Deep in the mountain graveyard, beneath weathered stone and mist, Madara's old hidden base .
Tobi landed hard at the entrance, ripped off his mask, and slammed it into the dirt.
Obito's scarred right face was exposed—the crushed cheekbone, the sunken eye, the imprint of the rock that ruined his life. .
"Black Zetsu," he growled. "What the hell is Tiel? And why can he figure out our plans before we even move?"
The original Zetsu emerged from the ground, half white, half black, like a corpse splitting into two personalities.
Black Zetsu spoke first, calm and ancient. "I don't know, Obito. I only follow Madara's will. And even in his final instructions… there was no mention of a man like Tiel."
A second swirl of earth rose nearby.
Guru-Guru popped out—dumb grin, plant-like armor wobbling. "Obito! Can you teach me how to poo?"
Obito grabbed the nearest fuma shuriken and hurled it. Guru-Guru shrieked and ran in circles like an idiot before diving back underground.
Obito rubbed his forehead with both hands. "Black Zetsu… you have a plan right ? . Because that Tiel sees through us like he built the whole world."
Black Zetsu turned eye toward him. "I already started a countermeasure long before you decided to confront him directly. Next time, listen instead of charging ahead." His tone sharpened. "Tiel is not like Nagato. Nagato may hold the Rinnegan, but he is still a boy. Tiel… feels like something far older ."
Obito clenched his fists, breath tightening. "He used that warped sword art like it was space time ninjutsu —but better. That's impossible. Only I can control Kamui's flow. Nobody else. So why now?"
White Zetsu tilted its head, voice annoyingly cheerful. "Did you forget? Minato could counter your Kamui too. You lost to him head-to-head. Remember that scar on your right back, Obito?"
Obito's jaw locked. The memory stabbed through him—the yellow flash, the instant counter, the humiliation he buried for years.
Black Zetsu cut in, voice low. "Minato is dead. But someone with a similar spatial grasp has appeared—and this one uses it offensively. That changes everything."
Obito glared at the cavern wall, frustration boiling under his skin. "So what? You want me to hide?"
"I want you to adapt," Black Zetsu replied. "Change your tactics. If you encounter someone like him again, the old approach will get you killed."
Obito stayed silent, Kamui flickering around his fingers like a barely controlled pulse.
Black Zetsu added, "Your advantage was always unpredictability. Now someone exists who sees through you. That is unacceptable."
White Zetsu chimed in, "Yeah. If he figures out your identity, that's game over."
Guru-Guru popped out of the ground beside them. Before Obito could throw another fuma shuriken at his head, the creature flailed both arms. "Wait, wait! It seems the Raikage is fighting Tiel right now!"
Obito paused, Sharingan narrowing. The idea of watching it personally flickered across his mind—but Black Zetsu grabbed his wrist instantly.
"Are you insane?" Black Zetsu hissed. "Tiel can detect you no matter how far you are."
Guru-Guru raised a finger, wiggling excitedly. "Actually, I have a better idea! But please lower the shuriken first!"
Obito reluctantly lowered it. "Fine. What kind of idea makes me invinsible?"
Cut to several minutes later.
High atop an Amegakure rooftop, a massive, wobbling heap of… SHIT… sat motionless. A large cow-dung-like lump, steaming lightly in the rain.
Inside it, Obito's muffled voice snarled, "when this problem over, I'm killing you. You poop-obsessed freak."
Guru-Guru's voice echoed from the outer layer. "Relax! What's important is that we're completely invisible now. No one will suspect a giant poo statue! It's perfect camouflage!"
Black Zetsu gave a long, tortured sigh inside the shared consciousness. "This… is my life now."
Guru-Guru patted the steaming exterior proudly. "See? Total stealth!"