I set my alarm for 5:10am but inwardly, I hoped I'd never wake up. The intense feeling of being tossed around by life like the failure I am was becoming increasingly disturbing, and nothing could prevent the endless stream of tears from my eyes. I tried but failed. If I never tried, I would have still failed.
Lord, I don't know if you're listening to me, but please, please help me.
My phone screen brightened up, showing that I had an incoming call. I flipped it to its side when I saw the caller. Cale. I rolled my eyes. He's probably high. Again. I rolled on my bed and buried my face into my pillow. I wasn't going to go on another stupid emotional roller coaster with him anymore.
It rang again. A second time. A third time. And again. And again. He'll get tired soon, I spoke to myself, resisting the urge to pick up. My phone just kept on vibrating. It was as if he set his phone to call me immediately I missed the former call, because it just kept ringing. I unlocked my phone and set it to Do Not Disturb so that the vibration could cease and I'd feel less bad about not answering.
After a short while, he stopped calling me. I heaved a sigh of relief and faced the ceiling of my dark room. My phone screen brightened up the place again, and it wasn't a call this time. I saw the highlights of his text message.
Cale: why r u ignoring me
I rolled my eyes and averted my attention back to the ceiling. It happened again.
Cale: i have something to say to u come on
I ignored him. He'll stop texting soon and give it a rest.
Cale: im not gonna stop texting yunno this is really important
Ignoring. Ignoring.
Cale: i promise im not high or anything i need to talk to you
I can bet my last box of chocolate chip cookies that this dude was definitely high. No matter what he claimed, I wasn't going to reply any of his calls or texts. This had to end and I'm the only one that can end it.
My phone screen dimmed and I was left to the pitch black darkness of my bedroom once more. I sighed and rolled to my left side, trying my best to get some sleep. He must've given up and gone to bother someone else, I thought to myself. Before I could drift into a deep sleep, my phone screen lit up again. Picking it up, I read the latest notification. Immediately, the feeling of sleep disappeared from my eyes and my heart rate tripled.
Cale: im at ur door open up
Before I could process this, I heard a light knock at the front door.
"Jordan?" A calm deep voice followed.
I struggled to control my breathing to prevent me from hyperventilating and knocking myself unconscious. This had got to be the worst thing to ever happen to me.
"Please open up, Jo. I need to talk to you."
I buried my whole body under my bed covers and tried my best to take deeper longer breaths.
This can't be happening. This is just some stupid dream. I squeezed the covers tighter over my body and shut my eyes. I must've watched a romance-based anime last night and now I'm in a realistic dream, I kept trying to reassure myself.
"It's kind of cold outside. I'm not wearing any warm clothes."
Mustering all the courage and strength I could, I grudgingly switched on the lights of the living room before walking to the door. I looked through the peephole and, sure enough, Cale was standing there, with a white shirt on and a beanie. I cursed under my breath as I slowly opened the door.
"What are you doing here?" I shot daggers at him.
"Well you weren't answering my calls so I dropped by just to make sure you weren't kidnapped." He smirked.
That little-
I made a move to close the door again but he held it open with his right leg.
"Hang on just hear me out, okay? I actually really need to talk to you."
"There's nothing to talk about, Cale. We both know that."
"You never got to hear what I had to say." He pushed the door open farther. "You just walked away."
"That's because this situation keeps repeating itself and frankly I'm tired of being the butt of the joke everytime." I muttered angrily, trying to push the door closed with my might. It didn't budge.
"You weren't a joke." His voice became louder and it caused one of the neighbour's porch lights to come on. We heard jingling of keys and locks being opened. The last thing I wanted was someone spotting Cale in my front yard. I pulled him inside and, swiftly but quietly, closed my door before bolting it. I placed a finger on my lips to tell him to be quiet and I watched through the window as my neighbour, Judah, came out from his room with a shotgun and scanned the yard promptly for any intruders. After a few tense moments, he grumbled and went back inside.
I heaved a sigh of relief and Cale followed suit. He was directly over me, looking through the window just like I was doing. I stiffened as I felt his breath close to my ear. We were in very close proximity and I could feel the warmth emerse from him, enough for me to lose focus. I cleared my throat and took two good steps away from him then folded my arms.
"Man, did you see the size of that shotgun?" He chuckled to himself. "I'd have been a head trophy on his hunting wall if it weren't for you."
I was overly annoyed now.
"Look, if all you came here to do was make jokes then I suggest you better leave the way you came." I fumed.
His smirk left and he looked to the ground. For almost a solid minute, there was no sound. Then, he slowly took my hands.
"I wanted to see you, Jordan."
He circled each of his big strong thumbs on the front palm of my tiny hands.
"Well I'm here." I said, not letting his little charade divert me from my initial frustration. "Why did you have to come all the way from your place to mine at one o'clock in the morning?"
"I thought a lot about what had happened between us tonight." He replied, stepping a little closer towards me. "And I don't think I said the right words."
"The right words? What? You mean when you said 'I don't feel the same way'?" I shifted backwards as he kept coming towards me till I felt my back on the wall.
"I didn't say that." He shook his head. "You put those words into my mouth."
"Well, you weren't saying anything so that was the best decision I could gather from your silence." I said, looking deep into his eyes. His beautiful hazel eyes.
"Jordan, that's not how I feel about you." He sighed, putting his hand on the wall and looking down at me. My palms became very sweaty and I had a tingling sensation in my lower abdomen. The heat in the room was enough to overburn a hard boiled egg and him standing close to me wasn't helping.
I looked down and shook my head before raising it up and smiling wanly. "There's nothing left to say, Cale. This is just going to ruin everything we've built up since we became friends." A bit of my hair came undone from my messy bun. I guess I needed to get a new scrunchie.
"Then," he tucked it behind my ear carefully, "let me show you how I feel."
Before I could protest, he raised my chin up and pressed his lips firmly onto mine. I stood there in my nightgown, wide-eyed and utterly shocked. He pulled back when he noticed I wasn't giving into it and gestured to shift back. I pulled him by his shirt collar and our lips came crashing back. He didn't stop there. His hand glided easily from my face to my lower back and he swept me off my feet without breaking our kiss.
There I was, with my back against the wall, being upheld by this hunk of a man and loving every single second of it.
A lot happened that night, but before I go on, I have to take you back to the very beginning...
. . .
I could barely keep my eyes open while doodling mini Marshmello helmets on my jotter. I'd written a few definitions of library terms and features of a book, but it didn't take long for the stuffy crowded room and the incessant chatter from the students to leave me disoriented and bored. My friend Primrose had already placed her head on her desk and reached the Land of Nod about 10 minutes ago, so I was basically on my own.
"What a way to start my birthday", I grumbled to myself. Turning 18 in a university was one thing, turning 18 and being bored in a university was another thing.
And I. Was. Bored.
I heaved a sigh and increased the volume of my earbuds to the max. I knew it would damage my ears if I made it a habit, but I was becoming a Marshmello fan by the minute and his electronic dance songs took me to a whole new world when it sounded louder. The next song playing was titled Fly, and it instantly made me imagine being elevated into the blue sky and flying around puffy white clouds. Birds passed by, an aeroplane passed swiftly below me, the sun glistened brightly and didn't hurt my eyes...
"-something like blurb?"
Of course, someone was going to interrupt me. I instinctively opened my eyes and checked on Primrose, who was still asleep. If she didn't say anything, then it was the weirdo on my left, probably asking me for something. I turned to face him, and he kept mouthing something, but I couldn't hear him with music blasting in my ears. I rolled my eyes as I plopped out my left earbud.
"Can I help you?" I questioned him flatly.
He pushed his glasses closer to his eyes. "Yeah, I was just wondering if you heard the last thing the professor said. But I guess you weren't."
Nerd, I scoffed inwardly.
"No, I can't even hear him with all the noise, so I just stopped writing." I shrugged before resuming to my solo jam session.
"Can I see your jotter?"
I pushed it to him and holed inwardly that he'd stop talking to me after this. I can't stand people talking to me when I'm listening to music, especially strangers.
He muttered a thank you and started reading my notes. The song was over and I went to YouTube in order to search for more songs by the masked (or in this case, helmet wearing) artist and some possible music videos I could watch over and over again.
"Marshmello?"
My ears peeked up with hidden glee, and I turned again to look at him. He'd reached the doodling part of my jotter and was grinning from ear to ear at the sight of tiny Marshmello helmets.
"You know him well?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Know him?" He chuckled while bringing out his phone and scrolling through his song app. "I practically have all his studio albums."
You're bluffing, I thought to myself while taking a closer look at his playlists. Turns out, he did have all his studio albums.
"That's pretty cool, actually." I rubbed my chin, thinking about how I would ask him to share them with me. "I'm still a beginner but I have a few songs I love playing on repeat."
"Let me guess, Happier and Alone?"
This guy thinks I'm into the basics? Yeah, I'll show him.
"Actually," I propped my phone between us, "I've been listening to Fly and Power for some time now. Those two you mentioned are like level 1 songs to me, even though they're good."
"I love Fly." He looked up from my phone and gazed at me. I took a good look at his face.
The first thing I noticed were his eyes. They weren't black or brown, like the average Black person; they were hazel in colour and decorated with long full eyelashes and bushy black eyebrows. His glasses weren't doing a good job of hiding them, that's for sure. He had a slighly big but smoothly pointed nose that made his glasses slide down the bridge of his nose occasionally before he adjusted them back again. His cheekbones were low and slightly unnoticeable but his cheeks were slender and complimented his strong jawline. He had ears that were bigger than normal and his earlobes looked like how I'd imagined Shrek's ears if he was an actual person. His lips were peach coloured and moisturized with some unrecognisable brand of lip balm. His afro fade haircut had no ridiculous hair dye or overboard hair clipper designs on it. That was impressive to me, knowing that an average man rarely pays attention to his appearance except if he knew girls were looking at him. But this guy looked like he made neatness a part of his identity and it made him stand out like a sore thumb.
"It makes me feel like I'm in the sky flying around white clouds." He continued, not taking his eyes off mine.
"I feel the exact same way whenever I listen to it. Matter of fact, that's exactly what I was doing till you interrupted me and asked for my jotter."
"Oh, shit. I'm really sorry." He pouted a bit while fiddling with his fingers. "If I had any idea you were that far gone I wouldn't have said anything."
"Yeah, well here we are. You owe me one."
He motioned for my phone and started selecting all his playlists. I wore a quizzed look on my face before handing it over to him. In no time at all, he began to send over a hundred new Marshmello songs to me, each with their albums and proper cover photos.
He then started sending a few extra playlists of his own, "recommended by Billboard" he'd added proudly as he geeked out about each and every one of them. I had some knowledge on half of the songs but I was probably too lazy to download them or I didn't care much for them at that moment to have them in my phone. We quickly bonded over bands like Imagine Dragons and Linkin Park and even indie musicians like MASN and beebadoobee. His music library was just as impressive as mine and even larger in size than I originally thought it would be.
He also made a few jokes about 6ix9ine and his snitching that actually got me to chuckle lightly. Was I making a friend all on my own? One who loved music just as much as I did, had a similar sense of humor, and was probably book smart?
At that same moment I was contemplating asking him how he even mustered the courage to talk to me, people around us started getting up from their seats and leaving the lecture hall. I glanced at the podium on the stage and saw the English professor walking off the stage promptly to the exit. The three-hour long class was over. I'd spent almost 3 hours talking to a random guy and I didn't even notice it. The best part was that was the last class I had all day. I was free.
"No way I talked with you till the class was over." He added as he began to pack all his writing tools into his small looking backpack. Most freshmen, like me, had oversized bags that could carry more than half our textbooks and notepads. Not this guy. His bag made him look like he'd been at this school for years and he was about to graduate. Maybe he was about to graduate and he just needed to pass this class.
So much for making a short-term friend, I muttered to myself in my head. I shrugged and took my jotter from him before shoving it in my bag.
"Thanks for the songs." I said, giving him a polite nod. "I'll probably start them tomorrow."
"Tomorrow? Why tomorrow?"
"Well I don't want to be that girl but today's my birthday, and I've already made my own playlist for today and all that."
His eyes widened and he gave me a boyish smile. "It is? Oh my God, I gave someone over 2000 new songs for their birthday."
Maybe it was his infectious smile or the thought of getting new songs as a birthday present, but, for the first time that day, I started smiling too.
"You seem even happier than I am about it." I said jokingly. "But I agree, this is a pretty cool gift."
He kept smiling as he looked down while he fiddled with his fingers before looking back tome. He was almost... adorable.
What are you waiting for? A cookie? A voice clouded my thoughts. Get this guy's number. My phone was in my hands, awaiting instructions on what to do. Another voice stopped me. Get his number because he gave you a bunch of songs? I mean, yeah, it's a nice gesture, but that doesn't mean you should fully welcome him with open arms. You may never even see him again, and he would probably get tired of you eventually. I clenched my phone tight as if I wanted my knuckles to turn white. At this point, I was sitting there like a dumbass looking back between my phone and the boy next to me. Then, I had the ultimate backup idea.
"Um, is it okay if I get your number so you could send me some of the notes you've been taking since classes started?" I enquired while scrolling to my phone book app. "I mean, besides being a music lover, you seem really smart too, and I think that's cool."
"Hell yeah, it's okay." He grinned as he punched in his digits quickly, almost as if he'd been waiting for me to ask him. "I write a lot in class."
"And I listen a lot in class, believe it or not. I actually get things better when I listen than when I write."
He brought out his phone and opened his phone book app. "That's such an enviable trait. Maybe I could save you a seat for class next time and you'd listen while I write."
"That's fair. So, next week then?" I asked while typing in my digits.
"I have a class at 8am tomorrow." He replied while tilting his head in confusion. "Why would we only meet once a week? I thought you were a freshman."
He has a class at 8? I have a class at 8. I thought while hiding my smile. Asking for his number was going to work after all.
"I'm a freshman. I thought the backpack gave it away. It's heavier than I am at this point." I added with a grunt as I heaved it over my shoulder while trying to get up.
"I am too. And, yeah, I don't think carrying heavy bags is good for your spine or body posture." He said as he stood up to help me get up on my feet.
"You try going to the bookstore to get new books before they run out and rush to class with the ones in your bag from the previous day." I complained. University in the movies and university in real life were two different versions and I was experiencing the less palatable one.
He gave me a look of pity. "There's a guy I pay to get my textbooks for me before they even announce that it's available to the public. I've basically gotten almost 85% of our books for the semester and this is just the third week."
"Can you hook a poor little girl up with your book plug?" I pouted. "I'd do anything to skip long hours standing on queue at that horrifying place."
"Consider it done, ma'am."
"Jordan." I straightened my standing posture to avoid getting my spine squashed by the heavy weight of my bag. "It's Jordan."
"My name's Cale." He replied while reaching out his left hand for a handshake. "It's nice to meet you, Jordan."
I looked at his soft and smooth looking palms. They almost matched mine, except they were bigger and hairier than mine. I slid mine into his and was immediately met with warmth.
"Pleasure is mine, Cale."
"Why din't you wake me up, you jerk?" A small raspy voice muttered next to me.
I forgot about Primrose while talking to Cale? Something's wrong here.
"Prim, oh my gosh. I'm so sorry." I gently raised her up from her seat andbrought up her tote bag from under my desk. "I got sidetracked."
She rubbed her eyes and stretched while motioning towards Cale. "Who's that guy?"
Before I could introduce them to each other, he gave her a polite bow and told her his name. She giggled a little before saying hers, and they immediately started talking like they knew each other before today.
I wasn't surprised or upset in the slightest. Primrose and I were the known duo in class, but she was the prettier, outspoken one. Several guys got her number from the class group chat and texted her continuously which pissed her off and she stopped using WhatsApp for a while. Her snaps she saved on Snapchat were effortlessly beautiful and she had lots of followers on Instagram. I was the exact opposite. No one texted me, so my WhatsApp was almost always empty. My Instagram account didn't even have pictures of my face in it, and the only people who followed me were people who already knew me when I first made the account. I didn't even use Snapchat because I couldn't stand to see my face being the first thing I'd look at when I open the app. I only sent streaks of nature when I was walking to class or books I was reading at that moment. I was practically faceless online. And that's how I wanted it. Primrose was the most obsessed-over girl of the class. So seeing my new friend fawn over her was fine by me.
"So, where are we going for your birthday?" Primrose faced her attention to me with a spark in her eyes. I gave her a weak smile knowing my reply would probably ruin her mood.
"I was just planning on going to my best friend's dorm room and chill. I don't really go out or do stuff."
"You just turned 18 and you don't want to spend time outside or something?" Cale gave me a puzzled look. "I thought girls liked celebrating their birthdays more than guys did."
"Well, surprise." I said rhethorically, adding insincere jazz hands to my gesture. "I'm not like that. A birthday is just you getting a year closer to bills and declining health and inescapable death."
They were dead silent as they looked at me worriedly. Primrose rubbed her temples and heaved a gentle sigh while Cale cleared his throat and scratched the back of his neck while looking downwards. This was my talent - making people uncomfortable whenever I talked to them about how I really felt. But, then I began to feel like a douchebag so I got my phone out and switched on the camera before giving it to Primrose. I started doing weird and silly cartoon poses while they just stood there amused at how quickly I'd changed the topic.
"Don't just stand there. Take some birthday pictures." I added, while posing like Mickey Mouse during the beginning of the Disney movie Frozen. She giggled and started taking snapshots of how ridiculous I must've looked. Cale just stood there with a gentle smile on his face. Then, he brought out an actual camera and pointed it at me. I saw it and froze entirely. This wasn't my plan at all.
"Hey, it's okay." He cooed at me while bringing out a blue cap from his bag and handing it over to me. "I could tell almost immediately that you were camera shy. But I've got a few side poses that would look good on you."
I looked at the cap and saw his initials O.G.C on it with professionally tailored yellow thread and it fit my head almost like it was made for me. It took a long while but we took a couple of clean shots, both on my phone and with his camera thanks to his instructions. Primrose loved each and every one of them, and I almost didn't believe that all I needed was proper lightning and a few poses to make me look presentable even to myself. I smiled at Cale while giving him his cap back.
"They're really nice. I didn't know you're into photography."
He took the cap and tucked it away into his bag. "I love showing people how I see the world through my eyes. It started with drawing in elementary school, then I got really lazy. My mom got me this camera when I turned 15. And I've been using it ever since."
"You're really good at this." Primrose assured him as she returned my phone to me. "Why don't you create an Instagram account and promote it? They pay photographers a lot of money even as a side job."
"I've actually thought about doing that, but I'm not exactly into social media. I mean, I barely text my own friends sometimes. But one thing's for sure," he added while glancing at me "I'm way better in person than on the phone."
I rolled my eyes at him and he smirked like he was expecting that from me. "Thanks for the birthday pictures. Finally, my dad can stop bothering me for them."
"So thats two presents from me - new music and pictures."
"Are you into Carribean music?" Primrose chimed in. "I've been trying to get Jordan to appreciate her ancestors' music but it's like I'm talking to a brick wall half the time. She's strict with songs."
"Actually, I have this short EP by these guys called The Cavemen. Really rooted in highlife." He brought out his phone and went to the phone book app. "I could send it to you later today if you're okay with that."
"I'm definitely okay with that, but the only thing is I'm offline for now. Too many weird guys texting me and asking for nudes."
They ask her for nudes? Jesus, are these guys 13 or what? I thought as I failed to hide the look of disgust on my face. Cale shared the same look and we both locked eyes briefly before looking back at her. Then, we all laughed. And, for a brief moment, I felt it. A moment of joy and peace being with people I'd just met but made me very comfortable. And we were all freshmen in the same department. I'd finally fit in and I wasn't lonely in class anymore.
Primrose and I said our goodbyes to Cale and we walked to my best friend, Imani's dormitory. She lived in a room all by herself becuse she'd complained to her boyfriend that her roommate was using her stuff without her permission and he bought an entire room for her just so she wouldn't be upset. I always suspected that she'd hypnotised him or used some sort of African voodoo on him, but he's just completely in love with her. I don't blame the guy; she's hot and curvy and has a bad bitch attitude towards everyone except me and him. We met in high school and she was just super nice to me for some reason so I started being super nice to her back and we were called best friends before I even knew her full name.
When we got to the front door, it swung open and she grabbed me before I could even mutter a word.
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN!" She squealed as she lifted me off my feet and gave me a huge bear hug that deflated my lungs instantly. She goes to the gym like three times a week so that didn't surprise me. I squeaked a small thank you and begged her to let me go so I could breathe. The amount of air I gulped in afterwards was larger than the blueberry muffins I had for breakfast.
"So where do you want us to go? The clubs? A fancy restaurant? An arcade?" She asked while she patted down her party dress and ran her hand through her bouncy curls. Before I could respond, she held up a finger and pointed at my vintage top. "Um, yeah, I love you but that top is hideous and we're getting rid of it."
"Thank you." Primrose clapped her hands together and pushed me towards the giant polished wooden wardrobe. "And please tell me you have some better looking shoes she can wear."
"Oh, Rosey babe, we're getting rid of everything she's wearing." Then she turned to face me. "You're 18, not 80."
I opened my mouth to protest and I was shoved into her closet filled with clothes. It didn't take long for them to dress me up in a white silky low crop top, a short dark red skirt that made it hard for me to walk in, and black three-inch heeled boots.
"I look like a hooker." I cried as I gazed at my reflection.
"A sexy hooker." Primrose added. "I wish Cale took these pictures too."
"Cale?" Imani propped her head up from adjusting my boots. "New friend?"
"Yeah, this guy I met-"
"You met a guy?"
"She'll tell you all about it, girl." Primrose patted her shoulder while putting on pumping red lipstick and readjusting her strapless bra. "Right now, we need to teach her how to have some fun on her birthday."
"I couldn't agree more. Let's go dancing, ladies." Imani smirked as she and Primrose grabbed my arms and escorted me out of the messy room. I let out an agonizing groan and kept my gaze directed to the ground.
It was a long night of drinking sodas, being ogled at, watching them being flirted with and being dragged to the middle of the dancefloor to twerk even though I couldn't dance to save my life. We took selfies and videos of us dancing and letting loose till 11pm before Imani called her boyfriend to pick us up. He was at the entrance in less than ten minutes and Primrose had to drive with me in the passenger seat while they made out in the backseat. We shook our heads and shared the same look Cale and I shared earlier.
I brought out my phone and scrolled to his name to start a new chat with him, but he'd beaten me to it.
Cale: 6 new media files
i dont wanna toot my own horn but im one badass cameraman lol
Me: i cant believe i look this good, thank u sm
Cale: sm? whats that
Me: omg how old r u, it means 'so much'
Cale: ohhh 😅 ur welcome
how did ur bday go
Me: they dragged me to a club and i actually liked it lol
on my way home now
Cale: yeah we got class at 8 btw lol
ill save ya a seat
Me: smh righttt class ugh, hopefully i wake up on time lol
Cale: whats smh?
Me: ... are you being serious rn ?
Cale: loll hold ur horses im playing
im glad you had fun, happy birthday again jo
Jo. I usually didn't like people giving me nicknames, but this one made me smile like a kid on Christmas morning.
Me: thanksss goodnight cale 😙
Cale: 😚😚
I sighed and held my phone to my chest before looking over at Primrose and sharing a warm smile with her. This semester, I had my best friend Imani, my close friend Primrose, and my new friend Cale, and it was going to be fun.
Or so I thought.