Sasuke really should be thanking his lucky stars.
First, that Sakura and Ino learned the Lariat, not Tsunade's classic Heavenly Kick of Pain.
Second, that when he passed out, he landed face-down.
And third, that he's still just a young dude who only recently started developing his di-… well, enough said.
If even one of those three things was missing, Sasuke would've suffered a massive disaster.
As it stood, he only got stepped on in the thigh.
"S-Sasuke? What happened to you?"
Sakura freaked out a bit.
She didn't expect Sasuke to be lying there looking all "seriously wounded and passed out."
For a second, all kinds of thoughts raced through her head.
'What on earth happened here?'
'Did Sasuke get into a brawl here with Naruto after Naruto got sent flying by Killer B?'
'And where's Naruto?'
Instead of stressing over all that right away, Sakura crouched down, ready to patch Sasuke up with medical ninjutsu.
'Once he recovers, he can explain everything himself,' she figured.
"Huh?"
The second Sakura fired up her Mystical Palm and put her hand on him, she froze.
There wasn't a single scratch on Sasuke's body…
Well, no, that wasn't totally true. There was one—the exact spot she just stomped on.
Other than that, no wounds at all.
This was just pure chakra drain and exhaustion.
That meant normal medical ninjutsu couldn't really do much.
Sakura yanked a soldier pill from her pouch and shoved it into Sasuke's mouth.
"Wait, Sakura!"
The second Ino saw that, she tried to stop her—but Sakura already fed it to him.
"What? What's wrong?" Sakura asked, super confused.
'Is something wrong with that?'
'I always thought Ino and I were pretty much on the same level in medical ninjutsu and taijutsu. Did Ino get some secret extra lessons and knows something I don't?'
"…How long has that soldier pill been in your pouch?" Ino asked, staring at Sasuke as he swallowed it, letting out a heavy sigh.
"Huh? Uh…"
Only then did Sakura realize the problem, her face burning red with embarrassment!
Ever since Kakashi mentioned that popping soldier pills during puberty could mess with your development, Sakura stopped buying or making them.
So where did this one come from?
Obviously— it was one she left rotting in her ninja pouch ages ago.
"Soldier pills have expiration dates too?" Sakura asked quietly.
"What do you think?" Ino scoffed, rolling her eyes hard.
"Sakura, Ino, don't—look over here!"
Hinata pointed in Sasuke's direction, looking full-blown panicked.
"What is it, Hinata? Did something happen to Sasuke?"
The two of them looked where Hinata pointed and saw Sasuke twitching non-stop.
"Oh no, Sasuke's going to lose it—quick, get Akamaru over here!"
Ino jumped, scrambling back a few steps.
Sakura did the exact same thing—except way more shamelessly. After backing up, she yanked Ino in front of her like a human meat shield.
Ino was ticked off.
'What kind of bestie is she? she got no loyalty!'
Lucky for her, Ino had her own target, so she shoved Hinata to the front too.
So the three of them lined up like baby chicks hiding from a hawk, stacked medium, large, and extra-large, with poor Hinata acting as the frontline shield.
"Hinata, you're from the Hyuga clan, right? You can use Rotation, can't you? It's up to you now!"
Ino buried her head low behind Hinata's back.
"Huh?"
Hinata blinked, looking confused.
For a sec, she couldn't figure out why Sakura and Ino were hiding behind her.
'And with Ino glued to my back, how am I supposed to use Rotation? If I do, won't I just send Ino flying too?'
After a beat, Hinata finally got that Sakura and Ino misunderstood, and she couldn't help but laugh awkwardly.
"You guys got it wrong. It isn't Sasuke-kun twitching. There's some weird thing moving under him, so…"
"What?"
"You should've said that sooner!"
Instantly, Ino and Sakura both chilled out.
They trusted Hinata.
Hinata's sweet personality made it obvious she wouldn't lie, and with her Byakugan active, she could clearly see what they couldn't.
"It's not some disgusting bug, is it?" Ino stepped forward and took a cautious look.
Sure enough, Sasuke hadn't actually woken up or started twitching on his own—his body was just getting jostled by something hiding under him.
"Insects aren't disgusting at all."
Shino, standing nearby, looked super wounded.
"Let's play it safe…"
Sakura crept forward on tiptoe, getting ready to roll Sasuke over and see what exactly was under him.
"Woof woof."
Akamaru barked twice at the side, his dog eyes full of disappointment.
'What happened to meal time?'
Sniff, sniff.
Weirdly enough, even without a main course, Akamaru caught a familiar scent.
Following it, he trotted right over to Sasuke.
Sakura didn't notice Akamaru sneaking up.
She rolled Sasuke aside—and the second she did, the thing pinned under him launched into the air!
"Woof!"
While everyone else stood frozen in shock, only Akamaru reacted.
Like a savage hound, he leaped up, pounced on the flying object, pinned it under his paws, and licked it.
"Woof woof!"
Akamaru's eyes lit up.
'That's definitely the smell of milk.'
His tongue went crazy, lapping away at it.
"Uh… can someone tell us what that thing is?"
"Shino, you've seen a lot of things. Can you?"
Aside from Akamaru, who was happily slurping up the milk, everyone else went dead silent.
That thing looked… kinda… maybe… like a piece of an ass? (Tobirama's ass that got transported a few chapters back)
With a flower shoved in it.
A chunk of an ass by itself would be weird enough.
A chunk of an ass with a flower shoved in it was even weirder!
But the craziest part was—why was it moving?
If it just showed up there, maybe they could brush it off saying someone got blown apart by paper bombs and a stray chunk landed here.
But why would it move?
"Could it be a piece of someone with an immortal body? Like that blood-licking freak from the Akatsuki?"
Sakura thought of a certain guy.
That psycho ninja who once used blood to creep out female ninja across the whole shinobi world.
"No matter what it is, let's contact the sealing team first."
After hashing it out for a sec, they reached a decision.
...
After hanging around for a bit, Sai showed up with a three-man sealing squad.
"You want me to seal… an ass?"
Even Sai, whose whole brand was that fake smile, almost lost his cool when he saw the mission target.
"…Fine. Leave it to me."
"You three ugly young ladies, please step aside."
"And you, the one with what looks like menstrual blood on your face—take your wife and squat somewhere else."
"Huh? Who has menstrual blood on their face? …You bastard—wait, wife? What the hell do you mean by—hold on, what? Damn it!"
Kiba's face morphed over and over like some face-changing master.
First he was lost over who Sai meant by "menstrual blood on your face," then it hit him that he was the only dude with anything painted on his face!
Then, when Sai dropped the "wife" bomb, he felt a rush of awkward teenage panic, even though he didn't know which of the three girls Sai meant…
And then Kiba realized Sai meant Akamaru.
Right then, he lost his mind.
Kiba was just about to blow up when he noticed something downright terrifying.
If Sai dropped an insult like that, shouldn't there be three—or at least two—other people raging out before him?
So why was it so creepy and quiet instead?