I was so tired.
I opened my eyes and lay there, staring at the ceiling, the same cracks, the same stains, the same thoughts.
'No more repeating.'
After a moment, I forced myself out of bed and pulled on some clothes. I dressed a little nicer than usual and fixed my hair the way I always did for important moments. If this really was the end, I did not want to look careless when someone found me. Or when my face ended up on the news.
I left my studio apartment and, unlike every other morning, I turned right.
For the first time since university, I was off work. The crisp morning air hit my face, sharp and clean, and for a brief second it felt good. Knowing what I was about to do dulled that feeling, but not enough to stop me. I had already decided. I was done with this story.
After a twenty minute walk, I reached the train tracks.
This felt right.
I walked to the bend in the rails, where nothing could be seen until it was too late, and sat down. The view surprised me. A quiet lake reflected the sky, and beyond it I could see a small park, empty at this hour. It was peaceful.
I put on my headphones and turned on noise canceling. The world faded away, leaving only silence.
A calm, quiet end.
Every day had been the same. Wake up, shower, brush my teeth, get dressed, go to work, come home, sleep. Over and over, with no breaks and nothing new. I wanted it to stop. I wanted rest.
The thought settled, and the tracks began to vibrate beneath me.
I closed my eyes.
The vibration grew stronger, steady at first, then violent, until my whole body shook with the rails, like I was already part of the machine rushing toward me.
'I feel free, at the last chapter of my story.'
The train was close now. I could feel it in my chest. The thrill caught me off guard. My headphones failed to block the sound, metal screaming against metal, less than fifteen feet away. My heart pounded in sync with the rails, wild and fast, and then I heard the conductor's whistle cut through everything else.
Nothing mattered but the moment.
Then everything stopped.
The noise vanished. The shaking ended. My heartbeat froze as suddenly as it had begun.
'So this is what dying feels like.'
'Less painful than I expected.'
A voice drifted through the silence, soft and distant, like wind passing through tall grass.
"This would have been a nice ending."
"But I'm not satisfied."
"So I'll change the setting."
"And add a twist."
"Just to make things interesting."
I opened my eyes.
The train was gone.
Before I could react, pink and gold light flooded my vision, blinding and overwhelming. The colors blended together, erasing the world piece by piece.
I tried to move.
I couldn't feel my body.
I couldn't feel the ground beneath me.
The light deepened, stretched, then collapsed inward, pulling me with it.
'Why isn't this my ending.'
The last thing I felt was the certainty that whatever came next was not an ending.