Greyson
My phone goes off in the middle of the night, it's Nicolas...Of course I should answer, Lief is gone, I'm left alone for the first time. I struggle to understand my own reasons for answering or for ignoring. I groan before swiping my phone "Nicolas"
"Listen, your lover is here talking to Alastor. They're saying something about me murdering your family"
"You did, the dragon's den" I pause "With the inhumane people, before you realised our heritage though it's bad you have to step up and take the throne, the world needs Tver to have a king. If it falls there is nothing that will stop other kings from wanting more power and Tver is the one who is currently at peace, it'll become a warzone."
"Selfish sorry, I'm just so-" Annoying, confused and angered?
"I know, let me come and we'll um" fight to the death "talk things out" sounds more friendly.
"Yeah, yeah that'll be uh great" he hangs up, and I've never gotten ready as fast as today, I dash to the driveway sure enough Lief's bike is gone, I get on mine and drive off. The thing is I can't bring myself to be upset with Lief after all his whole family died, my whole family...This isn't something to be taken lightly.
I rush into Nicolas' flat, empty. Then I go to Alastor's, there he is, Alastor is fucking with Lief's head, I can tell, unfocused eyes, rigid posture. "Love" I whisper, Lief's head whips to me.
"Grey" he says until a deathening BANG rings and Lief falls, why is he falling, there is red all over his head. Why? What's happening? I run to him catching him before he falls to the floor. I sob, snot, tears and all. Lief smiles up at me and for the last time tucks my hair behind my ear "You've got this my love, Live" then his eyes dim and his smile can't unsmile again. My lover is dead, Alastor killed him and that very same gun is pointed at me. Not happening, I was told to live and live I shall. Alastor's head will be my gift to Lief during his passing. Alastor will die. Tonight.
When I look up Alastor is gone and the one standing there is my stressed out twin of a brother, oh please just kill me now, I lost the love of my life and he's standing there over a crazy relationship as if mourning. Oh please.
I close Lief's dull eyes and stand "give me your phone" Nicolas does, tumbling as he passes it to me, I unlock it-our birthday-this boy is stupid, then i phone father. "Lief's gone, send a search for Alastor, and I want him alive" then I hang up knowing father will do this, after all the blood on my hands from his enemies.
I leave the house trembling, leaving Lief's body, he never deserved this, we were just trying to get Tver back on it's feet oh please. I want to go back to Russia. Greyson Calore, Nicolas Love, all fake names. I get on my bike, father's office will be empty, time to get answers.
The ride was long and endless. Though getting there was worth it. My father was there, unexpected. Though is he our real father? He doesn't speak Russian yet claims to be from Tver. As I stand before my father as he sits lazily in the entrance "are you here to kill me?"
"I'm here for answers and if i don't get it I'll kill Nicolas in your line of sight"
"So you know the boys use. What is it you need, Alastor is being found."
"Why do you lie, about everything, it's clear as day that me and Nicolas are twins, yet how can we have different last names? It makes no sence"
"Your last name is Nezdylov, your mother's last name, she wanted you to have it. After all you both are the last of your bloodline and since I got Alastor to finish of your little uh phase"
"Phase? Lief was my lover, my everything. You took that, and Alastor being Nicolas' person and making me want to kill him. This was all your plan?"
"Yes, you and Nicolas are getting married into the royal family, there are two lovely ladies waiting for you both, don't worry you got the fighter."
"I-I can't believe this" I pause "you want to use us as a war weapon?"
"Correct, bet you've noticed that you and Nicolas, are very different from us demons, because you're not my child. As you've noticed your mother wanted you to be safer and you couldn't be with your blood father so she came to me"
"So she's not dead?"
"If you and Nicolas go along with this marriage then I'll take you both to her for a while."
I turn and get onto my bike, this is my ONLY lead to my normal life, away from the blood on my hands yet I'm not sure if I can take this, I drive back to Alastor's apartment as I thought Nicolas is standing there staring at Lief, I sigh chucking my helmet at him. Putting Lief's helmet on and getting on Lief's bike, I put my phone on dial so that the police will phone me and let me take his body...Alastor will pay like a normal human, I'm done getting blood on my hands.
Nicolas gets on my bike still shaking, though the mic I say "follow me" then I drive off not looking back, though the mirror I see my bike and I smile, this could work. Fake marriage and sneaking out to have a beer could work, it could save my mental capacity but after all we're all human. At least kind of.
When we finally get to Lief's apartment I leave Nicolas to stay in the living room. I snuggle into the bed before finally letting out my sobs I stay up all night. I feel like I'm letting Lief and everyone else down, they died at the hands of the family I'm now striving to save.
In the morning I drive to the airport getting Lief's bike onto the vehicle section to find Nicolas doing the same. I don't smile but I sit beside him anyways, that man has no filter, if someone else asked something he'd be like a bullet, fast and deadly. I glare as a woman begins talking nonsense, but I stop her with one look. I don't say anything to him the whole time but I'll die if the living of the den sees me with him but I can't bare daring the chances to make my brother get his own homeland without the war and suffering. There is something else that I will never force anyone to take on but me and Lief. Lief, that name brings a stab of pain in my heart, and his family, my family.
When we land we bike for an hour before we're at the border. I'm tired, but i don't stop going. When we get to the den I don't speak as the living comes looking for Lief, I've failed. They glare and verbally speak about Nicolas, of course they'll recognise him, he hurt them, stole their family away.
I curl up in the middle and scream, causing everyone to look at me, silence, that is what I need, the only survivor of Lief's family was his sister's daughter. She's called Kayla, it's delightful but I can't bare to give her the news. The living decide that it's Nicolas' fault, I don't care. I want Lief's mother to come and say everything's alright like she did after one of mine and Lief's fights. She can't, she's buried, dead, lifeless. I let out a sob. The living all circle around me snuggling into each other humming, their way of comfort. I hear a thud and look up Nicolas has joined in, gaining respect from very few living people. I fall asleep after a while but when I wake everyone else is still humming, it makes me smile and I notice Kayla curled up in my arms, tears in her eyes. "Big brother, where is Lief?"
I choke on my words and silently hig her, How am I meant to say 'Hey Kayla your darling brother has lost his life to my brother's fiancé. I loved him but now I'm your only family but I let him die, I was there and I couldn't move, I couldn't save him...I have his blood on my hands...It's all me, leave me and more people will keep their life' without being a mess? I give up on that thought. There is nothing I can do without crying.
Kayla seems to understand which isn't okay but it makes it easier for me, Lief is gone, I have his niece. I let her sob and scream Lief's name and Nicolas looks at the floor, ashamed. Good.
It's cold, so, so cold. I don't shiver, move or speak. There is no need to be warm, no one to be warm for. I lost my means for even living, the deal I've made with father making me sick, I'll have to take Kayla, as family but I can't bare leaving the living, or my home. They'll have to come here. No choice, it'll be my only thing. I can't leave, I won't leave.
I go on for weeks only eating when Kayla ate, refusing to sleep ect. The loss of Lief got to me, I've adopted Kayla so none of the living try anything. Nicolas is learning Russian.
Three weeks and I'm married, they're coming here for a 'big' wedding, which is not happening, all the living here know that I am Lief's and Lief's alone. Always, forever.
I wait until there is a bell in my head until I change into my white suit and tie and leaving my hair. I'm making a point, this was Lief's suit, his favourite, he wore it at every moment he was required to wear something nice, all our dates, family meals...which can't happen. I refuse to move on, I refuse to let these people strip me from my very being. The living gather around the seats standing, refusing to sit even as the queen herself tells them to, they only answer to my family. I stand at the alter no emotion on my face, this is the worst day of my life, marrying some princess for my father's gain, all I want is Lief, him to tell me to keep going it's fine. Yet I feel dread as the princess' carriage comes up. Nicolas is standing beside me, father the only one sitting glaring at the living.
The decorations have been done by the royal family, I don't care for it. Yet as my bride comes into view my eyes can't help but widen, they too are in a suit, they look entirely male, the person at their arm being the king, who is not speaking but clearly judging his child's clothing choice. I quickly look away, this is so bad, He looks at me like Lief did, like I'm worth trusting, living for and everything, my eyes sting, the memory of the promise Lief made me, refusing me to do the same, he made me promise to move on without him...that I can love him no matter who I'm with but I should love them too.
I hate that promise and I refuse to break it, because the scars of Lief's death are still fresh. It's been a month.
The prince(ss?) walks to me smiling, I can't help the pain in my heart, this should of been me and Lief. This is so wrong, I want to go back into the past. There is something else which is bugging me. The raw emotions are coming up, like vomit I want it gone, not in my system. I know it won't leave which makes me feel worse. I stare at the priest, of course we're doing it by the bible, who am I kidding, god must know that I love him as a god but I just want Lief, no one else.
I don't move, breathe or even remember the lines that father drilled into me last night. I catch father's eye and he frowns, not knowing why I can't speak. I look at all the living, they are still standing, some crying, Kayla beside me looking up at me. I look at her willing myself not to cry. I do the one thing I know how to do, I turn and leave. Not finishing the ceremony, I can't do this and oh please. There is nothing anyone can do to get me to stop even if my mother herself was here, or god. I need space, which can't be done infront of all the people of Tver I've let down, Kayla...Lief.
I'm done following everything that people tell me to do or be. Lief made that mistake and died. I have to live, take the crown. Nicolas be damned. I've lived and suffered with these people. Yes my family owned the crown but Lief's family earnt it. I'll be the ruler, the fixer for Freya, until she takes the crown herself.
Nicolas is on the phone he says something about Caidee before I fall, not softly, hard, down a hill and into the family's dragon den. I sob, not because of the mud, pain or anything, the suit is still in it's normal three piece and the design is still intact. It's the raw pain of loss. Lief is gone, Freya needs me to step into his role. I can't do that. No one can replace Lief, he's one of a kind. I wish it was me. That died at Alastor's hand.
I hear footsteps then Nicolas is at my side, I push him off as I go deep into the cave finding the crown- Lief's, his mother's, father's, and his older brothers' (they were twins) I pick up mine, all the family made it, it's just like Lief's as Lief knew I wanted to be the same, like his parent's. It's rude to put on another's crown even if it's family, lover or anything, I put my crown on and leave, after saying bye, of course.
When I leave the I hear the living's cries. It's painful, their souls are crying for the very person that I've lost. They want their lives back. I want to help yet I'm tied to the ground as if I'm unable to move or disconnect from the source of their pain.
When I walk back to get Kayla the living's cries get louder and louder, but still they stay silent, unwilling to show weakness infront of possible enemy. I go up the 3 steps to the alter and she runs to me. I let her, she acts like her uncle so much, it hurts. I look the queen dead in the eyes and I choose to hold my head high, they haven't won, they can't. I don't smile at the thought, if they want a marriage it'll happen but doesn't mean it'll be beneficial for them, at least not while I'm here. They've got nothing of me. Nicolas smiles softly trying to get me to do the same, no. I take my place. My point clear to the living, the royals however seem to be angry at my statement, that I'm also a royal, of the place that they want they don't know the people, nor do they even care, it's land, to rule. Not anymore, they've got me. Nothing will change that. I'm here and living, nothing will change at least not until they end me.
The living stare at me as I take Lief's throne as if it was MY birthright and not his. This pain, agony of loosing someone so close to me. Someone that meant everything to me.
Nicolas watches me but I won't let anyone see me for me, the me that Lief didn't turn from but embraced like I was worth everything. Saving me despite what I did.