The little boy again grabbed my hands, making sure to be extra careful this time, and gently guided me back to the little hut where I had just escaped from all the while taking concerned glances at me. I quickly awoke from my stupor, but now I was confused, well more guilty than anything else. Even though I had just taken over the original owner's body and had no direct link to the scrawny little boy before me looking up at me as if I were his whole world, I had the memories that they shared and even felt the emotions clear as day as soon as he appeared before my eyes.
Waking up in a new body and in a whole new world where everything was largely unfamiliar, and with memories of the original owner's destiny greatly scared me out of my wits, I had only thought about escaping as far away and as quickly as possible without making any plans for my future. After my little epiphany and returning right back to my starting point, I finally calmed down and took the chance to let my new reality sink in.
I closed my eyes, unable to bare the weight the little boy's gaze and tried taking deep breaths as I sat on the make-shift bed I had woken up from, but the air was stale and instead made my chest feel heavy. Feeling a bit tormented, I let out a heavy sigh in frustration and lifted my hands to pull on the ends of my heavily matted hair. Seeing the dirty and greasy hair, I was further disgusted at the living conditions of such young children and even more motivated to leave that place.
While distracted in my lament at the dire conditions of my immediate environment, little Kazu came up to me with a ladle of some of the water she had just drank, but she didn't have the heart to refuse.
"Here, sister. Drink some water, you'll feel better." His eyes stared into my soul, and knowing we had no better alternative, I sheepishly took the ladle from his hand. With the thought that it hadn't killed them yet and that I had handled much worse in my last life before I became a little rich woman with refined tastes, I poured all the liquid in my mouth.
As I struggled to swallow it all in one gulp, my face scrunched up as if I had eaten a sour fruit. I swore to the heavens, 'I will definitely not continue living like this. If I did it once before, I can certainly do it again and it would take even less time since I have all the memories and experience from my last life." As soon as it went down my esophagus, it all threatened to come right back up, but after gulping down a mouthful of stale air I ended up burping with a shiver running down my spine.
I looked up to still find the boy still attentively looking at me. Awkwardly I tried to find something to say to him, "Thank you, I feel a little better now." My voice was so weak like it took half the life I had just gotten back to tell the biggest lie I had to tell in both of my lives combined.
Little Kazu look back towards the door that was no longer barely hanging on its hinges, "I'm sorry, sister. I locked the door so no one would bother you while I was out. I didn't know you would wake up before I came back." He said as he walked towards the pieces of the broken door and lifted it up, leaning it on the outside of the hut.
"It's okay. I didn't really mean to break the door down; I just wanted to get out." I noticed that even though Kazu didn't speak much he was rather well-spoken compared to other kids their age, I simply wrote it off as it being an effect of how they've been growing, since they had to mature faster compared to other kids.
I couldn't help but stand and awkwardly wring my fingers out of habit.
"You continue to rest. I'll go boil the medicine for you." Before I could stop him, he had already run away to make medicine with no doubt the mud water I had just drank after somewhat cleaning up the yard.
Heeding his advice, I sat back down and tried to think of how I could escape from the palace.
I now realized that with it being a palace, the entrances and exits would be heavily guarded by armed guards, not to mention I was in the white tower. I would have to figure out how to get out of here before I could even dream of seeing the exit of the palace. I released yet another heavy sigh out of frustration while pulling at my hair.
'And what about Kazu?' I suddenly thought.
If I left with him now while he is still young and vulnerable, wouldn't that change his fate? I only wanted to change my own fate because only a tragedy was instore for me in the future if I stayed in the palace, but I didn't want to change the whole trajectory of the world I was now living in or deny the people a great ruler. But, then again, I couldn't just leave him in the palace alone he would certainly die soon after as he had only survived because of the original owner taking all the shots intended for him.
'And... what if I did manage to leave? Then what? Would I starve to death, or freeze to death owning only these rags on my back?' I again thought.
With a scrunched face as I brushed my nose with my right index finger as I looked around my immediate surroundings, I thought back to my first life and remembered my humble beginnings that now felt like a million light years away.
'This is actually better, though not by much it is a proper roof to shield from wind and rain. Much more than what I started out with before. Just a little bit longer, I just have to endure this a little bit longer.'
I sat there and racked my mind for ways I could change my situation quickly but also not too noticeably. Afterall, who ever got rich by putting all their eggs in one basket? No one. I knew that in order to really save enough money to at least bribe some servants I had to try multiple things and grow whichever ones proved more fruitful through much trial and error.
Soon little Kazu returned with the same ladle, this time it contained a steaming concoction, I knew was brewed from wild herbs that were generally good for lowering fevers.
"Here, sister." He offered with both hands outstretched. "Your medicine."
Looking at the steam rising from the concoction right before my face I felt a little less suffocated with the smell of the herbs wafting into my nostrils making me feel a bit lighter like a weight was being lifted from my chest. Even so I still couldn't help feeling a bit unwilling to drink it clearly remembering the taste of the muddy water, knowing that it must have been used to brew all the herbs into medicine. But Kazu's gaze, still trained on me, compelled me to gently take the ladle from his hands.
'Just a little bit longer, I just have to endure this a little bit longer.' I murmured these words in my mind as a silent comfort and again closed my eyes and threw everything in my mouth and tried to swallow it all in one big gulp, but I forgot it was still piping hot and almost choked and even scalded my legs a little through my little potato sack dress, a surprised scream escaped my lips.
"Sister!" Kazu shouted in shock. He unconsciously tried using his own hands to wipe at where I had accidentally spat the medicine on myself.
"Stop, I'm alright. You'll burn yourself," I said as I tried pushing his hands away from the mess I had created within the mess we were already in.
"But- but you'll get burned!" Kazu cried out loud, I was shocked to see this.
Though he was technically still a child, with my clear memories, I had not really been seeing him as a child but as the future ruler of an empire and had not fully understood that may be who he becomes in the future but in their present time he was still just a little boy. A little boy who saw his big sister as the center of the universe because only she truly loved and cared for him, inside the cold palace walls only she took care of him when he was sick, played with him when he was lonely, and protected him whenever he was being bullied.
I, almost instinctively, reached out a hand and patted his head as he knelt before her and cried with big tear drops rolling down his cheeks. Growing up in an orphanage, I had always had a soft spot for young children and seeing him cry so much made her heart ache.
"There, there. It's alright. I'm okay. See I didn't get burned." I lifted her potato sack dress just a little above my knee and showed him that the hot liquid hadn't managed to seep through to burn my skin.
Seeing that I wasn't burned, he sniffled and wiped his face with his hands, but he did not move away from the hand patting his head.
With a smile, I lifted his face to look at me, "One day, we'll definitely live a much better life. You and me, together. But we'll have to work really, really hard. Do you want to help me build our future home?"
Those words, I was quite unaware of just how much they had impacted little Kazu at the time. Though all he knew was that little hut and his big sister who always took care of him and most times he was content, but he too wanted to live in a house without mud and have his big sister dress in pretty dresses like the other little girls he had seen.
As two pairs of eyes stared into each other, little Kazu nodded his head with a hum. "I will," he promised.
Perhaps out of habit, I raised my pinky, little Kazu eyed it weirdly unsure of what to do.
"When making a promise, you have to connect pinkies for it to really count. You do it like this," I took his right hand and raised his right pinky finger to wrap around my left pinky finger, then shook it thrice before connecting our thumbs to seal the deal. "Now, you can't break your promise," I said as if coaxing a child forgetting that I was now also a child.