Chapter 59: What Do You Like About Me?
"Owww! Easy, easy!"
"I'm already going super light. But damn, these bruises are brutal. Empress was seriously pissed. The consequences are no joke. Yep, Her Majesty's 'Tyrant Grip' just unlocked god-tier imouto wrath. She's scarier than any last-boss sister in existence."
Lunch break. Classroom empty—everyone had stampeded to the cafeteria. I was face-down on my desk, shirt hiked up, back exposed. The resident lolicon king, Haruto, stood behind me "applying" safflower oil to the purple handprint masterpieces decorating my skin. The pose looked… questionable. Very much like something straight out of a fujoshi doujin. In reality? Just pure, innocent bruise treatment.
"Seriously, Hoshino, you had it coming. Your emotional intelligence needs a factory reset. Sneaking a feel right in front of Her Majesty? Of course she went full dragon rage."
"Sneak your sister! Reset your aunt! It's not that I'm dumb—it's that real-life girls are impossible! In 2D I'm a goddamn master tactician."
"Yeah, yeah. Go marry your 2D waifus forever then. Heh."
"Who—?"
"What's up?"
"I swear someone just walked by."
"So what? People walk. Big deal."
"You lolicon freak—don't you know the era we live in? One person one smartphone, one household one Instagram. Someone snaps a pic from the perfect angle, maybe a little Photoshop… and boom. Like you love to say: 'We're going viral!' Should've just swallowed my pride and asked Yuu to rub it in. Her hands are like soft sprouts—slender, delicate, skin smooth as congealed fat. Textbook 'hands like young shoots, skin like congealed lard' from the Book of Songs. Bet it feels heavenly."
"You know that description way too well. Have you… touched them?"
"Why do you have to make it sound so filthy? It was just a handshake. Calm down."
"Oh really? I think Empress needs to hear this. We grew up together and I've never even held hands with Her Majesty. Poor girl. Fooled by your 'I'm only into 2D women' act. Turns out you're drooling over princesses and flirting with your desk-mate."
"Worry about your own damn self, eunuch."
"Hey, we're friends, but slander's still slander. Yeah I'm still a virgin, but I've kept myself pure for Empress."
"Isn't there a saying? 'The emperor isn't worried, but the eunuch is panicking'?"
"…"
After trading more useless banter, we headed for the cafeteria. Right at the door, a classmate appeared.
"Uh, Hoshino?"
"What's up, Cho Hiroshi?"
"Someone asked me to give you this."
He shoved an envelope into my hand and bolted like he'd robbed a bank. I stared at the letter.
"What the hell? People still use physical letters in this day and age?"
"Heh heh. Love letter? Onii-sama's racking up the peach-blossom luck lately. Could be."
"You seem awfully excited. Here, knock yourself out."
I didn't even glance at it—just passed the envelope to Haruto. Humming the tune of YOU, I strolled toward the cafeteria.
Inside: absolute chaos. Sea of people. I grabbed a stainless tray, no clue where to even sit, when—
"Hoshino-san."
I turned. Yuu was waving me over. I grinned and walked straight to her.
"Didn't we agree? No more '-san' or 'classmate.' Just Hoshino. Mind if I sit here?"
Her table was busted—one side missing a chair entirely, the other side only had two rickety ones. No wonder it was empty.
"Mhm."
She nodded, cheeks pink. I plopped down without ceremony.
"School cafeteria's always packed, equipment's ancient and never gets replaced, and they still ban us from eating out. Monopoly's tyranny. At least the food doesn't have sand in it."
I rambled while eating. Yuu just gave soft "mm"s in response. She ate so elegantly—tiny bites, proper lady vibes. Thinking of proper ladies made me remember the golden-haired princess. Never once seen her eat at noon. Does she skip lunch? Or eat outside?
My phone buzzed. LINE from Nao.
"Kouichi, wanna hit the family restaurant for lunch together?"
Jackpot. Cafeteria food was edible but never good. I stood up.
"Yuu, I'm done. Heading back to class."
Hearing her name so casually made her blush deepen. She gave a tiny nod. I dumped leftovers, left the cafeteria, and headed toward the greenery strip behind the school building—time to slip into the 2D world.
"You called me out here for something?"
A girl's voice—clear, cold. I froze.
That was the princess.
I immediately ducked low, concealed myself, and peeked. Thirty meters away, on the rear corridor of the teaching building: Ryūko. Golden hair blazing under the sun like molten sunlight. Radiant. Her conversation partner? Looked like a third-year. Too far to recognize, and honestly I don't pay much attention to most students here.
"Magic Reinforcement!"
I pumped mana into my senses. Vision sharpened. The guy was about 178 cm, hair styled by a pro—perfectly suited to his face. Had to admit: certified ikemen.
"Ryūko-san, I've liked you for a long time. Please go out with me."
Straight to the point. I smirked. Confession scene, huh? But if the golden-haired princess was that easy, she wouldn't be called the arrogant golden princess.
Sure enough, Ryūko's voice stayed ice-cold.
"Is that your true feeling?"
"Yes. Words I've held in forever. Every time I close my eyes, it's your face. Every smile, every expression—it echoes in my heart. You appearing in my life is an eternal legend. I feel like I can't live without you…"
The cheesiness gave me full-body goosebumps. Too cringy. But Ryūko listened with that same detached gaze. When he finished, she asked calmly:
"What exactly do you like about me?"
"Everything."
"That's vague. My appearance? Personality? Aura? Inner qualities?"
"Inner qualities and aura."
He answered fast, face lighting up. She hadn't shot him down outright—hope?
Next second she turned and started walking away.
He froze.
"Ryūko…"
"Your answer is fake. Even if I forced myself, I wouldn't date someone so dishonest. They call me the golden-haired princess—the Ryu family's most perfect jewel. Do you know what a jewel is?"
"Uh… something precious and flawless?"
"Wrong. It's decoration. Same purpose as a vase. I don't deny that about myself. Even a vase has value and meaning. But saying you like my 'inner qualities and aura' while ignoring my role as a decorative jewel? That's hypocrisy. A ten-thousand-word love letter would still be pointless."
She walked off.
The guy stood stunned for a second, then rushed after her and grabbed her wrist.
"Ryūko, don't go! Please, I really love you!"
"Let go!"
"I won't! Not until you say yes!"
I'd seen enough. What the hell—confession fails so you pull the entitled creep card?
I yanked a Ahri figure off my old phone case. Mana flared—black-belt seventh dan power. Finger flick. The Ahri figure shot. Smacked the back of his skull. Lights out. He crumpled.
Ryūko's eyes flashed blue—she was about to do something mysterious to make him release—but he'd already passed out on his own. As he fell, the metal Ahri figure clinked to the ground. She picked it up, saw the dent, and instantly understood someone had knocked him out with it.
She stepped to the corridor edge.
"Who's there?"
No answer.
Gripping the Ahri figure, brows slightly furrowed, she gave the greenery a long, deep look… then turned and left.
"Damn it! That Ahri figure was a birthday gift from Empress when she was ten! She ordered me to wear it every day! This is bad… but man, the princess has it rough. Constant confessions, and half the time the losers turn into stalkers or rage-quit when rejected."
I emerged from the bushes, humming YOU again, and slipped deeper into the secluded corner to cross into 2D.
I didn't notice—after I vanished, the golden-haired princess reappeared. She stared at my disappearing back. Silent.
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