"Alright, let's take it easy, Mr. CIA," I said and climbed in. I set the briefcase I had tucked under my arm on the seat beside me. I didn't realize how hot it was outside until the car's frigid A/C rushed over me. The VERY kind man who had greeted me climbed into the passenger seat and gestured for the driver to go. Both men dressed in identical outfits, but the driver had brown hair shaved into a buzz cut and dark skin.
They both wore what looked to be ridiculously expensive sunglasses. These guys got it.
As we sped off, I saw the pilot sprinting after us, waving his hands to get us to stop. I waved back and smiled as the SUV continued accelerating. The pilot tripped over his own feet and face-planted into the sand. Once he was a speck in the distance, I relaxed against the cool leather seats wearing a satisfied grin.
It is important to enjoy the little things in life.
The beauty of this small island captured my attention. The scenery had a ridiculous amount of green and was gorgeous beyond imagination. It was perfect. There were large amounts of thick trees that stretched well over my head and wide-bladed grass sprinkled across the island. Bushes of colorful plants were sprinkled between the trees. This island's natural, intoxicating beauty almost made me forget the borderline insane things our government was attempting to accomplish here. My eyes wandered to the sparkling, clear ocean water. I kept my sight on the waves crashing on the shore as we drove.
"You guys ever go for a swim?" I asked the two men.
"No," the driver said, his face sagged into a frown.
"Shut up, Darren," said the man sitting in the passenger seat. "In fact, shut up, both of you."
My phone went off again.
"Let it ring," the angry man said.
I gave him the biggest smile I could as I flipped open the phone and clicked speaker.
"Yes, sir?" I said and tried to ignore the sunglasses staring through me.
"Sir? I didn't know that's the kind of role-play you were talking about," said a soft, sweet voice with a cheery laugh.
"Oh, hi, honey. I- I didn't know it was you," I said and could not stop myself from turning a bright shade of red, much to the amusement of the two men up front.
"You seriously need to learn to check who is calling. It shows on the screen."
"Yeah, you're not the first person to tell me that today," I said, mumbling.
"Did your mysterious boss-man threaten to put something up your butt again?" she said amid stifled laugh.
"Annnnd I'm taking you off speaker phone," I said as both men turned to give me a concerned and weirded-out looks.
"You know damn well he did," I said with a sad sigh once I brought the phone to my face.
"So, would you like me to dress up as this nameless man for you when you finally come home? We could make all this butt-shoving fantasy a reality."
"That is just beyond not okay. I would really prefer you not to dress as him," I said with a shudder.
"But I kind of liked it when you called me sir," she purred.
"Sometimes you are just too weird for me."
She laughed, which always made me smile. I could listen to her laugh for days.
"How's Dylan?" I asked her.
"Your son is fine; he's staying over at one of his friend's houses for the night."
"My son? Oh great," I moaned.
"What?"
"You said MY son. I know what that means."
"And what does that mean?"
"That means he did something bad."
I could almost feel her smile over the phone.
"Not… bad. Per se. That can wait until you get back."
The SUV came to a hard stop in front of a massive steel gate. Barbed wire was attached to the top of the metal wall, which I felt was a bit unnecessary because no one was climbing a twenty-foot steel wall. Plus, if someone was to climb a twenty-foot steel wall, I had serious doubts that a little barbed wire would stop them at that point.
A small drone with a camera attached to the bottom came flying over the wall and went to each of our windows to get a look at us. The gate started to open, and the drone flew off and disappeared behind the wall.
"What are you going to do tonight, with the house to yourself?" I asked, watching a gray building appear from behind the opening gate. This was like entering a highly guarded castle instead of an offshore hidden cloning facility. I half expected to see a moat once we passed through the gate. Go, tax dollars, go.
"Well...," she purred. "I think I'm going to take a bath and pretend you're here."
I coughed, and the driver raised an eyebrow at me. Taking my wife off speaker phone was probably the smartest move I'd made all day; her filter tended to be iffy at best.
She could turn any normal situation into an incredibly awkward situation where I couldn't show my face around my former boss, Dr. Shammel, again. I'd had to leave my steady, easygoing, well-paying job to work for the government to inspect secret and illegal cloning facilities. Just to generalize, nothing too particular.
"Ah, okay, I have to go now," I said as the car stopped outside the building's front doors.
"Aww, you're no fun when you work," she said with her favorite pouty voice.
"Take pictures," I whispered.
She let out another roar of hard laughter.
"I love you. Good luck, my big government man."
"Love you too. Call you tonight," I said and snapped the phone closed. That's a big perk of owning a flip phone; I get to snap it closed. Choke on that, fancy touchscreen phones that are way too expensive and can do more than the laptop I spent over a grand on a few years ago. I'm not harboring any deep-seated anger or anything like that. Stupid smartphones.
The driver stepped out and opened my door for me.
"Thank you, my good sir," I said and slid out.
"My pleasure," he said back. He received a whack on the head from the angry man.
"Do you guys have a gag order or something?" I asked.
"Gag you," the angry man mumbled under his breath.
"Promise?"
"Welcome!" a voice proclaimed as the glass front doors to the facility slid open in an overly-dramatic fashion. "To the world of tomorrow!"
"Is he allowed to say that?" I asked the non-angry man. "Is that copyright infringement, or something?"
"Probably not," the man said without much thought.
"Probably?! Are the Futurama people going to come for us?"
The man raised his eyebrows, stuck out his bottom lip, and gave me a nonchalant shrug. What a goofy-ass face he just made. He gestured at me to head in.
"Alright then," I rubbed my hands together and mentally prepared for the job. "Let's get started."