed her hair.
"It hurts."
"Yes."
"I'm tired. I've been pushing for hours."
"I know."
"Stop agreeing with me."
Kaine stopped talking after that and didn't utter a word of protest
when she nearly broke his hand squeezing it through a contraction, her
whole body curling forcefully.
"Almost there," Lila said. "Head's out. Just one more and you'll get
the shoulders through." She looked at Kaine. "Do you want to catch
her?"
He shook his head.
Helena could feel her heart rate trying to rocket. So close, so close.
Just one more and it would be over.
"That's it! Yes! Shoulders are out, just breathe, she'll come . . ."
There was garbled wail as Lila lifted a wet, squirming bundle and
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996 • SenLinYu
thrust her into Helena's arms. Helena gave a started gasp as her daugh-
ter's tiny, scrunched-up face nuzzled against her. The baby's head was
matted with dark wet curls.
All her exhaustion was forgotten. Helena's hands shook as she cra-
dled the baby close. The tiny head lifted, looking towards Helena, and a
little mouth opened to utter an angry, protesting cry.
Lila was saying something, but Helena could only stare as the baby
furrowed her featherlight eyebrows, eyes widening briefly.
They were as bright silver as a lightning storm.
Helena gave a sob and held her tighter. "Kaine— she has your eyes."
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CHAPTER 77
Janua 1790
Helena sat in bed, counting her daughter's fingers and
toes, studying the tiny fingernails and the squashed profile. Lila had
rubbed the vernix in thoroughly and swaddled the baby with expert
speed before giving her back to Helena.
The matted brown hair was beginning to dry and stand in little tufts
around her soft head.
"Looks like she got my hair," Helena said as she looked up, smiling.
Kaine was standing almost as far from her as he could without going
for the door.
She stared at him in confusion. He had barely left her side for weeks,
but now he looked cornered and lost.
"Kaine . . . come and see her."
He swallowed. "Helena— "
"She's your daughter."
The muscle in his jaw jumped. "Yes. I know. I remember how it hap-
pened."
The smile on Helena's face vanished.
She looked down, the silence in the room so heavy that she felt as
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998 • SenLinYu
though she were being crushed by it. Some wounds would never heal,
and sometimes she felt that she and Kaine had a nearly lethal number
of that variety.
"I think I should go."
"Come here," Helena said, not giving him a moment to interpret her
silence as agreement. Her voice was hard and flat.
He exhaled, his eyes despairing, as though his heart was being carved
out of his chest, but he didn't move.
"Kaine . . . come here," she said forcefully.
He swallowed and stepped closer.
"We didn't have any choice. You didn't. But that's over now. We said
we'd start over when we ran away. That's what we're doing now. She's
never going to know that world. You'll love her, I know you can. Look
at her."
Kaine was looking anywhere but at the baby.
"She's not going to hurt you, and you're not going to hurt her."
"Helena." His voice was strained. "I'm not supposed to have this life.
Paladia is drowning in the blood I've spilled. You think that doesn't in-
clude children? Killing is the only thing I've ever done well. Do you
really want someone like that near your daughter?"
Helena froze, staring at him, and finally looked down. "You didn't
have any choice," she said. "And it's not all you've done. You saved me.
You saved Lila and Pol. We—we did what we had to, to survive. But we
get to be better than that now. We'll do it for her."
He finally dragged his eyes from the far wall.
Their daughter's silver eyes peered up at them. Her hair had dried
into a halo of brown curls. Her face was squashed from birth, and both
her hands had escaped swaddling and were up near her face. She was
aggressively sucking on the knuckles of her right hand.
She was the loveliest thing Helena had ever seen.
"Look at her. She's ours. She's all ours. You're not going to hurt her."
Kaine was frozen as he stared at her. He'd stopped breathing, and his
fingers spasmed, trembling as he finally reached out. He barely brushed
the baby's palm, as if he thought his touch might poison or break her.
The tiny hand instantly closed around his finger, gripping it.
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Helena watched him and recognised the expression that slowly filled
his eyes as he stared at the tiny person tenaciously clinging to him: pos-
sessive adoration.
Enid Rose Ferron was, according to Lila, the easiest baby ever born.
The older she grew, the more she looked like Helena, except for her
eyes, which were, in colour and angle, just like Kaine's and the grand-
mother that she was named for.
She slept beautifully and rarely cried. She would sleep for hours in
her overly indulgent father's arms, snoozing on his chest as he watched
Helena work in the kitchen or in the little laboratory set up in one of
the outbuildings.
Enid possessed the solemn curiosity of an owl, head swivelling as she
observed everyone around her. Helena would carry her in a sling, tucked
against her chest, where she could wrap her arms tightly and protec-
tively around Enid's tiny body when the shadows grew too long.
Once Enid could safely sit up, she would spend half the day sitting
on Kaine's shoulders, riding about with him while he walked the perim-
eter of the property over and over, checking all the buildings and visit-
ing Amaris, who would vibrate with excitement but hold utterly still
when Enid tugged her ears and patted her.
Kaine talked to Enid more than he talked to anyone, even Helena.
He would monologue to her about everything, the trees, the sea, the
tide and moons, alchemy techniques and array theories, what the
weather might be, and Enid listened to him intently, fretting if he got
distracted or fell silent for too long.
When the next summer Abeyance arrived, it brought news from the
North, detailing the siege currently in progress, how the city was being
starved into compliance as demands of surrender were ignored.
They were all relieved when the Abeyance ended and there was no
more unspoken question hanging in the air of whether they could and
should do something more.
Enid might have been a perfect child, if not for the terrible influence
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1000 • SenLinYu
of Apollo Holdfast.
The instant Enid could walk, the idyllic quiet of the island was for-
ever shattered. The two children tore through the house, shrieking and
shouting, oblivious to the ways their parents flinched and started at
sudden noise.
From Pol, Enid learned to climb hills and trees, tearing her clothes
to bits scrambling down the cliffs. She made mud pies and soups and
"healing" potions in jars stolen from the kitchen. She learned to wrestle,
and to fight with the play swords that Lila had made to teach Pol com-
bat basics.
Pol planned to be a warrior someday, and Enid wanted to be one,
too. Both children held Lila in high esteem because she was a warrior
with a metal leg, which they both found significantly more interesting
than their own.
Pol showed an early and exceptional proficiency for pyromancy. Then
Enid, apparently not to be outdone, healed Pol's lip after he split it open
running into a door. Helena was horrified by the early manifestation,
but Lila reassured her that she had been similarly young when her abil-
ities began making intermittent appearances.
Enid was reading by the time news came that Paladia had finally
surrendered. The allies had poured into the city, securing and dispatch-
ing necrothralls so stick-thin and malnourished that they scarcely put
up a fight. There were stories about the conditions found there, of citi-
zens so starved that they were mistaken for necrothralls as they swarmed
the liberating soldiers, begging for food.
By all accounts, it was an exceptionally successful campaign, with
few casualties for the allied armies. The Liberation Front was ceaselessly
praised for bringing the tyranny of the Undying to an end.
But Helena felt sick reading of it, overcome by a sense of betrayal.
How different it could have been if the international community had
decided to put even a negligible amount of effort into caring sooner. If
Hevgoss and Novis had been less concerned over which of them would
control Paladia afterwards. They'd all bided their time, waiting until the
situation grew intolerable for them, and only striking after their victory
was assured, and still somehow they were heroic.
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In the papers, all the horror stories about the conditions inside the
city, described in lurid detail, were only shared to highlight what the
Paladians had been saved from, rather than as an admonishment of
what they'd been left to endure.
Morrough was not among the casualties or captives. Somehow he
remained alive in the caves beneath the Institute, and after a few failed
attempts to breach the underground, the Liberation Front left him
there, hoping he would die on his own.
With the "liberation" out of the way, the focus of the allies turned to
the urgent matter of getting Paladia economically productive once
more, with debates raging about what Paladia should look like in the
future, whether it should exist at all or perhaps become a shared terri-
tory that Hevgoss and Novis would collaboratively control.
Trials were expected to begin soon. The international community
denied any knowledge of the forced labour on the Outpost, or that all
the industrially vital lumithium had been extracted by necrothralls for
the last several years. However, they couldn't deny knowledge of the
repopulation program, so instead they insisted that as far as they knew,
participation had been voluntary.
At some point in the siege or seizure of the city, Stroud had disap-
peared.
When the women began to be released from the Tower, stories about
the program began to emerge—the abuse and torture that Stroud had
permitted, and the children born and subjected to experimentation to
study early-childhood resonance and how it developed—but they were
regarded as too horrifying for print. Most of the focus was on the forced
labour on the Outpost and the mines and the malnutrition among the
surviving civilian population.
There was pressure for the matter of the repopulation program to be
quietly resolved. The women urged to move on rather than be retrauma-
tised in court; hysterical unmarried mothers could hardly be expected to
provide admissible testimonies. It was a stain upon the Northern iden-
tity that such atrocities had occurred, and so it was treated as some evil
and twisted idea that had sprung from the Undying's regime, as if selec-
tive breeding had not been long rooted in guild culture.
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1002 • SenLinYu
No, there would be convents for the mothers and, for the children,
an orphanage where they could grow up to become productive mem-
bers of society. And so it could all be forgotten.
Kaine was the only one who didn't seem surprised at how things
unfolded. Helena was so upset that she was sick for days, and Lila
started to disappear, leaving Pol with Helena and Enid for long periods.
After the children were in bed one night, Lila came into the kitchen
where Helena was working on a chymiatria project that she hoped
might help to manage her heart.
"I need to talk to you," Lila said. She was very pale; she'd been quiet
and withdrawn ever since the Abeyance passed. She sat down and stared
at the fire for a long time. "I have to go back."
Helena had known this day was coming, but her stomach twisted at
the announcement. Lila was not made for a quiet life. She was never
going to be happy on an island. She'd stayed because of Pol and Helena.
But from the moment they'd read the bulletin on the ship, Helena had
known that if Lila hadn't been a mother to a toddler, she probably would
have jumped off and joined the Liberation Force.
"I've been thinking about it for a while. I can't let them do this.
They're erasing everything. Everyone. They'll bury everything that hap-
pened. They don't care; they just want the manufacturing back. It's like
watching vultures close in after they spent all these years watching us
die."
Helena sighed. "What does going back do, Lila?"
"I'm going to kill Morrough," Lila said. "I'm going to go in, and I'm
going to kill him. And then I'm going to make sure that no one ever
forgets about the Resistance." Lila's throat worked repeatedly, the scar
twisting her face. "So I need you to take care of Pol for me. And I need
to learn how to fight using vivimancy, and get whatever obsidian's left.
And Helena, I need you to teach me how to build a bomb."
"Morrough might be dead in a year."
"I know. I won't wait that long. I'm going to go during the winter
Abeyance."
"That's an incredibly dangerous voyage," Helena said sharply.
"I have to go!" Lila's voice rose. "They killed my family, they killed
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Luc, they killed—everyone. I can't tell Pol about how brave and won-
derful his dad was and know that the person who killed him is still out
there. No one cares about the way Luc fought and suffered trying to
save us"— she gestured furiously—"because he didn't win. They'll forget
all about him if I don't go back."
"You could die. Don't leave Pol an orphan."
Lila was staring at the fire, the expression on her face so intense, so
yearning, she looked as if she might slip her hands into it if it would let
her touch Luc again.
"I made an oath that I would die before I let Luc come to harm, but
he died and I'm still here. I've tried to bear it, for Pol, but I can't. Not
anymore."
Helena reluctantly compiled her research on bomb making.
The technique used to bomb the West Port Lab had the most potential,
especially if they could find the sources of oxygen feeding into the un-
derground.
She'd thought about the design over the years. She'd been in a rush
and improvised, using the materials available. With time, and resources,
it could be far more effective.
In the meanwhile, Kaine trained Lila in combat vivimancy. To the
surprise of no one, Lila had been training in secret. Objectively she was
a better fighter, except that Kaine did not follow any rules. He switched
from vivimancy to combat alchemy to sheer underhandedness con-
stantly, so that the instant Lila had an advantage, the fight became
something different. He was brutal with her, exacting and impatient to
a degree that he'd dramatically softened with Helena. He gave Lila no
such consideration. He beat her weaknesses out of her.
Helena hadn't realised how much time and consideration Kaine had
devoted to thinking about killing Morrough. The strategy it would re-
quire. As if he'd spent the years on the island waiting for Lila to ask.
Perhaps he had. Or perhaps he would have gone and tried to do it him-
self if he'd been physically able to, but he wasn't. He'd never fully recov-
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1004 • SenLinYu
ered from the torture Morrough had last inflicted on him. Under stress,
his tremors were worse than Helena's,
"You should put your name on this," Lila said when Helena finally
gave her a design for the bomb. "Even if people think you're dead, you
should get credit for your work. Luc always used to say you'd be the one
to outshine us all."
Helena shook her head. "I don't want anyone to wonder about me or
to look too hard. It's not worth the risk. Just say you took the design
when you escaped, and you don't know who developed it."
Pol came to slowly understand that his mother was leaving. He was
five by then, and he and Enid had birthdays close together. As an early
gift, Lila and Pol went to one of the larger islands and returned with a
leggy white shepherd puppy named Cobalt, named for his father's
horse.
"He'll keep you company and keep you safe until I come back," Lila
said. She'd let the dye in her hair fade, letting it grow blond again. It was
braided and pinned around her head, because this was how she wanted
Pol to remember her. "I won't be able to send letters, but I'll send mes-
sages sometimes, all right? And whenever you see Lumithia, that means
I'm thinking about you, and when you see the sun shining, that's your
dad, watching you for me."
Lila's eyes shone with tears. "And you look out for Enid? She's your
best friend. You have to stick together, because that's what best friends
do."
The High Necromancer, Morrough, once known as the first North-
ern alchemist, Cetus, died on a spring day.
According to the newspapers, the underground stronghold was
breached by an elite team of Novis and Hevgotian military, accompa-
nied by Paladin Lila Bayard, the last surviving member of the Order of
the Eternal Flame. A mysterious pyromancy bomb was used in the ini-
tial attack.
The blast caused the famed Alchemy Tower to collapse, and the
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wreckage was painstakingly excavated and infiltrated as the team was
mobbed by necrothralls.
Many were killed in the attack. Lila Bayard was nearly killed. The
general leading the attack ordered that everyone fall back, but Lila had
refused. She went on alone.
Newspapers across the continent featured a photo of Lila Bayard
emerging from the rubble of the Alchemy Tower, helmet gone, face
filthy, her armour streaked with blood. The brutal scar across her face
was starkly visible, sharpening the look of cold triumph as she dragged
the remains of Morrough's mutated and rotting corpse behind her.
There was no denying Lila Bayard's heroism. She had done what a
dozen countries had failed to do.
Having a living, breathing member of the Eternal Flame who had
done the impossible made it harder for the allied nations to treat Pal-
adia as a failed nation that needed external control. Lila was offered all
sorts of ceremonial roles, but she refused them.
She had not come back to rule. She wanted those lost remembered,
and she wanted the tragedy of the war confronted, not buried, so that it
could not happen again.
In Lila's absence. Pol and Enid grew intensely attached to each other,
to the point that Helena and Kaine began to watch them with worry.
"She's not going to handle it," Helena said as they watched Enid and
Pol run from tide pool to tide pool. "She's so much like us. I don't know
if it'll be better or worse to begin preparing her for it."
Kaine nodded as the children teased a large crab which then chased
after them, scuttling sideways. Enid and Pol both tripped, shrieking
with laughter as they tried to drag each other away from the pursuing
claws, and Cobalt barked wildly.
Word had come that Lila was leading reconstruction efforts to have
the Alchemy Institute reopened. There would be a new Tower, a new
school, but not all Northern alchemy would be funnelled through the
narrow admissions rate of the Institute. Generations of knowledge and
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1006 • SenLinYu
alchemy had been destroyed; the continent was in desperate need of
more alchemists, as many as could be trained. Alchemy certification
would no longer be exclusive to Institute students but overseen by ex-
ternal bodies and given to anyone who could pass the necessary reso-
nance tests and exams.
The Institute would return to its original purpose of new heights and
advancements in alchemy.
After fierce debate, vivimancy was added as a field of alchemical
study at the Institute. Lila had insisted on it. Healers had been vital to
the Eternal Flame during the war. The potential of the resonance was
being villainised and wasted by superstitious paranoia; it should not be
an ability exclusive to those willing to abuse it. Paladia's discriminatory
treatment of vivimancers had played a role in how easily the Undying
had recruited them. Paladia had to evolve.
It took a year and a half, but finally Lila returned, but she had not
come to stay. She was taking Pol home.
Helena tried to change her mind, but Lila would not be moved.
Luc's son had to go to Paladia and see what his family built.
The only consolation to Helena was that Pol would never be the
Principate, for there would be no more Principate.
The world had seen Lucien Holdfast grovel at Morrough's feet and
beg for immortality before his execution. Even with claims that perhaps
he'd been coerced, promised leniency for the rest of Eternal Flame, the
mythos surrounding the Holdfasts' and the idea of a lineage of divinity
had been irrevocably shattered.
Pol would go to Paladia as a Holdfast, and he and his mother would
rebuild what had been dearest to his family's heart. The Alchemy Insti-
tute.
"Come back with me, Helena," Lila said as Kaine took the children
on a walk along the cliffs. "You can run the vivimancy department;
think of what a difference you could make. You'd be establishing a whole
new formalised field of alchemy. You'd be perfect for it."
"How would that work?" Helena asked. She could tell that reality
was setting in for Lila, the realisation of all the politics and pressure that
were the price of her choices.
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Alchemised • 1007
"Do I leave Enid here," Helena asked, "or take her with me while I
try to clear Kaine's name?"
Lila looked away, staring out at the sea. "You can't clear his name.
It'll never happen. I know you think he's a tragic hero with no choice,
but he's done the most terrible things. People talk about Morrough,
make jokes about him, but do you know who no one ever jokes about?
The High Reeve. People look sick at the mere mention of him. His
signatures and seal are everywhere. He was involved in everything.
There was nothing that happened in that regime that Kaine didn't know
about."
Helena's throat tightened. "Well, that's the thing about being a spy
and destabilising a regime. You have to know about things. How else
did you expect him to do it?"
Lila's shoulders drooped. Helena understood why Lila did not want
to be a sole survivor, the lonely hero. In Paladia, she was still surrounded
by vultures, watching her, waiting for any mistake, some means to tear
her apart, just as they had when she was paladin.
Now Pol would be in their clutches, but even then Lila couldn't leave
her family, country, or legacy. It was not in her nature to give up a fight.
"I'm not going to leave him," Helena said after a pause. "There's no
version of me that survived the war without Kaine. I was loyal to Luc,
and I know you want Paladia to remember him, but that country killed
him, as much as Morrough did. I can't go back to it."
Lila nodded, starting to turn but then stopped.
"I know I said I wouldn't say anything else, but I have to say this
before I go and leave you here." Lila's throat dipped, her scar growing
stark on her face the way it did when she was upset. "You're all I have
left besides Pol. I know you love Kaine, and he loves you, I don't deny
that. But I don't think you realise how inhumanly cold he is to anyone
who isn't you or E. The rest of the world could burn and he wouldn't
care. I don't think he'd even notice. Is this really what you want?"
"I know what he's like," Helena said sharply. "It's the reason you and
I are alive."
Frustration lit Lila's face, and she started to open her mouth.
"When you killed Morrough, what did you think about?" Helena
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1008 • SenLinYu
asked.
Lila's mouth snapped shut, and she looked away, her face growing
anguished. "Luc. I was thinking of everything he did to Luc."
Helena stared down at her left hand. The concealment on the ring
had faded with time, but now the brace on her hand nearly covered it.
"Love isn't as pretty or pure as people like to think. There's a darkness
in it sometimes. Kaine and I go hand in hand. I made him who he is. I
knew what that array meant when I saved him. If he's a monster, then
I'm his creator."
When Enid realised that Lila was taking Pol away, she was initially
uncomprehending and then hysterical.
"No! No, you can't! He's mine. He's my best friend. You can't take
him away!"
She refused to be comforted by Kaine or Helena. She clung to Pol,
not letting go. Pol was clearly conflicted, but he didn't let go of Lila's
hand for even a second.
"She can come with us," he said, looking seriously at Helena. "I'll
take care of her."
Helena's throat closed. "No. No, Enid has to stay here until she's
older," she said, trying to untangle Enid.
"I want to go." Enid sobbed as Helena pried her fingers off Pol's
trousers. "I want to live in Paladia, too. Why can't we all go?"
"I'm sorry, we can't," Helena said, holding her tight as Enid at-
tempted to collapse onto the floor and crawl to Pol. "It's not safe for us.
That's why we live on the island, remember? Because Mum's heart goes
too fast when we do too many trips. Mum can't go places that make her
heart go fast."
"But Pol is my best friend. I'll be all alone without him."
Kaine turned and walked into the next room for a moment, hands
spasming.
Pol let go of Lila's hand and went over to Enid.
"E," he said tentatively, "you have to stay with your mum and dad.
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Alchemised • 1009
You can't come to Paladia yet."
"Why not? You get to."
"Yeah," Pol said slowly, his blue eyes huge and thoughtful, and then
his expression grew pained. "But you have to take care of Cobalt. City's
no place for a dog, you know. He doesn't come when we tell him, so he
might get hit by a lorry."
Enid's head popped up. "Really?" she said in a trembling voice.
"Yes," Pol said. "And the boats are dangerous, too, you know. So you
have to take care of him for me. He needs walks every day."
Enid nodded in fervent understanding of the serious responsibility
being placed upon her, and Pol gave her the leash.
As Lila and Pol rode away, Enid sat on the cliff, holding Cobalt and
crying.
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CHAPTER 78
Four Years Later
"Mum."
Helena looked up from the tincture she was making. There were
certain things always in demand in the village. Enid was sitting in the
kitchen, watching her work.
Since Pol's departure, Enid had lost much of her playfulness. Kaine
and Helena had tried to bring back the spark, to find children in the
village to befriend, but Enid always held herself back.
There were too many obstacles: no alchemy, no mention of Kaine or
Helena's real names, or of where Pol and Lila had gone. The rules and
barriers stressed Enid, and as result she had retreated into the house,
only going out with her parents or dutifully to walk Cobalt every day.
On the dark nights, Kaine would take her riding on Amaris. Some-
times they would fly to other islands together, but no matter where she
went, Enid never wanted friends.
The bright spot of her life was the two weeks each summer when the
family travelled to the Northern mainland, to visit Lila and Pol in the
port city.
"Why do you have holes in your wrists?" Enid asked. "No one else
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Alchemised • 1011
has holes like that."
Helena's chest tightened as she looked down. She was usually careful
to cover them, but she'd been distracted and pushed her sleeves up to
work. Eight years was a long time to hide anything from a nosy child.
"No, there's not many people who have them," she said quietly. "Dur-
ing the war, people thought they could win if the other side didn't have
their resonance, so they tried to find ways to make it go away. And—
these holes were one of the ideas they had."
"Did it make your resonance go away?" Enid leaned closer, peering
at them.
Helena pressed her lips together and nodded. "It did."
"But it's back now?"
Helena nodded. "Your dad got it back for me. It was a long time ago,
but some scars don't ever go away. They look funny, don't they?"
Enid reached out and touched one inquisitively. "Did you get cap-
tured in the war?"
Helena's throat closed. She stepped away, going to the cupboard and
tucking a tablet into her mouth and quickly drinking a glass of water.
She'd known these conversations would come up eventually. Enid was
getting too old to keep avoiding them, especially given how desperate
she was to go to Paladia and study alchemy like Pol, who'd just begun
his first year at the Institute.
"Yes," she finally said. "I was captured for a while, and it wasn't very
nice, so that's why I decided to run away and have you instead. It's been
much more fun."
Kaine entered the room, and Helena stiffened.
"E," she said, "do you mind running to the village and getting some
cheese for dinner? We're all out."
Enid hopped up, curly hair flying, and disappeared out the door.
"What's wrong," Kaine asked as soon as Enid was gone.
"Enid noticed the scars from the manacles just now," Helena said
without meeting his eyes.
"What did you tell her?"
Helena inhaled. "As much as I thought she was ready to know. I
didn't lie."
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1012 • SenLinYu
Kaine just arched an eyebrow. Helena set her jaw and went over to a
shelf and pulled down a newspaper.
"A crate of them arrived today," she said. "I was looking through and
this was there."
She lifted the paper. war criminal found drowned in hevgoss.
Kaine's eyes gleamed.
Helena looked down, studying the words. "It was Stroud. She was
found in a lake. She appeared to have had a heart attack while swim-
ming. Hevgoss is facing questions—apparently they took her in and
gave her immunity in exchange for her research. Which is ironic given
all those trials they presided over, where every guard was found guilty.
But the apparently the worst of them was quietly pardoned."
There was a brief silence.
"Pity someone didn't kill her," Kaine finally said.
"Someone did," Helena said in a voice that was almost a hiss.
Kaine stared at her blankly.
"Don't," she said. "Don't you dare lie to me."
Kaine gave a low sigh, and when he looked up, the sharpness of him
reemerged like a raw blade.
There was a version of himself that he wore perfectly on the island
whenever Enid could see him—softness, crooked smiles, quiet mono-
logues. It all vanished, and now he was real again. As cold and gleaming
as razor-edged steel.
"Why would you do this?" Helena said, feeling as if there was a
chasm inside her. "Haven't we done enough? Why would you take a
chance like this? Did you even think about what would happen if you'd
been caught— "
"I was careful," he said, not trying to defend himself at all. "Did you
really think I was going to let her live?"
Helena tried to swallow. She'd spent the day trying to keep her heart
under control, but she was too upset to manage her distress. "You lied to
me. It was when we were at the ports, wasn't it? When you said you had
to go take care of some financial matter, but this is what you were doing.
Now every time you go— anywhere—I'm going to wonder where you
really are. And worry that you'll never going to come back to me—"
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Alchemised • 1013
Her voice broke.
Kaine reached for her, but she stepped away from him. Pressing her
hand against her chest, trying to keep her heart steady so she could keep
talking, keep being angry. She was so angry.
"Is this not enough for you? Is having this life so dissatisfying that
revenge is worth the risk?" Her eyes were burning. "In a few years, we're
going to have to tell Enid who you were. She's going to go to school
soon, and even here in Etras, she'll hear about the war and hear your
name. We both know exactly where she's going to end up, and there will
be no hiding the things you did. It's going to shatter her world—even if
she hears it from you first."
Kaine's jaw clenched. "I—"
"We don't get to have all the things we want in this life. Remember?
You were the one who told me that. You said there was a point when I
had to realise I wasn't going to get everything I wanted, and I had to
choose and let it be enough. I thought we chose this. Have I been lying
to myself this whole time?"
Her lungs started spasming so violently, that awful whistling rasped
up her throat.
"She deserved to die after what she did to you." His voice was unre-
lenting, unapologetic. "I couldn't leave her once I knew where she was
hiding."
She shook her head. "You shouldn't have looked. You should have
left it alone."
She glared at him for a moment longer and then burst into tears.
"I'm so glad she's dead."
Kaine took two rapid steps and caught her before she could back
away, her fingers curled, gripping his shirt.
"I hope she suffered, but I didn't want it to be you—why is it always
you?" She buried her face in his chest. "I hated her. I hated her so much.
I'm so glad she's dead."
"I know," he said, his arms wrapping around her. "She's gone now.
There won't be anyone else."
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1014 • SenLinYu
Ten Years Later
They stood, fingers entwined, as the last cloud of smoke from the
steamship vanished.
"It's just the two of us now," Helena said wistfully.
Kaine was silent, silver eyes trained on the sea, as if he could still
make out the ship over the curve of the horizon.
She squeezed his hand. "You realise why she's going, don't you?"
Kaine winced. "Yes . . ."
Helena rested her head against his shoulder. "I suppose it was inevi-
table. Letting things go isn't really a trait of ours."
He snorted. "I've had my moments at least. You, on the other
hand . . ."
She laughed, looking up at him. His hair was still dyed brown, and
she was surprised by how often she still missed the silver-white. A few
more years and he could probably stop dyeing it. However, his eyes were
still the same. No matter how long she studied them, there always
seemed to be nuances in the way the colour shifted, the glimmers of
emotion that showed through.
When he looked down at her, the world around them faded away.
Her stomach flipped. "So, what do we do now?"
The corner of his mouth curved into a smile that had only ever been
for her. "Anything. Whatever you want."
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EPILOGUE
Julius 1808
The river ferry churned up the winding river, reaching the
final bend and revealing Paladia to those aboard. The audible gasps gave
away those who had never seen the famous city before.
It gleamed like a giant crown laid in the river, framed by towering
mountains.
At the front of the ship, a young woman with large silver-grey eyes
watched the city draw near, barely able to tear her eyes away as the ferry
made port and passengers began to disembark.
She paused at the top of the gangplank, searching the crowd for a
familiar face.
"Enid!" called a voice.
Several people turned to see former paladin Lila Bayard running
towards the ship, her son Apollo behind her, and a few guards all trying
to keep up.
Lila reached Enid first and crushed her into a hug before stepping
back.
"Look at you. It's been too long." Lila dropped her voice down. "I
was afraid I wouldn't recognise you, but you look so much like your
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1016 • SenLinYu
mum."
Enid smiled. "Yes," she said in a faint Etrasian accent. "Father always
says that."
Lila shook her head. "I can't believe they finally let you come. I
thought they'd want you to keep studying in Khem, but I'm so excited
that we're going to have you in the program."
Enid gave a sly smile. "Well, they knew I always wanted to study at
the Institute. The apprenticeships in Khem are done differently—it's
primarily metallurgical there."
Lila reached back and dragged Pol, who'd been awkwardly hanging
behind, into the conversation. Enid's and Pol's eyes met only for an in-
stant before darting away.
"Well, I wish they'd let you come sooner." Lila sighed. "Your aca-
demic qualities would have been extremely helpful here. Pol has unfor-
tunately inherited the poor study habits of his father and me, and that's
why he had to take a pyromancy certification exam twice."
Pol turned bright red. "That was only on the written portion and that
was years ago," he muttered. "I passed it."
"You're supposed to run the Alchemy Institute someday. How is
anyone going to take you seriously with transcripts like yours?" Lila
said. "We're lucky to have Enid here now. She'll give us some proper
academic legitimacy."
Lila looked over to one of the guards. "Send her bags to Solis Splen-
dour. We're going to take the scenic route back to the Institute."
A motorcar wound through the city, spiralling slowly up from the
ports into the upper levels, headed north. It stopped at a plaza with a
large open area. There were several tall columns encircling a statue.
Lila hesitated a moment and then began to open the door. "You
should see this," she said, stepping out. "It's new, only finished a few
weeks ago."
There were a few small crowds present, and most drew back for the
approaching party as Lila led the way to the centre.
The statue was of a Resistance soldier in combat armour and rappel-
ling harness. At his feet were the words gone but not forgotten.
The columns were smooth marble, filled with names. apollo hold-
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Alchemised • 1017
fast, lucien holdfast, soren bayard, sebastian bayard, eddard
althorne, jan crowther, titus bayard . . . they went on and on.
Lila stood looking around them. "This was where the nullium bomb
went off. One of the last places rebuilt, because it was so difficult to
protect from the contamination. I wanted a memorial for everyone who
died during the war, and this is where they put it. I think I like it, but . . .
maybe nothing ever feels like it's enough. What do you think?"
Enid shrugged, but her sharp eyes were rapidly scanning the col-
umns. "I've never seen a war memorial before. I don't know exactly how
they're supposed to make you feel."
Lila inhaled. "I don't know, either, I just hoped it would be more—"
Before Lila could finish her thought, a woman grasped hold of
Enid's arm, pulling her towards her. "Helena?"
Enid turned to stare at the stranger, a woman with long scars sliced
across her face.
The woman cut herself off, snatching her hand back. There was a
small puncture straight through her wrist. "No. No, of course not. I'm
sorry. I thought you were someone I knew."
Lila turned, and her lips trembled briefly before she spoke "Penny,
this is Enid Romano; she's come here to join the undergraduate vivi-
mancy program. Pol and I were giving her a tour."
Penny stared at Enid for a moment longer, her eyebrows knit to-
gether. "Oh." Her voice was strained. "I'm sorry, I probably scared you,
grabbing you like that. From behind you looked just like someone I
knew. Lila, doesn't she look like Helena?"
Enid's expression was blank, and she glanced questioningly at Lila.
Lila squinted as if trying to see what Penny was referring to. "It's the
hair, I think." Lila looked at Enid. "Helena Marino, she was part of the
Resistance, but she died before the Liberation."
Enid looked back at Penny. "I'm sorry for your loss."
Penny stood staring at Enid as if she were a ghost for another mo-
ment before she turned away.
They were scarcely alone for a moment before another voice inter-
rupted.
"Lila, there you are, I haven't seen you here since the memorial
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1018 • SenLinYu
opened."
A grimace flashed across Lila's face before she forced a smile and
turned. "Mrs. Forrester, what an unexpected pleasure."
The woman was middle-aged and breathing heavily. "What's this I
hear about the Holdfasts being back at their old antics of importing
foreign students?"
The smile on Lila's face vanished. She straightened, taking full ad-
vantage of her height. "Enid was a celebrated student in Khem, and
she's submitted a promising proposal on the use of vivimancy arrays for
treating lung damage. The Institute invited her here to support her re-
search because several of the illnesses associated with the nullium
bombing still lack effective treatment."
Mrs. Forrester's face turned red, and she coughed several times,
pressing a handkerchief over her mouth. "Oh, lung treatment, you say?
That is interesting."
Enid stepped away, leaving Lila to accept the weak apology. She
went over to the columns, scanning the names, but there were so many,
crammed together, name after name.
Within minutes, Lila and Pol both had crowds gathering around
them. The Principate might be no more, but the allure of the Holdfasts
endured.
Across the plaza, one of the buildings had a row of shops. Enid
walked towards them, casting a look back and meeting Pol's woebegone
eyes before disappearing into a bookstore.
Just inside there was a large display of thick books.
A Comprehensive History of the Paladian Necromancy War by
William Dover
Enid paused, staring at the books for a moment before picking up a
copy.
"Just released this week," said a clerk, standing nearby and eyeing the
book in her hands.
"I didn't recognise the title, so I figured it must be," Enid said, flip-
ping the book open to peruse the chapter index, finger pausing briefly
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Alchemised • 1019
along the way.
"Well, if you're wanting to understand Paladia and the war, this is
definitively the best one there is. I mean, your dialect seems pretty good,
but if you really want to know all the details and explanations for every-
thing that went on—this is it."
Enid arched an eyebrow. The clerk seemed to take it as a sign of
encouragement and stepped closer. "Dover spent more than ten years
on it. Got special permission from the Assembly and the Liberation
Front to access all the records, even trial transcripts that weren't public
yet. It's shocking stuff. Some chapters—I don't recommend reading if
your stomach isn't strong. But if you want to know what happened, this
is the book that'll tell you. It's all there. Everything people should
know."
"Do you?" Enid asked.
The clerk looked uncertain.
"Know everything that people should know about the war?" Enid
clarified.
The clerk cleared his throat. "Well—for me it's hard not to. I was one
of the ones born in the Tower. If you know what that means. There were
trials. We kept getting moved around while they were arguing about
what to do with us."
"I'm so sorry."
He cleared his throat. "Anyway. Reading that—helped put it all in
perspective for me."
Enid looked down at the cover again. "I'll have to check to it out
then. I'm from Etras, but even there, people still talk about the Paladian
War."
Still holding the book, Enid stepped past the clerk, wandering far-
ther into the shop. Once she found an empty aisle, she quickly flipped
the book open to its index and ran her finger through until she found
the chapter title she wanted.
She flicked to the page.
Kaine Ferron, known to the world as the High Reeve, is the
most infamous mass murderer in history. By all estimates, he
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1020 • SenLinYu
was the youngest to join Morrough's Undying, only sixteen
when he assassinated Principate Apollo Holdfast, plunging
the city- state of Paladia into one of the most devastating
wars in history. Ferron devoted himself to climbing rank
among the Undying. Not only was he the youngest to "as-
cend," but he went on to become the youngest individual to
achieve the rank of general during the war.
Ferron's proficiency as an alchemist and a vivimancer was
widely regarded as unnatural and the result of the horrific
human experimentation that came to define the Undying's
regime, but unlike most of Artemon Bennet's subjects, Fer-
ron's participation was voluntary.
Many of the Undying retired from service post-war. How-
ever, Ferron's ascent was only beginning. He led the efforts to
capture and interrogate all remaining Resistance members,
killing them for use in the lumithium mines. His predilec-
tion for murder was key in achieving his status as High
Reeve and his eventual acknowledgement as Morrough's
successor.
It is the belief of many that if the Ferron family had not been
murdered by Ivy Purnell, the Undying regime could have
lasted decades longer. Morrough's condition was so deterio-
rated that many believe he would have handed control of
Paladia to Ferron before the year's end.
Necromancy scholar Eustace Sederis wrote in his book Fer-
ron: A Biography of the High Reeve: "Kaine Ferron was a mon-
ster long before Morrough ever reached Paladia. Joining the
Undying simply enabled a born psychopath to indulge in his
cruelty, and when even immortality and immutability could
not sate his sadistic impulses, he submitted himself to brutal
experimentation to achieve his ends."
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Alchemised • 1021
Early Life
Kaine Ferron was born the only child of . . .
There was a sound behind Enid, and she snapped the book closed
and turned. Pol was standing at the end of the aisle, a crookedly trium-
phant grin on his face.
Apollo Holdfast was an even mix of his parents. While many of his
features were traditional Holdfast—sky-blue eyes, golden hair, and a
smile warm as sunshine—he had Bayard bones, which made him taller
than even his mother.
"Hello," he said.
A smirk played at the corner of Enid's mouth, and she arched an
eyebrow, silver eyes studying him coolly. "Hello."
Pol rested his hand on the shelf over Enid's head so that he loomed
over her. Enid simply raised her chin.
"Hiding from us already?" he asked.
The smirk on Enid's lips faded, and she looked down at the book in
her hands. "No. There was a new book about the war, and I thought I'd
look up the section on the High Reeve."
The grin on Pol's face vanished. "Don't. They're never going to tell it
how it was."
Enid shrugged, nodding. "I know. I just—I feel like I have to know
what they say. It's always the same thing, though. And I know it will be,
but I can't help it. This one even had that Sederis quote included."
She gave another shrug that was almost convincingly indifferent.
"What do you think the odds are that Mum's even in the index?"
Pol rested a hand on her wrist. "Don't."
But Enid didn't listen. She turned, resting the book on the edge of
the shelf, and opened to the rear index, running her finger along until it
stopped.
She released a slow breath. "Look . . ."
She flipped rapidly through the book, finally stopping at a glossy
photo page in the chapter on Lucien Holdfast.
Enid and Pol both stared at the photograph.
Soren Bayard, Helena Marino, and Luc Holdfast sat together on a
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1022 • SenLinYu
sofa, Luc's arm slung around Helena's shoulders, as they all stared at the
camera.
Helena was in the centre, painfully thin in a medical uniform too big
for her and a knit pullover. Her hair was drawn back into two taut
braids, pinned into a thick knot at the base of her head. Her face set
with large, devastated eyes that betrayed the attempted smile on her
face.
Enid stared at the photo for several minutes before reaching out and
gently touching it. "I'd never seen a picture of her from the war. Your
mum sent her student photos from the Institute, but there weren't any
others."
Pol didn't say anything, but when Enid wouldn't stop staring at the
photo, he rested a hesitant hand on her shoulder. She looked up and
met his eyes before giving a sad smile, reminiscent of the girl in the
photograph.
She looked down again, and her fingers ran along the words caption-
ing the photograph as if she wanted to rub them away.
"Someday . . . someone should set the record straight," she said qui-
etly.
Pol cleared his throat. "You know Mum offered to. She wanted to
tell what really happened to them, just up to the fire. Your mum and dad
didn't want her to."
Enid nodded slowly, eyes still glued to the photo. "I know. I know
they don't. I get it. If I lived through everything they did—I'd just want
to leave it all behind. There's no point in trying to explain something
like that; no one's ever going to even want to understand.
"But—" Enid's jaw trembled. "—she doesn't deserve to be forgotten
like this. She shouldn't be a footnote. This shouldn't be the only entry
she even has. She deserves her own chapter. She deserves a whole
damned book of her own." Her voice quavered. "And the things they say
about Dad—like he wanted it all, that he asked to have it done to
him—" She scrubbed her eyes with the back of her hand and drew a
deep breath. "Sorry. I always think I can handle this, and then I get so
mad I feel like I'm going to be sick."
She blinked rapidly. "I'm glad I came here, though. I needed to see it.
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Alchemised • 1023
The city, where it all happened. It's so hard not to have anyone to talk to
about this. Mum says I can always talk to her or Dad, but she always has
to take pills if I do and then she'll start pressing her fingers near her
heart when she thinks I won't notice. I don't want to put her through
that just because I want to talk. And Dad, every time any of it comes up,
I can tell he thinks I'm never going to speak to him again."
Her knuckles were turning white as she gripped the book. She fi-
nally set it down and exhaled. "I don't know what I'd do without you
and Aunt Lila. I think you're the only person who knows me."
Pol smiled at her, his eyes bright and earnest. "You'll always have
me."
Enid nodded, lips pressed together, but then she slowly smiled back.
There was a pause as they stood there together, both seeming sud-
denly aware that they were alone in an empty aisle.
Enid's cheeks flushed. Pol's eyes darkened and he shifted forward,
closing the space between them.
The bell at the door rang out sharply. Pol straightened, drawing his
hand back and running it through his hair several times as he cleared
his throat.
"Mum'll probably show up any second. Or the guards. But once we
get to the house . . . we should talk—more"—his head bobbed—
"about— " He cleared his throat again. "Well, only if you want to—talk
about— anything."
Enid blinked and then nodded jerkily. "Yes! We should. At the house,
though. It's better to—talk there."
She nodded again and shuffled quickly past him and out of the aisle.
They hurried together towards the front of the bookstore, leaving the
history book behind, still open to the page with the photograph. The
photo caption read:
hibernal solstice, solar year 1786 pd. Principate Lucien
Holdfast with Paladin Soren Bayard (See: Bayard, Soren;
chapter 12, "A Life of Legacy") and foreign-born alchemist
Helena Marino. Marino left the city at the start of the Pal-
adian Civil War to study healing. She survived the war but
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1024 • SenLinYu
died during imprisonment prior to Liberation. She was a
non- active member of the Order of the Eternal Flame and
did not fight.
ART TK
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Content Notes
Alchemised is a work of dark fantasy containing wartime violence, reli-
gious abuse, depictions of complex trauma, suicidal ideation, self-harm,
human experimentation, medical torture, eugenics, sexual assault, rape,
and allusions to necrophilia. Please remember that depiction is not au-
thorial endorsement. Because Alchemised is told in third-person limited
point of view, it necessarily involves some distortions of vision as well as
missed or misconstrued events. Reader discretion is advised.
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Acknowledgements
The number of people I'd like to thank for supporting me in this journey
is too long for this already incredibly long book but allow me to express
my heartfelt gratitude to each and every person who discovered my writ-
ing and has so enthusiastically supported me in every step of this unex-
pected journey. Your joy and excitement on my behalf have meant more
than I can ever express.
To Caitlin Mahoney and Rikki Bergman, my agents, thank you for
your incredible patience, care, and protectiveness in this whirlwind expe-
rience, and for always taking the time to explain in text message the con-
voluted questions I should have sent you as emails. Suzy Ball, for
wrangling the UK side of things. And Frankie Yackel for all her incredi-
ble work behind the scenes.
Emily Archbold, my dear editor, thank you for all your rambly emails
that gave me an excuse to stop writing, how thoughtfully you'd consider
all my belated and hair-brained ideas, and for your patient feedback and
steadfast faith in my work. Jordan Pace, for dealing so expertly with all
my preemptive panicking every time I was expected to promote my book
in spoken rather than written words. To the incredible Del Rey team:
Scott Shannon, Keith Clayton, Tricia Narwani, Julie Leung, Alex Larned,
Marcelle Iten Busto, David Moench, Ashleigh Heaton, Tori Henson,
Kay Popple, Maya Fenter, and Madi Margolis, thank you all so much for
your vision, support, and enthusiasm in every step of the way.
I am forever grateful to the utterly delightful Rebecca Hilsdon, and
the Michael Joseph team: Stella Newing, Riana Dixon, Sriya Varadhara-
jan, Clare Parker, Jessie Beswick, Jack Hallam, Vicky Photiou, Bronwen
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1028 • Acknowledgements
Davies, Kelly Mason, Akua Akowuah, Richard Rowlands, Jessica Mere-
deen, and Helen Eka.
My deepest thanks to everyone involved in the foreign editions. It is
such an incredible honour to have my story translated.
To Jame, for sticking with me for these years through the thickest and
thinnest despite my chronic abuse of commas; I wouldn't be here without
you. Rei, thank you for all your etymological research while navigating
the convoluted lore I threw at you with zero context.
Avendell, your ability to take the thoughts in my head and somehow
turn them into the most stunning art I have ever seen will never cease to
amaze me.
To my extended family, thank you for all your excitement, support,
and understanding when I've had to miss events in order to meet dead-
lines. Wren, for having a spare room for me to crash in when I needed
somewhere to pull all-nighters, and for always ensuring that I was eating
even if I wasn't sleeping. Kimi, who waited so patiently for years for me
to finally tell anyone else in the entire family about my writing endeavors.
Andrew, thanks for stepping so gamely into the role of primary parent
with all of zero warning. And to T and E most especially, thank you for
being so proud of me and keeping me company by coming in quietly and
reading fantasy books in my bed while I was writing fantasy books at my
desk. I love you more than words can say.
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About the Author
SenLinYu grew up in the Pacific Northwest and studied
classical liberal arts and culture. They started writing in the
Notes app of their phone during their baby's nap time. Their
collected online works have garnered more than twenty mil-
lion individual downloads and have been translated into
twenty-three languages. They live in Portland, Oregon, with
their family. Alchemised is their first novel.
senlinyuwrites.com
Instagram: @senlinyuwrites
TikTok: @senlinyuwrites
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About the Type
This book was set in Caslon, a typeface first designed in 1722
by William Caslon (1692–1766). Its widespread use by most
English printers in the early eighteenth century soon sup-
planted the Dutch typefaces that had formerly prevailed. The
roman is considered a "workhorse" typeface due to its pleas-
ant, open appearance, while the italic is exceedingly decora-
tive.
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