A few days have passed since I yelled at Ms. Azul, and she saw the darker side of me. It's something that I like but don't like, and at the same time, I mean, in the past I got into fights and almost killed the other person, so that's why the monitor is keeping me under control. Still, I want to feel that adrenaline rush again, but for now, I have to keep calm. While I was sitting on my bed, I was thinking about how to apologize to her when suddenly my aunt walked in and asked if I was okay. I told her that I was fine, but she knew that something had happened, so she sat next to me and asked if there was something on my mind.
She was the only person I could talk to about my feelings. As I sat there with her, I decided to bring it up.
"Tia, how do I apologize to someone whom I yelled at for something I want to keep to myself?"
"Well, Anton," she replied, "you have to tell her that it's something only you can say. But to make it simpler, it's a secret only you can tell."
"A secret only I could tell," I repeated, trying to process it.
"Yeah, we all have secrets, you know. Some are good, and some are bad, but only you know them. So if you want to apologize to someone, you need to share your secret with them."
When she told me this, I paused because I understood what she meant, but something was still on my mind; I didn't know what, though, while I was still sitting on my bed. My phone went off when I looked to see who it was. I was in shock. It was Ms. Azul, after all the things I said to her. I thought she would talk some smack to me, so I was prepared to take it all in like I used to. But instead of insults, I got a heart-warming apology. I've never felt hatred towards myself before. Throughout my life, girls have always treated me like I was just an object. But nice girls were the worst. They tried to be kind to me, but then would talk behind my back. I used to tell myself, "If the truth is so cruel, then kindness must be a lie."
But now, after hearing Ms. Azul apologize to me, I realize I was too quick to judge. She was curious, and I yelled at her for no reason, driven by my own selfish needs. While on the phone, she asked.
"Hey, Anton, how come you don't talk to anyone in school?"
When she said that, I knew I couldn't make up a lie, so I told her the truth.
I'm a person who keeps to myself now, largely due to what I did. I'm a killer, you know. When people find out a kid is a killer, and he goes to the same school, people are either afraid of you or hate you. So I keep to myself. And even if I wanted to make friends, it will never happen because they will think I'm going to kill them, but there's one thing that I have never told anyone, it's a secret only I could tell.
"And what would that be?" she said, confused.
I wanted to tell her that I saw the thrill of death, but it will lead to her not wanting to be friends with me anymore so I just left it at that for now.