White.
Everything was white.
The ceiling was white. The sheets were white. The smell was the stinging white scent of antiseptic and high-grade healing potions.
'Am I dead?' Kaizen wondered, staring blankly at the ceiling tiles. 'Did I get reincarnated again? Maybe into a slice-of-life rom-com this time? Please let it be a rom-com.'
"GYYAAAAAAHHH!"
A high-pitched shriek shattered his peaceful delusion. It sounded like a banshee stepping on a Lego.
Kaizen whipped his head to the left.
In the bed right next to him, separated by a thin curtain that was pulled back, lay Goon #1. His leg was propped up in a traction sling.
Standing over him was a woman in a nurse's uniform that was slightly too tight. She held a pair of magical forceps.
"Hold still," she chirped, her voice sickeningly sweet. "If you wiggle, the splinter might migrate to your bloodstream!"
"IT HURTS! IT HURTS!" the Goon sobbed.
"One... two... YOINK!"
Squelch.
The nurse yanked the greasy wooden skewer out of the Goon's thigh in one smooth motion. Blood spattered slightly. The Goon fainted dead away.
Kaizen couldn't help it.
"Pfft."
The nurse turned. The Goon (who had apparently only half-fainted) popped his head up, eyes bloodshot and teary.
He saw Kaizen.
"YOU!" the Goon screeched, pointing a trembling finger. "You demon! You psycho! Who stabs a man with a sausage stick?!"
"Who kicks a man's dinner?" Kaizen shot back, his voice hoarse. "That skewer was worth more than your honor."
"I'll kill you!" the Goon foamed at the mouth. "When I get out of here, I'm telling Lance-sama! You're dead! You hear me?! DEAAA—"
Slap.
The nurse gently, but firmly, slapped the Goon back into unconsciousness.
"Quiet time," she smiled.
She turned to Kaizen, adjusting her glasses. Her name tag read [ Head Nurse Jenny ].
Kaizen stiffened. He remembered the lore. Nurse Jenny. The woman who "loved" her job a little too much. Rumor had it she kept the "interesting" tumors in jars on her desk.
"Oh, you're awake!" Jenny beamed, walking over to his bedside. "How are we feeling, Mr. Stick-Ninja?"
She poked his chest.
Kaizen flinched, expecting pain.
Nothing.
He looked down. His ribs didn't hurt. His face didn't feel swollen. He touched his cheek where the muddy mana punch had connected. Smooth skin. Not even a bruise.
"I... I'm healed?" Kaizen blinked. "But I had negative HP..."
"You were a mess!" Jenny giggled. "Broken ribs, fractured ulna, massive concussion. But a little Grade-B Potion and some regeneration magic fixed you right up! You boys heal so fast."
She leaned in close, checking his pupils. Her eyes were a swirling, unnatural green.
"Though, I have to say," she whispered, shaking her head with a smirk. "Boys these days. Always so eager to play with their sticks in public."
Kaizen blinked.
'She means the skewer. She definitely means the skewer. Don't overthink it. She's talking about the weapon.'
"It was self-defense," Kaizen muttered.
"Of course, of course," she winked. She scribbled something on his chart. Probably 'Psychologically Unstable - keep an eye on him.'
"Anyway, you should thank your guardian angel," Jenny said, gesturing to the corner of the room. "He carried both of you here. Stacked you like logs on his shoulders. Very strong."
Kaizen froze.
'Guardian angel? Did Cedric come back? No, Cedric hates weakness. He left me in the trash.'
He slowly turned his head to the visitor chair in the corner.
Sleeping awkwardly, head lolling back, drool slightly pooling on his collar, was a boy with gravity-defying red hair.
Leo Crimson.
The Hero.
Kaizen stared. The beep of the heart monitor next to him sped up.
Beep... beep... beepbeepbeepbeep.
"Why," Kaizen whispered, his voice cracking. "Why is he here?"
"He found you in the alley," Jenny explained, fluffing Kaizen's pillow. "Said he was patrolling for 'Villainy' and heard a commotion. Such a sweet boy. He's been waiting for two hours to make sure you woke up."
Kaizen sank into his mattress. He wanted the bed to eat him.
'He carried me. The Protagonist carried me. That's a flags event! That's the "Brotherhood" flag! I'm going to be his best friend. I'm going to die in Chapter 50 shielding him from a Dragon!'
He was done. He shouldn't have woken up. He should have stayed in the coma.
"I need to leave," Kaizen said, trying to swing his legs out of bed. "I need to transfer schools. Maybe a farming college. Or a culinary institute."
"Now, now, stay put," Jenny chided, pushing him back down. "You need rest."
"I don't need rest, I need anonymity!"
Just as Kaizen was about to fight the nurse for his freedom—
BAM!
The double doors to the infirmary flew open with enough force to crack the hinges.
A cold wind swept into the room, extinguishing the candles on Nurse Jenny's desk.
Standing in the doorway, framed by the dark hallway like a gothic painting, was a figure in a black silk shirt. His red eyes were glowing. His aura was pulsating with irritation.
Klaus Silver.
The Demon Roommate.
He scanned the room. He ignored the nurse. He ignored the sleeping Hero. He ignored the unconscious Goon.
His gaze locked onto Kaizen like a heat-seeking missile.
He marched into the room, and slammed his hands onto the railing of Kaizen's bed.
"Human!" Klaus shouted, his voice laced with terrifying concern. "Are you alright?!"
Kaizen stared up at the ceiling.
To his left: The screaming Goon who wanted him dead. To his right: The sleeping Hero who wanted to be his best friend. In front of him: The Demon King candidate who was worried about his lab rat.
Kaizen closed his eyes. He clasped his hands over his chest.
"Dear Aliens," he whispered. "I know you're out there. Now would be a really good time. I don't care about the probing anymore. Just take me."