The ICU had been transformed into something from a fever dream.
Medical equipment lay twisted into impossible shapes, their screens displaying hieroglyphs that hurt to look at directly. In the center of the room, my sister Emma floated three feet above her hospital bed, suspended in a cocoon of golden light that pulsed with alien intelligence.
The thing wearing her face opened eyes that blazed like miniature suns.
"Mortals," it spoke, and the voice carried the weight of eons. "You stand before the Golden Ancestor, First of the Celestial Throne. Kneel, and perhaps I will grant you the mercy of a swift death."
Marcus hit the floor immediately, his knees shattering against the tile as divine pressure crushed down on him. Lyra managed to stay upright, but I could see her sword arm trembling as she fought against the overwhelming aura.
*Target Analysis: Golden Ancestor*
*Level: 80 (Ancient Remnant Soul)*
*Classification: Illegal Occupant*
*Violation Status: SEVERE*
I checked my watch. "Visiting hours ended twenty minutes ago. Do you have a permit for extended occupancy?"
The Golden Ancestor blinked, its cosmic majesty faltering for just a moment. "What... what did you just say?"
"Simple question," I said, pulling out my phone and opening a notes app. "You're currently inhabiting private property without authorization. That's a violation of Universal Housing Code, Section 12-A."
The thing possessing my sister's body began to laugh—a sound like galaxies colliding. "You dare speak to me of... codes? I am older than your species, older than your pathetic planet. I have devoured civilizations that spanned—"
"Yeah, yeah, cosmic horror, very impressive." I waved dismissively. "But you're still squatting in my sister's body without a lease agreement. That makes you a trespasser."
*System Alert: Illegal Occupation Detected*
*Property Classification: Core Fixed Asset*
*Recommended Action: Immediate Eviction*
The Golden Ancestor's expression shifted from amusement to rage. "Insolent worm! I will—"
"You'll what?" I interrupted, my system already generating the appropriate paperwork. "Assault a licensed tax collector? That's a federal offense."
A burning citation materialized in my hand, written in letters of golden fire that even the Ancestor could read. The cosmic entity recoiled as if I'd brandished a weapon.
"According to Cosmic Property Protection Act, Article 847," I continued, "your current occupation constitutes illegal subletting, unauthorized body modification, and—" I glanced at Emma's floating form, "—violation of local gravity ordinances."
The Golden Ancestor raised one massive hand, divine energy crackling between its fingers. "Enough of this madness! I will crush you like the insect you are!"
I snapped my fingers.
*System Judgment: ACTIVATED*
The Ancestor's attack froze mid-swing as golden threads erupted from my chest. But a split second later, the sky itself cracked. The Golden Ancestor roared, its voice rewriting the laws of physics around us. The golden threads began to corrode, turning black as the ancient soul invoked its divine right.
"I AM THE LAW!" it shrieked, its power trying to crush my system's judgment. "EMINENT DOMAIN!"
"Not anymore," I gritted my teeth, feeling my system groaning under the pressure. The god fragment in my pocket pulsed with heat—a piece of the very same divinity it was trying to use. I fed it into my tax form, watching the golden letters flare brighter. "I'm appealing your jurisdiction. By the power of the Multiversal Revenue Code, Section 666: Divine entities operating on mortal planes forfeit sovereign immunity."
The golden threads surged back, burning brighter than ever.
*Violation: Malicious occupation of high-value assets*
*Penalty: Forced collection of occupancy tax + illegal use fees + punitive late charges*
*Tax Rate: 1% of soul essence per second*
*Collection Method: AUTOMATIC*
"Objection overruled," I snarled. "Pay up."
The Ancestor's eyes widened in shock as the system began its work, golden streams of essence flowing from its form into mine.
*Collection in Progress...*
*Soul Essence Acquired: 1,247 units*
*Level Progression: 15 → 16 → 17 → 18*
*Warning: Target attempting emergency evacuation*
"What is this?" the Golden Ancestor shrieked, its voice losing some of its cosmic authority. "What are you doing to me?"
"Collecting back rent," I said, watching the data streams flow into my consciousness. "With interest."
The entity tried to abandon Emma's body, but as it began to separate from her physical form, I saw its final gambit. The bastard was trying to detonate her life force—a suicide bomb to take us all with it.
"Lyra!" I shouted. "The connection!"
She moved like lightning, her sword flashing silver as she severed the causal threads binding the Ancestor to Emma's life force. The explosion that should have vaporized the hospital became nothing more than a shower of harmless sparks.
"Oh no," I said, reaching out with enhanced senses to grab the fleeing soul. "You're not leaving without paying the security deposit."
*Violent Collection Mode: ENGAGED*
*Target: Attempting unauthorized departure*
*Additional Charges: Attempted destruction of property, terrorism*
I caught the Golden Ancestor's essence in my bare hands—not its physical form, but the causal threads that bound it to reality. The ancient soul writhed like a living thing, trying to escape my grip.
"This is impossible!" it wailed. "I am eternal! I am—"
"Bankrupt," I finished, squeezing harder. The Ancestor's form began to compress, its vast consciousness folding in on itself like origami made of starlight. "And in default on your cosmic loans."
With a sound like reality tearing, the Golden Ancestor's soul collapsed into a single point of brilliant light. I caught the resulting crystal—a perfect sphere of condensed divinity that pulsed with barely contained power.
*Collection Complete*
*Asset Acquired: [Ancient God Fragment]*
*Special Properties: Dimensional Key*
*Access Granted: Second Tier - Multiversal Trade Zone*
Emma fell toward her bed, and I caught her before she could hit the mattress. Her breathing was steady, her pulse strong. Whatever the Ancestor had done to her, it hadn't caused any permanent damage.
"Ethan," Lyra whispered, staring at the crystal in my hand. "Do you have any idea what you just did?"
"Evicted a deadbeat tenant," I said, pocketing the god fragment. "And collected some overdue rent."
Marcus was still on the floor, his legs bent at unnatural angles. "Is... is it over?"
"For now." I helped Emma settle back onto her bed, checking her vitals on the restored monitors. Everything looked normal—better than normal, actually. The Ancestor's presence had somehow accelerated her healing.
"Brother?" Emma's eyes fluttered open, unfocused and confused. "I had the strangest dream. There was this golden man, and he was so angry, and then you came and you..."
She trailed off, trying to remember.
"And I what?" I asked gently.
"You ate him," she said with childlike wonder. "Like, dipped him in soy sauce and everything."
I couldn't help but smile. "Something like that."
That's when the hospital's lights began to flicker. Not the normal electrical failure kind of flickering—this was systematic, deliberate. My system interface started glitching, displaying error messages in languages that predated human civilization.
*SYSTEM OVERRIDE DETECTED*
*EXTERNAL AUDIT IN PROGRESS*
*ASSET FREEZE INITIATED*
The PA system crackled to life, but the voice that emerged wasn't human. It was cold, mechanical, utterly without emotion:
"Ethan Su, designation: Rogue Auditor. You have been classified as a Person of Interest by the Multiversal Revenue Service. Surrender yourself for processing, or face escalated collection procedures."
The shadows in the corners of the room began to move with purpose, and I could see shapes forming—things that weren't quite human, weren't quite machine, but something in between. Enforcement drones, their bodies made of living mathematics and bureaucratic nightmares.
"They're freezing your assets," Lyra breathed, her face pale. "The MRS can override any system, even yours."
My phone buzzed with an incoming message. The sender was listed as "Multiversal Revenue Service," and the subject line made my blood run cold:
*AUDIT NOTICE: Mandatory compliance review scheduled. Report to Sector 7 Processing Center within 72 hours or face immediate asset seizure.*
I looked down at Emma, still sleeping peacefully despite the cosmic bureaucracy closing in around us. Then at the god fragment in my pocket, pulsing with enough power to level a city block.
"Well," I said, helping Marcus to his feet, "looks like we're about to find out just how far up the food chain this tax collection business goes."
The enforcement drones were materializing faster now, their forms solidifying as they prepared to process us according to multiversal law.
*System Alert: Hostile Acquisition Detected*
*Multiple High-Tier Entities Approaching*
*Estimated Time to Contact: 47 seconds*
*Recommendation: DIMENSIONAL ESCAPE*
I picked up Emma, cradling her against my chest as alarms began blaring throughout the hospital.
"Time to go," I said, crushing the god fragment in my hand. Reality tore open like wet paper, revealing a swirling vortex of possibilities. "And I have a feeling we're not in Kansas anymore."