There were countless times she had thought her actions were a mistake.
For example, that she should have used a different technique when finishing off that prey, or that she could have cleaned things up more efficiently if she had used this weapon instead.
But she had never once thought that the act itself was a mistake.
Believing that those actions would someday be the only way to erase that scene that crossed her mind, Rinie had continued to move forward.
The density of those acts had thinned dramatically compared to her days as an executor, but Rinie's underlying principle of action had never changed, then or now.
So there should be no mistake in her actions themselves.
And yet—killing humans in a place that had nothing to do with the hunt should never have happened in the first place.
────What is this discomfort… and this sense of fulfillment?
Conflicting sensations raced through Rinie's chest, throwing her state of mind into turmoil.
It's not like those humans saw her.
The demons hiding in the southern nations were, without exception, cunning ones who concealed themselves from conflicts among humans. She prided herself on being no exception to that rule. Solitaire was probably the same.
She hadn't exposed herself with some blunder like that, and there was no benefit to be gained.
So why did she intervene in the humans' conflict?
────And why did she spare only that parent and child?
What she had done itself couldn't be helped.
But if she was going to do it, her reason told her rationally that she should have done it thoroughly.
Given the distance, she doubted that the parent and child could have visually identified her.
Even so, they had seen her arrow. Even if it was faint, and hardly something that could lead to identifying an individual, the fact that they had seen it meant she should have cut off any future trouble at the root—so Rinie thought.
And yet, she had let them go.
Without a doubt, it should have been the single most mistaken action within her value system, and yet strangely, it felt as if it settled smoothly into her chest.
For some reason, that very sensation made her feel nauseous instead.
"I don't understand… what is this… this feeling… I've never once…"
Muttering to herself, Rinie leaned against the trunk of a tree after leaving the tower.
"Not even once, ever…"
She trailed off and hesitated.
Was it really not even once?
Even as she wanted to assert that it had never happened even a single time, something else insisted that wasn't true.
"…No… now that I think about it… before, too… I felt something like this…"
The most recent instance she could recall was when she had given up on heading north.
When she had infiltrated a demon unit aiming to merge with the northern plateau forces, her magic power restriction had been exposed, and she had been forced to abandon the journey north.
After that, she had seen a human village that lay along her originally planned route.
Going further back—before she had even been called an executor.
Back when she still wiped out demon units she had infiltrated on her own, without using humans in her hunts.
────When she had gazed from afar at the lights of a human city that lay along her planned route back then, too.
None of them shared anything in common in Rinie's state of mind.
Neither this time, nor the former, nor the latter.
The former was rather a bitter memory of her own failure.
The latter, she hadn't thought anything in particular—she had merely caught sight of the results of her actions, and even then, there hadn't been a single thing in common in her mindset at the time.
"────Ah…"
Suddenly, it struck her.
…Even if there had been no common ground in her feelings at those times,
there was one commonality in the results.
────Because of her actions, humans who should have died did not die.
Rinie finally realized that fact.
And from there, another question arose.
"So what."
She muttered again while looking down at the ground.
"And why does that make me feel… like this…"
She didn't understand.
Why did she feel like this over humans who should have had nothing to do with her?
Why did she feel this kind of fulfillment?
Rinie finally realized that she was indeed harboring a sense of satisfaction she could never obtain from purely hunting demons alone.
And yet, she didn't understand the reason.
Why, how, for what reason.
As those vexing thoughts raced through her mind—
a man's words suddenly echoed in her head.
"────You know, when I was a kid, I wanted to become a hero of justice."
An unfamiliar man's voice.
A voice she had never seen the owner of—drawn from some memory she herself didn't even know.
"────Then I'll take your place."
Answering that voice was the voice of a boy Rinie didn't know either.
It should have been a trivial exchange, but perhaps because it was bathed in moonlight, it felt distant, precious, and fleeting.
"Leave it to me. Grandpa's dream—I'll—"
The voice cut off there.
It felt disgusting. Her head hurt. She felt nauseous.
"…Shut up."
Pressing her forehead with her left hand and clenching her teeth, Rinie muttered.
"Shut up, shut up… shut up!"
I'm not holding onto something like that.
In the first place, there's no way I could have something like a dream. Much less someone else's dream that isn't even mine.
────That's right. I just… wanted meaning.
────Because they were such kind people.
────And yet all that remained was me, the only one who survived by stepping over two corpses.
────So it's not that I embraced that—I just… clung to an imitation of justice that shouldn't even have existed…
Amid her clouded consciousness, hazy thoughts leaked through Rinie's mind. Because her normal rationality as a demon was in an ambiguous state, the feelings that had lain in her subconscious began to spill out.
And yet, because everything was shrouded in fog, they never reached the level of conscious awareness.
Even so, outside that awareness, her thoughts were drawn ever deeper into an abyss of anguish.
────But if that's the case… then what were all the humans I used… sacrificed for────
"──────────!!!!!"
Unable to endure it any longer, Rinie let out a soundless scream and began clawing at her own body as if she had gone mad.
Her entire body itched unbearably.
An absolute discomfort—revulsion—made her very existence feel nothing but sickening.
Unable to stand the itch any longer, Rinie eventually drove the nails of her fiddling hands into her own body.
And then—like a beast's claws, they tore into the skin of her own side, ripping through her clothes along with it.
An overwhelming pain assaulted her, but Rinie paid it no heed and began raking every part of her body with both sets of nails.
"────, ────, ────!!"
It wasn't that she liked pain. But right now, she felt as though she would lose herself if she didn't have this pain. She couldn't calm down unless she hurt herself.
The surrounding grass, tree trunks, and leaves were dyed in the color of splattered blood. Beasts drawn by the scent of blood approached for a moment, but upon noticing Rinie's abnormal state, they immediately fled.
Eventually, after wounding her entire body, Rinie finally tried to drive those claws into her own neck—
"Pathetic."
At the sound of that sudden voice, her claws stopped.
When she realized it, the scene before Rinie's eyes was no longer the forest from moments ago, but a place spread out and wrapped in white mist.
Deep within that mist stood the faint silhouette of a person. Or rather, it was his very existence that was fading—an ethereal presence that looked as though it might crumble into dust at any moment, like a glass ornament about to fall apart, like the corpse of a demon.
"Have you grown tired of living? Fine by me. At this rate, it won't just be me, the one who isn't even rotting yet, who ends up in trouble, you know?"
A man's voice tinged with mockery, as if laughing at Rinie, carved itself into her mind.
No—he really was mocking her.
The sarcastically twisted corner of his mouth told that story all too eloquently.
"If you isolate only the act itself, you're already closer to my side, Mimicker. If slitting that throat of yours would let you rest easy, that would be the best possible outcome for you."
"Ku ku ku," the man's derisive laughter didn't stop.
Even though he was supposed to be the original being she was imitating, he couldn't understand how she had ended up becoming something so close to himself; his laughter, laced with both ridicule and self-mockery, continued unabated.
"────But you're 'not there yet,' are you?"
The mocking twist of his mouth vanished, and his voice questioned Rinie.
It was true—she had already stepped one foot into his domain, but she wasn't completely there.
And precisely because of that, the man who had already rotted away offered her a warning.
"Like a castle of sand, it's not as though everything has vanished, right? You still have something left, don't you?"
"…Something left?"
At the man's words, Rinie looked up with vacant eyes, trying to recall what she still had.
In the first place, she shouldn't have lost anything at all. That rebuttal almost rose to her lips, but then the existence of certain humans crossed her mind.
────Anju, and the children of the orphanage.
Even if she hadn't lost anything, there were things she had newly gained.
Though Rinie herself couldn't recognize it, her legs were, unmistakably, trying to stand.
Perhaps it was the influence of the man's words, but the violent self-harm impulse from before had already subsided.
Once she stood, Rinie passed by the man's back with lifeless, unsteady steps.
Her gait was like that of a ghost, but her feet were surely beginning to move toward "the place she should return to."
Watching that with his back turned, the man snorted cynically.
"────That's fine."
The man approved of Rinie's course of action.
Precisely because it was an unconscious action, that step of hers was nothing other than behavior rooted in her own present wish.
"There's nothing more boring to watch than the end of a beast falling into the demonic path.
────Next time, don't let go."
After that, the man's voice could no longer be heard.
Those words were, clumsy as they were, advice left behind out of concern for Rinie.
Even if he knew that advice would end up being use-less, use-less, use-less—
it was, all the same, a small remnant of kindness left in a man who had lost everything.
When she came to, Rinie's view had returned to the original forest scenery.
Without caring, Rinie kept walking.
With the burning sunset at her back.
◇
Now, she regrets that she should have chased after that back.
She regrets that she should have forced herself to stop her and hold her tight.
The first thing she felt was distrust.
But she also accepted that this was only natural.
After all, she was a demon, and they were humans.
She told herself that it was strange in the first place that they had been able to spend their days together so naturally.
At the same time, there was also a part of her that held the expectation that if she just waited a little longer, she would come back.
Until now, she had protected this orphanage and the children all by herself. She didn't think it was painful, but she had certainly gone through her share of hardship. Even so, she told herself that this was a trial bestowed upon her by the Goddess, and she had overcome it.
But then, her life like that was completely turned upside down.
That demon girl had truly brought color into her life, which until then had only been a series of losses.
She was curt and listless, but incredibly reliable.
Someone who would protect the children together with her.
Her guidance in farming was strict, but it gave a sense of fulfillment to this body that wore itself out deciphering scripture and training as a cleric.
But she was a demon.
She said she had eaten her own parents.
When she thought about it, that was only natural. Even if she really was the demon of that apple orchard, in the end, if she had only been staying with them while waiting for the right moment to prey on them, then that was all it amounted to.
But her words wouldn't leave her mind.
"Will the punishment you speak of fall upon someone like me, who's killed so many humans?"
The trigger had been her own foolish words.
She didn't expect to be understood. But she had spoken in the hope that even a little of her reason for living might remain in Rinie's mind.
"Did I commit a sin, someone who even ate her own 'parents' and used everything I ever met as stepping stones? If punishment were to fall upon me, would that mean there was salvation even for me?"
And yet, the words that came back were like those of a child seeking salvation.
Anju realized that she had chosen the wrong words to say.
Even so, the absolute sin of having eaten her "parents" could not be overturned. Even if that punishment itself were salvation, there was no way the Goddess would grant her that salvation.
────Why, Lady Rinie?
In her heart, Anju asked Rinie that question again and again.
────Why did you do something like eating your parents?
She's different from other demons.
Demons don't even have the concept of parents.
So why, even though she clearly recognized that she had had "parents," did she still go and eat them?
Even if there were some differences, was she, after all, nothing more than a demon?
But even so, to me she is already────.
"…What nonsense am I thinking. Lady Rinie was just a demon, that's all. Just that, isn't it?"
Those words she muttered to herself, as if trying to convince herself, held no strength.
She appealed to her own heart, telling herself that in the end they would probably eat them too. That even now, the reason they were spending time together was only because they wouldn't run out of delicious apples for a while. She tried to lecture herself into accepting that.
But at the same time, another part of her heart insisted that surely there had been some kind of circumstances. The old tales her grandmother had told her weren't everything. Surely there was something else going on, and she had only ended up eating them because she had no choice.
Feeling the two hearts within her clash against each other, Anju immersed herself in reading the holy scripture as a form of escapism.
Meanwhile, inside her mind, resignation and hope were also clashing.
────She said something like that, so she probably won't come back.
────No, she'll surely come back with her usual composed face.
Because if she didn't come back…
"…What… what have I done…"
The trembling of the hand gripping the scripture wouldn't stop.
The thought that she might be parting with her while having hurt her like that.
Not wanting to think any further, Anju suddenly stood up and looked up at the light from the window pouring down from the sky.
"────Ah."
At the sight of that pale light, the scripture slipped from her hand with a thud.
"…It's already evening."
Normally, it was long past the time she would have come back.
That one time she had quietly come back in the dead of night as if nothing were wrong, Anju had scolded her so harshly it felt like her ears would fall off.
Since then, she had at least been coming back by around noon.
"L—Lady Rinie!"
Unable to bear it any longer, Anju hurried out of the study.
She left the chapel that also served as the lobby.
And then—
"A—Anju sis!!"
Karl, Abel, and Else, having spotted Anju, rushed over to her.
In front of the children, Anju somehow suppressed her rising panic and crouched down to meet their eyes.
"All three of you, has Lady Rinie come back yet?"
"That's… it's strange."
Karl answered anxiously.
"She said she'd teach us how to fight when she got back, but… she's not coming back at all!!"
"Anju sis… did Rinie sis go somewhere?"
"I don't want that… I can't even imagine the orchard without Rinie sis…"
The children's anxious eyes pierced straight into Anju.
They were a far cry from the self who had just been doubting Rinie; those eyes were pure, the hearts of a family genuinely worried about Rinie.
Catching a glimpse of their feelings, Anju lowered her gaze and blamed herself inwardly.
(…Ah, what have I done…)
It wasn't as though her doubts about Rinie had been cleared.
Even so, her wish to stay together with her from now on should have been no different from these three. And yet, she had—
Irresponsibly preached her own theory, and irresponsibly left the back of Rinie as she walked away—
"All three of you, please take care of things here."
Having made up her mind, Anju stood up, straightened her posture, and headed for the entrance.
"Where are you going, sis!?"
She turned around at Abel's voice.
"I'm going to look for Lady Rinie. This is… my fault…"
I was stupid.
Even if she had eaten her parents, I definitely saw it.
Her expression—like she was seeking punishment.
I really did understand. That there must have been some circumstances. After all, she had said she ate her parents, but she had never once said she killed them.
And yet, just because she ate them, I doubted her.
Just for that alone, I'm about to lose her again.
"So all three of you, please watch the place while I'm gone."
Leaving those words behind, Anju opened the front door and stepped out onto the monastery grounds.
Bathed in the unsettling light of the sunset, Anju ran toward the outside of the grounds.
Luckily, she remembered Rinie's magical energy. With her fluctuating, unstable magic power, if she caught it within her detection range, it should be easy to track her.
Thinking that, she stepped off the grounds—
and that was when it happened.
From beyond the setting sun, a familiar silhouette came into view.
"────Ah."
As it drew closer, that silhouette gradually took on familiar colors.
A slender-sleeved, gothic-style outfit.
A girl with cute, peach-colored hair hanging down.
Small, imp-like horns sprouting from her head.
That figure was unmistakably the very person Anju had been about to search for.
…Except for her clothes being torn to shreds, and the large amount of blood flowing out from them.
"Lady Rinie!!!"
Letting out a pained cry, Anju rushed toward the approaching Rinie with a pale face.
Seeing Rinie approach with the gait of a corpse being forcibly moved, Anju's face turned even paler.
"…An… ju."
Rinie's weak voice calling her name reached her ears.
At that moment, Rinie's body slowly began to pitch forward, and Anju, rushing in at the last second, caught her.
"Lady Rinie… why… ah… these wounds…"
At Rinie's pitiful condition, Anju felt as though her chest were being torn apart.
Hastily pulling the holy scripture from her bosom, Anju began chanting a healing spell.
Soon, light began to shine from the scripture, gently enveloping Rinie's body, and Rinie's face seemed to grow a little calmer.
Meanwhile, Anju stared worriedly at Rinie's body, trying to deduce the cause of her injuries.
(Lady Rinie being hurt this badly… who in the world was her opponent… huh?)
Anju opened her mouth as if she had noticed something.
The first thing that caught her eye were the numerous cuts beneath her clothes.
Rather than looking like they had been slashed, they looked like they had been scratched—many parallel cuts scattered about.
But compared to the depth of the wounds, the width of the cuts themselves wasn't that great. If these were injuries from a monster's claws, they should have been gouged out much more severely.
And then, the next thing she noticed was the splattered blood clinging to Rinie's hands.
More precisely, the color of blood that had worked its way even into the insides of her nails.
From there, the answer that was drawn.
"Ah… ah… no way…"
Finally understanding it in her mind, Anju's face turned pale again.
Her chest tightened with sadness and pain.
She had realized it.
Both who the culprit behind these wounds was.
And what the cause was.
The fact that the culprit behind these wounds was none other than Rinie herself.
And the cause that had driven Rinie to such an act was—
"…I'm sorry."
While Rinie slept with her eyes closed, wrapped in the light of healing magic, Anju let those words slip out.
Why, after saying something so awful, had she not tried to stop her?
Why, after saying such terrible words, had Rinie still come back to her?
From a heart squeezed tight by both joy and guilt, tears squeezed out and ran down Anju's cheeks.
"I'm sorry, Lady Rinie… I'm sorry… I… I made you suffer… I doubted you… I…!!"
With trembling hands, she gently embraced Rinie's body.
"I'm sorry… and thank you… for coming back…"
Whether she had eaten her parents or not—that fact didn't matter anymore.
Right now, that alone made her happy.
Within the arms holding her, Rinie slept like a relieved child.