Our group hires a coachman. I say coachman, but it's literally a peasant, two mules, and a board on four wheels.
The trip took us roughly an hour.
For that hour, we all listened to Kael's inane ramblings.
By we, I mean just me and Serena.
Eric read his little magic book, Alin immediately closed her eyes and took a nap.
Serena, being the oh-so-kind clergy girl stereotype, listened to his words with undivided attention.
Leaving me, the only one being mentally tortured by our party leader's middle schooler delusions of slaying dragons and saving princesses.
Fortunately, I didn't have to endure his fantasies for long.
Upon arriving within five km of the request zone, we disembark and pay the driver. We ask him to stay put for a few hours.
We continue on foot through a sparse forest for about 15 minutes until arriving at the goblin cave, which is situated in a rocky region close to the mountains.
From the outside, it appears no different from a cave belonging to a large predator.
If it weren't for the rotting heads stuck on stakes displayed for all to see.
They're practically screaming that monsters are living in this cave. It's like a guy wearing a bold waifu shirt letting the whole world know he's an otaku.
Maybe this is why people tend to look down on the little green bastards. If I were an evil vermin scoundrel who preys upon society, I'd make sure my lair is someplace inconspicuous and hard to find.
These guys must have the mental age of five-year-olds, be incredibly thick-skinned, or have no regard for their lives to be boldly inviting people to come and put them down.
Nevertheless, as a consumer of modern media and entertainment, I know full well what happens when people don't pay attention to the traps and dirty tactics they use.
By people, I especially mean when women underestimate them and leave their backs exposed to them.
As for the reason why I specifically state women…
Let's just say it's not for some sexist way of thinking, rather it's related to why goblins are an abundant species despite having a 'high' male population. I emphasize high since female goblins are a rare staple in these stories.
…
What!? It's not like I'm the only one who read 'one of those' novels!
Some of you bastards probably get off on Law43 to weirder shit, maybe even literal shit! Who are you to judge!?
"Hey, everything alright?"
I snap myself out of my thoughts and back to reality.
Actually, is this reality, or am I in some trash isekai work?
"Oi, what's wrong?" Alin asks again.
Ah, my inner emotions from my monologuing seem to be showing on my face.
I should assuage her worries.
Hold on, what was I monologuing about?
I swear it was something unhinged, but it's completely wiped from my memory.
Very odd.
Bah! Whatever, I'm sure it's nothing important. "Everything's fine, first time taking on a request with a group."
"You seemed… on edge. "
"I've fought goblins before."
"Same here."
"You're thinking what I'm thinking, right?"
"Probably."
"Goblins are dumb and weak, but there's a reason why they aren't extinct."
"Indeed."
"This party might get disbanded by the end of the day. Half of us are probably going to be in body bags."
Her eyes look at mine, "Interesting, from your display on the practice field and the condition of your clothes, you seem to have spent at most a week in this world. Yet you speak with experience."
The heck? Is this girl secretly a long-lived elf? What's with her way of speech?
Actually, that might not be far off considering how she conceals her face.
Is this one of those tropes where elves are frequently targeted by the underworld and slave traders for their beauty?
I don't think it'd be a good idea to tell her I'm an expert on goblin behaviour from explicit graphic literature.
"Let's just say it's a hunch."
I can't see her expression clearly, with her hood and pull-up mask covering three quarters of her face and head. As well as hiding away her hair, I don't
Despite most of her face being hidden, I have a vague feeling she smiled.
That or I'm dreaming.
Anyways, we proceed into the tunnel, trailing after Kael, Serena and Eric.
Since I was the only one without gear, wearing only my school uniform that's gone two days without a wash, I am obligated to carry a torch.
Though if my suspicions are correct, Alin probably doesn't need a torch, or do elves not have night vision? That might be the Dark Elves or Drow for the nerds like me.
Meh, even if she doesn't need it, I most certainly do. My 'Eyes of The All-Knowing' don't exactly come with night vision.
The party advances onward. Due to my inner-monologuing on some subject I've long forgotten, Alin and I trail behind a bit.
I take this opportunity as a member of the rearguard to investigate the sides of the tunnels.
Alin slows her pace to match mine, quietly observing my actions.
Slime and muck cover the stony walls. If one closed their eyes and zoned in on their smell, it'd feel like they're in a public toilet, a downtown public toilet. Those places are absolutely rancid.
The deeper we go, the stronger and worse the smell gets.
Doing my best to ignore the smell, I continue to examine the walls until I shine my torch over a particularly shadowy part of the cave.
As I lighten up the darkened area, a branching path is revealed.
The totally-not-an-elf ranger exclaims, "A side passage hidden by shadows. Typical goblin trick."
"Let me guess, we go down one way and the little filthy critters ambush us from behind through the other passage."
"Indeed, it's best to set up a trap or block it."
"Any ideas?"
"Cave-ins are a surefire way to kill them," she suggests. "But it's risky."
I shake my head. "I only have Eldritch Mote, you've seen the damage it can do. I think we're going to need Eric to set up some barrier or a Glyph of Warding."
Alin clears her throat. "Did you forget my job?"
"Ah, right. We have a Ranger, perfect."
"Give me a few moments and I'll have a nasty surprise for them."
Before Alin can put her skills to use, we hear our teammates shout out from further down:
"Die!"
Following that battle cry, the sound of metal hewing flash rings out! A high-pitched squeal follows.
"Firebolt!"
Not to be left out, Eric starts yelling at the top of his lungs, multiple flashes appear ahead of the tunnel.
Wow, they're already having fun without us.
It seems like our little cave-dwellers didn't forget to send some of their kin to toy with us, the rest of the split off party.
"Grau!" "Awr!" "Yagh!"
The sounds of the pitter-pattering of a horde of tiny midgets steadily grows louder from the branching tunnel Alin and I discovered.
With the goblins almost upon us, I ask the expert, "Should I collapse the tunnel?"
"No, just blast them until you don't hear a thing."
I nod. "Keep an eye on the other entrance."
Without a word, she focuses her attention on the direction our companions went.
"Aaaaagh!"
Oh, that can't be good.
Unfortunately for our friends, we have our own skins to worry about.
Amidst the screaming that came from either Kael or Eric, I hear the pitter-patter of footsteps and disgusting growling.
Without hesitation, I unleash my spells into the narrow passage.
'Zwuack!' 'Zwauck!' 'Zwuack!'
Shrieks ensue. It doesn't take long for the pitter-patter and nasty gargling to completely die down.
I throw in a few more blasts for extra measure and turn to Alin. "The goblins are dead, let's hurry and see how our buddies are faring."
"Yes, hopefully they're still in one piece.
We quickly rush down the main tunnel to assist our struggling comrades.
And when we get there…
The situation is looking terrible, to say the least.