Even though they didn't undress fully, what they had on didn't hide much. Yuan kept his eyes anywhere else, anywhere that wasn't Xiao Feng.
It wasn't subtle or accidental. It was as if his entire focus was built around one thing: don't look at him.
They weren't standing too close, but they weren't far either. Close enough for the difference between their bodies to stand out. Wang Yuan's torso was defined, the lines of muscle showing clearly beneath his skin.. shoulders shaped, stomach cut, chest firm.
On the other hand, Xiao Feng's build was softer, almost too clean, like his skin refused to crease or mark unless someone touched him.
His waist was slimmer than Yuan's, his stomach flat but without any sharp definition. You'd have to stare for a while before seeing any hint of muscle.
His skin was smooth, pale in a way that caught the light easily.
Over his chest, there was the mark.. dark, shaped like something between a pattern and a symbol. No one could ever decide what it resembled, not even him.
It used to be nothing to him, something he didn't think twice about… until that day Yuan touched it as if it meant something only he understood. Since then, Xiao Feng guarded it like it was a part of Yuan that he was allowed to keep.
-Once they were done, Li Yue looked between them with a smile that almost said she got exactly what she wanted.
She slid deeper into the bed and lay in the middle. Then she patted the empty spaces on both sides.. an invitation, but it felt more like an order.
For a moment Xiao Feng didn't move. Something inside him disliked how easily she told them where to be. But even with that irritation, he still shifted first.
He lay back, eyes up, expression flat. Yuan followed, keeping as much distance as the space allowed.
He stared at the ceiling and had the ridiculous thought that if he could make someone disappear just by wishing it, he would have sent Li Yue to the far end of the world right then.
Not because he hated her, but because he wanted… no, needed to know what Yuan would do if it were just the two of them again. Would he walk out? Would he finally look at him?
The fact that he didn't know irritated him more than it should.
"Do you two fear me?" Li Yue's voice slipped between them, soft with amusement. She moved closer, snuggling between them, reaching out as if to pull them in. "Aren't you going to hold me to sleep?"
There was no shyness or hesitation. It sounded more like she was used to being obeyed.
Every time she gave instructions like that, Xiao Feng felt something in him snap.
He didn't like it.
But despite that, he was the first to move again. He shifted closer and wrapped an arm around her without giving himself time to overthink it.
Then he did something he told himself was just to provoke Yuan, he let his hand drift just far enough to brush against Yuan's chest. He acted like it was accidental, nothing more than his arm reaching across Li Yue's shoulder.
But it wasn't accidental.
The instant his skin touched Yuan's warmth, something rushed through him too fast and strong. His breath paused, his heartbeat spiked, and his whole body warmed as if something inside him recognized that touch before he did.
He hated that feeling.
He hated how much he wanted more of it.
But Yuan's reaction was worse.
The second Xiao Feng's fingers brushed him, Yuan flinched away, enough for Xiao Feng to notice.
After a few minutes, it was almost unbelievable how quickly Li Yue had fallen asleep. The way her body softened between them, the way her breathing settled into a slow rhythm, the way her chest rose and fell without a single break.. it all showed she was truly asleep.
But even with all that, Xiao Feng didn't trust it at first.
"Li Yue?" he whispered, barely louder than his breath.
No answer. She didn't even twitch. Her breathing didn't change, not even a little. Her eyelids didn't move.
He waited, then tried again, his voice a little louder.
"Yue Yue?"
Still nothing. She stayed exactly as she was, curled between them, breathing evenly.
Only after that second call did Xiao Feng finally relax his guard. He slid his hand from her waist and moved back, turning onto his back to stare at the ceiling.
But Wang Yuan didn't pull away at all.
He stayed close, one arm around her, his face resting lightly against her back. Anyone else would think he was fully asleep, maybe dreaming already. But Xiao Feng knew him better than anyone.
Yuan's breath was too controlled. His body too stiff. He was awake, awake and pretending to be anything but.
Xiao Feng wanted to close his eyes and force himself to sleep, to shut down everything he felt, but the more he tried, the worse it became.
His thoughts kept dragging him in all directions. His heart kept beating in a rhythm that didn't match the calm in the room.
He tossed once.
Twice.
Shifted again.
Closed his eyes, opened them, exhaled hard.
Nothing helped.
It was torture lying this close to the man he wanted more than anything, knowing he could reach out and touch him, knowing he could whisper his name and hear him respond, yet being forced to act like he didn't care.
Why was Yuan so calm? Why was he able to breathe so easily, hold Li Yue, and act like none of this bothered him? How could he lie there so peacefully when Xiao Feng was fighting every feeling in his own body?
Why was he the only one struggling?
Or maybe… maybe Yuan wasn't calm. Maybe he was simply better at hiding it.
Or maybe Xiao Feng needed closure, which would definitely stop this constant pull inside him.
The thought came too fast. Before he could stop himself, words slipped out of his mouth.
"Sooner or later we're gonna have to talk about what happened."
His voice had come out rough, low… with a desperation he didn't even know was sitting inside his throat.
And he hated how it sounded. He hated how weak it made him feel. He hated that he couldn't take it back.
He waited for Yuan to even shift.
To say something.
Just anything.
But Yuan didn't even move, he didn't answer anything.
He didn't even breathe differently.
It was as if Xiao Feng had said nothing at all.
Anger shot through Xiao Feng's body so fast he almost didn't recognize it. But not anger at Yuan alone, anger at himself. At the way he had let desperation get the best of him.
At the way he had revealed himself. At the way he couldn't hide anything while Yuan hid everything.
He sat up sharply, the frustration pushing him before his thoughts could catch up. He swung his legs off the bed and stood, his heart pounding harder than before.
He walked out of the room without looking back.
Each step felt like a hit to his chest. The thought that he had just shown Wang Yuan how desperate he truly was burned him from the inside.
He wished he could rewind the moment, erase the words, erase the tone, erase that crack in his voice.
But he couldn't.