Sayaka came too slowly. The first thing she realized was that she was definitely not in her bed, but was upright. And… bound, her mouth muzzled. Floating warning signs surrounded her in the white void.
Oh no.
"Did we have a nice dream?" the Demon asked with a crooked smile. Sayaka's blood froze as the demon lazily approached her, bathing in the apprehension and fear the bluenette was giving off. Sayaka struggled, trying to free herself even though she knew it was hopeless.
The Demon giggled as she gently brushed her hand across Sayaka's face, "Still trying to fight me, even after all that?" she sighed, as if coming to a conclusion, "I had hoped to get through to you. Sadly, even I have a limit to my patience."
With a snap of her fingers, the Demon summoned her clara dolls to her, "You could have had everything, you know. A normal life, friends and family. A girlfriend who thought the world of you. Alas. But fret not; I will give you the purpose you so desperately seek."
The clara dolls approached Sayaka, each carrying sewing needles. She screamed and struggled as they swarmed her, shoving the needles into her flesh and beginning their dark work.
"Shhh, shhh," the Demon cooed gently, placing her finger over Sayaka's muzzle, "Don't struggle. You wanted to disappear anyway, right? Well, I can't send you back to the Law of Cycles, but I can still grant you a certain kind of oblivion."
She was being stripped of her memories again. She tried in futile desperation to hold on, to remember, but they were leaking out like rain as she felt the Demon's claws rummaging through her mind—and unlike before they weren't being replaced by anything. Instead there was nothing, just an empty void. A cold terror overtook her as she realized she was being erased and there was nothing she could do.
She was Sayaka Miki, she told herself in some vain effort to hold on to some base aspect of who she was even as everything else washed away; praying, pleading that someone would find her, save her. Kyoko, Madoka, Mami, somebody.
"It's so hard, isn't it?" the Demon asked, taking so much enjoyment in her suffering as she danced around her, "Trying to juggle everything. Turn your back on a memory for even a second and it's gone forever. Even just listening to me now, I wonder how much you've already forgotten. I wonder how little of you is left."
She repeated that one fact, her name. It was her mantra, her lifeline. She was Sayaka Miki. She was Sayaka Miki. She was Sayaka Miki. Tears rolled down her face.
No one was coming.
"Perhaps you had the right idea" the Demon taunted her, "The others will get along far better without you making everything worse. I'll make sure they forget all about you."
All around her the clara dolls transformed her, sewing up her flesh. The pain was agonizing, but she couldn't even scream—her mouth had been sewed shut.
She couldn't… she couldn't remember her name. Who was she? What was she? Why was she crying?
As she was let out of her bindings, she was very nearly a blank slate. She turned to a mirror and saw a thin, spindly being with chalk white porcelain skin, pale blue hair, a wide unnatural smile, and dark clothing.
A clara doll.
Sayaka awoke with a start in cold sweat, terrified out of her mind. It took several seconds of panicked grabbing of her own limbs, her mouth, and her bed before she realized she wasn't… wasn't… a shiver went down her spine, unable to finish that thought.
She was Sayaka Miki. She was Sayaka Miki. She was Sayaka Miki. She was Sayaka Miki.
The bluenette shifted in bed restlessly, feeling suffocated by the dark and unfamiliar room before she decided she couldn't stay here a moment longer. She got up, throwing on a robe before quickly and as quietly as she could exiting to the rooftop of the student dorms. The cold breeze instantly took away the last dregs of sleep, and while it was mildly uncomfortable she didn't care. It was something she could touch, something that could anchor her down and ground her.
Sayaka leaned against the parapet that was keeping her from dropping over the side of the building and slid down to the floor in a heap, still trying to steady her breath. She could still feel the shock when with a single clap of her hands Homura had cut her off from the Law of Cycles, ripping her away from grace and salvation. She'd taken away her purpose as Madoka's assistant. She'd taken her memories, who she was, piece by piece just for speaking out and left her little more than a… then a doll, she supposed, a husk without freedom in her proverbial doll house. She'd imprisoned her, trapped her inside her own mind. She'd left her to die.
And when she'd awoken, Sayaka had found everything she'd fought for was gone. Homura had done what she'd promised and destroyed the world.
She shivered, resisting a sudden urge to break down.
It was a clear night; up above the twin moons hovered silently, shining down and granting a ghostly glow to the snowy landscape beyond the castle. Two moons; two. It was just off enough to always remind her that this wasn't Earth. Certainly, Madoka had woken Sayaka up from slumber for Law of Cycles work on more than a few occasions when she had needed a physical entity on the scene, and she'd seen some really exotic locals in her time—but somehow it being almost like Earth but not quite made it all the more off-putting, especially knowing there was no way back home.
… Everyone was dead.
That was the news Madoka had broken to her a few hours before. Everyone she'd ever known, everyone she'd ever loved. Except for the small group here at this College, they were dead, as if they'd never existed. Her world was gone, and she'd been out of commission the entire time. She wasn't really sure how to process that; she'd failed not just Madoka but everyone ever. She was an abject failure.
Some assistant she'd turned out to be.
She stifled a sob as she shifted into a ball.
"Hey."
Sayaka jumped.
"Woah, skittish much?" Kyoko asked, backing half a step away at the unexpected reaction. While Sayaka had been focused inward, she'd failed to notice Kyoko approaching. The redhead leaned against the parapet, a blanket in one hand and a small plate of something in the other.
"… Kyoko." Sayaka gasped in surprise before rubbing the water from her eyes, "Hey, I didn't see you…"
"You look like shit." the other girl said softly with her own unique brand of tenderness before approaching.
Sayaka gave a halfhearted chuckle that was more like a sob, "Sorry, I just…" She looked miserable.
"Bad dream?"
Sayaka nodded wordlessly as Kyoko settled down next to her, putting the plate of what looked to be pastries down on the ground before wrapping the blanket around both of them, "Wanna talk about it?"
Sayaka shook her head.
"Good." Kyoko took one of the rolls off the plate and began stuffing her face, "My bedside manner sucks." This actually elicited a genuine giggle from the other girl, and Kyoko took it as a good sign. She handed the other sweet roll to the bluenette who took it with some caution.
"… Where did you get these?" Sayaka asked with suspicion.
Kyoko gave the other girl a sly grin, "Stole it from the kitchen when they weren't looking."
Sayaka gasped, "Kyoko!" she chastised.
The redhead rolled her eyes as she came clean, "It's leftovers from dinner. They were left on the tables downstairs. Christ Sayaka, come on."
The bluenette sighed at Kyoko's bad attempt at riling her up before biting into her food. Even slightly stale it was just what she needed, "… Thank you."
"That's more like it," Kyoko grinned, before shifting closer to Sayaka and leaning her head against her shoulder.
"… You're being awfully affectionate tonight."
Kyoko laughed at that, "I just spent god knows how long with an angry mad scientist wizard doing experiments on me in his magical mushroom tower. I deserve to be a bit clingy," a pause, "… I'm glad you're back." she added, her voice more subdued.
"… Yeah," Sayaka said numbly, her eyes distant.
Concern drifted over Kyoko's face, "… Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?"
Sayaka shook her head again and Kyoko let the matter drop, if reluctantly. A moment of silence passed before Sayaka asked, "… So what's the plan?"
"Plan?" the redhead looked at her.
"What are we doing? Where are we going? I mean… we're not just staying here forever, are we?" Sayaka gestured to the castle.
Kyoko shrugged, "I dunno. Valtir brought Nagisa and me here," she noticed Sayaka tense at the younger girl's name, "He said he had some important shit to tell us once you were awake, so I guess we'll find out tomorrow." She paused, debating if she really wanted to open this particular can of worms, but found she couldn't resist as she really wanted to see measure Sayaka's feelings, "… You're really mad at Nagisa, huh?"
Sayaka's hand balled into a fist as she grit her teeth, her gaze focused on the ground. Her voice was low and tense, barely above a whisper, "She betrayed us."
"She's nine," Kyoko said with a hint of disbelief, "She just wanted to keep living. She didn't mean for any of this."
Sayaka gave her a hard glare, "We had a duty to the Law of Cycles. Madoka sacrificed everything for us and she just threw it away. And for what?"
"… A normal life, maybe?" Kyoko mumbled under her breath, though perhaps louder than she'd really intended. She adored Sayaka, she really did, and her sense of right and wrong often reminded Kyoko of who she used to be (and even made her want to be again on certain days), but sometimes the bluenette was as dumb as a box of rocks. Whenever she got into one of her stubborn moods, it was lofty morals this, lofty morals that—even if the morals didn't make sense. Like right now. They didn't make sense. They were dumb morals. Sayaka was being dumb. Again.
The bluenette's glare deepened as she went from tense to genuinely angry, "You're taking her side!?"
"Woah, woah!" Kyoko put up her hands in defense. It was time to back away from this minefield, as even Kyoko could notice the bitterness laced in the other girl's voice—she desperately needed someone in her corner right now regardless of who was right or wrong. Kyoko was going to have to figure out a different approach that didn't involve potentially ending friendships, "I'm not taking 'sides'. I completely agree what Homura did to you was messed up. I just… look, I don't want to see you punch out a small child. People frown on that."
Sayaka's glare lingered for a moment before she deflated, "… I'm sorry," she said regretfully, "I'm still a little…" she trailed off.
"Tense?"
"Yeah, I guess that's a word for it." Sayaka said.
"… You mind if I'm still friends with her?" Kyoko asked, somewhat hesitantly.
Sayaka's gaze returned to the ground, "Sure, do what you want." She was definitely hurt by Kyoko's question, but was cognizant enough to know she was being petty and wasn't willing to fight Kyoko on that.
The redhead grimaced at the resulting silence as Sayaka wouldn't give her eye contact. She nudged the bluenette, "Hey, I'm sure you could take her. You don't need to prove it to me."
Despite herself, Sayaka grinned as she rolled her eyes, "Kyoko…"
"I believe, wholeheartedly, that you are badass enough to take on an entire orphanage bare-handed."
"Kyoko…" Sayaka was doing her best not to laugh.
"Sayaka Miki, puncher of babies!" Kyoko snickered.
This finally broke Sayaka, and she doubled over in much-needed laughter, "Kyoko, stop!" It felt good to hear that laughter again, and Kyoko couldn't help but join in. The two girls laughed themselves out before calming down, and Sayaka gently grabbed Kyoko's hand.
"… Oh man, I've missed you," Sayaka said with a shuttered sigh, relaxing as much as she could against Kyoko.
The redhead flashed a grin, "Well, I'm not goin' anywhere."
"Mmm," Sayaka muttered, her head leaning against Kyoko. Yeah, just like this. Kyoko wasn't going anywhere, Sayaka wasn't going anywhere. Kyoko let out a deep sigh of her own, realizing that for the first time she was quite possibly free—She didn't have to fight wraiths, she didn't have to die young, and Sayaka… Sayaka was right next to her. Mami was downstairs, so was Nagisa. She could shoot goddamn fire out of her fingertips.
Sure, this place didn't have video games or arcades or pocky or cheap convenience store food or city skylines but…
This… this was okay. This was good. She'd lamented the loss of it all on Solstheim, but now that they were away from that damned island and she had found everyone again, none of that seemed as important. Maybe… maybe this was alright.
Kyoko felt a twinge of guilt. She'd made out like a goddamn thief, and she felt so good about it but… the cost. Normally she wouldn't think much about dead people because hey people died all the time, but even for her the literal extinction of their entire universe was a bit much. She hadn't really lost anyone she'd spend tears over (apparently even Homura had made it… somewhere. Assuming she still wanted to call Homura a friend anyway), yet the old idealistic part of her weighed on her even as she tried her best to ignore it—the death toll was beyond imagining… and yet here she was enjoying the fruits of it.
It was fine, she told herself. Survival of the fittest. She'd survived, the others hadn't; there was no shame in that. She was a survivor, that was to be expected.
Nevermind, it had also cost Sayaka a metaphorical fortune.
… Yeah, Kyoko still felt kind of like a piece of shit.
"… Hey, Sayaka—" she started, to get herself off this depressing train of thought, but stopped when she realized Sayaka had fallen asleep on her shoulder, the bluenette's breathing having become calm and rhythmic. Kyoko couldn't help but smile; maybe she'd at least have less nightmares.
… Well, she supposed she was stuck out here for the rest of the night, huh? Kyoko yawned, and then devoured the rest of her sweet roll by shoving the entire thing into her mouth and then literally choking it down. Seeing that Sayaka had left hers half-eaten as well, Kyoko shrugged and repeated the process, very nearly unhinging her jaw like a snake. Licking her fingers with a contented expression on her face, the redhead then settled in and very soon drifted off just like her counterpart.