The Apartment – 11:00 PM
Marshall arrived first. His bachelor party had been a disaster: a stripper with a broken ankle, a fire in the hotel room, getting kicked out of the casino. But it had ended well. Barney had proven to be the best friend anyone could have.
He entered the apartment and found Lily, Alyx, and Robin on the sofa with an empty bottle of wine between them.
"How was it?" he asked.
"Weird," said Lily.
"But nice," said Alyx.
"Same as mine."
Marshall sat down beside them. "What happened?"
Lily told him everything. The tag switching, the vibrator, Grandma Lois, Cousin Margaret, and her mother's dinner invitation.
"And they took it well?" asked Marshall.
"My grandmother, yes. My mother... she's working on it."
"And the part about the three of us getting married?"
Lily smiled. "My grandmother said it was about time someone in the family had talent."
"Is that good?"
"With my grandmother, yes."
Marshall hugged the three of them. "I'm glad it went well."
"It didn't go well," said Alyx. "It went weird. But in the end, it went well."
"And what happened to the vibrator?"
"Your grandmother took it."
"Really?"
"Really. She said it worked wonders for her neck."
Marshall burst out laughing. "That woman is incredible."
"She is," said Lily. "And she wants us to come to dinner next week. The three of us."
"The three of us?"
"The three of us. She said she wanted to get to know Alyx better and that she wanted to teach her how to use the sewing machine."
Alyx laughed. "Really? Your grandmother wants to teach me to sew?"
"She said that if you're going to marry me, you have to learn the family traditions."
"And what are the family traditions?"
"Apparently, sewing and using vibrators on your neck."
The four of them laughed.
Robin stood up. "Well, I'm going home. I have to return a sewing machine, or learn how to use it. Or both."
"Are you going to learn to sew?" asked Lily.
"I don't know, but your grandmother said the women in the family sew. And if I'm going to be part of this crazy family, I'll have to learn."
"You're going to be part of the family?" asked Alyx.
Robin smiled. "I already am. I have a sewing machine I don't know how to use, a vibrator your grandmother took, and a drawing from Alyx on my fridge. What more do I need?"
"A wedding with Ted," said Lily.
"That will come, or it won't. But in the meantime, I have this."
She said goodbye and left.
Grandma Lois's House – One Week Later
Dinner was... interesting.
Grandma Lois had made her best dish. Lily's mother, Janice, had brought dessert. The aunts had come "by chance." Cousin Margaret had brought some petunias for Alyx to draw.
And Marshall, Lily, and Alyx sat at the table together as the family they were.
"And how are you going to handle children?" asked an aunt.
"We haven't thought about it yet," said Lily.
"But when the time comes," said Marshall, "we'll raise them together, the three of us."
"And won't it be weird for the kids?" asked another aunt.
"Weird is having one parent," said Alyx. "We'll have three. That's triple the love."
Grandma Lois nodded. "That's true. Children need love, no matter where it comes from."
Lily's mother, Janice, didn't say anything, but when dinner ended, she approached Alyx.
"You're smarter than you look," she said.
"Thank you. I guess."
"My daughter loves you, and Marshall does too. So I guess I'll have to love you too, even if I don't understand you."
"Respect is enough."
Janice looked at her. Then, slowly, she smiled. "Deal."
Alyx smiled, and for the first time since she'd arrived, she felt like she truly belonged there.
Grandma Lois approached with the vibrator in her hand. "You know what, Alyx?"
"What, Grandma?"
"This device is the best thing anyone has given me in years. And it's all thanks to you."
"Thanks to me? It was Robin who—"
"Robin switched the tags, yes. But you helped her. You didn't let her sink. That's what family does."
Alyx felt her eyes sting. "Thank you, Grandma."
"And now, sit down. I'm going to teach you how to use the sewing machine. The women of this family sew, and you're part of this family now."
Alyx sat down and learned to sew. Poorly, but she learned.
And every time she did it wrong, Grandma Lois would say, "Don't worry, dear. When you're done, I'll lend you my neck massager."
Living Room, 2030
"And so, kids, Lily's bachelorette party ended with a grandmother stealing a vibrator, a nun asking for a drawing of petunias, and Alyx learning to sew poorly to win over the Aldrin family."
"And Robin?" asks Ted's daughter.
"Robin took the sewing machine and learned to use it. Not very well, but she tried. And every time she sat down to sew, she thought of Grandma Lois and smiled."
"And the vibrator?" asks his son.
"Grandma Lois used it until it broke, three years later. And when it broke, she called Robin to buy her another one. Robin did. And then another. And another. Until Grandma Lois passed away, at ninety-seven years old, with a pink vibrator on her nightstand and a smile on her face."
Ted raises his imaginary glass.
"To the families we choose. To weird bachelorette parties. To Robin, who switched some tags and changed a family. And to Alyx, who taught us that sometimes, to win over your girlfriend's family, all you need is a drawing, a little honesty, and a vibrator in Grandma's purse."
Fun Fact:
Grandma Lois's sewing machine is still in the family. Robin has it now, and she uses it to sew patches onto her dogs' jackets. Before she died, Grandma Lois made her promise never to sell it. "It's part of the family," she told her. "And you're part of the family." Robin never sold it. And every time she uses it, she thinks of Grandma Lois, of the pink vibrator, and of how one Saturday afternoon, a nervous Canadian switched some tags and won the heart of an old lady from Long Island.
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