Chapter 40: The Holographic Hustle and the Party of Permanent Property Damage
[A/N: I've been betrayed. By my own mother. 💀 She told my girlfriend I'm a good cook, and now my life is forfeit.
I went from peacefully studying to being hugged/extorted into making dinner. I'm currently typing this with one hand and stirring pasta with the other. If this chapter feels a little "al dente," you know why. If she likes the food, tell my readers I love them, because I'll be stuck in the kitchen forever. ]
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
Listen here, see?
There is a specific kind of tension that exists in the Midoriya household when the mail arrives. It ain't the usual kind of tension—like when Izu-chan accidentally breaks a plate or when I decide to turn the kitchen floor into a swimming pool filled with chocolate pudding. No, this was the "Seasonal Finale" kind of tension. The kind where the music swells, the lighting gets all dramatic, and the camera starts zooming in on your sweating forehead.
I was currently hovering four feet off the living room floor, legs crossed in mid-air, wearing a silk bathrobe I'd pulled out of a pocket dimension and sipping a cup of coffee that was steam-writing the word 'ANXIOUS' in the air.
"Sunny, please stop vibrating," Mom said, her own hands shaking so hard she was accidentally levitating the teapot. "You're making the pictures on the wall dizzy."
"Can't help it, Ma!" I chirped, my voice echoing with a rhythmic [BOING-BOING] sound. "The Script is reaching a crescendo! The fans are waiting! The ratings are through the roof! Any second now, the mailman is gonna deliver the verdict that determines if we're the stars of a high-school drama or a gritty reboot about unemployment!"
Izuku was sitting on the couch, or rather, he was vibrating at a frequency that made him look like a green blur. He had his 'Hero Analysis' notebook gripped in hands that were practically glowing with repressed One For All sparks.
"I failed," Izuku whispered, his eyes wide and vacant. "I got zero combat points, Sunny. I'm going to be the first person in history to get a participation trophy for a heart attack."
"Pshaw! Combat points are for extras, Izu-chan!" I reached over and gave his hair a firm, squeaky head-pat. [SQUEAK-SQUEAK]. "You had 'Main Character Energy.' You saved the girl! You broke every bone in your body for the sake of a plot point! That's worth at least a golden ticket and a musical number!"
Suddenly, the mail slot rattled.
[CLATTER-CLACK-WHIRR].
Two envelopes slid onto the floor. They didn't just land; they hit the hardwood with the weight of two anvils. They were thick, expensive-looking, and bore the UA seal—a seal that, to my Toon-senses, was currently pulsing with a literal [THUMP-THUMP] heartbeat.
Mom let out a squeak that sounded like a tea kettle and promptly fainted onto a pile of sentient cushions I'd grown from the rug.
"This is it," Izuku gasped, lunging for the envelopes. He handed me mine—marked 'MIDORIYA, SUNNY' in calligraphy that looked suspiciously like it was written by a mouse with a very expensive fountain pen—and clutched his own like it was the Holy Grail.
"On three?" I asked, my eyes turning into two giant, ticking stopwatches.
"On three," Izuku nodded.
"One... two... THREE!"
We ripped them open. But we didn't get paper. Instead, a small, metallic disk fell out of each envelope and rolled onto the coffee table. They clicked together, whirred, and suddenly, a holographic projection exploded into the room, nearly knocking me off my invisible chair.
"I AM HERE... AS A PROJECTION!"
All Might's massive, golden-age face filled the living room. The lighting in the apartment shifted to a heroic sepia tone, and a triumphant brass fanfare started playing out of the kitchen toaster.
"Young Midoriyas!" the hologram bellowed. "First, I must apologize for the delay! The paperwork for the 'Calamity Class' expansion was... extensive! Principal Nezu had to fight three different government sub-committees and a very confused zoning board to make this happen!"
Izuku was staring at the hologram, tears already beginning to well up in his eyes.
"Young Izuku Midoriya!" All Might's image shifted to show the footage of the exam. There was Izuku, glowing like a radioactive Christmas tree, shattering the Zero-Pointer with a single, desperate punch. "Zero combat points? Perhaps. But a Hero is not measured by the robots he breaks, but by the people he protects! Rescue Points: Sixty! You passed, Young Midoriya! Welcome to UA!"
Izuku let out a sob that sounded like a dam breaking. He collapsed to his knees, clutching his chest, while a chorus of tiny, holographic angels started circling his head.
"And as for you..." The hologram turned toward me. All Might's expression shifted from 'Heroic Symbol' to 'Slightly Terrified Mentor.' "Young Sunny Midoriya. Combat Points: Sixty-nine. Entertainment Points: One Million. Property Damage: Infinite."
The screen showed me and Mina doing the JoJo poses while the robots behind us turned into glitter.
"The judges... well, the judges were confused," All Might admitted, coughing into his hand. "Midnight gave you a perfect score for 'Artistic Flair.' Aizawa tried to delete your existence with his quirk and ended up accidentally erasing his own shoelaces. But Principal Nezu... he laughed. He hasn't laughed like that since he successfully lobbied for the tax-exempt status of cheese."
I puffed out my chest, my white gloves snapping with pride. "See? I told ya, Izu-chan! The Mouse knows quality!"
"Sunny Midoriya!" All Might shouted, pointing a massive finger at the camera lens. "You have been accepted into the newly expanded Class 1-A! You and your brother are now officially Heroes-in-Training! Now, go forth and... try not to edit the school's curriculum too much! PLUS ULTRA!"
The hologram flickered and died. The toaster stopped playing the trumpet.
Silence filled the room for exactly three seconds.
"WE DID IT!" Izuku screamed, jumping up and tackling me into a hug that nearly sent us both through the ceiling.
"Course we did!" I laughed, my body turning into a spring to absorb the impact. [BOING!] "I've already got the 'Season 1' wardrobe picked out! We're gonna have capes, we're gonna have catchphrases, and I'm pretty sure I can convince the lunch lady to serve nothing but candied apples on Fridays!"
Mom woke up, saw us dancing, and immediately started crying so hard the apartment began to flood. I had to pull a giant yellow lifeboat out of the hallway closet just to keep the furniture dry.
But then, the doorbell rang.
It wasn't a normal ring. It was a [DING-DONG-BAM-BOOM-HONK].
"The guest stars are here!" I chirped, snapping my fingers.
I zoomed to the door, my legs turning into a literal wheel of motion. I ripped the door open, and for a second, I thought I'd accidentally walked into a riot.
"CONGRATULATIONS, GAG-BOY!"
Mina Ashido didn't walk in; she acid-slid across the foyer, throwing a handful of neon-pink confetti into the air. She was wearing a shirt that said 'I SURVIVED THE TOON EXAM' and her horns were decorated with tiny, glowing fairy lights.
"I passed! I'm in Class 1-A!" she cheered, grabbing my hands and spinning me around. "The judges said my 'JoJo Energy' was too powerful to ignore!"
"MOVE IT, PINKY!"
Bakugo stomped through the doorway, looking like he wanted to murder the concept of joy. He was carrying a crate of soda that was currently vibrating because he was gripping it so hard. "I passed too, obviously! Top of the class! And if any of you extras say a word about the 'Deer Video,' I'm blowing this entire apartment block into the stratosphere!"
"Kacchan! You made it!" Izuku squeaked, hiding behind a floating chair.
"SHUT UP, DEKU! I'm only here because the Hag made me bring the drinks!"
"Oh, stop being such a Tsundere-Boom-Boom-Boy," Aqua sighed, floating past him with an air of unearned royalty. She was wearing a literal cardboard crown she'd decorated with fake jewels and was holding a glass of tap water like it was vintage champagne. "As a Goddess, it was only natural that UA would beg for my presence. They've even offered me a 'Divine Stipend'... which I've already spent on a very expensive pair of socks that smell like lavender."
"You're still in debt, Aqua," Jirou muttered, walking in behind her with Kaminari. Jirou had her earphone jacks plugged into a portable speaker, playing a low-fi hip-hop beat that was keeping the chaos at a manageable decibel. "But yeah. We're in. Both of us. Class 1-A is gonna be a noise complaint waiting to happen."
"I'm the portable charger for the party!" Kaminari grinned, his thumb sparkling with electricity. "I've already got the playlist synced to my quirk! If the bass drops, I drop! Literally! I'll go 'wheee' if I overcharge!"
"The abyss welcomes the new semester," Tokoyami intoned, stepping out of the shadows of the hallway. Dark Shadow popped out of his chest, wearing a tiny party hat.
"WE PASSED TOO!" Dark Shadow screeched. "FUMIKAGE CRIED IN THE SHOWER! IT WAS VERY EMOTIONAL!"
"Silence, beast!" Tokoyami hissed, his beak flushing a deep shade of red.
Suddenly, the air in the room got heavy. A familiar, clicking sound filled the foyer.
"Infrastructure analysis complete!" Mei Hatsume screamed, bursting through the door with a backpack that was spraying steam and a pair of goggles that were spinning like crazy. "Sunny! I've built a celebratory 'Result-Popper' that uses pressurized confetti and a minor amount of C4! Where should I aim it?!"
"MEI, NO!" the entire crew yelled in unison.
"Aim it at the ceiling, Mei-chan!" I laughed, pulling a giant umbrella out of my ear to protect the snacks. "We're making it rain glitter tonight!"
Momo Yaoyorozu stepped in last, looking elegant even as she dodged a stray spark from Kaminari. She was carrying three massive trays of high-end catering she'd created on the walk over. "I took the liberty of providing actual sustenance. I suspected the 'Goddess' wouldn't be able to provide more than tap water."
"Hey! This is Holy Tap Water!" Aqua protested.
Momo smiled, a genuine, slightly chaotic glint in her eyes. "It's good to see everyone. It seems the 'Calamity Class' is officially a reality."
"SUNNY-NII!"
Eri came running out of the back room, her Reality Crayon clutched in her hand. She saw the crowd—the pink girl, the bird boy, the angry blonde, the sparkling musicians—and her face lit up like a supernova.
"Are they all staying for dinner?" she asked, looking up at me.
"Kid," I said, picking her up and setting her on my shoulder. "They're staying for the whole show! We're the main cast now, see? And the first episode of the UA Arc starts... RIGHT NOW!"
I snapped my fingers.
The living room walls expanded. The ceiling rose until it was twenty feet high. A disco ball descended from the air, spinning at three hundred RPMs. The floor turned into a giant trampoline, and Momo's catering trays started hovering in mid-air, following people around like loyal pets.
"PARTY AT THE MIDORIYAS!" I yelled, my voice dropping into that brassy, Brooklyn-announcer tone. "Music by Earbuds! Lighting by Sparky! Fireworks by the Boom-Boom Boy! And all the candied apples you can eat, provided by the God of Chaos himself!"
The next four hours were a blur of pure, unadulterated madness.
Kaminari ended up short-circuiting the fridge after trying to 'overclock' the ice maker, leading to him wandering around the kitchen with a 'Duh' face while Bakugo used his head as a coaster for his soda.
Mina and I had a dance-off that involved me turning into a literal puddle to slide under her acid-slides, only for her to counter with a gravity-defying spin that she'd clearly been practicing for weeks.
Toga—who had arrived halfway through by literally climbing through the window—was sitting on the kitchen counter, happily feeding Eri pieces of strawberry cake while explaining the different types of 'Red' she'd seen during the exam.
"Sunny-kun was the reddest!" Toga giggled, dabbing a bit of frosting on Eri's nose. "He looked like a giant, angry tomato when the Zero-Pointer tried to step on him!"
"I was a stylized tomato, Toga-chan!" I shouted from the top of the bookshelf, where I was currently playing a game of poker against Dark Shadow and a sentient deck of cards.
Aqua was in the corner, surrounded by Izuku, Momo, and Jirou. She was telling a wildly exaggerated version of her exam performance. "And then, I looked the robot in its mechanical eye and I said: 'Begone, foul toaster! For I am a Goddess!' And the robot was so moved by my beauty that it simply disassembled itself in shame!"
"Actually," Momo said, adjusting her glasses, "I have the drone footage. You tripped over a pebble and spent the rest of the exam crying in a drainage pipe while Sunny handled your sector."
"DETAILS! MINOR DETAILS!" Aqua wailed, melting into a puddle of blue soup on the rug. "I am being bullied by the aristocracy! Sunny, protect me!"
I looked around the room.
There was my brother, Izuku, laughing—actually laughing—as he showed Uraraka (who he'd called on speakerphone) his acceptance letter.
There was Bakugo, scowling, but secretly sharing a bag of spicy chips with Tokoyami.
There was Mei, trying to convince Mom that the vacuum cleaner needed a jet engine.
And there was Eri, safe, happy, and surrounded by the loudest, weirdest, most dangerous family in the world.
I leaned back against the air, crossing my arms over my yellow suit. The Fourth Wall felt warm tonight. I could practically feel the readers leaning in, smiling at the screen.
"Well, folks," I whispered, winking at the invisible camera. "The prologue is over. The training wheels are off. We've got the quirks, we've got the crew, and we've got a school that's about to realize they made a very, very big mistake when they let the 'Toon' through the front gate."
I reached into the air and grabbed a giant, glowing [TO BE CONTINUED] sign.
"See you in class, extras!"
I slammed the sign down onto the coffee table. [CLACK!]
The screen faded to black, but the sound of laughter, explosions, and a very loud slide-whistle echoed long after the credits started to roll.