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"Oh no! I've absolutely become a pathetic body double!"
It had officially been a long, miserable week since Yukari Yakumo packed her many bags and aggressively moved into the farmhouse on Stardew Valley.
Back in the dimly lit, chaotic Eientei clinic, Eirin Yagokoro suddenly violently slammed her hands on the heavy oak desk, sending a massive stack of complex administrative documents fluttering into the air like frightened pigeons.
Only now, staring at the sheer volume of paperwork, did her ancient, immortal brain finally realize the horrifying truth: Yukari Yakumo's primary goal was absolutely never just to romantically prank Leo or maliciously act as a third wheel to keep Leo and Ran from being intimate in bed.
That lazy old hag's ultimate goal all along was strictly to permanently escape the endless, troublesome administrative paperwork in Gensokyo! After Ran Yakumo officially moved to Stardew Valley as the World Lord's wife, absolutely all the grueling, mind-numbing daily management work for the barrier was unceremoniously dumped onto Yukari's lap. And that old hag was absolutely never someone who could sit still and work steadily for more than an hour; she had probably, meticulously planned her grand escape from responsibilities a very long time ago!
Absolutely all her previous, dramatic actions on the beach—including purposefully, aggressively allowing her smug inner thoughts to be explicitly mind-read by Satori Komeiji in front of everyone—were entirely meant to lull the entire group into a false, chaotic sense of security. It made them foolishly, confidently think her subsequent tantrums, crying fits, and annoying nonsense were purely triggered by romantic jealousy over the new situation between Ran and Leo.
Once safely secured inside Stardew Valley during the beach cookout, she had intentionally, loudly thought those smug things specifically so the little brother's annoyed thoughts would be triggered and then read by Satori Komeiji. By deliberately pushing the dense little brother to the absolute brink, she flawlessly used his angry hand to slam the admin button, banning Satori and permanently blocking the mind-reader so that absolutely no one in Gensokyo could ever see through her brilliant, lazy plan again!
Truly, deeply terrifying!
As absolutely expected of the legendary, scheming Sage of Youkai, she really has some incredibly deep, dark tricks up her sleeve. To actually think she'd ruthlessly, flawlessly devise such a massive, multi-layered psychological plan involving multiple dimensions just to slack off from doing her desk job!
In this specific, manipulative round of chess, she, the proud, ancient Sage of the Moon, had to bitterly admit absolute defeat... Mostly because she had literally never seen someone so unbelievably, aggressively shameless in her entire long life. Eirin herself still suffered immensely from proudly caring too much about her aristocratic reputation; she never, ever would have possibly imagined that the dignified old hag would actually stoop so low as to violently roll around on the muddy ground throwing a literal child's tantrum just to slack off from work, throwing her entire terrifying reputation away completely for a vacation!
Meanwhile, at the Stardew Valley Farm.
Yukari Yakumo luxuriously moved a soft, cushioned lounge chair to sit perfectly under the shady eaves of the farmhouse porch, with a small, carved wooden table placed conveniently beside her.
Chen obediently, happily brought out a massive, chilled silver plate of perfectly sliced, premium tropical fruit from the kitchen and placed it carefully on the table. Waving her pale hand dismissively to affectionately let Chen go back to playing with the animals, Yukari Yakumo gracefully picked up a juicy piece of chilled pineapple with her slender, manicured fingers and put it in her mouth. She watched Leo sweating and exhaustingly harvesting crops in the hot sun out in the massive field, looking incredibly, deeply leisurely and satisfied.
In this specific round, she won absolutely everything.
You old hags loved watching the dramatic fun through the Gap, didn't you? How exactly does it feel to suddenly realize you've all become the exhausted, working joke yourself, distinguished Sage of the Moon?
I am the true, ultimate Aha!
With her long, bare legs comfortably crossed, Yukari Yakumo hummed a happy little traditional tune. After successfully getting rid of all that suffocating, endless administrative paperwork, she genuinely felt her complexion had improved quite a bit. Finally, she didn't have to worry about those trivial, boring barrier maintenance matters anymore.
"Little Mo Mo, come here to the shade and sit down," Yukari purred seductively, gesturing with her fingers. "Didn't you loudly say the other day that you desperately wanted to warm my feet? Come quickly, son-in-law."
Wearing no socks, her pale, jade-like bare feet tapped teasingly against the cool wooden floorboards in front of her. Yukari Yakumo greeted the sweating Leo with a wicked, predatory smile. This exact, teasing scene had been maliciously repeated many, many times over the past few lazy days; she simply, absolutely loved seeing Leo's red-faced, helpless expression when she flirted with him.
"Are you ever going to stop this nonsense?!" Leo yelled, wiping sweat from his brow. "You aggressively keep teasing me with this and that every single day, but you never, ever actually let me do anything physical! Are you just playing me for an absolute fool?!"
Leo, who was currently painfully bending over in the hot dirt to harvest spiky pineapples, heard her seductive voice and glared back at Yukari Yakumo before firmly, angrily turning back around to his work, leaving her with nothing but an unamused view of his dusty backside.
At first, on day one, he actually would have eagerly gone over to the porch, changing into soft clothes that absolutely wouldn't hurt her delicate feet, but this deeply malicious, teasing character absolutely wouldn't give him a single, real chance. He would have everything perfectly, romantically ready, only for Yukari Yakumo to laugh, pull away at the last second, and comfortably stick her cold feet deep into Ran's warm, fluffy tails instead, leaving him completely blue-balled.
If he actually foolishly believed Yukari Yakumo's seductive nonsense again today, he'd be exactly as dumb and gullible as Cirno!
"It's for real this time, I promise~~!" Yukari whined cutely. "Ran just used the Altar and went back to the Scarlet Devil Mansion specifically to borrow some new romance novels for me to read, so she's absolutely not home to protect you right now. Oh my, my poor feet are so incredibly cold in this breeze. What on earth should a frail old woman do without her Shikigami's big, warm tails~?"
Yukari Yakumo put her pale, bare feet together and rubbed them against each other playfully. If this specific, highly suggestive character demo were fully animated in a certain famous, four-letter gacha game back on Earth, millions of desperate people would definitely be frantically shouting 'Thanks for the treat!' while aggressively swiping their credit cards.
But then again, Leo sighed. Yukari Yakumo was technically Ran's ultimate master and, by Youkai logic, his literal mother-in-law. As a dutiful, modern son-in-law, he absolutely should ethically use his warm embrace to politely help his mother-in-law when her feet were suffering from the cold, right?
Leo stood up in the field in absolute silence. He opened his smartphone, instantly used the system's one-click outfit change to swap his sweaty, dirty overalls for clean, soft cotton clothes, and walked steadily up the stairs to the long, shaded wooden corridor outside the cabin, sitting down heavily directly on the floorboards below Yukari Yakumo's lounge chair.
"Come on, put them here. I'm ready!" Leo said, patting his lap.
Leo looked sideways at the seated Yukari Yakumo. From this extremely low, compromised angle, he could see her slender, crossed legs perfectly. At home on the farm, Yukari Yakumo absolutely wasn't wearing her bulky, heavy purple Bagua robe, but had comfortably changed into a thin, purple medium-short summer dress that left very little to the imagination.
"Hehe, in your absolute dreams, little boy. Turn your head away immediately! If you aggressively keep looking up my skirt like that, your eyes are going to physically fall out of your skull."
Yukari Yakumo really, genuinely liked Leo exactly like this. The more visibly restless and flushed the little brother was around her, the more it perfectly highlighted her undeniable, immortal charm. Being constantly, insultingly called a wrinkly "old hag" every single day by the brats in Gensokyo had genuinely made her start to secretly doubt her own physical age and appeal.
"Hmph! That's absolutely not up to you anymore, old lady!"
Since the protective Ran actually wasn't home to stop him, Leo absolutely wasn't going to be polite and submissive anymore. A teasing mesugaki who liked to arrogantly play with people's feelings exactly like this desperately needed to be severely, physically punished to learn a lesson!
He suddenly lunged forward and aggressively grabbed one of Yukari Yakumo's bare feet with both hands, immediately and forcefully tucking it deep into the warmth of his cotton shirt against his stomach. The sudden, freezing icy touch of her Youkai skin made Leo shiver violently, but even so, he absolutely didn't let go of his iron grip. Warming her feet, right?! If he didn't forcefully make her cold feet sweat today, he'd genuinely consider himself impotent as a man!
"Ah!"
She absolutely hadn't expected Leo to actually physically lay bold hands on her skin. In her absolute, genuine surprise and shock, Yukari Yakumo let out a very high-pitched, girlish cry that completely broke her elegant Sage persona.
Having her sensitive, bare areas aggressively touched by a human male for the absolute first time in centuries, the face of this self-proclaimed, experienced 'driver' instantly turned a violent, burning shade of red. Panicking, her other free foot violently kicked out directly at Leo's face, desperately trying to push the heavy human away from her chair.
"Th... Thanks for the treat!"
The secluded, ancient realm of Gensokyo was structurally very conservative regarding physical intimacy, even with the explicit, boundary-pushing Hatate Himekaidou-sensei around publishing her doujinshis; it simply couldn't compare to the desensitized, internet-hardened mindset of an 'old gourmet' like Leo, who had studied extensively and shamelessly in the forbidden Pink App archives back on Earth.
The soft, jade-like bare foot suddenly pressed firmly against his face didn't make him feel the slightest bit insulted or degraded at all; instead, he closed his eyes, inhaled, and audibly, shamelessly squeezed out a muffled 'Thanks for the treat!' against her sole.
This absolutely, completely stumped Yukari Yakumo's ancient brain, and for a terrifying moment, she genuinely didn't know what to physically do.
She wasn't a martial-arts Youkai with a powerful, muscular physique like Yuuka Kazami or Hong Meiling. If it were the Flower Master sitting there, Leo would have been violently sent flying across the farm to race Aya Shameimaru the exact millisecond he dared to grab her ankle. She really, physically couldn't easily push away Leo, who now had the terrifying, Stardrop-enhanced physical fitness and grip strength of an average Youkai!
"Let go of me! Let go right now! Ran! Ran hasn't actually left yet! I lied to you to tease you! Ran, help!"
The usually untouchable, omnipotent Sage of Youkai panicked and yelled for the absolute first time in centuries. If her own Shikigami Ran walked out and saw this highly compromising, humiliating scene, how could she possibly still be respected as her dignified Master?! She might as well pack her bags and permanently move to another dimension out of sheer shame!
"Yukari-sama? You called me? ...Oh."
Ran Yakumo suddenly poked her blonde head out of the open kitchen window, holding a tea towel. Seeing the incredibly intense, highly compromising physical interaction occurring between her husband Leo and her Master Yukari-sama on the porch, she was stunned silent for a brief moment, and then... she smiled warmly and knowingly.
"Uh... actually, if it's just you two playing, Yukari-sama, then it's perfectly fine with me. Didn't you urgently want me to go borrow those specific romance books? I'm officially leaving right now. Have fun, you two~!"
Ran playfully winked, took out her glowing ID Card, and instantly, happily returned to Gensokyo with a pop; there was absolutely no need to bother the struggling Yukari-sama with the small, trivial matter of manually opening a Gap for her!
Seeing Ran completely abandon her and leave, Leo, whose body had been stiffly preparing for a brutal beating from his wife, immediately took advantage of Yukari Yakumo's utter, horrified daze. He aggressively pulled the second foot resting on his face firmly into his warm arms as well, trapping her completely. Since his official, loving wife had explicitly, verbally given the green light, what else was there to say?!
Go for it!
Now trapped on the chair, Yukari Yakumo somewhat deeply, desperately regretted not learning exactly how to clumsily walk solely on a tail from Wakasagihime earlier.
With both of her sensitive bare feet firmly, warmly held hostage against Leo's stomach, the gradually radiating, intense warming sensation made her feel both incredibly, physically comfortable and deeply, psychologically uneasy. Being physically dominated and treated exactly like this by a man for the first time felt very, very strange and overwhelming to her ancient heart.
"Good brother, let's just peacefully say Big Sis was wrong this time, okay?"
Feeling her immortal body becoming increasingly hot and strange under his grip, Yukari Yakumo's usually arrogant tone softened considerably into a genuine, pleading whine as she tried to gently push Leo's chest. "I solemnly swear I'll never, ever maliciously tease you again, alright? Just please let go of my feet."
She swore it! Her desperate oath this time was absolutely, 100% real! As long as Leo let her go right now to save her dignity, she would definitely, completely never tease him again!
"Hehe. In your absolute dreams, old lady."
The exact same, mocking words she had used earlier confidently came right back out of Leo's grinning mouth.