-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 14
Chapter Title: A Sleepless Night
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Today had been the most mentally exhausting day of my entire life.
The negotiations with the Ruth Kingdom, my meeting with Viktor, and the chain of events that unfolded after my return.
Almost nothing had gone as I'd planned. It felt like I'd just been dragged along by one thing after another.
Especially when I faced those soldiers waiting in front of the tent, weapons in hand.
It wasn't hostility directed at me, but it had been utterly terrifying.
Even when I desperately brought up my family name like a cornered animal, they hadn't even pretended to back down. The powerlessness nearly made me collapse right there.
And yet, Viktor—the very person at the center of it all—had faced them head-on without flinching.
I didn't even want to imagine what might have happened if General Paul hadn't stepped in.
The shock hadn't faded even after time passed.
That evening, I had no appetite at all. I just stirred my stew around before setting the spoon down.
I'd lingered aimlessly until it was time to sleep, but sleep wouldn't come.
Being insulted as the Emperor's dog didn't matter at all.
If you wanted to deal with people, you had to get used to things like insults.
No, it was simply that I'd realized war was nothing more than a distant story to me.
Though it was only a tiny fraction, the actual war I'd witnessed...
'Viktor, Ivan, Georgi...'
'How can you mock us with the enemy right in front of you!'
It wasn't something I had any right to speak of.
The stories Viktor had told me in the carriage, the fury on those soldiers' faces—they all tangled chaotically in my mind.
Sadness, anger, pity.
I didn't understand why I felt this way, and I couldn't even tell if my emotions were justified.
Even lying there with my eyes closed felt impossible.
I'd met many soldiers, including General Gerhard, and spoken with them, so I'd taken on my role with confidence.
I'd thought I understood war well enough to bring it up with Viktor.
I had nothing else to fall back on, so I'd tried to step forward before the soldiers, wielding my father's title.
"Ugh..."
I felt so pathetic about myself that I kept replaying Viktor's actions in my mind.
Unlike me, who spoke only of visible achievements and victories, he had thought first of those who'd left us.
Unlike me, who had hidden away the moment crisis struck despite receiving orders from Her Majesty the Emperor, he had stood firm, meeting the soldiers' eyes without retreat.
The more I thought about it, the heavier my head felt.
The field bed was far less comfortable than my usual one at home, and the tent was freezing no matter how many blankets I piled on.
On top of that, the tension I'd felt from the soldiers had naturally morphed into anxiety, making me keep checking the tent entrance even though I knew no one was coming.
It was suffocating.
"...This won't do."
No matter how long I lay there, I knew sleep wouldn't come, so I pushed the blankets aside and got out of bed.
General Paul and Viktor, sharing the tent with me, were already asleep—or so it seemed—motionless under their covers.
I slipped out of the tent carefully so as not to wake them.
"Haa..."
It was quiet outside the tent.
No soldiers wandering around, and hardly any lights on anywhere.
With nowhere particular to go, I sat on the chair placed in front of the tent.
There was a makeshift fire pit of stacked stones ahead, but I didn't know how to light it, and there were no tools anyway.
I just stared blankly at the half-burned logs piled there.
My mind was an utter mess, but no matter how much I agonized, nothing resolved itself.
When something came up at work that I didn't know, I could always ask my father.
When human relations got tricky, I could consult my maid Ella and get wise advice.
If I was still stumped, I could look it up in a book.
But now, I didn't even know precisely what was troubling me, so there was no one to ask—and no one around to ask anyway.
I knew most worries vanished after a good night's sleep, but in this state, falling asleep was impossible.
The cold wind had even chased away any lingering drowsiness.
...This wasn't my first solo assignment, yet I missed home like it was my very first trip away.
Lost in those thoughts,
-thud.
A footstep suddenly sounded from nearby.
"Kyaa?!"
I hadn't expected anyone to approach at all, so I screamed and leaped to my feet.
The one who'd walked up was none other than Viktor, whom I'd thought was sleeping.
He stood there watching me silently until I calmed down and sat back in my seat.
His expression was as cold as ever, but perhaps because it was late at night, the atmosphere felt different from in the carriage.
A little softer, maybe.
"Uh, when did you get here?"
Thanks to the scare, my mind had cleared, allowing me to ask him.
"Not long ago."
With his answer, Viktor handed me a cup with steam rising gently from it.
"...What's this?"
"Water."
"Ah..."
Asking had been a foolish question in the first place.
A prisoner wouldn't have tea or any beverages.
I took the cup and sipped.
It was just warm water, but as it warmed my body, my mood improved a bit.
"Thank you."
Viktor gave a slight nod and sat down on a log some distance away.
I sipped the water little by little, stealing glances toward him.
His eyes were closed, his stern face propped on his hand.
To me, it looked like he was deep in thought.
Was he troubled like me?
I stood carefully and sat at the opposite end of the log he was on.
"...Um, Viktor."
"Yes."
He must have noticed me approaching, because as soon as I spoke, he turned toward me.
Facing his face under the faint moonlight made my heart flutter a little.
"Ahem, ahem."
He didn't seem displeased, so I carefully chose my words.
"W-what were you thinking about? May I ask?"
"Ah..."
Letting out a small sigh, he replied before I could even finish backpedaling with,
"If you don't want to..."
"I was recalling some old matters."
My attempt to smooth over my possible mistake hadn't even ended when he answered.
His old experiences...
Curiosity welled up.
"...Would you tell me about them too?"
In the strange hush of the pre-dawn hour, I asked on impulse.
"Understood."
Viktor accepted far more readily than I'd expected.
---
Leadership.
It was one of the elements I'd been most concerned with after becoming a soldier.
In the early days of the Northern War, distrust toward commanders had spread among the soldiers.
Repeated defeats due to the commanders' incompetence meant that simply flashing a rank insignia wasn't enough to make the soldiers obey properly.
Noble-born commanders could suppress them with their status, but for someone like me—a commoner orphan with no backing whatsoever—effort was essential.
Once we entered the battlefield, I could issue orders using the tactical map, but if the soldiers fled beforehand, there was nothing I could do.
"Over the past two years, I've been through many battles."
I didn't have that kind of charisma that made everyone follow orders just by sitting back and commanding.
Wealth to promise rewards or the authority to punish a few as examples were distant dreams.
So, I approached the soldiers kindly, aiming to build 'servant leadership.'
My goal was to become what's often called a virtuous general—one whom soldiers followed out of heartfelt loyalty.
We slept together, ate together, fought together, and suffered together.
I never forgot those who left first, and I cherished those still with me.
Even as my rank rose and my subordinates multiplied, even after becoming famous enough that I no longer needed to approach them myself.
I engraved the word 'consistency' in my mind.
To avoid being exposed as a hypocrite, I had to maintain it at all costs.
"At the time, I thought it was the best approach. I was busy just surviving, with no room for second-guessing."
Approaching Erika now, when she seemed so troubled, was part of that as well.
Paul was asleep, and it was the hour of dawn when any conversation wouldn't seem out of place.
Our affiliations were different for now, but there was no downside to befriending her.
If it was Luise the Emperor as I knew her, she'd be thoroughly investigating my background, so eventually, the people of the empire would learn how I'd treated the kingdom's soldiers.
If I didn't treat people the same way in the empire as I had in the kingdom, rumors would surely spread behind my back.
The moment someone started wondering, 'Is it all an act?'
Everything I'd built could crumble.
Even if someone was watching, or even if it seemed like no one was around.
"But as my rank climbed, I gained some leisure. And with leisure came doubts."
I had to play the role of the 'kind general,' the 'virtuous general Viktor of Ruth.'
I'd never found it particularly difficult.
I just acted according to my heart, according to the ideals I dreamed of.
Thanks to the cheat-like tactical map and my game knowledge, handling the aftermath of acting as I wished wasn't hard either.
"Was it truly the best?"
All I had to do was suppress the impulses that arose now and then.
I told myself everyone else lived this way too.
"Whenever I had spare time, I'd look back on the battles I'd fought. Could I have reduced casualties further? Could I have commanded more perfectly?"
"..."
"Worrying and regretting doesn't change much, but..."
Erika had grown so quiet that I glanced at her. She was staring at me with sparkling eyes.
She'd crept so close unnoticed that if I leaned down just a little, my head would touch hers.
"Hic."
She quickly bowed her head before our eyes even met, but she didn't seem bored.
Still, I should wrap it up appropriately.
"I believe there's meaning in remembering the events themselves and the feelings from back then."
"Then, just now...?"
"Yes. I was slowly reviewing the Battle of Tserkutsk."
"Ah..."
Erika, who had listened silently to my words, lifted the water cup she'd still been holding and boldly gulped down the rest.
Then she stood up.
"Thank you, Viktor."
Leaving those words of gratitude, she scurried back to the tent like she was fleeing.
With the moon behind her, I couldn't see clearly, but her expression seemed brighter than before.
"...Was that a success?"
If this conversation made her view me even a little more positively, it was a win.
Once I confirmed she'd fully entered the tent, I closed my eyes again and opened the tactical map.
>