Brothers and sisters,
If you are reading these words, having found them among countless novels and chapters published every day in this platform, it is not a coincidence.
Nothing reaches the heart by accident.
Perhaps this is an invitation.
Perhaps a gentle nudge toward something you have overlooked.
Perhaps simply a moment God allowed for you, and for me.
I do not say this to frighten you, nor to corner you with heavy words. I say it because guidance, when it comes, is a gift. And gifts are offered, not forced. If you choose to turn away, you are free. But if you choose to stay, then read with honesty, toward yourself, above all.
Before I share my reflections on life, discipline, struggle, and meaning, you deserve to know who is speaking to you, and from which lens these words are written. I ask you, before any judgment, before any image shaped by headlines or stereotypes, to leave those at the door of your mind, and read with openness. Not agreement. Just openness.
I am not here to debate you. I am here to share a path that is changing me.
I will be honest with you: I hope these words resonate. And if they ever guide a heart toward my faith, that would be an honor beyond measure, for in our faith, guiding someone to good is among the greatest acts. But I will not preach at you. I will speak as one who walked lost, and is learning to walk straight.
The Man Who Was Lost
Let me tell you briefly who I am.
I am a man, twenty-four years old at the time of writing these words. I live in Morocco, in a simple household, neither wealthy nor deprived. Alhamdulillah (All praise belongs to God) for what He has given.
I grew up Muslim. I prayed. I fasted. I did what was expected. But for many years, my worship was hollow, movements without presence, words without connection.
And despite praying and fasting, I lived with sins that weighed heavily on my heart. Among them was an addiction I have carried since childhood, an addiction to pornography that distorted my mind, weakened my discipline, and quietly damaged my relationship with Allah.
I share this not for pity, nor to shock you. I share it because many of us carry hidden battles while appearing "fine", "religious" or "fulfilled" on the surface.
This struggle affected my soul before it affected my body. It pulled me inward, made me anxious, filled my thoughts with lust and restlessness. Socially, I became withdrawn, and even simple interactions could bring on intense anxiety.
This addiction also had physical consequences. Years of strain caused problems with my eyesight and contributed to diseases like Irritable Bowel Syndrome (IBS), a terrifying condition that used to bring on panic attacks and the suffocating feeling of impending doom.
It kept me away from prayer for long periods. After climaxing, a Muslim is in a state of ritual impurity called Janaba, and should not approach prayers until they purify themselves. Because of constant relapse, shame blinded me, and I stopped seeking the very connection that could save me.
Yet, Allah did not abandon me. Despite my distance and my sins, He protected me from greater falls like Adultery. Despite my weakness, He kept the door open.
My peace suffered. My focus suffered. But what pained me most was not the body, it was the distance from my Creator.
And here is the truth, brother or sister: I was lost.
Quietly, I found my way not through motivation, nor through modern philosophies, but through returning to Allah with honesty, and humility. I am still walking. I am still struggling. But I am changing, by His permission alone.
I decided to write these notes not after reaching some imagined perfection, but while walking the path. So that someone like me might see themselves in these words and realize: there is a way back.
These are humble notes. They contain my flaws, my failures, my realizations, and my hope. I will not argue with you about belief. I will not force conclusions upon you. Take what resonates. Leave what does not.
All I ask is respect, for these words, and for the faith from which they are written.
If you are open-minded, you are welcome here. If you are respectful, you are welcome here.
And if your heart feels restless, perhaps these notes were written for you.