It is hard to breathe, feeling like I'm falling endlessly; it all felt numb, just like before.
I opened my eyes; here I am again, in the void of emptiness like the one I was in before I was given a second chance, still having my original body, or a silhouette of it. Is this a dream? Some kind of core memory dream?
Damn, that moment must have had such an effect on my mental mind; truly, it was. I had never felt such fear before, not even when I'm about to get hit by a speeding car.
But why does this feel so real? I am dreaming, right? I will just wait a little; maybe I'll wake up any moment now.
Twelve hours passed.
How long has it been? A dream shouldn't take this long. Please wake up. I need to wake up. I was just sleeping on my bed. No way my body could give up on that. I'm still a healthy four-year-old boy, not a sickly old man on this deathbed.
Am I just in denial at this point? Wait, did I really die again? No, no, no, this can't be happening. Someone, please, anybody, say something. Orista, Liyu, Alista. I want to hear voices again; I want to hear their voices again. I don't want to be left alone, not again...
I cuddled myself up into a ball. I can't feel any of the drops going through my face, but I was crying, a ton, I know I was. I can't keep hold of my emotions; it was always like this. No wonder why those people always called me a crybaby back then.
"Is this some kind of joke? This is supposed to be the next heir? A wimpy man-child?" A man's voice rang deep in the depth of the void, "If only a little solitude breaks him up like that, then how can we expect this being to carry on the torch? This is a disgrace to our legacy!"
"You haven't even given the boy a proper chance yet." A female voice talked back. "They all need time to grow, especially his kind; there is the reason why 'they' chose him. Do you dare question that decision?"
Another voice appeared, carrying with it laughter: "He seems interesting to me, like a ball filled with unfiltered emotions. It's different; it looks fun. I don't know about the two of you; I'm invested in this one."
"Of course you do, freak show." The man's voice spoke again.
"Say that again, meat stick!" The laughing voice answered.
"Stop it!" The female voice raised, now with a sense of annoyance, "Arguing about nonsense like this is pointless; our only role is to lead that boy to the One Path, watch over him, and guide him in the right direction. Either we do it, or this world descends into chaos."
The other voices became silent, not daring to speak another word.
"But I do have to agree about something: I'm quite interested in this being; he is quite a strange one." As soon as she said that, the voice erupted into brightness and seemingly disappeared.
*****************
Holding myself up and hiding from the void was holding me captive. I was afraid to look up and see again; I would rather see nothing when I closed my eyes rather than pitch-black darkness when they are opened.
But suddenly I can feel glimpses of light creeping through my eyelids. I open my eyes again and see it, the ceiling. I can feel the softness of the bed, the warmth of the candlelight, and the sound of burning firewood from the kitchen.
I instantly got up, touching my body all over the place to ensure it was real. I'm back. I'm finally back. I can't help but tear up. I was terrified I would be gone forever. It had only been a few hours, but it felt like an eternity in there.
"Feli, are you alright?!" Liyu came rushing into the room, her words filled with worry and concern. She must have heard me panting and crying from the kitchen, thin walls we have in this home.
"Yeah... I'm fine." I said while wiping the tears out of my face. I even tried to put on a smile, but it was clear I wasn't fine; the truth was leaking all over my face.
Liyu saw that and slowly came to my bed and sat down beside me. She hugged my head. "It's okay now, Mommy is here." Even in the form of a 4-year-old, this is still embarrassing: a grown-ass man bawling his eyes out while in the arms of a woman. But it also makes me feel better, feel calmer, and feel like I'm starting to piece myself together again.
"Where is my favorite kid!" Orista came back home; he peeked his head through my bedroom, looking all jolly as ever, but his facial expression changed when he saw me tearing up in Liyu's arms. "What happened here?"
"Feli had a nightmare." Liyu said while rubbing my head slowly with her other hand, "I have never seen him cry like this, even as a baby."
Orista's eyes were concerned for a second, but that expression was short; he quickly changed back to his old smile. "Come on now, a man shouldn't wobble up and tear up like that!" He sat at the other side of the bed. "When will you start learning from your old man? When life hits you hard and you start to feel all down inside, just suck it up and send out a smile; you'll feel better instantly, like this!"
When I raised my head and saw Orista was lending out a smile. It wasn't like any smile that he put on before; it was overly wide and super exaggerated. It looked really ridiculous, and I couldn't help but let out a small chuckle.
I quickly followed soon, following that example of his, lending one of my own. "Like this?" I smiled widely, and even though my eyes were still watery, I was feeling better now. This smile of mine wasn't that of a cover-up anymore; it was purer and more of genuine joy.
"That's it!" Orista laughed, patting my head. His hand is big, almost covering my face as well, but it feels nice. Before I could notice, the tears are now completely gone, leaving only the smile of a boy.
"Oh, I almost forgot about this." Orista opened a pouch from around his waist and pulled out a big object. "Here you go, Feli."
I grabbed and dusted the object; it was a book, a rather dense and big one. It was surprising; I had never seen one before. I heard it's quite a rare thing in this world, heavily priced and only preserved for the wealthy and powerful. I always wanted one of these, but how did Orista manage to get his hand on it?
"How did you get this?" I asked, still a little shaken to be holding a book for the first time, a piece of knowledge from the greater world, outside of this village.
"Don't bother asking; you wanted one of these, right? Then just enjoy it," Orista answered. "I don't know if it would suit your taste; I can't read any of the context. Well, if you don't like it, I can—"
"No, this is great, thanks, Dad." I said, this might be the first time I really opened myself and expressed my true feelings for these two. Now that I really think of it, I should have done it way before. I was too reserved since birth and never really saw the two as my real parents, but now I feel like I can accept it openly.
Liyu saw this and couldn't help but give an endearing look to both men in the family. "Darling, mind helping me with dinner? Let Feli enjoy his new book for now." She got up from the bed, leaving me hugging my book like it was my true precious. "If you need anything, call us, alright?"
I nodded, and the two of them left the room, leaving me alone with my thoughts and newly acquired gift from Dad.
************************
The pot was steaming; Liyu was stirring the stew, tasting if it was fitting enough. "I was about to make a Lisbo soup, but I thought, why not have Brisco stew instead, Feli's favorite."
Liyu looked beside her and saw Orista standing there chopping the vegetable, very poorly; the shapes were all messed up—small bits, big bits—his mind seemed to be up in the clouds or somewhere while keeping on a satisfied smile.
"Aren't you looking too proud of yourself?" Liyu teased him.
"Oh." Orista was surprised for a bit and looked down at his work; he rubbed his head and let out a small awkward smile. "Sorry, honey."
Liyu can't help but sigh at her clumsy husband. "Better watch out, or you'll start cutting your own fingers without even noticing." She said, puffing a little, but after a little while she let out a deep and thoughtful smile. "But it is good to see the kid smile like that, isn't it?"
"Of course, especially if it came from the effort of his father!" Orista said, his head seemed to get bigger and bigger every second, but also the scent of happiness and content grew larger too.
"Yeah, you went all crazy on the works." Liyu said, "Seeing you work day and night on the field like that, saving up little money to buy a gift for Feli, is really mesmerizing and charming; it reminds me of how I fell for you in the first place."
"Really? Then I should work even harder—" Orista turned his head the side to look at his wife, but his eyes were caught by something else instead. "Honey, the stew!"
Liyu focused back on the pot; it was overflowing with bubbles nearly hitting the floor. "Sorry!"
In the end, the stew was just barely saved, the couple was sweating like crazy, and they felt a sense of relief that dinner was rescued. After the whole incident, they can't help but laugh at themselves for the almost costly mistake.