"I know you don't want me here, but—" he began, his body pressed gently up close against mine as we swayed to the music.
"I'm glad you came," I said, not adding that he probably saved Jenny's life by showing up at the church.
"How did it go?" he asked, taking my cheeks into his hands to look into my eyes.
These were our last moments. I didn't want to cry, pay attention to my heart being shredded or worry him. However long I could, I wanted to delay breaking his heart.
"Just dance with me, Scottie," I said, my eyes falling to his lips, tempted to claim them.
I laid my head down on his chest and listened to his heart beat, pounding away fast. Still I didn't say another word and neither did he. I don't know how long I was in his arms, obsessing over how I'd never dance with him again. Hiding from him before the desperation to hear him speak again got the better of me.
"You're rocking the hell out of that suit," I said, having waited years to be so candid with him.
"You've seen me in suits hundreds of times," he said, brushing my lower lip with his thumb as I looked up at him, his eyes flickering all over my face, searching for something I wasn't ready for him to see.
"But I wasn't your girlfriend then. I wasn't allowed to comment on how fuckable you are or you would have seen right through me and known I thought about fucking you all the time," I said, trying to distract him even as my arms tightened around his neck.
"So I met Don Angelo," he said, stroking my hair, clearly onto me about what I was doing. "He said you chose well, but I think, I think that's code for what he really wanted to say, which is that I'm an unworthy dick. Which of course is true," he said, instantly calling Don Angelo out as his arms tightened around my waist.
I tensed up, letting out a belated giggle as the scene of them meeting played out in my head again. He pulled away from me gently so as not to alarm me, but I resented the loss of contact with his body anyway.
"What happened?" he asked, taking my hands in his.
Just as I was about to try distracting him with different words, Jenny came up to us and said, "It's time to go, Stacy."
Realization came over Scott's face. He instantly understood. It was the same look he had on his face when I called Luca to come and get me after Jenny disappeared, only different. This time, alongside the denial and betrayal, in place of the anger, I found sadness. The anger had been difficult to take, but this was too much to bear.
Nothing I said could undo it and yet I couldn't stop the words from coming out.
"I tried to be normal. To have my own life, but it's only going to end up costing me you. The bluff didn't work. Even stealing his money and threatening to cripple his empire as a result, didn't work. He figured me out, Scottie," I said, my voice breaking with emotion as I stared into his sad eyes. "He knows how much I love you because I'm apparently that obvious. Don Angelo is done playing. I've pushed him too far. You can't be with me anymore. He will kill you or make me—"
"You're not going anywhere without me ever again, baby," he said with a calm, resolved voice as he pressed his forehead against mine. "I thought I made it clear. You're mine. Mine alone. I am never going to let you go," he insisted.
"You don't have a choice," I said with a sob, the tears I had been holding back suddenly pouring down my cheeks in rivers.
"There is always a choice and I choose you. If you won't go to the feds, then I'll go with you," he said, still completely calm and uncompromising.
If I laid my head back down on his chest, would his heart still be pounding wildly?
Luca came up to us and laid his hand on Jenny's lower back, saying, "Whatever this is, wrap it up. It's time to leave."
"I'm going to get you killed, Scott. Jeff was right. Let me go," I said, taking his head into my hands, willing him to hear me. "Even if I could get Don Angelo to agree to us being together, I will not drag you into a life in the mafia, knowing it would close the door on ever returning to the people you love."
As I said it, I wondered if the last part was true. What wouldn't I do to be with him if things were different? If I didn't have two dons vying for me to choose their side? Both powerful and dangerous in their own ways. At least that's what I thought was happening. Who the fuck knew what Luca's cryptic words really meant? If it were just about rejoining the mafia, if it meant being with Scott, would I have let him come with me?
"What if there was another option?" Jenny chimed in, unable to resist inserting herself into our spirited debate.
"We're listening," said Scott, intertwining our fingers as though to make sure I stayed put.
My aching heart couldn't bring myself to say there was no other choice. Instead, I squeezed his hands and tried to get it together.
"Jenny, don't get involved. You'll only piss Don Angelo off," said Luca, looking around the room nervously for my father.
"Oh shut up, Luca. My father can go eat a bag of dicks. I believe in them. Don't you?" she said, looking up at her new husband.
"Your belief is going to get them killed," Luca rebuked her, but I swear I saw a flicker of desire in his eyes as he looked at his new wife.
"Look at them. Without each other, they might as well be dead. What if there was a third option? Not the feds or the mafia. Stacy?" She implored me to look at her. "This only works if you're both on board. Then you have a shot. Not a good one, but a shot. Tell me you want him more than you want to live and I'll tell you what to do."
Everything I knew about making smart decisions told me this was the wrong choice. I was compromised, thinking with my heart instead of my head and Scott wasn't about to allow that to change.
He raised his hands to my face and used his thumbs to wipe away the tears, then wrapped his arm around my waist so slowly I got frustrated. Gently pulling me forward, nudging my nose with his, he waited for me to look him in the eye so he could lay the moves on me. His patience was unrelenting, eventually winning me over and I looked up into his brown eyes. He flashed me his dimples and asked in a soft, doting voice, "Do I have you, Kendrick?"
The big did he have her or not question was a popular time pass between Kenny and I. We made a drinking game out of whether or not Scott could land a girl using his stupid moves. How besotted was I that he hadn't needed them to land me?
"You have some nerve, trying that shit on me," I said, unable to resist a grin.
"Do you want me more than you want to live, Stace?" he said in a husky voice, dropping all pretense of trying to be suave or calm, letting me see him and the hell he was in as he awaited my answer. "Because that's how much I want you. Can you say the words, baby? If not, if you're too scared, if—"
Finding these ifs unacceptable, I let go of my doubts and gave in to him completely. Was I really this easy to persuade? I didn't care. I couldn't watch him hurt because of me, not for another second. Sliding my fingers back into his curls, I interrupted him with a spontaneous kiss, finally letting myself taste his lips.
"I'm not afraid to die for you, Scott. I want you more than I want to live," I said against his lips, throwing c
aution to the wind in perhaps the most liberal moment of my caged life.