John walked up and down the stairs half a dozen times. He had made laps through all the horseshoe-shaped halls that led to the spiral, red-carpeted stairs leading to the bottom floor. He kept coming back to the two statues that stood at the top of the spiral stairs—one at the head of each staircase. They reminded him of a warped version of Hansel and Gretel; both siblings had wide, toothy grins and evil, piercing eyes staring down at the gathering group.
God, I could use a smoke, he said inwardly. If he had known he was going to be trapped in a nightmare a week after he stopped smoking, he would have smoked twice as much before getting abducted by that blinding light. It was strange; everyone he had talked to so far had seen the same bright light. His own experience was probably the most embarrassing version: being caught with his pants down taking a shit and suddenly winding up in this hellhole.
While others debated and worried about whether they were dead or if this was all an elaborate prank, John maintained the mindset that any situation had a silver lining. If this was a prank, he would be laughing all the way to the courthouse, suing for whatever it is lawyers sued for in these situations. If he was dead, well, then he finally got to find out what the afterlife was like. He pinched his skin, feeling the pain, and watched the men continue to ram their shoulders into the doors with no success. If this is the afterlife, I am with a crowd of morons and I can still feel pain, so that must mean I'm in hell. Oh well. He reached for a cigarette by habit and then sighed, remembering he didn't have any. Can't all go to heaven, can we? God knew he wasn't the nicest individual, but he figured he was far from the worst.
"Hah... hah... wheeze... hah..."
John looked over to see a scrawny kid running up the spiraling stairs, running out of steam quickly. How can someone be that skinny and that out of shape? The kid was now practically crawling up the stairs, only a few more steps before he would reach John.
"Wh— Wha— What—" the kid panted heavily, looking on the edge of passing out. "Is that... is that a statue?"
John looked over at the statue and then back at the kid. He raised one eyebrow, gave a feigned look of surprise, and gasped.
"Egad, Holmes! It is a statue!"
The kid gave him an irritated look for a split second, but it quickly melted into a nervous expression. He scratched the back of his head, looking embarrassed.
"Right, sorry. That was stupid of me," the kid said, still catching his breath.
"Christ, kid. Did you just come back from running a fucking marathon?"
The kid gave a nervous chuckle.
"Yeah, I'm out of shape. Sorry. Oh, also, my name is Edward Shadow, sir. What's your name?"
Edward stretched out a sweaty hand, and John eyed it as if it were disease-riddled.
"I'm not going to shake a sweaty hand, kid. As for my name, it's John Vane. I assume you don't know how you got here either, but if you do, enlighten me. Just don't care to hear your story about the light if that's all you've got."
Edward looked like he wanted to say something but couldn't muster the courage.
Was I ever this spineless? John wondered as he looked at Edward with pity and began walking in the opposite direction.
"Where are you going?"
"To find something to drink, or maybe something to smoke." God, how he wanted anything to take the edge off.
"I can get you something from the vending machine if you want."
John's ears perked up at that. If he could get something for free, he wouldn't turn it down. Only room-temperature IQ people and those who like to pretend they have a heart of gold are willing to turn down such an offer. He spun around, flashed Edward a charismatic smile, and wrapped an arm around him like they were best friends.
"You would do that for me? You must have a heart of gold, truly—a kind spirit. Someone that would make Mother Teresa proud." He began walking with Edward down the stairs, inwardly grinning. He was going to make this kid his new best friend, and then, if it benefited him, he would toss him away. It really was the only way to live.