"Aloha! I'm back!" Loli-sensei burst through the infirmary door with a Hawaiian greeting that was entirely inappropriate for the setting. "You guys should be done by now, right?"
Done? Kuroha Akira's eye twitched. Nothing even started, okay?
Since he hadn't done anything wrong, he could face the teacher with a clear conscience. No guilt here.
Hmph! Ono Junko narrowed her eyes at his calm demeanor. Acting all natural, huh? This guy's probably fooled quite a few young girls with that attitude... Damn it! All you normies just explode already! Why is there no pink in MY youth at all?! Is it because I'm short?! What's wrong with being short?! Short people can be picked up and carried around! Can those tall Fuji women do that?!
She didn't mention breasts. Breasts were beyond redemption—a lost cause. Ono Junko had been drinking papaya milk religiously for fifteen years. Every year during student body measurements, she secretly measured her own bust.
The result? No change. Not a single millimeter.
Flat chest hadn't evolved into small bun. Flat princess would never rule the world.
Congenital genetic defect. Incurable. Her lifelong pain point.
Boo hoo... Only Moto is my forever best friend... The condition for this friendship, of course, was that Moto married later than her. And that Moto's first time also came later than hers.
Fortunately, Moto-sensei showed little interest in romance. With that terrifying figure, she probably would have graduated from the game already if she were more proactive.
Plus, Ono Junko knew Kobayakawa-sensei's family had strict discipline—her parents were a police officer and a lawyer respectively. She was extremely late to mature romantically. Even now, she blushed at kissing scenes in TV dramas. Her purity rivaled elementary school students. Any knowledge in that area had been taught by Ono Junko herself.
Excellent! Keep it up! Stay pure forever, my dear friend!
The dark-hearted Ono Junko mentally cursed her best friend to eternal singledom while preparing to catch the student couple red-handed. She'd make them embarrassed!
No matter how thoroughly they cleaned up, one piece of evidence could never be erased.
...
Before leaving, she'd deliberately reminded Asato Hitomi about protection. With the class president's knowledge level—she scored perfect marks in health and PE—she definitely wouldn't forget such an important detail. Causing a pregnancy would be no joke.
So... the reduced number of "balloons" in the drawer would be decisive evidence!
Loli-sensei strode confidently to her desk, pulled open the drawer, and checked the remaining quantity.
"Oh-ho?" She raised an eyebrow. "Only one used? I didn't expect you two to be quite restrained."
Asato Hitomi, having fully recovered her composure, stood and produced the "balloon" she'd used earlier—for expanding her knowledge, not for any other purpose.
"Ono-sensei, the missing one is right here in my hand..."
"Wow!" Loli-sensei's eyes went wide. "So you guys didn't actually use it after all?!"
Was this the legendary scenario? Originally intended to use it, then found it inconvenient halfway through, wanting a closer feel—so the package was opened but ultimately unused? A symbolic gesture?!
How bold these students were nowadays!
But there were no fast-acting contraceptives in the infirmary. Unless she'd calculated her safe days correctly?
Ono Junko's gaze swept over Asato Hitomi critically. Clean appearance. No discarded underwear visible. No unknown liquid tracing down inner thighs. The bedsheet was pristine.
Then where did it go?! Her mind raced through increasingly depraved possibilities. In her mouth? In her shoes? Could it be... through the back door?!
God only knew what unspeakable scenarios were playing out in the little teacher's imagination.
Kuroha Akira rolled his eyes at her obvious disappointment.
"Of course we didn't actually do anything in the infirmary. The real world isn't a hentai anime." He fixed her with a pointed stare. "By the way, Loli-sensei, as a teacher you should at least try to dissuade us from such activities. Don't actively enable them!"
"Tsk..."
Ono Junko clicked her tongue in annoyance. So it was just platonic pure love after all? How boring.
She hopped onto her office chair, crossed her legs, and spun around idly.
"Actually, if you two had done it, I could've reported it to the academic affairs office. Then I'd get a bonus." She grinned shamelessly. "The school's currently cracking down on impure heterosexual relationships on campus. Especially couples who reach the final step. If I catch them in time, my performance review for this semester would be guaranteed."
Good grief. Kuroha Akira stared at her. So this was a sting operation all along!
Loli-sensei, that short stack, was full of terrible ideas!
...
Truthfully, Ono Junko hadn't seriously intended to expose them. Asato Hitomi was a child of "that Asato family." Whatever she did, the school would turn a blind eye. Ono Junko was just following policy—the principal would praise her work, maybe even give her a raise.
Unaware of the teacher's scheming, Kuroha Akira glanced at the "balloon" box.
"Why does the infirmary even have these anyway?" He asked suspiciously. "They're not actually for students, are they?"
"Nonsense!" Loli-sensei sniffed. "Of course they're for students. But not for using—for teaching proper usage."
"Oh. For teaching."
"Yes. First-years don't get this lesson yet. Second-years learn the correct way to put them on." She shrugged. "Most of the troublemakers are second-years anyway."
Made sense.
First-year relationships weren't intimate enough yet. By second year, couples had formed, feelings intensified, and young people inevitably made young people's mistakes.
"Of course," Loli-sensei added, "I count the quantity regularly to prevent theft. So don't even think about scoring freebies from me! If you want them, go home and ask your mom for money!"
"Who would steal something like that...?"
"Tsk." She waved dismissively. "What are you so proud of?! Get out now that you're done sleeping, you stinky brat! The evidence is right there! Such a wimp—I, your teacher, created the perfect opportunity and you didn't even dare to go for it..."
"..."
Damn it. I'm being scorned by this shorty.
He'd told her repeatedly—he and the class president weren't like that! What was she even misunderstanding?!
But this only proved what Fujiyoshi Michio had said that morning: other classmates might not believe them.
...
Kuroha Akira and Asato Hitomi returned to class just before the last period. The moment they entered, the atmosphere shifted. Every eye in the room carried a new weight—teasing, ambiguous, knowing.
Kuroha Akira discovered he could suddenly read minds.
Because it was just that easy.
Everyone wore the same convinced expression: They definitely did it.
He even overheard a conversation from one of the male cliques.
"Looking at this, I'm sure they've given each other their first time already!" A guy with glasses whispered excitedly. "The infirmary's where that dirty joke teacher hangs out! She'd definitely cover for them! Maybe she even secretly recorded it!"
"Probably right," another nodded sagely. "But one thing's off—they might not necessarily be each other's first time."
"What are you saying!" Glasses guy looked offended. "How could the class president not be a virgin?! Our class president must be a virgin! As for Kuroha Akira..." His expression soured. "That guy's hard to say. Damn it! Why is he so popular with women?!"
"But now," the second guy continued mercilessly, "the class president's first time no longer exists. Can't find it anywhere. Gone forever."
"SHUT UP! SHUT UP, AHHHHHH!" Glasses guy clutched his head dramatically. "Wuwuwu... Class president... Everyone's class president... The sacred class president... defiled by a man..." He looked up with tearful eyes. "The class president should have had a beautiful yuri romance with Yomi-senpai! That's the only ship I can accept!"
"While I think you're being presumptuous and projecting your own biases," the second guy admitted, "Kuroha Akira definitely deserves to die."
"That's right!" A third voice joined. "Kuroha Akira is the culprit! He stole our class president! BURN HIM!"
"BURN! BURN! BURN! BURN!"
The murderous aura radiating from that corner was practically tangible.
Kuroha Akira had officially become the target of the ubiquitous FFF Brigade.
The earlier commotion with Sumitomo Ryota had been simple—just a drama of vying for affection. The class president hadn't explicitly stated romantic interest in anyone, only showing slight preference for Kuroha Akira. Without a confession scene, everything remained speculation.
But now?
The two had gone to the infirmary—the location with the highest "first blood" rate on campus. When they returned, the class president looked slightly shy. Her walk seemed a bit unsteady (lingering effects from aggressive popliteal fossa stimulation).
Irrefutable evidence! No other possibilities! These two had clearly "graduated" together!
Kuroha Akira thus graduated from virginity in rumor only.
Phantom of escaping singledom.