"Hah! I do not really get it, but are you not friends? Then why do you do something like this?"
"Precisely because we are friends, that is why we kick each other when we are down."
"Is that so? Somehow, it feels like I can kind of understand?"
Thinking of her own friends Konne and Lawine who were always beating each other up, Fern could not help nodding in agreement.
Seeing this, Heiter could not help but start worrying about just how crooked this guy might end up raising Fern.
———
After the two of them finished and returned inside.
Fern, who felt guilty, was coaxed by Ash into eating Heiter's beef and potato stew. After the tiring travel and walking through the forest, she fell asleep early in the guest room.
In the living room, Heiter, wearing an expression of suppressed headache, glared at the man in front of him who was drinking his treasured liquor and even nagging him into preparing braised meat.
If it were anyone else, Heiter would have kicked them out long ago, but because it was Ash, he really had no way to deal with this guy.
But thinking about Fern's attitude toward Ash during their brief time together, he tapped the table and said, "Now I want to talk about something serious."
"You talk… I am listening."
"No, ever since I became a bishop, you are the first person who eats while talking in front of me."
"That is an honor."
"That was not a compliment. Sigh! Forget it," Heiter had no way to deal with him. Even though he sighed, a familiar smile appeared on his face. He shook his head, then said again, "You have noticed it yourself, right? The way you and Fern get along really does not look like a foster parent relationship."
"I have felt that too. So actually, the reason I came here is because I want you to help find a reliable person to take care of her."
"A reliable person? You cannot do it yourself?"
"To be honest, I might really be close to the end of my life, so I want you to help take over caring for Fern. Or do you really have the heart to see that child Fern end up wandering the streets alone?"
"...", Hearing that, Heiter frowned deeply and fell silent for a moment. Then he spoke in a reproachful tone.
"Do you really want to be beaten by me?"
"Just kidding, do not get so worked up," Ash waved his hand with a smile, "Actually, I just think I am not very capable of taking care of Fern."
"You are just running away from your responsibility, are you not? I really did not expect you to push your own responsibility onto someone else."
"I also have my reasons."
"Are you going to say you are about to die again?", Heiter felt he was really about to get angry.
But Ash put down the braised meat in his hand and finally got serious.
"No, this time I am serious. I just think I really cannot take care of her. You can see it too, right? The way Fern and I get along."
"From my perspective, that child seems to always be holding something in. Sometimes she is close to you, and sometimes she keeps more politeness and distance than necessary," Heiter said thoughtfully, then could not help asking,
"How long have you known each other?"
"Counting the time on the road here, it should be almost a year now."
"I see," Heiter took off his glasses and rubbed his temples, "So is it that the wound in her heart is too deep, or is it because you are irresponsible?"
"The problem should be on my side."
"What exactly is it?"
"I am actually very busy. I really cannot take good care of her. So she basically lives alone. At most there is a maid. That is why I hope you can introduce someone."
"I think that child will be sad."
"But this is a plan that is good for both of us."
"Good for both… I suppose so."
Heiter did not say more, and did not ask why it was good for both, nor did he complain about Ash being heartless.
Because he could more or less understand why Ash thought this way.
Just like back when their adventure ended, before they parted ways in the royal capital, everyone had urged Frieren to take on a disciple or something, so at least she would have someone to talk to on her travels.
But Frieren's answer had been that it was just a waste of time. After all, no matter how much you taught them, they would die in the blink of an eye.
Because of that, he could more or less understand Ash's worry.
So on the very next day, he began contacting his acquaintances in the Holy City to look for suitable candidates.
In the days that followed, people would come and go from the little cabin in the forest from time to time. But, they all came, then left again.
No matter who it was, Fern could not be satisfied. She also gradually realized what Ash had brought her here for.
But before the truth was laid bare, she did not expose it.
Only, after sending away another visitor, she finally understood. No matter how she avoided it, the truth would not change.
She had to admit that she was… no longer needed.
Even though Ash and Heiter both tried their best to keep Fern from discovering their true intentions, always using the excuse of inviting guests over to play, bringing in those people who wanted to take care of a child and then subtly asking Fern how she felt about them and how they felt about Fern.
Even though they thought they were hiding it well, they underestimated Fern's sensitivity as a former homeless child.
Or rather, the way those people looked at Fern did not feel like how you look at a friend's child.
But the crucial point was that when Ash and Heiter went to the Holy City together, Fern, who was staying behind to watch the house, was tidying up the room when she suddenly noticed that the drawer of the guest room Ash used was half open.
"Did Lord Ash forget to close the drawer?"
The drawer with the special lock had always been kept closed. Seeing it suddenly open today made Fern feel curious and look at it a few more times.
She had originally planned to just close it, but… when she accidentally glanced inside, she could not look away.
Because on the documents inside were the names of the previous visitors.
Driven by curiosity, she quietly picked them up and saw that they were information about those visitors.
Why would you deliberately investigate guests who were just friends? Their personalities, family members, and financial situations. And the most important part was, their attitude toward children.
"This… is this that? N no, but why… would it be like this? Th-there must be some mistake, right?", Even though she had tried hard not to think that way, at this moment, faced with this decisive evidence, the answer she had been unwilling to admit surfaced in Fern's mind.
The world around her seemed to lose all color and sound, leaving only her rapid, disordered breathing and the indescribable trembling deep in her heart.
Her mind went blank. As her pupils unconsciously dilated, the documents in her hand slipped one by one from her trembling fingers and scattered across the floor, just like her own shattered feelings.
"Ah! No! this is not okay, I have to clean this up… messing up the documents… Lord Ash will get an… no, Lord Ash has never… even once… gotten angry at me… wh-what is going on?"
Fern squatted on the ground, trying to pick up the papers, but for some reason her vision suddenly became blurry. She tried hard to hold it back, but tears kept pouring out.
"This is so strange… tears… why will they not stop? I cannot see clearly… what should I do? Lord Ash is going to come back soon…"
She could not wipe away the tears no matter what. She tried to calm down, but her throat kept letting out sobs, and the tears kept streaming down.
Her chest felt as if it were being tightly gripped by an invisible hand. A sudden, twisting pain shot through her, making her collapse to the floor, her hands instinctively clutching her chest as if that could ease the pain.
On her face, that usually expressionless little face twisted out of shape, until finally…
This girl, who was both mature and young, was completely overwhelmed by the flood of emotion. She could only cover her face with both hands, trying as hard as she could not to make a sound.
But her emotions did not obey her will. They turned directly into soundless sobs that leaked through the gaps between her fingers and echoed in the empty room.
———
Ash dragged Heiter around the Holy City again, looking for suitable candidates. When they returned, in this who knows which round of selection, Heiter had already given up on the possibility of finding anyone suitable.
Not only were Ash's requirements strict, but Fern also had no intention of leaving Ash at all.
'Why does this guy not realize that the child does not want to leave you even a little?', Heiter felt completely helpless about the situation.
But after spending this time together, he also understood that he could not entirely blame Ash. He really was busy with many things, and Fern's personality was far too reserved. She did not want to say anything and thought too much about others, carrying a sense of distance that a child should not have. Anyone would get confused by that.
The two people involved did not really understand each other's true feelings, while he, an old man on the sidelines, saw it all clearly.
Watching them pull at each other like this, he could not stand it anymore. He also wanted to give Fern a chance. So, before they went out, he secretly used a spare key to unlock Ash's drawer.
That was why this time, he did not stay in the Holy City for long. Using the excuse that he was not feeling well, he urged Ash to hurry back and not exhaust an old man like him.
Even though Ash wanted to keep searching, he was also worried that Heiter really could not handle it, so he reluctantly agreed to go back for now.
But… the moment he pushed open the half closed door, he unexpectedly heard the child's suppressed sobbing in the living room.
"What is wrong? Did you fall or… no, that is not it."
Except for the first night they met, Fern had never cried. Remembering this, he immediately put his hand on his sword hilt and rushed into the room.
But the scene he expected did not appear.
What he saw was only a child sitting on the floor, both hands tightly covering her face, trying to hide all her pain and sorrow, her small body trembling.
Around her lay scattered documents, and the drawer beside her was wide open.
'Did I forget to close it?', Ash was briefly confused, then could not help casting a look for help at Heiter.
But Heiter pretended not to see, turned around with a faint smile, and even closed the door behind him.
Left looking at the child on the ground, Ash hesitated, then crouched beside her and gently stroked her hair, trying to calm her down.
"What is wrong, Fern? Ah, no… I mean… um, how should I say this?"
At this moment, he honestly did not know what to say. He could not think of any suitable lines at all.
But the moment she was touched, Fern's small body trembled. She finally realized he was there. With one hand wiping her tears and the other grabbing the corner of his clothes, she cried and apologized to him.
"S-sorry! It is me… it is me who did something wrong… I am sorry! it is all my fault! I was wrong, so… I am sorry!"
She sobbed, her voice tiny and shaking, her eyes full of helplessness and even fear.
This made him panic.
"No, why are you apologizing? You have never done anything bad, have you? Be good, do not cry, okay? What do you want to eat? I will buy it for you."
"N-no! I… I… I do not want to be someone else's child!"
Even though every word seemed to take all her strength, Fern stopped wiping her tears. Both her little hands unconsciously clenched the hem of his clothes.
The small girl tightly gripped Ash's clothes, her fingertips turning pale from the force, as if… she were holding on to the last bit of support in her life.
Seeing those pale, slender fingers, and remembering what she had just said, Ash felt as if this child was silently telling him through this action, please do not leave me, I will change, I really will change.
Even though Ash truly did not understand what exactly she was apologizing for, he just glanced at her hands and fell into troubled thought.
The air around them seemed to freeze, time becoming unbearably slow.
And his gaze softened from that initial worry, turning into tenderness and pity.
His heart seemed to be pulled by an irresistible force. He gently stroked Fern's soft hair and used his other hand to wipe away the tears sliding down her eyes, speaking in the calmest and warmest tone he could manage.
"I understand how you feel. Although I really want to just agree like this, that would be irresponsible to both you and me. After all, this matter is very important for both of us, so before I hand you over to a more suitable family, let us talk about it first, okay?"
"T, talk… talk a… talk?", Fern's words broke apart in her sobbing, but her mind quickly understood what he meant. The moment she did, she shook her head violently, her voice firm yet trembling.
"No! I do not want to talk!"
"Be good, Fern, I am just…"
"I do not want to! Absolutely… absolutely not!"
"I see."
For Fern, who always acted like a grown up, such a willful outburst was a first. But it quickly made him understand, in his distress, that words were already meaningless.
Perhaps like people often say, the more rational and suppressed someone usually is, the more uncontrollable they become when they break.
Because such people suppress their emotions for a long time. Once those emotions reach a certain threshold, they suddenly erupt with intense force.
Unless he agreed to her request, words alone had no meaning. In this state, she would not choose to negotiate.
There are only two paths in communication. Either he succeeds, or it fails completely.
But he did not want to lie, and he did not want to face the risks that would come after lying.
[T/N: Let's just hope MC doesn't leave her🤞]
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