"Girlfriends wanted at all times—nice to meet you."
Dude, seriously?
You think that's funny?
"I'm Yamauchi Haruki. I made it to nationals in table tennis during elementary school."
"In middle school I was the ace cleanup hitter on the baseball team."
"I got hurt during the league and I'm rehabbing now…"
Now this guy's the real heavyweight!
Measured in Zaimokuza units, he's at least 2.5 times more cringe!!
"Horikita Suzune."
Ultra-minimalist—nothing but her name.
Yet because she's gorgeous, plenty of people still clap.
Damn this lookist world!
Self-introductions in progress… Forty in the class; the guys are average at best, apart from Hirata Yousuke and that blond prince Kouenji Rokusuke. The rest are pretty rough.
By contrast, the girls are shockingly high-spec.
Almost as if they'd answered Hachiman Hikigaya's call for "top-tier human females."
Leaving everything else aside, based on looks alone these girls qualify as class beauties:
Horikita Suzune, Kushida Kikyou, Karuizawa Kei, Matsushita Chiaki, Sato Maya, Hasebe Haruka… and Sakura Airi.
Huh?
Why tack on Sakura Airi?
Thick glasses, frizzy outdated twin-tails, head forever down—at first glance a total wallflower.
Yet Hachiman Hikigaya's gut tells him she's a hidden beauty rivaling his dream "wife."
Pfft!
Why am I remembering dream stuff?
Delete! Erase that memory!!
Hachiman slapped a hand over his face, mortified enough to curl his toes.
Unnoticed, Airi Sakura sneaked a glance at him, a shy, puzzled flicker crossing her face.
I'm already incognito… why did he still spot me?
The outgoing ones have finished their intros.
Left are the "doesn't-play-well-with-others" types.
"Next—yes, you there."
Hirata Yousuke suddenly singled someone out.
"Me?"
Though surprised, his face stayed blank.
"Uh, well…"
"I'm Ayanokouji Kiyotaka."
"Nice to meet you all…"
"Nothing in particular I'm good at…"
"I'll try to get along with everyone…"
A halting, highlight-free introduction.
Awkward silence.
More awkward silence.
Clap-clap~
Hirata led the applause, smiling kindly. "Pleased to meet you, Ayanokouji-kun."
Is this guy deliberately looking after the fringe kids?
His "nice-guy density" beats Hayama's!
Hey—don't look over here!
Hachiman scowled but couldn't dodge Hirata's sunbeam outreach.
**First Year, First Semester: 004 – The NPC Homeroom Teacher**
"Your turn, classmate."
Hirata, radiant as ever, shone that sunlight onto the gloomy Hachiman, leaving him nowhere to hide.
Sigh, can't be helped.
Reality forces your hand sometimes.
Hachiman drew a breath and started to rise.
Bang!
A red-haired guy in the back row kicked a desk, scowling. "What's with the introductions—think we're brats?"
Did he think Hirata meant him?
Or does he just hate Hirata?
Interrupted, Hachiman quietly sat back down.
Nice one, Angry-kun!
"I just wanted everyone to get to know each other…"
Hirata explained gently.
Click-clack~
High-heeled steps echoed as a woman in a business suit strode in. Black hair in a sharp ponytail, stern face, killer black stockings—visual whiplash.
Hachiman's brain flashed: swap that for a white maid outfit and the impact would be insane!
"Quiet. Everyone to your seats."
"I'm your Class D homeroom teacher, Chabashira Sae."
"This school does not reshuffle classes."
"For the next three years until graduation, I'm your teacher."
"First, here's the school information packet…"
"Special rule number one: full boarding. No leaving campus, no outside contact."
"Don't worry—on-site facilities have everything."
"You can buy daily necessities and entertainment."
All of it's in the handbook; most had no questions.
Never overestimate idiots, though.
"Ehh—"
"Three whole years? Mom and Dad will miss me to death!"
"Right? I'm the ace of a pro tennis club—without me they'll fold!"
After their earlier abstract intros, Ike Kanji and Yamauchi Haruki are just performing as expected.
"Now for the school-exclusive S system…"
Ignoring the comedy duo, Chabashira pulled a custom phone from her pocket. "This is your student terminal: campus-only comms, ID, and credit card combined."
"Everything on campus must be bought with this terminal."
"Each month the school loads it with points."
"One point equals one yen…"
Following her cue, everyone took out their terminal and saw the eye-catching figure… "A hundred thousand?!"
"So we've got a hundred thousand yen?!"
"For real?"
The class erupted.
Understandable—100k is serious money to a high-schooler.
Even Hachiman's heart leapt.
On birthdays his parents barely gave two thousand yen.
Most of that was sacrificed at the altar of his adorable little sister.
His own pocket money was pocket-sized.
This windfall could bankroll his sister's entire summer vacation!!
"Surprised by the huge allowance?"
"This school rates you by ability."
"Passing the interview to get in proves you have value and potential."
So much for top-tier females and my dream of being a kept man… these people actually have talent!
Hachiman found it hard to process.
"These points represent the school's evaluation of you…"
"Spend them freely, however you like."
"Anything on campus can be bought with points."
Chabashira's tone turned coaxing, a smirk tugging at her lips. "After all, this is a meritocracy!"
Maybe it was his imagination, but when she said "meritocracy" her voice sounded ice-cold.
"One hour from now, assembly in the gym for the entrance ceremony…"
"Enjoy your school life."
Like an NPC finishing her quest dialogue, Chabashira left without lingering, heels clicking away.
The instant she was gone, Class D buzzed again.
Everyone chattered about how to blow their brand-new 100k.
Seriously?
Free money falling from the sky and no one's suspicious?
Hachiman's dead fish eyes stayed dark.
Years of social war had taught him to assume the worst.
He quietly pulled out paper and pen.
Math wasn't his strong suit, but he could still handle basic arithmetic.
(End of Chapter 4 excerpt)