The Night Before
That night, Alyx went to see Barney at his apartment.
"What are you doing here?" asked Barney, surprised.
"I came to give you advice. If you're going to do this, at least do it right."
Barney looked at her suspiciously. "Advice? You know something about running?"
"I know more than you. And that's a problem, because you know nothing."
For the next hour, Alyx explained the basics: hydration, pace, proper shoes, and stretching.
"Don't be an idiot at the start. Start slow. Don't go charging like a crazy person or you'll burn out in the first half hour," she said with a professional, advisory air.
"Understood."
"Drink water at every aid station. Doesn't matter if you're not thirsty. Drink."
"Understood."
"And please, don't try to hit on anyone during the race. Focus on running."
Barney smiled. "I can't promise anything there."
Alyx sighed. "It's like talking to a wall."
"A very attractive wall," he said roguishly.
"Go to sleep. You have a marathon tomorrow," Alyx finished tiredly.
Marathon Day
Sunday morning, the group gathered in Marshall and Lily's apartment in front of the computer.
"Each runner has a tracking chip," Marshall explained. "We can see it online, which checkpoints they're at."
"Put it on," said Lily.
Marshall opened the page. Barney's name appeared on the screen, with a blinking dot at the starting line.
"There he is. He's about to start."
"I wish we could be there," said Ted.
"We can't," said Robin. "But we can follow him."
The dot began to move. Slowly at first, then faster.
"He's passing the first checkpoint," Marshall announced. "His time isn't bad."
"Not bad for someone who hasn't trained?" asked Lily.
"For anyone."
The morning progressed. They followed Barney point by point. Second checkpoint. Third. Fourth.
"This is incredible," said Ted. "He's actually doing it."
"Too good," said Marshall suspiciously. "He has to be cheating."
"Barney would do anything to win a bet," Robin agreed. "Remember when he bet Ted that Men at Work sang 'Hungry Like the Wolf' and when he found out they didn't, he tried to hire them?"
"That was sad," said Ted.
"And expensive," added Barney from somewhere in the city, though they couldn't hear him.
Then the group decided to go see him, since a section of the course passed near the apartment. So from the sidewalk, with other fans, they saw Barney Stinson himself trot happily past them, giving them a slight wave of recognition. Surprised, the group returned to the apartment.
An hour later, the apartment door opened.
Barney entered, sweating but smiling.
"What's up, non-finishers?"
Everyone's jaws dropped.
"Barney?" said Marshall. "How...?"
"My time would have been half an hour better, but I met this babe at mile seven. We took a little detour and had our own mini-marathon behind a restaurant. I won."
"I'm not sure anyone in that story is a winner," said Alyx.
Barney ignored the comment. "Where's my 50 dollars?"
Marshall paid grudgingly. "I have to admit, you earned it."
"Well, I'm going home. Or maybe I'll go to the gym." Barney stopped at the door upon hearing Ted.
"Oh, hey, for your information, all marathon runners can ride the subway for free today," said Ted.
"Wow," said Barney. "You know, I should check out this 'subway' I've heard so much about."
Barney smiled and left.
What no one knew was that his legs were about to give out.
Three Hours Later
Ted's phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Ted, it's Barney. Listen, I need you to come pick me up at the subway."
"What are you talking about?"
"I was sitting here, minding my own business, finisher style. Yeah, you know what I mean. 86th Street. My legs aren't working."
"What?" Ted asked doubtfully.
"I've ridden the subway twice, end to end. I've seen where it turns around. Ted, you never want to see where the subway turns around. My legs aren't working. I'm riding the subway end to end because I physically can't get off the train."
"Barney, where exactly are you?"
"I'm in the fourth car of the six train heading south from Pelham Bay Park in the Bronx. See you at the 86th Street station in, like, half an hour?" said Barney hopefully.
"Okay, I'll be right there. Stay where you are," said Ted firmly.
Ted hung up and looked at the others.
"Barney's trapped on the subway. His legs aren't working. I have to go get him."
"I'll go with you," said Alyx.
The two ran out.
They arrived at the 86th Street station just as the train was stopping.
The doors opened, and they saw Barney on the platform, sitting on a bench, legs outstretched, with an expression of extreme exhaustion.
"Barney!" shouted Ted.
"Ted!"
Ted jumped the turnstile to get there faster. He didn't think; he just acted.
A cop saw him. "Hey! Stop!"
Too late. Ted was already on the other side, helping Barney to his feet.
"Idiot," murmured Barney, leaning on him.
Marshall and Alyx arrived running (the legal way, paying their fare).
"You okay?" asked Alyx.
"My legs... I don't know what happened to them... they stopped working at mile 24... but I kept going... I finished... and then... the subway..."
"Let's go home," said Marshall. "We'll explain later."
They left the station. On the street, night was falling over New York.
And Ted, after being fined, unknowingly had just started the chain of events that would make him miss his flight to Chicago months later.
That Night, in Barney's Apartment
They put him to bed.
Alyx prepared a cold water bath for his legs.
"What are you doing?" asked Barney.
"It's for inflammation. Your muscles aren't used to this effort. They're going to hurt for days."
"They already hurt," he complained.
"Well, get ready for more," said Alyx practically.
While Alyx took care of Barney, Ted and Marshall talked in the living room.
"I can't believe it," said Ted. "Barney ran a marathon. Barney."
"I know. It's like the universe decided to surprise us," said Marshall, still amazed.
"Or punish us."
Marshall laughed. "Probably both."
Alyx came out of the bedroom. "He's set. I gave him ibuprofen and water. Now he needs to sleep."
"Thanks, Alyx," said Ted. "I don't know what we'd do without you."
"Probably die or something."
"Probably," they both agreed.
The Next Morning
Barney woke with indescribable pain in his legs, but also with a smile on his face.
He had run a marathon, won 50 dollars, and met a woman at mile seven.
In the kitchen, he found a note from Alyx:
Barney:
You survived. Your legs will hate you for a week.
Don't exercise.
Drink water.
And please, don't bet anything important in the next 48 hours. Your judgment is compromised by exhaustion.
—Alyx
P.S.: Actually, your judgment is always compromised. But now, more so.
Barney smiled and kept the note.
Living Room, 2030
"And so, kids, Barney ran the marathon and his legs stopped working. I jumped a turnstile. That led me to court, and that made me miss my flight to Chicago."
Ted pauses, looking at the penny he still keeps in his wallet.
"But if I hadn't missed that flight, I would never have met your mother. So, in a way, we owe it all to Barney. And his weak legs."
"And Alyx?" asks Penny.
"Alyx... Alyx was the one who kept Marshall sane during the months of training. The one who taught him to stretch, to hydrate, not to eat pasta at eight in the morning. And the one who took care of Barney when his legs said enough."
"And Marshall's broken toe?" asks Luke.
"That... well, that was Lily's fault and a 1939 penny and a wedding dress shop. But that, my dears, is another story."
Ted smiles and raises his imaginary glass.
"To marathons. To friends who run for you when you can't. To Alyx, who is always there to take care of everyone."
In the following months, Barney developed a new theory: that running a marathon was the best way to meet women. He tried to convince Ted to do it. Ted refused.
"I'm not going to destroy my legs for a woman, Barney."
"That's what you think. But when you're at mile 20 and you see that blonde at the aid station, you'll thank me."
Ted didn't thank him. Because he never ran the marathon.
But that, as always, is another story.
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What was your favorite moment? Barney's finish? Ted's jump? Alyx taking care of him afterward?
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