The sounds of laughter fill the outside air. The grass is a stale cold green with frost still attached to its blades. The trees have long shedded and discarded their leaves allowing cold winter air to flow through its branches. Then the video is thrown into a showcase of motion blur.
"Careful Honey!" A woman's soft voice pierces the chilled air with concern followed by the noises of a child's laughter.
"Don't worry mom! I won't slip here! I… think so?" The child stops spinning and looks at the cracked blacktop then letting his camera point at the snow around the edges of the basketball court.
Her laugh. It's soft but loud enough to notice it's absence, comforting to hear and its flows naturally, as if everything was perfect. Maybe it was.
"You don't sound too sure… come and sit. Your bus should be here soon". She says as she finishes knitting. The scarf she made tightly woven and is a dark but melancholic purple.
The child runs causing the video to be thrown into a blur again. Then it stabilizes on the woman's face, who is seen reaching over the camera with the scarf.
"I love you mom".
Her voice distorts. "I love you too honey".
A click turns the video black and the blank TV screen shows a silent reflection, one that happens to be my own. Wiping my eyes I sit up off the pile of tattered cloth and throw on a clean black winter jacket, grab a bag, and discard a bit of excess fiber into the trash before heading out. I lock the paint chipped door behind me as winter air smothers my face.
The air is once again frigid. My hands seek warmth within my pockets as I simultaneously check if I grabbed my phone. My name "Andrew" dangles from a laminated ID all students get.
I walk past several houses covered in snow and solidified ash that hardened from the moisture of melting snow mixing with fresh ash. A thought crosses my mind 'A byproduct of an arsonist attack makes sense right?'. I cross over some police tape and onto a main road, and after walking for a few more minutes through a cleaner street untouched by ash, i make it to the bus stop.
I wait in the snow thats already been dirtied by people's footprints from yesterday. Usually I skip the first two days but I got bored faster than usual. After several more minutes three people walking together approach. Two brown haired boys with bronze skin and one shorter dark haired boy with fair skin. 'Way too fair. Is that a girl? Or a tomboy? Maybe he's just really into moisturizing'.
A few others make it to the bus stop as well as few wearing their lanyard IDs but most without. Seeing this i take mine off and shove it in my pocket while rubbing my neck as if to remind it of something a bit softer before realizing i didn't have anything like that. 'Maybe I should moisturize too'
After a while I end up scrolling through my phone, paying no mind to the cold biting my fingers.
"It snows tonight"
Due to the lack of looks im getting this year I've been forgotten again. Or I'm unrecognizable due to my longer hair and cleaner skin and clothes. I even catch a few glances from some others but none linger too long.
'All that work not worth a second glance? Or maybe they do remember', I ponder as the bus pulls forward onto the newly paved street.
The bus eventually comes to a stop and everyone rushes in like its a bomb shelter. I follow suit and find a vacant spot to sit in as everyone else takes their seats. The cold blue not-quite-leather seats make me shiver as the skin of my hands grasps them while trying to cram my legs into the space between the seats.
Nothing if interest happens during or after the bus ride. School goes by slow, and I do my best to pay attention as teachers begin their lessons. There is only one thing on my mind at the moment, im doubtful, anxious, and yet full of resolve. Maybe not from confidence but stubbornness. Tonight is the night of my new purpose, the one i chose.
School ends and after going through the lesson plan that was posted i slip on all black clothes from non slip shoes to jeans to a long sleeve shirt. Grabbing the stitched together outfit from an old sewing machine with a photo attached i wrap a T-shirt around my face as a mask. Then i put a see through blindfold on to cover the only part of my face still exposed, which are my eyes.
Taking a metal bat from my beside i head out for my first attempt. Hours upon hours of walking though the ash to the residential areas and into the plaza of a shopping district make my feet hurt. The night is cold, but my blood is colder. A type of calm I haven't felt in a long time fills my mind as both my fingertips and mind goes numb.
I see things around the town I don't normally see like restaurants and motorcycles. I see laughing people, shady people dressed heavier than i am. I remain unseen until 2am reaches and it begins to snow once more.
So cold…
Then I see what I've been waiting for. A man wearing a trench coat arguing with a woman. As I watch crept against a cold brick wall in the dark I make a notice of all details I see.
There are no residential cameras or street cameras in sight. The area the couple are in isn't illuminated by a streetlight, as the one they're under is out of commission. The snow around the car has footprints in a line going back and forth by the man's car which is an old model of a red mustang.
Before I can make sense of what I've observed or what it can mean the man starts yelling and punches the woman. I see her fall to the snow bleeding as the man hits her again, and again. It seemed so sudden and unprovoked, so much so that the woman didn't seem to understand either.
That's when I approach.
I let the snow slowly move under my feet as to not crunch it. I hold my bat to my shoulder as I get ready. Moving as slow as I can to use the tension as cover i hear accusations of cheating, threats of murder, and sobs mixed with the denial of accusations.
'I will help her' is all I can think. Its not my calling to do marrige counseling, but a woman is being beaten relentlessly in front of me.
As I approach the air gets thicker. The man swings again causing the blood from her nose to splatter. She most likley already has a concussion, and if I don't act fast it could be worse.
I get as close as possible. My movement drowned out by the woman's crying. Once I'm within reach I swing the bat to the side of his head. No contact is made.
'Shit! How did he…?'
I then notice a glare from my bat which is a pristine silver. The streetlight across from the one I'm now under casted a subtle glare. It gave me away despite not being near it. In other words I was careless.
I stop my swing to change its direction but its too late. The man had a gun which he pulls from his waist, a high caliber revolver. Within seconds after missing my swing a bullet goes straight through my head and paints the snow a shade of red i don't get to admire. And before I lose consciousness, before I hit the ground, I'm filled with hate for myself.
The last thoughts I had weren't about my upbringing, nor my mother, or even of my fear upon seeing the gun. Instead it was all focused on my mistake right up until my brain was disconnected by the bullet ripping through it. That was the price of my calm.