Alyx: The Dental Odyssey
Alyx had a dentist appointment the day after the funeral. Monday morning, right when everyone was talking about the Super Bowl.
Her phone rang before she left. It was Marshall.
"Alyx, whatever happens today, don't find out the score. We're watching it tonight."
"I'm going to the dentist, Marshall. I think I'll be safe."
"The dentist. Yeah, sure, but... dentists talk about football too."
"Don't worry. I have a plan."
Alyx's plan was simple: earplugs, sunglasses, and her sketchbook to draw during the entire appointment. No conversations, no risk.
The taxi driver who took her to the clinic was named Vladimir. He had a thick Russian accent and a radio spewing static.
"You watch the game last night?" Vladimir asked.
Alyx shook her head, pointing to her plugged ears.
"Ah, deaf. Sorry."
Alyx nodded, relieved.
She arrived at the clinic. The receptionist, Brenda, looked at her curiously.
"Miss? Are you okay?"
Alyx wrote on a note: "I can't hear. Appointment with Dr. Goldstein."
Brenda nodded and guided her to the waiting room. On the TV, with no sound, images of the Super Bowl appeared. Alyx closed her eyes and put on the blindfold she'd brought.
People stared.
She didn't see their looks.
In the consultation room, Dr. Goldstein turned out to be a sympathetic man. Alyx explained her mission through notes.
"I need no one to mention the Super Bowl during the appointment."
The doctor nodded solemnly. "I have a patient who won't let me clean his teeth without ABBA music playing. One more mission won't hurt."
During the appointment, Alyx drew. She drew Marshall with elephant ears, Lily with a whip, Barney handcuffed to a radiator. And, without knowing why, she drew a bald man with a mustache, sitting at a bar stool.
Mark. Without knowing it, she was drawing Mark.
She left the appointment victorious. She had survived.
Until Brenda, the receptionist, said: "Did you see the Super Bowl last night?"
The world stopped.
"No," said Alyx, her voice trembling. "Please, don't tell me anything."
Brenda looked at her. Then she smiled. "Don't worry. My sister-in-law is the same." She pointed to the street. "But that bus out there has a screen with news, and right now they're showing the results."
Alyx ran. She dodged the bus, a newsstand, and two men arguing.
She reached her apartment.
Safe.
The End: All Together (and All Ruined)
At 5:00 PM, everyone gathered at Marshall and Lily's apartment.
"No one knows the score, right?" asked Ted.
"Not me," said Marshall.
"Not me," said Lily.
"Not me," said Robin.
"Not me," said Alyx.
Everyone looked at Barney.
Barney hesitated. "I... no. Well, technically no. But... I might not have looked, but... the universe made it very difficult."
"Barney, do you know the score or not?"
"NO! MAYBE! I just need a minute!" said Barney.
And as everyone started watching the game from the opening kickoff, they heard Barney's scream, recognizing the result—the loss of Barney's money.
Everyone heard him, and although most already knew the result, they just took a deep breath.
The others looked at each other.
"Well," said Robin. "At least the wings are good."
Alyx let out a laugh. Then another. Then she was laughing hysterically.
"What are you laughing at?" asked Lily.
"That I spent all day dodging taxi drivers, receptionists, buses, and extortionist kids. I used blindfolds, earplugs, spy strategies. And in the end..." She pointed to Barney. "Barney Stinson screwed us all in less than two seconds."
Marshall started laughing. Then Lily, followed by Ted and Robin.
Barney stopped. "Are you laughing at me?"
"Yes," they all said in unison.
Barney looked at them, and then, slowly, he smiled.
"Well, I still want to watch it." He pointed to the TV. "Shall we watch the game anyway? I want to see how Barney lost so much money."
"Sure," said Ted.
And they watched it together—with wings, with beer, with bean dip. Knowing the score, knowing who won, knowing how the story ended.
But as Ted said years later: "Sometimes, even if you know how something is going to end, that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the journey."
Living Room, 2030
"And so, kids, we spent that Super Bowl. I don't remember who won, or the plays. But I remember the laughter.
I remember Barney pacing in circles.
I remember Alyx laughing uncontrollably.
I remember Marshall telling his odyssey with the extortionist kid."
Ted smiles, looking at his children.
"And I remember that, at the end, we toasted to Mark. The man who taught us that sometimes the best stories aren't the ones you live, but the ones others live through you."
"And did Barney get his money back?" asks Luke.
"No. He lost every bet. Every single one—yardage bets, interception bets, coin toss bets. He lost everything. But the next day, he was already scheming how to win it back. That's the good thing about Barney: he always gets back up."
Ted's daughter smiles. "It's a good story, Dad."
"It's a story about friendship, sweetheart. And about how sometimes, what matters isn't the destination, but the journey. Even when the journey includes a Sensory Deprivator 5000, a five-year-old extortionist, and a funeral for a man you never met."
Ted raises his imaginary glass.
"To Mark Thompson. And to the Super Bowl we'll never forget."
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Chapters 87-89: Alyx's full dental odyssey (the complete extended version)
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