"Fuck with you? Oh? Have you actually grown some balls, Naruto?"
Kakashi was about to explain that they could just buy these coupons if necessary, but hearing Naruto's bold words sparked his interest.
Naruto had been training with Jiraiya and had apparently fought against an Otsutsuki recently, so it made sense that he might have leveled up.
Kakashi wanted to test just how much the kid had grown, so he shut his mouth and didn't explain the purchase option.
The two squared off in the street.
Having failed to snatch the bells back in the day, Naruto was determined to get his lottery coupons this time, by any means necessary.
Seeing Naruto and Kakashi poised for a street brawl, Ino, who was overseeing the lottery wheel, widened her eyes in surprise.
'Yes! Finally!'
Since Tsunade had become depressed, her and Sakura's medical training had been suspended, leaving them to practice on their own.
They could occasionally beg Shizune for guidance, but she was simply too busy running the village.
What they lacked most right now was practical clinical experience.
But it had been so long since the Konoha Crush, and all the injured had already been healed.
She and Sakura had been reduced to practicing on fish.
Fish!
Other injured shinobi from missions were unwilling to be their guinea pigs.
But now? Finally, someone was going to fight and get hurt!
'Good! Fight! Beat the crap out of each other!'
Ino cheered inwardly like a bloodthirsty spectator while nervously glancing around, afraid Sakura might suddenly spawn out of nowhere.
After all, Sakura was part of Team 7.
If she showed up, she'd definitely pull rank and prioritize treating either Kakashi or Naruto herself.
Of course, Naruto would most likely be the one bleeding.
Ino didn't believe for a second that Naruto could defeat Kakashi who's an elite Jonin.
"Kakashi-sensei, it's not too late to just hand them over. I really don't want to hurt you."
Naruto crossed his arms, forming the familiar cross-shaped hand sign.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu!"
"Enough talk, Naruto. If you want them, come and get them. You know the rules."
Kakashi patted the ninja tool pouch stuffed with lottery coupons at his waist, taunting him.
"Then don't blame me for being ruthless, Kakashi-sensei. You taught me this yourself."
Naruto was referring to the bell test battle where Kakashi employed various dirty tactics, including trapping Sasuke underground to scare them.
Poof.
Naruto created... one clone.
'Just one?'
Seeing this, Kakashi furrowed his brow under his headband.
Even during the bell test when Naruto was a total rookie, he could spam at least ten shadow clones.
This time, only one?
Could it be that Naruto wasn't planning to rely on the "human wave tactic" and had a different strategy in mind?
'Oh, right!'
Kakashi suddenly remembered that Naruto had been taught the Rasengan by Jiraiya.
Was Naruto planning to use a shadow clone to assist in forming the Rasengan?
Kakashi wasn't worried that Naruto had mastered the Rasengan—he was more concerned that Naruto hadn't mastered it yet.
Because if Naruto failed the Rasengan, the technique he was about to use might be the same biological weapon he used against Kiba during the Chunin Exams.
The spiraling liquid shit.
To protect the innocent prize pool from a shit attack, Kakashi realized he might have to use Kamui to warp the shit away.
Fortunately, Naruto didn't pull out any "Shit Release: Rasengan."
Instead, he continued forming hand seals and, with a poof, used the Transformation Technique.
Seeing this, Kakashi breathed a sigh of relief but also felt a tinge of disappointment.
"The Sexy Jutsu? You're really looking down on me, kid," Kakashi said in a light, bored tone.
Kakashi wasn't actually looking down on the technique itself.
On the contrary, he knew that if used at a critical moment, this jutsu could be extremely effective in distracting a simple-minded enemy.
However…
Kakashi could easily withstand Naruto's basic Sexy Jutsu.
Strangely enough, Konohamaru's version was actually harder to handle.
Naruto's transformations into the female version of himself were always the same model, and Kakashi was long numb to it…
"What the fuck—?!"
As the transformation smoke cleared, Kakashi's visible eye widened to the size of a dinner plate, and he froze solid on the spot.
Swipe.
Naruto, who had hidden in the shadows while the clone distracted Kakashi, emerged and quickly ran to Kakashi's side, snatching the ninja tool pouch from his waist.
Even though Kakashi had known Naruto's hiding spot in advance, he was completely caught off guard.
His brain had short-circuited.
So, what the hell had Naruto done?
...
[Flashback]
After Momoshiki was defeated, Hiruzen brought Naruto, Konohamaru, and Shikamaru back to the Village.
Hiruzen trusted Nara Shikaku's intellect, so when dropping Shikamaru off at home, he took the opportunity to discuss the current political situation with the Jonin Commander.
It was during this boring adult talk that Konohamaru and Naruto discovered a treasure.
A book disguised as a brick in the corner of the Nara family's yard.
It was none other than "Vigorous Paradise", which Shikaku had confiscated from Shikamaru and hidden at home for his own "research."
The two idiots took the book and ran off to read it.
Compared to the purely story-driven "Icha Icha Paradise," "Vigorous Paradise" contained many actual "strategies" for romance and war.
For instance, it explicitly mentioned that the Transformation Technique was a strategic Ninja technique that required intelligence gathering.
Transforming into a figure that could shock, unsettle, or seduce the opponent could provide a significant advantage in battle.
When Naruto and Konohamaru read this, they immediately thought of their Sexy Jutsu.
'So, there was such a profound application of it?'
'It wasn't just a prank? It was actually a cunning, strategic Ninja technique that stopped at nothing to achieve victory?'
As everyone knows, the more someone lacks brain cells, the more they fixate on a single idea.
The two blockheads, upon learning that the Sexy Jutsu was "Strategic Warfare," became incredibly motivated.
They began studying it in depth.
And as everyone also knows, Naruto himself admitted that he had practiced the Sexy Jutsu more than the Rasengan or Shadow Clones combined.
So, he legitimately had some genius-level talent in this specific area.
According to "Vigorous Paradise," the first step was to gather Intelligence on the target.
With Sasuke absent, Naruto's current "Boss Monster" was naturally Kakashi, who had completely owned their team during the bell test.
Naruto began subtly questioning villagers to gather dirt on Kakashi.
From Might Guy, who loudly called himself "Kakashi's eternal rival," Naruto obtained considerable intel.
Target Profile: Kakashi Hatake.
Student of the Fourth Hokage.
Both teammates died on the battlefield.
Learning this, Naruto approached the Third Hokage, who had just left the Nara compound, and asked if he had any photos of the Fourth Hokage and Kakashi's former team.
Hiruzen was momentarily taken aback by Naruto's request.
He was certain Naruto still didn't know who his parents were, but since Naruto had made this innocent request, he saw no reason to refuse.
Quite pleased that Naruto was interested in history, he produced a group photo of Minato, Kushina, Kakashi, Obito, and Rin.
After memorizing the appearances of everyone in the photo, Naruto began his training.
Originally, Naruto had planned to transform into Kushina and Rin.
But Naruto, now considering himself a "Tactical Type" ninja, identified a flaw in that plan.
Kakashi was always engrossed in reading his little orange smut book—he'd probably built up a massive resistance to regular women long ago.
Even transforming into someone familiar might not create enough "Impact."
Therefore, Naruto changed his approach.
The Reverse Harem Technique was something he'd already conceptualized, and this situation presented the perfect opportunity to debut it.
However, Naruto didn't seem to understand what made men appear "attractive" to other men.
He just mashed up concepts.
.....
So.
What Kakashi saw when the smoke cleared wasn't a naked girl.
It was his teacher, Namikaze Minato, wearing sexy black lace lingerie, swaying his hips and blowing kisses... standing next to his dead best friend, Obito, who dressed in a frilly white gothic lolita dress.
Faced with such a cursed spectacle, could anyone really blame Kakashi for freezing up and getting his wallet stolen?
(Anyone who is degenerate enough, please produce a picture of it lmao).