There was always a wall between us
It stopped me from reaching out my hand to you
But that wall doesn't exist anymore
*******
There was a knock on the door that snapped Kato out of his thoughts. He glanced at the clock. It was 7 AM already. He had spent the entire night lost in thought, his swollen eyes betraying his lack of sleep.
Kato stood up and trudged to the door. When he unlocked and opened it, Mira was standing there, her expression a mixture of concern and determination.
Kato: Mira?
Mira: Kato… can we talk?
Kato: (sighs) Sure….. why not.
Mira: Also I don't want to talk here. Let's go outside.
Kato: Outside? Do I have to?
Mira grabbed Kato's hand
Mira: Yes you do.
Soon, Kato and Mira left the main building of the Hashido estate and began walking toward the garden. Kato's gaze drifted to the people around them, their smiles bright and carefree, and he found he couldn't bring himself to return even one. The weight of guilt and sorrow sat on his chest, heavy and unyielding.
Mira walked a few steps ahead, but she kept glancing back at him. Each time she caught sight of his downcast expression, her heart tightened. She recognized that look. It was the same kind of pain she had once carried herself.
Mira: (to herself) This feeling… I know what it is, Kato. I know exactly what it is. Because we're the same. I, too, lost my mother, and it sent me spiraling.
*******
When I was younger, I struggled deeply with low self-esteem. I always felt different from everyone else and it wasn't just because I was born a Shadow.
My mom owned a flower shop, and my dad was the head of the Hashido Clan, the highest-ranking family in Shadow society. But none of that was the reason I felt out of place.
I came to believe that because of the roles people play in your life, they don't always tell you the truth. I felt that sometimes, they lie to protect you from the pain the truth might bring.
When I failed at shadow technique training…
When I accidentally broke the flower vase at home…
When I didn't do well in school…
I always felt useless. I believed I deserved to be scolded or punished. But no one ever did. Instead, they always said things like:
"You'll do better next time."
"Don't be so hard on yourself."
"Everyone makes mistakes."
I know encouragement is meant to help, but to me, it felt like a mask. Like no one was willing to tell me the hard truth. And that silence only made my insecurity grow deeper.
The only people who ever said what I thought was the "truth" were the Imperial Guard, who clearly didn't like me because of my Dad. But their harsh words didn't make me stronger. They only made my self-worth crumble faster.
To be honest, I didn't really know what I wanted anymore.
By the time I was thirteen, I was breaking inside. And my mother, Ayane Smith, finally noticed. One day, she called me aside and asked me to talk.
*******
Ayane: (combing Mira's red hair) Is something wrong, Mira? You've seemed down lately.
Mira: Oh, no. Nothing's wrong, Mom. (puts on a fake smile) I'm fine.
Ayane titled her head.
Ayane: We both know that's not true. Come on, you can tell me anything. It's just us here now.
Mira lowered her head and then spoke quietly.
Mira: Mom, do I have value?
Ayane's eyes widened in shock.
Ayane: Of course you do! Why would you even question that?!
Mira: Because I always seem to mess up, no matter what I do. And everyone just says the same things over and over. It feels like they're hiding the truth from me. And not saying it hurts even more.
Ayane gently lifted Mira's chin and looked into her eyes
Ayane: Oh, Mira, I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. It's okay to feel like you mess up sometimes. We all do. But those mistakes don't define your value or who you are. You're good. I promise you that my words, and your father's, aren't meant to hide anything; they're meant to show you that you're good and that you can be better.
Mira: You think so?
Ayane: I know so. You have so much potential, not just as a Shadow, but as a person. Mistakes are just steps in the journey to becoming who you're meant to be. If anyone ever lies to you, it won't be your father or me. Okay?
Mira nodded and Ayane smiled and patted her daughter's head slowly.
Ayane: Just continue to improve on yourself and I assure you that you'll find the value you claim you're lacking. Whenever you need help, call me or your father. We''l be there to help you.
Mira: Okay.
********
Of course she'd say that. She wouldn't tell me what she truly felt. She was my mother.
But she told me she'd always be there for me, and she kept to that promise and for a moment, it gave me some kind of hope that everything was going to be alright.
But then one day, everything shattered. My mom was diagnosed with glioblastoma and exactly one year later, she was gone.