I was basically living like a house plant. Eating and sleeping. That day I sat by the piano, playing jingle bells at such a slow pace, one could mistake it for some masterpiece. The tune echoed throughout the mansion. The service lady had already retired for the day.
I was free to do whatever, the only difficulty being I didn't know what to do. Azkail was being weird as well, he brought dumplings for me. Soup dumplings that he doesn't even like. But thanks to those dumplings I was keeping my sanity. But the most weird part is that it was almost like he was avoiding me but not really. All he did was use me like a body pillow.
Out of boredom I spent my morning identifying each flower in the garden. Which wasn't enough so I watched TV. A cooking show was airing. About some special sort of dessert. It had been years since I had last cooked a meal myself.
So I searched YouTube, on his phone that was still with me. Time passed and it was around 6 when I finished. He arrived on time.
"Welcome back…" I greeted him from the table. Without replying he put aside his coat and tie. I focused on setting the table, but I felt him approaching. Before I could turn he hugged me. I should have seen that coming.
"I cooked today."
"I– I made it because I was bored so it probably won't taste good." I said hesitantly after his lack of response.
His face was pressed against my neck, and his hands over my stomach.
"It is fine." He said while kissing my neck.
He released me and we sat down to eat.
While eating we kept locking eyes. Suddenly he asked
"What? Do you want to say something?" He asked, looking at me while taking another bite.
I hadn't realised that I was being so obvious. I did want to ask him something but I wasn't sure how.
"Do you like kids?" I asked before I could think twice and regret immediately flooded in.
He looked at me with an arched eyebrow,
"What do you mean?" He looked at me like I was speaking a foreign language.
"I mean do you think they're cute?" I was going to embarrass myself till the end.
"No." It didn't sound like he was interested in it, his eyes were focused on his plate like he was finding something there.
"You don't like kids?" I felt disappointed, but also didn't understand what he was saying.
"I don't have anyone I like." He said without looking at me, he seemed different, something I've never seen before. Like he was uncomfortable with the topic.
"That's not what I–" My sentence had yet to complete when he suddenly got up with his plate.
I followed behind with my plate. The food was gone long ago.
He was washing the dishes, it felt awkward to add in my plate. I was standing there in confusion when he snatched the plate from my hand.
I didn't move, hoping to get an answer I didn't have the guts to question.
I followed behind him like a shadow till we eventually reached my room, I waited but he never said anything. After collecting enough courage I spoke again.
"You know one time during my college years, I was at a cafe when a random girl came up to me calling me her mother." I sat on the edge of the bed, speaking in a low voice deliberately so he'd pay attention.
He was changing his clothes, looking at me through his shoulder.
"...do you have a secret child?" He asked. Genuinely.
"What?" →
"What?" ‹–
I sighed and continued.
"She was lost and confused me for her mother. It made me realise what I wanted." I looked at him hoping he'd get the hint. He pulled a t-shirt on and made his way towards me, his eyes locked on me.
"Really? That's great." He said half heartedly like he just wanted the topic to be over. His hand went around my neck as he leaned down to kiss me, I still had much to say but the heat of his breath melted away my thoughts.
Slowly I was under his weight, getting warmer by the second. My head tried hard to resist, I didn't want him to stop but I needed to have a talk with him.
He pulled away for a brief moment before moving down my neck, my hand went in his hair, grabbing it lightly.
I feared forgetting what I wanted to say —
"I want a daughter" I said without overthinking it, but I felt his pause.
He didn't respond right away, after a few minutes, he pulled away.
"Sleep well." He said and moved over to his side.
This was weird even for him.
"Kail"
"Did you hear me?" I asked, offended by his dismissive behaviour. He was the one who said we were a family, so how could he act like this now?
"I heard you, and I'm not going to entertain your stupidity. Go to sleep." His voice was harsh and cold, like when we first met.
Why? Why now? After all that talk about being family. Maybe I was the fool for believing. How could I argue with that? Stupidity? Like I was asking for something unreasonable. Maybe I stepped out of line. I laid there in the bed, but all I could do was be frustrated with myself. Sleep well, he said, after making me feel like crap. "Night" I said, biting my tongue.