[Ichiraku Ramen - 20 Minutes Later]
I slid onto the stool next to Naruto, looking remarkably refreshed for someone who had just spent the last hour "watering plants." My chakra was settled, my stress had been completely drained, and I smelled faintly of expensive perfume, old paper, and success.
"Kenji!" Naruto shouted, spraying broth as he turned. "Where were you?! You missed the second bowl! I'm already on my third! Teuchi-ji made the noodles extra chewy today!"
"I told you," I signaled Teuchi for a menu, adjusting my headband. "I was tending to my garden. Some flowers in the shade need... vigorous pruning. If you don't tend to them, they wither."
I looked at the menu. Usually, I'd calculate the cost of an extra egg and weep internally. Today?
"Teuchi-san," I said, slamming a heavy bag of Ryo onto the counter.
Clink.
The sound of heavy coins hitting wood was authoritative. It was the sound of capitalism.
Teuchi stopped kneading dough mid-motion. Ayame, his daughter, looked up from the sink, her eyes widening.
"Give me the Deluxe Miso Chashu," I ordered, leaning back with a grin. "And add everything. Eggs. Extra thick pork slices. Bamboo shoots. Nori. Gold flakes if you have them in the back. And pay for Naruto's meal. And Sakura's, if she ever decides to stop dieting and actually eat. Put it all on my tab."
Teuchi's eyes literally turned into Ryo signs.
"Coming right up, Kenji-sama!" he bellowed with renewed vigor. "The Deluxe Special, extra rich broth!"
Ayame walked over to serve the water. She was a nice girl. Wholesome. The kind you bring home to mother, not the kind you bend over a desk.
[Passive Skill: Anatomy Scan - Active] [Target: Ayame] [Status: Cheerful / Hardworking / Secretly thinks your eyebrows are cute.]
Not today, I thought, taking a sip of water. I'm tapped out. Akane drained me dry. My tank needs a refill before I can engage another target.
"Whoa, Kenji!" Naruto stared at the money bag, drooling slightly. "Where did you get that?! Did you rob Gatou's vault or something?! That's huge!"
"It's called 'investing', Naruto," I smirked, popping a pair of chopsticks. "While you train your muscles, I train my wallet. Being a hero is expensive. Kunai don't grow on trees, and information isn't free."
I ate the ramen. It tasted like victory. The broth was rich, the pork melted in my mouth, and the knowledge that I was now the secret economic kingpin of the Land of Waves made it all the sweeter.
***
[Kenji's Apartment - Midnight]
Returning to my one-room apartment was a reality check.
"Cough! Cough!"
I waved my hand in front of my face. Dust motes danced in the moonlight. It smelled like stale air and neglect. I had been gone for a month, and it showed.
"Ugh. Living like a bachelor is tragic," I muttered.
I formed a cross seal.
"Shadow Clone Jutsu."
POOF.
A replica of me appeared.
"Yo," I pointed at the broom. "Clean this place up. Dust, mop, laundry. Make it sparkle. I have administrative work to do."
The clone looked at the broom. Then he looked at me. Then he looked at the stack of Icha Icha magazines under the bed.
"No way," the Clone scoffed. "You do it. I'm the main body now."
The Clone dove for the magazines, flipped one open to the centerfold, and lay down on the dirty floor with a lewd expression. "Heheh... nice curves..."
"You bastard!" I shouted, veins popping on my forehead. "I am you! You are me! Have some discipline!"
"We both know we have zero discipline," the Clone retorted without looking up.
"Dispell!"
POOF.
The clone vanished. The room remained dirty.
"I hate myself sometimes," I grumbled.
Reluctantly, I grabbed the broom. I spent the next hour cleaning, cursing my own laziness the entire time.
Finally, the room was habitable. I sat down on my futon, crossed my legs, and took a deep breath.
"System," I whispered. "[Status Window]."
A blue holographic screen flickered to life.
[STATUS] Name: Kenji Sato
Age: 12
Class: Jonin (Public Rank: Genin)
Title: The Corruptor, The Shameless Sage, The Ass Assassin, Hero of the Waves, The Tycoon.
[STATS]
Chakra: Jonin (High)
Taijutsu: A-
Ninjutsu: A
Genjutsu: C
Shameless Points (SP): 28,500
[SKILLS - ACTIVE]
[Transformation Mastery (MAX)] - Can transform into anything, including inanimate objects.
[Steal (Lvl Max)] - Your hands are stickier than flypaper.
[Dress Break (Lvl 5)] - The ultimate debuff.
[Shadow Clone Jutsu]
[One Thousand Years of Death (Master)]
[Elastic Chakra (Bungee Gum) - Lvl 1] - Rubber and Gum properties.
[Observation Haki (Lvl 1)] - See the unseen.
[Master's Call] - Summon contracted subordinates.
[SKILLS - PASSIVE]
[Iron Face (Lvl Max)] - Immune to slap damage.[Anatomy Scan (Rank A)] - X-Ray specs for biology.[Pheromone Release (Medium)] - Smell like trouble.[Silent Tread] - Sneak level 100.
[INVENTORY (Notable Items)]
Tsunade's Bad Luck Panties (Legendary)
Kurenai's Red Lingerie
Anko's Fishnets
Kubikiribōchō (Loaned to Zabuza)
The Transparency Spray (1 Can)
Contract: Zabuza & Haku1.5 Million Ryo (Cash)
"Sweet," I nodded. "Nearly 30k points. I'm swimming in it."
I cracked my knuckles.
"It's shopping time."
I opened the [System Shop].
"Gacha," I commanded. "Ten pulls. Let's go."
A colorful wheel spun.
[Pulling...]
[Item: Used Tissue] - Trash.[Item: Broken Kunai] - Trash.
[Item: Icha Icha Violence (Standard Edition)] - Already have it.
[Skill Book: Basic Fireball] - Useless.
[Item: Vibrating Egg (Remote Controlled)] - Oh? Keeping that.[Item: Cabbage] - Trash.
[Item: Cabbage] - Why is there so much cabbage?!
[Item: Kunai][Item: Paper Bomb]
[Item: Box of Condoms (XL)] - Optimistic, but useful.
"Trash," I scolded the air. "You scum System. Give me the good stuff!"
"Again! Ten more!"
[Pulling...]
The lights flashed. Blue... Blue... Purple!
[Skill: Water Walking (Mastery Book)] - Decent.[Item: Chakra Pill (Medium)][Item: Invisibility Cloak (Harry Potter World - Replica)] - Good for peaking. ...[Item: Potato]
"Meh," I sighed. "Better, but not game-changing."
I had one free pull left from the mission reward.
"Last one. Make it count."
I pressed the button.
The wheel spun. It slowed down.
It stopped on a sliver of Gold.
FLASH!
Fireworks exploded on the screen. Confetti rained down. The text flashed in neon pink and gold.
[JACKPOT!]
[Congratulations! You have unlocked a Hidden Feature!]
"Mangekyo?" I gasped, leaning forward. "Wood Release? Rinnegan?"
[Feature Unlocked: THE LEWD SHOP]
I blinked.
"Oh."
I sat back, a slow, perverse grin spreading across my face. "Even better."
I closed the Gacha window. Sure enough, right next to the standard [Shop] icon, a new icon had appeared. It was a pink heart with a devil tail.
[LEWD SHOP]
I clicked it.
The menu opened. It wasn't weapons. It wasn't jutsu. It was... Biology.
[LEWD SHOP - Body Modifications & Auras]
[Sexual Aura (Passive)]
Effect: Women find you inexplicably desirable. Increases success rate of seduction by 50%.
Cost: 1,000 SP (Unlock Level 1).
[Dick Length Upgrade]
Effect: Increase length by 1 cm.
Current Size: 7.0 inches.
Cost: 100 SP per cm.
[Dick Girth Upgrade]
Effect: Increase girth by 1 mm.
Current Girth: 1.5 inches.
Cost: 100 SP per mm.
[Cum Quantity Upgrade]
Effect: Increase load volume by 1ml.
Current Volume: 10ml (Standard).
Cost: 100 SP per ml.
[Sexual Stamina (Refractory Period Reducer)]
Effect: Increase the number of times you can ejaculate without needing a break.
Current Limit: 2 Rounds.
Cost: 1,000 SP (Upgrade to 3 Rounds).
[Sexual Endurance (Delay)]
Effect: Increase the maximum time you can hold back orgasm during intense stimulation.
Current Limit: 3 Minutes (Pathetic).
Cost: 100 SP per Minute.
[Enhanced Pleasure (Output)]
Effect: Makes the pleasure a female feels from your penetration increase by a factor of 0.25x.
Current Multiplier: 1x.
Cost: 1,000 SP.
[Pleasure Lock (Edging Control)]
Effect: Mentally block a female target from reaching the tipping point, keeping them in a state of high arousal indefinitely until you release the lock.
Cost: 1,000 SP (Unlock).
[Magic Tongue (Lalolo Technique)]
Effect: Tongue can extend an extra 2 inches, vibrate at high frequencies, and instinctively finds the G-spot. Guaranteed to make any woman squirt within 30 seconds.
Cost: 2,000 SP.
I stared at the screen. My mouth hung open.
"Holy shit," I whispered reverently. "I'm going to become a God. A Sex God."
Author's Note:
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