Chapter 11: The Different Meanings of Control
Location: GIG/Apex R&D Campus, Agonwood
I was lying on the massive bean bag in my living room, staring at the ceiling, with Nephy curled up on my chest. I had turned my phone off. I didn't want to talk to Marcus about how I was overreacting. I didn't want to talk to Dave about medical scans. And I certainly didn't want to talk to Julian about… anything.
The front door beeped.
I froze. I hadn't given anyone access permissions.
The lock clicked, and the door swung open.
"Go away," I said to the ceiling, refusing to sit up.
"Hiding?" Julian's voice drifted in from the hallway. "I thought you were a scientist, Lonna. Scientists observe. They don't sulk in the dark."
"I'm not sulking," I said, dislodging an indignant Nephy so I could sit up. "I'm processing. And you're trespassing."
Julian walked into the living room. He had ditched the suit jacket, and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows. He held a sleek, silver thermal canister in his hand.
He walked right up to the bean bag, standing over me.
"I own the building," he said, looking down at me with a smirk. "Technically, I'm just inspecting the facilities."
He held out the canister. "Blue Bottle. Pour-over. Black."
I eyed the coffee. "Is this a peace offering?"
"It's a bribe. Take it."
I reached for it, but he didn't let go immediately. He held it just tight enough that I had to tug.
"I don't want your coffee," I lied. "I want you to admit that what you did in Unit 6 was reckless."
"It was calculated," he corrected, finally releasing the canister. "But… I will admit that my calculations lacked a safety margin."
He looked at the bean bag, then at me.
"Move over."
"Excuse me?"
"Move."
It wasn't a request. I shifted to the side.
Julian sat down. He stretched his long legs out, his knee brushing against mine.
Nephy, trotted over to him. She sniffed his shoe, then hopped up and settled directly into his lap, purring loudly.
"Traitor," I muttered.
Julian scratched her behind the ears, his eyes never leaving my face.
"She likes me because I don't hesitate," Julian said. "Animals relax when they know who's in charge."
"Yes, yes. You're a man's man. A helpless little woman like me should swoon in your magnificence."
Julian chuckled. "You're finally starting to get it."
"You just called me an animal to be managed."
Julian laughed, a low sound. "No. You're the only thing in this room that might actually bite back."
He leaned in, so I attempted to get out of the beanbag chair, which was completely futile given the physics of foam and gravity.
"Stay," he commanded.
"What the hell…" I whispered, feeling the heat rising in my cheeks.
"I push people, Lonna. That's how I work. I push until something breaks or something happens. Alex tries to stop me, but he's too polite. You…" He smirked. "…You shouted at me. You told me I was an idiot."
"And a moron."
"Exactly," he said. "I need that. I need someone who isn't afraid to tell me when I miscalculate."
He reached out and tucked a loose strand of hair behind my ear. His fingers lingered on my neck for a second.
"So," he whispered. "Are you going to run back to West Virginia? Or are you going to stay here and keep an eye on me?"
I swallowed hard.
Julian smiled. "I've missed that reaction."
I groaned like a petulant teenager. "Ugh. Add 'jerk' to the list."
Having given up on standing gracefully, I rolled off of the beanbag to the floor and then stood in triumph.
"If we're done…" I suggested as I gestured to the door.
Julian set Nephy down and advanced toward me without a word. I countered by stepping back until I hit the kitchen counter and had nowhere left to go.
Then he took one more step forward and put his hands on the counter at my sides, pinning me in place. "I didn't get my answer. Will you go back or stay here with me?"
"With you? When was I…"
Julian grabbed my chin to keep my head in place and looked down at me again. "Decide."
"Is this you trying to break me," I asked softly.
Julian put his lips next to my right ear and said, "Would you like me to break you?"
He's too close. He's too close. He's too close.
He leaned back and smiled. "I guess you're not there, yet. He stepped back from the counter. "But at least you've decided to stay. I can work with that."
"I never said…"
"I told you," Julian said, his eyes dancing with amusement. "You have a terrible poker face."
He walked to the door as if he'd gotten everything that he wanted and waved the backside of his hand without even turning. "It seems we both have the rest of the day off. Come on over if you get bored."
"I won't!" I yelled at him, but he was already out of the door.
I picked up Nephy, who was staring up at me. "And you… Traitor Cat. How could you be all over that jerky-mcjerk-face."
I buried my face in her fur, hiding my smile.
———————————————————————————
Location: Santana Row, San Jose
Two days later, a black sedan idled outside Unit 3.
"Get in," Alex said, leaning across the passenger seat. "We have a mission."
"It better not involve lasers," I said, climbing in.
"More dangerous," Alex grinned. "Retail."
"Let me out," I protested, which Alex answered with a definitive click of the doorlock.
We drove south to San Jose, pulling into a shopping district that looked more like a European village than a mall.
"Dave offered to take you," Alex said as we walked past a Tesla showroom. "But I vetoed him. Dave thinks 'business casual' means throwing on a polo shirt with a logo on it."
After we pulled into the valet parking, a large, muscled man who probably has never skipped arm-day in his life joined us. Alex introduced him as "Thomas" but didn't offer any more information. Thomas fell into step behind us, silent and vigilant.
"And you? Mr. GQ?" I asked, eyeing his linen shirt and blazer. "This is how you dress even on your downtime?"
"I think clothes are engineering for the social sphere," Alex said. "They change how people treat you. And right now, Julian treats you like a grad student. I want him to see a colleague."
"I don't need Julian's opinion of me or otherwise. I shouldn't have to cater to that man."
Alex stopped and turned to me. "Then… cater to me."
He led me into a boutique that smelled of lavender and money. A sales associate materialized instantly.
"Help her," Alex said, gesturing to me. "She needs structure, but she hates restrictions. If she feels trapped, she won't wear it."
The next hour was a blur. Alex pulled fabrics and checked stitching. "I guess this is what 'structural engineer' really means," I commented, dripping with sarcasm as he inspected a seam.
"Too stiff," he said, discarding a wool jacket. He held up a dark navy blazer made of a stretchy technical fabric. "Try this. It's flexible, but it holds a shape."
I put it on over my t-shirt. It fit perfectly. It felt like a hoodie, but in the mirror, I looked… capable.
Alex stood behind me, looking at my reflection. He reached out and adjusted the collar, his hands lingering on my shoulders. I watched his eyes in the mirror—warm, appreciative, steady.
I admit that I was seeing how we looked together before I blushed.
"There she is," he said softly. "The Theorist."
I looked at him in the mirror. He looked proud.
"Does this come with a physics pun?" I asked, tugging at the lapel to break the tension.
"We can find some new t-shirts," Alex laughed, dropping his hands. "But maybe high-quality cotton? And not quite so oversized like you just borrowed it from your boyfriend to sleep over."
"I uhm… that's fair." I conceded. "I half-expected you'd put me in dresses and heels."
"Separates and ankle boots. OSHA safety standards, and all," he said with a smile. But I was pretty sure it wasn't a joke.
He grabbed the bags and held the door open for me. When Alex got his car back from the valet, he handed the keys to Thomas. This time, we sat in the back for our return to the Agonwood campus.
I had been lost in thought since we left the boutique, staring out the window at the passing palm trees.
"You got quiet," Alex said, turning in his seat to face me. "What's weighing on you?"
"Should I really be telling my boss?"
"Technically, Dave is your boss on this project. And you could confide in Dave, but you shouldn't expect any sage wisdom out of him."
I giggled softly. "No… I was just thinking that I feel like such a little kid around you guys. Completely unprepared for the real world. That's why academics felt so safe."
Alex turned to give me his full attention. "Considering how you grew up, I'm not surprised."
"You. Uh… you…"
"You surely knew we'd have to do a complete background check before we even tried to recruit you."
I nodded, feeling exposed. "So, you all know?"
"Normally, I would have had Apex handle it for GIG, but given that you and Julian were going to be peers, I had it handled in-house. Only I know the details. To everyone else, you're just the brilliant physicist from West Virginia."
He reached across the seat and took my hand. His grip was warm and solid.
"Julian wants to break the lock immediately," Alex said softly, his thumb brushing over my knuckles. "He sees a puzzle and he attacks it. He pushes until it breaks."
He looked into my eyes.
"I don't work that way, Lonna. I prefer to find the key. I play the long game. Whether it's solving a physics problem… or getting to know someone."
I can't tell if he's flirting or making a business decision, I thought.
"What do you consider 'the long game?'"
"Investment in the asset," Alex smiled, squeezing my hand. "Protect that investment. Wait for the return."
"And what's the return?" I whispered.
"Trust," Alex said. "And maybe… no more mushrooms on the pizza."
I laughed, the tension breaking.
"Deal," I said. "And I'll raise you to no more pizza, at all."
He didn't let go of my hand for the rest of the drive. And for the first time since arriving in California, I didn't feel like I was just a variable in an experiment. I felt like I was part of the equation.