Xiao Feng did not know when everything shifted, only that it had. At some point, seeing Wang Yuan stopped being something he forced himself to do and became something he wanted, something he woke up thinking about and went to sleep regretting when it didn't happen.
At first, he told himself it was obligation. His father's orders. The plan. But the truth was harder to admit. He was no longer pushing himself to go to BlueMoon pack. He wanted to go. He wanted to see Wang Yuan, even if all he received in return was cold silence.
He had tried everything to get closer. He talked too much. He lingered too long. He inserted himself where he wasn't wanted. Yet Wang Yuan never changed. He remained distant and unreachable.
Every time Xiao Feng pushed harder, Wang Yuan shut him out more completely.
Xiao Feng felt really irritated by Wang yuan's coldness. He even thought he hated him for it, that he hated how arrogant he was.
But over time, annoyance and irritation turned into something heavier. What bothered him wasn't that Wang Yuan was cold.. it was why Wang Yuan wouldn't make an exception for him.
Xiao Feng knew Wang Yuan treated everyone like this. He told himself that again and again. But the question refused to leave him alone. Why couldn't Wang Yuan soften even a little for him?
Small things began to hurt without warning. A glance that passed over him too quickly. A conversation ended before it began. Wang Yuan turning away when Xiao Feng was still speaking.
He hated how much it affected him.
He started doubting himself... Maybe he really was forcing something that would never come to existence.
Maybe he was foolish for trying so hard, embarrassing himself in front of someone who clearly had no interest.
The thought settled heavily in his chest: perhaps he was simply unlovable.
If his own family had never liked him, why would anyone else?
Especially someone like Wang Yuan. Someone respected. Wang Yuan had standards, everyone knew that. And Xiao Feng, with his clumsiness and desperation, fell far below them.
Looking back, all he could see were moments where he must have looked ridiculous.
That day, when he returned home, he went to his father and told him that Friendship with Wang Yuan was impossible.
If anyone was suited for that role, maybe it should have been his brothers, people who knew how to present themselves properly, who knew how to speak and act like true alphas.
That night he was yelled at, called useless, reminded of everything he lacked. The words dug deeper than usual, settling into the same place where his doubts already lived.
By the time he was alone, the belief felt solid and undeniable.
He cried until exhaustion claimed him.
Morning came too soon and he was dragged from his room before he could recover, his swollen eyes immediately drawing attention. That alone earned him another scolding. Another lecture. Another reminder of what he was supposed to be.
An alpha.
He was told to stand straight, to command a room. His father accused him of acting like a child in front of Wang Yuan, of playing around instead of presenting himself with maturity and restraint.
Xiao Feng listened in silence, shrinking inward even as he forced his posture to remain steady.
That morning his father asked him to return to BlueMoon pack. He wanted their association to continue, wanted the friendship to appear genuine and lasting so that when the time came, no suspicion would fall on Xiao Feng.
And if he failed, if he could not make Wang Yuan his friend within a week, then the plan would move forward without waiting for that.
That morning, Xiao Feng was sent out again. But this time, he didn't go.
Instead of heading toward BlueMoon pack, he turned away and walked until the structures disappeared and trees surrounded him.
The woods were quiet. There, he undressed and tried to transform, calling for the wolf he had never truly known.
Nothing happened.
He remembered hearing that transformation required connection with your inner wolf. One needed to train before they were able to do that.
But while others trained for it, he had been excluded. He didn't know how to reach that part of himself.
Frustration built until he gave up, pulling his clothes back on and wandering aimlessly, pretending the peace of nature could soothe him.
When evening came, he returned home and lied that there was progress that day.
For a week, he repeated the same routine. He avoided BlueMoon pack, avoided Wang Yuan, avoided everything he was supposed to do. But as days passed, an unbearable need formed inside of him.
He wanted to see Yuan.
He just wanted to see him. To exist in the same space. To watch him grow irritated, to be ignored, to feel anything at all.. as long as Wang Yuan was there.
And yet, even then, Xiao Feng did not go.
He stayed away, despite the ache, despite the image of that striking face appearing in his mind without permission.
Before the week ended, on the final day, Xiao Feng returned home from the woods and claimed once again that he had come from BlueMoon pack. That everything was going on well, that there was a huge progress.
But his father was done waiting, he claimed that there was no progress because he couldn't see it.
His anger exploded. He told Xiao Feng that the following day, the plan would move forward. There would be no more waiting. Xiao Feng was to attend the meal where everyone would be present, poison the food, and eat it as well to avoid suspicion.
Xiao Feng panicked.
He was not ready. He had never been ready. And for the first time, he wasn't even sure he wanted to do it at all.
But he also knew something worse.. if he refused to do it, if he failed again, his father might not spare him this time.
The shouting continued, harsh and relentless, until the sound of wheels approaching the gate interrupted everything.
A carriage, ornate and unmistakably noble came to a stop outside, near them.
Xiao Feng turned just as the door opened.
Wang Yuan stepped out.
For a moment, Xiao Feng froze.
His breath caught, his heart racing violently. He couldn't understand why Wang Yuan was here.
What if he said that Xiao Feng hadn't been at the BlueMoon packhouse for a whole week?