This is it. The setup is primed, the ring light is hitting my good side (which, thanks to Arceus's bizarre humor, is every side), and the view count is climbing faster than a Speed Boost Blaziken.
I adjusted the mic. "Alright, Chat, welcome back to the Callison Corner. Today is a weird one. bittersweet, even. We're wrapping up the 'Basement Dweller' arc. Tomorrow, we touch grass. Literally. We're going on a journey."
I looked at the chat monitor. It was scrolling so fast it was a blur of colors and emotes. Being reincarnated with maxed-out Charisma meant I could read the phone book and people would donate their life savings. It was terrifying, honestly.
I pulled up a video on the main screen. "But before we get sentimental, let's review that exhibition match between Raihan and Leon again. Because I swear, Raihan threw that match for the content."
[Chat Log]
IceCreamQueen_C (Mod): He did not throw! The sandstorm synergy was interrupted by the Solar Beam coverage! Also, good luck on the journey, Jake! <3
SilentRed: [GIF: Minion eating popcorn]
Clone_02: Inefficient tactics. Brute force lacks elegance.
NurseJoy_044: Make sure to pack potions, sweetie!
OfficerJenny_12: And stay out of tall grass at night!
I chuckled, leaning into the mic. "Thanks for the bits, IceCreamQueen. I still say Duraludon could have tanked that if Raihan wasn't busy taking a selfie. And SilentRed, thank you for the Tier 3 sub, even though you only communicate in ancient internet memes."
I glanced at IceCreamQueen_C. It was Cynthia. It was obviously Cynthia. She once doxxed herself by accidentally streaming her Garchomp sleeping on her couch in the background. But we don't talk about that. We pretend she's just a nice lady from Sinnoh who really likes history and desserts.
"Anyway," I continued, "Tomorrow I leave Littleroot. Mom finally snapped. She said, and I quote, 'If you don't get out of this house, find a girl, and start a journey, I'm turning your room into a Skitty nursery.' So, content is shifting, boys. We're going IRL."
Suddenly, a donation alert popped up. It was a massive amount.
Donation from StoneLover: Visiting the caves near Rustboro? Rare stones there.
"Steven, buddy, you can't keep using your alt account to tell me to look at rocks," I deadpanned.
The chat exploded with LUL and KEKW.
The Departure: Littleroot Town
The next morning, the sun was barely up, and I was already regretting everything. My stamina was garbage. I got winded walking to the fridge. How was I supposed to cross a region?
"Buzz! Zzzzt! Framing is optimal! Lighting is exquisite, darling!"
Hovering in front of me was my cameraman—a Rotom inhabiting a high-end drone camera I'd spent two months' worth of sub revenue on. I called him Lens.
"Lens, we aren't live yet," I groaned, shouldering my backpack. It felt like it was filled with Geodudes.
"We are always live in spirit! But fine, recording starts... now!" Lens chirped, the red light blinking.
"Yo, Chat," I said, instantly switching on the charm. It was automatic. I flashed a smile that I knew, statistically, increased viewer retention by 15%. "Day 1 of the Hoenn Tour. We're currently waiting on our travel companion."
As if on cue, the ground shook.
Walking up the dirt path was May Maple. And she was... a lot.
May was wearing her signature bandana and red activewear, which struggled to contain her very un-aerodynamic assets. Seriously, anime physics were working overtime to keep that zipper holding on for dear life. But what was more impressive was the fact that she was carrying three massive suitcases, a duffel bag, and a sleeping bag—all strapped to her back or held in her hands.
She was walking as if she was carrying feathers.
"Hey, Jake!" she shouted, waving with a hand that was currently gripping a handle attached to a suitcase that probably weighed more than me. "Ready to go?"
I stared. The chat (which I had running on a holographic display from my Rotom Phone) went feral.
[Chat Log]
PervySage: BOOBA.
GymBro_Chuck: LOOK AT THOSE GAINS! HER FORM IS IMPECCABLE!
IceCreamQueen_C: She seems... healthy. Good.
SilentRed: [GIF: Rock eyebrow raise]
"Hey, May," I managed, trying not to stare at her chest or the terrifying definition in her biceps. "Uh, you packed light?"
May laughed, dropping the luggage. The ground literally cracked. "Oh, this? Just the essentials! Dad tried to make me carry a Machoke brace for training, but I figured I'd take it easy for the first week."
She walked over and slapped me on the back. I felt my soul leave my body. My HP bar definitely dropped into the yellow.
"You okay? You look pale," May asked, tilting her head. She had big, blue eyes and a smile that was genuinely disarming. She was sweet, energetic, and completely unaware that she could snap a steel beam like a KitKat.
"I'm good," I wheezed, rubbing my shoulder. "Just... excited."
"Great!" She grabbed my arm and pulled me into a side-hug, pressing me directly into the 'danger zone.' "My Torchic is itching for a fight! I heard there's a zigagoon near Oldale that looks tough. I wanna suplex it!"
"You... you want the Torchic to suplex it, right?" I asked nervously.
May blinked, her brain buffering. "Oh. Yeah. That too. But sometimes I get excited and just jump in, you know?"
I looked at the camera lens. "Chat," I whispered, "If I die, delete my browser history."
[Chat Log]
Clone_02: The female exhibits high combat potential. Interesting.
WaterFlower_Misty: She reminds me of someone. I like her!
IceCreamQueen_C: Jake, you are blushing. Is it the heat?
"Okay!" May cheered, hoisting all three suitcases up again with a grunt that sounded way too suggestive for a PG stream. "Let's go! If we hurry, we can reach Petalburg by noon! I heard my Dad is home!"
"Wait, Petalburg is like... twenty miles away," I protested.
"It's good cardio!" She grabbed my wrist. "Come on, Jakey! Adventure awaits!"
She started running. Dragging me.
"Lens!" I screamed as I was hauled away like a ragdoll. "Keep the stream running! Content! Think of the conteeeent!"
As May dragged me toward Route 101, I realized two things:
My stamina was going to kill me before a wild Pokémon did.
Having a companion who could bench press a Snorlax had its perks, assuming I survived the hugs.
"By the way, Jake," May shouted over the wind rushing past my ears. "What's a 'Terastallize'? I saw you talking about it on stream last week but the Pokedex says that's not real!"
I froze. Crap. I forgot she watches the streams.
"Uh, it's a... a metaphor! For... shiny hats! Just a theory!"
[Chat Log]
Prof_Oak_Tree: A theory, you say? fascinating...
VioletBook_AI: ...
I sighed. It was going to be a long journey.
"Chat," I gasped, "Can I get an F in the chat for my legs?"