What happened that night is between me and the moon.
Suddenly the alarm didn't sound so bad. My mother came to wake me up this morning. But i was already awake today.
She stared at me for awhile. I could tell she found it weird that i was awake so early. And all by myself too.
I smile, that all too familiar tilt of my lips, loosen up my shoulders, make it all natural. She snapped out of it. Smiled back at me and left my room.
How tiring. That was close. She almost- oh your here? How sneaky. I almost told you.
The girl gets up and brushes her teeth. She stares at her reflection in the mirror. She hasnt showered in a week.
Tomorrow. She'd shower tomorrow. She finishes getting ready and goes outside.
My brother was, as expected, still asleep. My sister was sitting by the counter, eating cereal.
I made myself a bowl of cereal and ate it while my parents went on and on about my sisters piano competition that evening.
I watch the girl smile and tell her sister she'd definitely win. Watched her smile and look at her sister with that comforting look.
What a fake. She doesn't actually want her to win. Jealous little bitch.
Her sister smiled, so did her parents. She went back to eating.
I watched her get to school. Watched her sit next to her friend. Watched the time tick by so slowly.
Halfway through the day her friend left with someone else. She never came back. The girl just smiled.
She didnt talk to anyone the rest of that day. What a loser.
She sat alone at the back of her class. The teacher told them to pair up for an activity. Her shoulders tensed for just a second, then went back to normal like it never happened.
I watched as everyone else paired up, and then there was only her and one other girl. i could see how hesitant the other girl was.
I loosen up my shoulder and put on a relaxed smile. I ask her in a friendly tone, if she'd like to be partners. Its just a formality of course, there is no other choice, and we both knew it.
I hate this slut. All she ever does is cry and whine about her dead mom. Why did it have to be her of all people?
I smile and ask her what chapter she wants to do. she seemed surprised, her eye brows went up, i doubt she expected me to let her choose first.
She started listing off all the simple topics. how typical. Of course she wants it easy, all she ever wants hard are the men.
I tilt my lips up, loosen up my posture and agree in a bubbly voice. She seemed pleased, i caught her smirking. who wouldn't? The girls reputation as a good girl precedes me. Whatever, it helps me anyway.
The bell rings and she goes back to her friends. I see her mouth move, then they all glance over at me and snicker.
The girl wasn't stupid. she knew they were making fun of her, probably talking about bow easy she is. But she didn't confront them. Oh no, she was too much of a coward for that.
She just smiles and looks the other way, playing the bubble headed fool was her specialty by now. of course it was.
I grab my bag and leave the classroom. At some point, defending yourself is more embarassing than letting go. Or at least pretending you did.
You're probably used to that, aren't you? or else why read about it like you do? unless your a fraud, just like her, or me? who knows.
I watched as her father came to pick her up. She smiled, that all too practiced thing. He asked about her day. She said it was great. He asked about her friends.
She widened her eyes and threw her tone up a notch before asking if he got that promotion today. He broke out in a big grin.
"Of course i did! told ya i would, didn't I kiddo? see your old mans still got it. They almost gave it to Rex but that hunk of junk didn't stand a chance next to me! ain't that great, and..."
She squealed and told him he was amazing. She smiled as he brightened and kept talking. Cunning little snake.
He kept talking, on and on all the way home. She asked questions every now and then, she looked so interested. I wish I could shut him up.
but her eyes were angled towards the window, she was curled towards the door and her eyes looked hollow.
He didn't notice. She knew he wouldn't. She had been counting on it, she wanted it, still, a small part of her wished he did. No she didn't. She was a attention seeking whore.
I got out of the car as my father pulled into the driveway. I heard more footsteps than normal inside, but they quickly stopped.
A party? Probably supposed to be a surprise- yet they left all their shoes by the door. Idiots.
I run up the steps and quickly shove all the shoes under the cupboard. I stand and smile as my dad walks over, still talking about his promotion.
He opens the door, and I hear it before I see it.
"Surprise!" They all screamed, and i felt the joy in their voices.
My mother ran up and hugged my father, my sister trailed behind her, and i could see my brother chatting with some relatives near the couch.
"I thought we'd celebrate! After all its not everyday my husband gets a promotion and my daughter wins a competition! Oh i swear our family's so blessed! All so talented and wonderful!"
I saw her eyes flick from my dad to my brother and sister, but never once did she glance at me.
She grabbed my father and dragged him away as relatives congratulated him. My sister went off to tell some aunts about the competition.
I watched as the girl tilted her lips up in that all too familiar motion. Watched as they all said the same things, "You've grown so much!" "I haven't seen you in ages". So tiering. I wish they weren't here.
I watched as they all quickly moved on and left her standing alone again. She was know to be good, good but not special. She wasn't talented, she wasn't charming, and as far as they knew, she wasn't smart.
There was nothing about her worth a second glance in their eyes.
I watched as she stood alone in a room where people filled every step. Watched as she smiled and headed to her room.
I'll just say i have homework, she thought. but it was all for naught. Because no one asked.
I went into the room and shut the door behind me. I listen for the soft click of the clock before i let the smile drop off my face. So tiering.
I sat down on my bed. I could still hear their stupid, happy voices drift in through the door. My stomach twisted and i felt it rise up my throat again.
Disgusting. It was all disgusting. Their voices, so loud and merry, felt like sugar coated slugs slipping down my throat. Why? Why do they have to be here? Why do they have to be so happy? How are they so happy?
I watched as the girl crawled under her cowers again. She always did that. She ran away from people, only to wish she didn't.
I watched as her eyes got glassy and her carefully crafted posture cracked into shivers. Pathetic. She's so pathetic. Can't even keep her emotions in check.
She held her pillow tighter, wishing there was more between her and the world. Her mother had given all her stuffed animals away, saying they were for babies. She'd agreed, but she thought about them whenever she was in bed.
She couldn't be bothered to change. she couldn't be bothered to turn off the light or eat.
She felt warm lines on her face. Only then did she realise she was crying. Dumb bitch. So damn emotional. You're supposed to be better than that. What would they think of this? They'll call you a pick me, a whore with nothing better in store. Stop it.
She wiped at the tears on her face desperatly. She ran into the bathroom and shut the door.
She came out an hour later. Her face was dry now, no sign of the tears other than some red near her eyes. Her shirt was soaked, of course it was.
Her eyes looked empty but complacent. She looked lighter.
I watched as she crawled into bed and hid under the covers. By now, the sounds from the party were starting to die down.
Her eyes flickered to the clock on the wall. Ten thirty one.
She closed her eyes and let sleep carry her away.