"Demacia!!!"
Jesse used a Leap of Faith to ram the Hilichurl Brute into the ground, his movements so fluid it was as if he had practiced them a thousand times.
"Hit him!!"
Elliot swung a Folding Stool that he pulled out of nowhere, delivering a set of "Return My Beauty Punches" to the Abyss Mage.
The moment the Frost Shield shattered, Zane's thunder hammer, carrying One Hundred Thousand Volts, slammed into the opponent's face.
"Help! Why are these four living grandpas here!!"
The Abyss Mage's miserable shriek startled the Wagtails within a hundred-mile radius.
Just as it tried to open a portal to escape, Matt smashed it into the dirt with a Bear Hug Slam, leaving only two legs twitching outside.
"Shoryuken—!"
The four shouted in unison, their 400% synchronized uppercut sending the Abyss Mage soaring into the sky, where it turned into a shining star.
Ganyu, who was munching on a Qingxin far away, suddenly froze.
Her ears twitched, a half-petal still stuck to the corner of her mouth: "Hmm?"
She looked up blankly and saw four Hilichurls chasing a wildly running Ruin Guard—wait, running?!
"A Ruin Guard can run? Shouldn't they fight to the death..."
Even Ganyu's Ahoge stood straight up.
She saw the Ruin Guard's single eye flashing with human-like terror; its legs were kicking up sparks as it ran, occasionally even pulling off a drift around a corner.
"Bang!"
Zane's thunder hammer erupted in blinding lightning, sending the Ruin Guard hurtling toward Ganyu like a struck bowling ball.
In the nick of time, Ganyu executed a textbook "Liyue Civil Servant Head-Hugging Squat Defense," and the Ruin Guard whooshed over her head, exploding into fireworks against the rock wall behind her.
"Miss Ganyu!"
Jesse slid to a stop in front of her, casually picking up the Qingxin she had dropped.
"Are you alright?"
Matt, looking simple and honest, offered freshly picked Qingxin: "Compensation for you..."
Ganyu's qilin horns began to smoke from overload: "H-Honorary Knights..."
She suddenly pointed behind the four of them.
"Watch out!"
"Awoo—!"
An Abyss Mage, under the heroic gazes of a group of Abyss Mages in the distance... "Demacia!!"
The four Hilichurls leaped simultaneously, completing a textbook combination skill in mid-air: Qing Yu's Chokehold, Er Kang's Groin Grab, Zhang Chu's Thunder Hammer Consecration, and Matt's Mount Tai Pressing Down.
Before the Abyss Mage could even scream, it was smashed into the ground.
The group of Abyss Mages: "..."
"Click, click, click..."
The necks of a dozen or so Abyss Mages emitted sounds like rusty gears as they collectively and stiffly turned their heads—
Four Hilichurls wearing terrifying masks were cracking their knuckles, with dust from the battle's aftermath swirling behind them.
Standing behind them was a bewildered qilin girl, the petals of the Qingxin in her hand slowly drifting down.
"Is it too late to reconcile now?"
The leader, a Cryo Abyssal Mage, spoke with a tremor in its voice, as if possessed by Razor.
"A-da!!"
The response was four afterimages:
Jesse's Nunchucks spun into a tornado;
The Folding Stool in Elliot's hand swung out afterimages;
Zane's thunder hammer produced a noise like a thousand Chidori chirping simultaneously;
Matt directly transformed into a human tank, cracking the earth three feet deep wherever he passed... "Aooowooo—!"
The Cryo Mage's shriek sounded like a Slime being choked.
"Ya en! Wu ao~"
The Pyro Mage traced a perfect parabola in the air.
"Ah aoo ao!"
The Electro Mage's shield shattered into a Star Rail ticket.
Ganyu stared blankly at the Abyss Mages flying everywhere—they formed a perfect "Big Dipper" pattern in the sky, and the most unbelievable part was that one Cryo Mage was subconsciously trying to shield itself.
"Done and dusted~"
the quartet simultaneously flicked their capes, their movements so synchronized it was as if they had rehearsed eight hundred times.
When Jesse turned around to ask Ganyu if she was hurt—
"H-Honorary Knights... so scary..."
Q-Version Ganyu had shrunk to the size of a dumpling, her qilin horns turned into squiggly lines, and she was vibrating rapidly on the spot.
Her dialogue box was filled with "shivering" Emojis, and the character "Danger" floated above her head as a special effect.
"Uh, this..."
A drop of sweat appeared on Elliot's mask.
Zane silently hid his thunder hammer behind him.
Matt tried to use his massive body to block the traces of the battle.
Jesse, thinking quickly, pulled out a Qingxin flower and sprayed it with a mist: "D-Do you want a flower?"
Q-Version Ganyu's eyes suddenly turned into stars: "So fragrant!"
She instantly returned to her original form, but upon taking the flower, she shrank back into her Q-Version state, giggling foolishly while hugging a flower bigger than herself.
"Pfft!"
The four simultaneously spurted nosebleeds and collapsed onto the ground.
A "crack" sound came from a distant cliff—another teacup belonging to a certain Retired God was scrapped today.
Yelan's Kamera faithfully recorded this scene, titled, "Regarding the Qixing Secretary Being Led Astray."
"So what's the deal with Ganyu randomly changing size?"
Keqing's purple Twintails flared up, and the Construction Blueprints in her hand were crumpled into abstract art.
The map of Liyue hanging on the wall of the conference room suddenly fell with a "pat," landing exactly on a spot marked "Hilichurl Riot Zone."
Yelan calmly pulled out a stack of photos and flicked them onto the Sandalwood Table like dealing playing cards:
First photo: Ganyu in her Q-Version form riding on Jesse's neck, using her qilin horn to launch a Cryo Abyssal Mage into the air;
Second photo: Mini Ganyu hugging Elliot's thigh while the latter was using a Folding Stool to flatten the Hilichurl Chieftain's head;
Third photo: Pixel-style Ganyu sitting on the wreckage of a Ruin Hunter, flashing a V-sign;
The most outrageous was the fourth photo: a Geovishap was beaten until it was teary-eyed, and Ganyu was using her Q-Version Small Hand to stick a "Bad Child" note on its forehead... "Supplementary explanation."
Yelan pressed the replay button on the Kamera (which Zane had given her), and the quartet's real-time battle report played from the screen:
"Eighteenth Abyss Mage—Home Run!"
"Hilichurl Chieftain down—K.O.!"
"The whole Geovishap family is neatly arranged—"
"We have enough Ruin Guard parts to build a Gundam!"
The Pipe in Ningguang's hand snapped into two pieces with a "crack."
She mechanically turned her head to look out the window—on Mt. Tianheng in the distance, four small black dots could vaguely be seen fiercely beating up a certain unlucky Ruin Grader, next to a bouncing blue speck.
"At least..."
Ningguang's voice sounded like it was squeezed out from between her teeth.
"They haven't demolished any houses in Liyue Harbor..."
A cross vein pulsed on Keqing's forehead: "Last time they 'helped' repair the road, they ended up changing the entire topography of Guili Plains! Now the Millelith need to bring Hiking Poles for training!"
In reality, that day the quartet was clearing the site and buried the Exuvia—they just used a little too much dirt.
Just as they were speaking, the door to the Ministry of Civil Affairs was suddenly flung open.
Ganyu, covered in dust and carrying half a person's height worth of spoils, rushed in: "Lady Ningguang! These are the Abyss Order supplies confiscated today!"
A Hilichurl mask was still stuck to her qilin horn.
The conference room fell into dead silence.
Only then did Ganyu realize her state; she instantly shrunk into her Q-Version form with a "poof" and hid behind the documents, revealing only a pair of large, blinking eyes.
Yelan suddenly held up a new photo: "By the way, they are currently helping Baizhu test medicine..."
In the photo, the four Hilichurls were being chased by Qiqi, followed by a Mini Azhdaha.
"Snap!"
Three beads from the Abacus in Ningguang's hand flew off.
"Thud!"
Keqing slammed her head onto the conference table.
Ganyu's Q-Version form immediately turned into garbled code.