Hey there, Kid!
Hey there, Folks!
It has been some time, yeah?
I have been quite busy over in my tiny corner of the world, but it hasn't been a bad time!
Change is on the horizon!
I've been dating an amazing woman, and we should be combining our living situations within the next couple of months!
That is quite exciting, and a little scary, you know?
But... I am ready.
I am.
Life is so short, Kid...
Don't waste your time waiting around for things to be "just right" or for the right timing.
There is none.
Just think your choices through, and stand on them, regardless of the results.
That is all we have.
Experiences.
They will make you who you are.
That goes for you as well, Folks.
Doubly so since you all are actually here on Earth reading this.
My job gave me a bit of a raise and a promotion.
Just a dollar...
But I am grateful.
Growth comes with time and hard work, you know?
I just feel like...
Well, being Black can make it so you can only get so far in America...
There is something called a "glass ceiling" that is a REAL thing, and once you hit it, it sucks...
You can't grow or get any better within the company you work for, even though you can see clearly that there is better to be done...
More to be gained.
It fucking sucks that such petty racism and narrow-mindedness still flourish here in 2026, but yeah...
Such seems to be the way history likes to favor things in this country.
Bah.
Look, Kid...
If you are ever born, you will be at least half Black, regardless of the actual percentage, lol.
You will be born into a world that will very rarely care about or understand how you feel...
That is okay.
It's not right, but it's okay.
Be a stone.
Stand where you are, and the world will move around you like a river.
I love you.
I love all of you as well, Folks.
Just be yourself, yeah?
Love, give, do, welcome, share, exist...
Just be a decent fucking human, okay?
I will let you all get to what you came for, and I'll see you back here soon enough, yeah?
Enjoy!
(Hops into the cockpit of the Slappery-Slappish-Slappington 3000.1 and puts on a seatbelt while whipping away the thin layer of dust that has accumulated over everything...)
Let me remember how to figure this out...
(OH! I THINK I-BLOOOOP!!!!!-)
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June 16th, 2022.
7:52 AM.
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I was with XXXXX last night.
Sometimes we just can't keep away.
Even when we know it may not be what is best
For us.
We will see.
What will be, will be.
Maybe you were conceived during a heat wave/thunderstorm.
What an interesting energy that would be, huh?
Fire.
Water.
Wind.
Hmmm.
-Dad.
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(Splorps back into 2026 after tumbling through 1904 for a bit... What a year!)
Hmm.
My ex-fiancé and I had a very deep trauma bond, and it revolved around sex and separation anxiety.
Her ex had used her and left her.
Then he did it again.
And again,
And again,
And again.
The thing is... The first and maybe second time are typically out of your hands, so I get it...
I understand that we can be manipulated by those that we come to love.
Those whom we put on pedestals and hold above others.
But after we are fooled once or twice, it becomes a choice to let the same people use and hurt us over and over.
I was with her for nearly 10 years, and she reflected all of that neglect and abuse he had out her through onto me.
You know what?
I let her.
I let her bleed all over me.
I don't blame her any more than I blame myself.
Accountability will set you free, Kid.
You as well, Folks.
I was foolishly attracted to her physically, so sex could and would very naturally happen between us.
The crazy part?
This was AFTER we broke up...
She would weaponize her body and affections toward me when we were together, withholding it for weeks and months, knowing that touch was and till is one of my potent and palpable love languages.
That became oppressive sexual manipulation after I left her.
She would come over to my place and throw herself at me, and I was still foolish and unhealed, so I would fall right into that trap every time.
Every time.
A part of me thought and hoped that it would bring her closer to me in some way while she "healed and tended to her mental health," but you know, it was all just a part of her plan to keep me in her life as a pillar of normality.
I had to cut her off and block her on all platforms in order to properly heal and move on from her.
Kid, she was never meant to be your mother.
I know that now, and I am so sorry that I almost brought you into this world with someone like that, who would undoubtedly not have been so good for your mental development...
It is both a gift and a curse that you haven't been born, you know?
Hmm.
The woman I am currently dating can't have kids anymore.
That is typically a deal-breaker for me, seeing how I want YOU, you know?
But hey...
Everything happens for a reason.
Maybe you are adopted?
Maybe you are adopted?
Maybe...
Just maybe you are adopted...
You weren't conceived that night, Kid.
You weren't.
The rain raged.
The winds howled.
The heat was relentless.
I had touched her body again, and while it ALWAYS felt good in the moment,
I was always left feeling hollow and used afterwards...
She was using me even after I had found the courage to leave her, and I was letting her, all while having some stupid sliver of hope that it would make her fall in love with me, even though I had left her because I had finally concluded that she would never fall in love with me...
Her claws and hooks were quite deep, but looking at the date that I had written this journal entry, it hadn't been more than two months since I had left her!
What a fucking emotional succubus!
I HAD to block her.
I had to.
I think we all have that person.
That ONE who could get nearly anything out of us.
If you meet that person, Kid, Folks, and they aren't, mutually, the love of your life?
RUN!
Get as far fucking away from them as you can, and block any and all access.
You are worth more than that.
Don't let anyone's love be a cage.
I love you, Kid...
Even if you never come to be.
You are real enough in my heart and mind, and in the hearts and minds of all of my Readers, you know?
I love you all as well, Folks.
Thank you all for sticking around this long and being so fucking patient with me and my horrible posting times!
LBVS!
I have been doing and dealing with a lot, but I GOT YOU!
I PROMISE!!!
I will see you all back here before the month is out!
LMAO, I PROMISE!
I love and appreciate all of you!
Safe travels folks1
And as always:
Stay safe.
Stay healthy.
Stay vigilant.
-Bluu.
P.S.
My current girlfriend is phenomenal!
I am falling in love with her, you know?
She has been worth all the crap I've been through, and that is saying quite a lot, Kid!
Folks!
Maybe you...
Maybe you are adopted.
I love you.