Fenris was different, it was cold, absolutely cutting through the power armor I am currently wearing and most importantly it smelled like…
Not blood like one would expect, nor incense, not even Mjød (okay, maybe a little) but the best way I can explain it is the smell of coal, burnt wood, and the faint smell of wet dog.
"Ahh… home, the taste of Mjød's already on my tongue" Ivarr smiled as he sniffed the air.
"You're saying it like you haven't already drank a barrel already" his eyes met mine with a smile on his lips.
"Didn't say it was from here" that brought a small laugh.
Fenris had the terrain that could only be called 'Norse' in nature, and the similarities end there, the snow was hundreds of meters deep in places, yet we will not skin due to how compact it is.
The frozen Seven Great Peaks of Asaheim that belong to the only stable landmass on the planet jagged up like the claws of a rusted titan and the winds whipped through my beard with a cruelty that reminded me of my one on one with Khǎrn.
Valdemani shone upon The World Sea as the massive mountain of The Fang rose in the middle of The Seven Peaks with the carelessness that could only be attributed to that of the hands of the Space Wolves.
The Fang was utterly massive and even with my enhanced mind I could barely comprehend the sheer size of it.
In lore The Fang is the most heavily fortified bastions if you exclude Terra, the Fortress-monastery had been built by Leman Russ near the beginning of the Great Crusade and was continuously developed both cunningly and recklessly.
Somehow blending together in that of a massive death trap for those foolish enough to attempt to siege the fortress.
Standing as tall as the natural mountains surrounding it, its passages were a maze of confusion to those unfamiliar with it such as myself, yet I couldn't help but feel like it was more than home.
Like it was apart of me.
Both thralls and armed serfs patrolled as Space Wolves walked out with a chuckle in their throat and Mjød waiting for them.
The Fang gave way to use as Ivarr and I stepped out of the Thunderhawk and I immediately regretted it, from the side of the Thunderhawk I only felt it on my face, now that I'm outside, I could feel the unforgiving coldness and wind that both bit into my skin and ignored the armor I'm wearing.
Ivarr simply inhaled with a smile "ahhhh… the smell of The Fang, cold, Mjød, and blood"
"Blood?" I raised an eyebrow.
"Drunk fights"
"Fair enough" I shrugged.
I've been a part of at least ten or twenty drunken fights on the way here; how we even got here with all of us drunk was a miracle.
No, seriously. Most of our serfs and thralls were even drunk.
How they did I don't know.
I swore I saw a mechanicus also drunk.
"What now?" I asked as we stood on the rampart as the rest filed in.
"We train, fight, complete trails, and most importantly… drink!" Ivarr smacked my back.
I rolled my eyes.
It made sense, this universe only had two things to do naturally: win the war, then go home and do your regular job, and since I'm a Space Marine, my only job is to be a weapon.
As such immense training will happen and immense drinking, aka, everything that we were doing on the ship, but this time on a frozen planet!
Yippee!
But in reality it was boring, you hear the same thing just with a different enemy and a different weapon, from small squigs, to massive Daemons it can be just boiled down to 'saw massive opponent, said 'our fight shall be legendary' and proceed to tell me I'm excruciating detail of a beat down and how good they felt.
Maybe because I'm from a different time, a different reality, but this is just…
Sad.
I know the entire Warhammer setting is just that of a dystopian grimdark, but there's gotta be more than that; it reminds me of Elden Ring.
Births still continue, beauty still exist, somewhere in this horrible universe, maybe beyond this galaxy, someone doesn't know, and perhaps for me that's enough.
I don't need the Emperor's favor, perhaps I just do it for the innocence behind me or maybe those that just simply aren't smart enough to know proper cruelty.
"Thinking again, young pup?" Bjorn's voice was hard to mistake, let alone when so close.
"Sorry, thoughts are loud currently" I spoke as my eyes went across the frozen heights and turned to my left where the dreadnaught stood.
"Aye, often when coming home, maybe it's the lack of gunfire or the sight of bodies that force your mind to… think." Bjorn's form didn't even show any damage of any past engagement.
"Think about what?" I couldn't help but ask.
"Could've I done more during the siege? During the Great Betrayal? Could I even attemptto do more? Everyday, every hour, every second that I am in darkness of 'rest' I asked myself. I have met the Emperor without trying and I have met The Four without trying: and all I have is a damaged psyche, nightmares of my failures, and the every so present of dull pain"
For once, ever since my brutal introduction to this cruel reality I heard genuine sorrow from a man, and best of all it came from a man more metal than flesh.
"And in that darkness I am forced to think beyond that of our rules and regulations and I cannot help but think 'can we do more without turning to the four?' But here's something I know for sure, there's cruelty and there's kindness, and often than not as of lately, they are seen as the same"
"Cruelty and kindness are the same? If that is the case, is hate and love the same?" I couldn't help but ask further "I mean: some think love and hate are the different side of the same coin, couldn't kindness and cruelty be the same?"
"Aye. Aye. However, I was thinking more of the lines of people, not of concepts and emotions. Theological debates aren't my thing, but conceptual things are subjects I find myself thinking of whenever I and sent to The Darkness."
"For example, when you strong armed the Inquisition into backing down, you didn't send a message of kindness but of cruelty, and before you ask how or why. I understand our chapters' and many many others, apprehensions of their organization, however they are simply needed, pragmatism and cynicism together made the Inquisition that it is of today"
Bjorn scanned around us, noticing that it was interestingly empty even that of the Wolf Lords were long inside The Fang.
"Their only goal is that of the continuous existence of the Imperium of Man. When they go about this objective they only take in account fear and absolute certainty, for without it, their actions have further consequences that alone they cannot handle - what you did had violated that entire thing, I'm not saying what you've done, but what you've done has violated a lot of rules and regulations and have stepped on most likely nearly half of the entire Imperium's feet"
"That to their eyes was a cruel thing to do - a hateful act. However on the other side on the coin, your kindness of strong arming the Inquisition, your loving act of forcing the inquisitor to let that planet live have made nearly several hundred million survivors live; those people shall live for a hundred more years due to your loving act" Bjorn stared down at me.
"I am not criticizing you, nor am I championing your favour, I am simply stating a fact that is uncomfortable, and I will not allow a promising pup such as yourself to walk away ignorant to what you've done. You've technically committed a great crime, and we've committed a greater crime of both harboring and keeping you."
Silence reigned as I inhaled and exhaled slowly through my nose, the hot air visible to the naked eye as the freezing filled my lungs and throat with a familiar cold love.
"There's an old saying Bjorn" I caught the Dreadnaughts attention "when the society is corrupt and a righteous morally correct man appears, he is vilified for his views, and it is only after they die is when their morality has converted the society"
"Do you believe you are morally just?" Bjorn asked plainly.
"Yes" I nodded "we are weapons of the Emperor - built and genetically modified to kill, but why can we not care of these so called mortals, they aren't mortals… they are human we are human, the God Emperor is human, to say otherwise is discrediting everything about you, just because your in a metal sarcophagus doesn't mean deep down you know what's right or wrong"
"…just because cruelty exists around me doesn't mean I have to be cruel, I will be as kind as I need to be in order to uphold my views" I stared up at him.
"…some might say that kindness is weakness"
"Kindness is my greatest strength, for how kind do I have to be to forgive a traitor for not knowing better? I won't vilify others, I won't belittle them, it's simplicity at it's best to do so, maybe because I'm too empathetic or too sympathetic but when you live in a horrible condition, I'm a horrible state; it's all the easier to turn away from the correct path, and I refuse to believe that eradication is the only path to take to correct them."
"I offer kindness, even if the kindness is seen as cruelty to others, because somewhere in this universe, in the horrid galaxy kindness must exist to offset the cruelty that the universe gives us; and if I am to be that kindness, then martyr me, vilify me, but don't call my kindness weakness, for that is wrongness in all the ways that you fail to understand"
Bjorn laughed, or rather a metal clanking that was slow and sounded like artillery shells being fired "you misunderstood me Pup, but it's even greater that you've protected your stance, I don't think your kindness is your weakness, for Sanguinous was kind. I only ask if you are to be kind, at least be correct"
"Correct in what?" I couldn't help but ask the mechanized man.
"Socially, Morally, or Religiously" Bjorn seemed to say this with a sense of heaviness that was very hard to describe.
"Socially the correct thing was to let the inquisitor destroy the planet and kill all survivors, the Morally correct thing was to save the survivors which you have done, and the religious correct thing to do was to kill or have the survivors repent for generations, all for the crime of seeing Chaos… which one will you permanently do?" Bjorn asked.
"Permanently?" I asked as my nose couldn't help but scrunch up.
"Yes, here's the thing with people, if you flip flop, if you change the ideals with every situation, your credibility comes into question, and furthermore your power also comes into question, whom ever backs you, your ideals, and your operation in the future will also be called into question; that's the caveat Agnar, you must find your ideals and who you are quickly before you are called in question."
Bjorn stayed silent after that, The Fang was empty of other space marines, the only other living beings were serfs and a very small amount of mechanicus who're simply too busy to pay attention to us or we're good at hiding it.
"Can I be further honest with you Bjorn?" I asked as my eyes met his metal form once more.
"I thought you were" a small chuckle came from us both.
"What was the morally correct option there?" I asked.
"What you did" Bjorn said plainly with next to no pause "it was necessary yet wrong on so many levels, I cannot criticize you any further when I know that I'd chosen the same if I had that knowledge"
"Would Leman Russ accept my option?" I eventually asked and Bjorn laughed.
"Absolutely! In fact, knowing him, he'd make a separate rank just for you and your boldness, probably calling you Bold Wolf or something like that!" Bjorn's metallic voice sounded genuinely filed with joy.
I joined Bjorn's laughter with my own, it wasn't like me, to laugh with someone who's face I simply couldn't identify, not to mention how wrong it felt to laugh with ccanother in a universe where only war exists.
"Can… Can I confess something, Bjorn?" I asked the Dreadnaught as we slowed down our laughter.
"I don't see why not" Bjorn spoke as he seemed to stared down at me.
"How should I approach Logan about a proposal I have?" I asked him.
"Proposal? That depends on what type of proposal you would have for him, tell me of it" Bjorn spoke.
"I wish to go out, not stay here with the rest of the squads and chapter so I can go out and help more - assist with other chapters' assaults and defenses" I confessed my thoughts to Bjorn as it felt like I was being studied and scrutinized by the Elderly Wolf.
"Ah… that… that would be compassion, something foreign to us… to help others would be a Salamanders line, not that of us barbaric Space Wolves. But aye, I understand your sentiment but I have a counter offer"
"Counter offer? But I didn't even approach the Great Wolf yet" I protested.
"I know, however, hear me out; stay here and train, there will be hundreds of thousands of chances to go out and help, to fight the enemies of humanity, but only if your smart about it, to have you go and fight the good fight is always good, but to bury you is a regret that we the Space Wolves will never get over."
I swallowed as I understood what he was saying.
"Stay, for a month, a short time for anyone, but it's more than enough to properly learn; to train. And there, if you wish to go out into the galaxy, I will not stop you, hell! I doubt anyone would stop you, but only after a month."
"…why a month? I mean, I know you said why, but, why the duration of a month? You could've said a day, a week, why choose a month?" I asked the man as I narrowed my eyebrows.
"Because you need to learn patience"
"Bwah?" It was a shock that went through my body that forced the sound to come out and a chuckle to come out of his mouth.
"I notice things, Eivor, things that not even Little Logan sees; I categorize, I filter, and I notice how you don't stay still, how you don't stop unclenching and clenching your fists, I notice how your eyes shift, I notice how you seem to be lost in thoughts"
"You exhibit signs of mental illness that we Space Wolves let alone Space Marines have, I was confused at first, but I further understood when I looked into older more stranger archives of old Terra catalogs, and I can see the inconsistencies"
"I'm… mentally ill?" It sounded foreign, alien even.
"You have sudden hyper-focus, mainly during periods of fighting, and then a sudden aloofness or distracted responses. You'd flip-flopped, from being hyper-focused and disassociative actions such as sudden drowsiness to even points of just shut outs."
"I would say you'd have ADHD with the Hyperfocus, but with further research I could also come to the conclusion that it's PTSD, or even DID, however, I can rule DID out due to the extensive amount of training we did to you during you childhood"
"As for PTSD… it's not uncommon in mortals, but for Space Marines? It's nearly unheard of, we're meant to fight, for war, for death… we are built to be the Emperor's weapons. As such it would be a high anomaly to have one of his weapons have PTSD"
"So what? You're saying I have PTSD? What about the ADHD?" I nearly chuckled at the fact that I was apparently being diagnosed by a man in a metal cage.
"That's confirmed, you are unable to stay still, and yet you have periods of extreme focus." I nearly balked at his confirmation.
"Oh, don't give me that look, I noticed the sheer focus you had during the fight with Khǎrn, and with your other fights it became clearer. The only thing that trips me up is the PTSD; under no circumstances should a Space Marine - let alone a Space Wolf, have PTSD"
I only chuckled "h- how'd we go from planning the Inquisitions response to now my mental state?" I blinked.
"Funny thing, conversations are with an old wolf like me… seem to expand more and more I talk"
"What about you?"
"Hm?" He seemed confused.
"What mental issues do you have?" I asked.
"Ha! Probably them all!" His laughter seemed to shake the snow off The Fang.
"But being a bit serious here, I need you to stay for a month to learn patience, with your ADHD, I would much prefer you hyperfocusing onto your training for a month, then you can go from there"
Right, apparently even with an enhanced mind and physical abilities, I am still me, still base human, still vulnerable.
And now apparently very fucked up.
"Ahem… well, excluding that, I think I'm going to now get food, and see about my quarters" I took the steps forwards.
"Oh, and young pup, make sure you get yourself some proper Space Wolf armor: having you as a Blackshield is good and all - but no wolf is complete without his fur" Bjorn chuckled to himself as he followed after me.
A/N: sorry this took so long, I actually had to reread Battle of the Fang to get a proper grasp of The Fang again.
And Woe upon thee, I've touched grass and Warhammer at the same time!