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Chapter 57 - Chapter 57: Struggle for Self

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So hungry. I was so hungry.

Almost every day when I opened my eyes, that single phrase looped endlessly through my head.

I knew where the food was. Not far from me. The food swaggered around every day.

And I hid where the sunlight couldn't reach, drooling over them.

Really too hungry. There were so many of them. Surely it wouldn't matter if I just grabbed one to eat?

Every time I thought this, that strange voice started yelling at me:

[Don't even think about it! Not one. You can't even lick them! If you're hungry, go pick fruit, pick mushrooms, pick anything to eat! Even if it's poisonous mushrooms, you won't die anyway!]

This voice was so mean to me. I felt wronged. Fine, I couldn't eat them—but I couldn't even lick them?

But somehow, I seemed very familiar with being scolded. Didn't feel the slightest urge to resist.

Besides, this voice was the only one that talked to me. I was afraid if I made it angry, it would stop paying attention to me.

To resist the temptation of food, I had to go deeper into the mountains. Lots of trees there. Fruits I didn't recognize.

Anyway, whenever I saw something that looked edible, I'd shove it in my mouth first and ask questions later. The voice wouldn't scold me for that.

Honestly, these things tasted awful. Bitter, sour, numbing—all kinds of weird flavors.

But once I picked some bright red fruits. They tasted sweet. I was happy for ages.

I stayed by those trees and ate all the fruit before reluctantly leaving to search for food elsewhere.

My life was simple. Only two things: finding food and avoiding the sun.

Actually, that wasn't quite right. Even though I couldn't remember, there seemed to be one more thing I had to do.

What was it again? Trying hard to remember was too much trouble. I'd just follow my instincts.

But the mountains only had dry grass. Couldn't find anything else. I could only find a hollow in a rock, bite my finger, and drip blood into it.

Then I had to put the dry grass inside and move it somewhere the sun could reach.

I didn't remember how long to leave it there, but fortunately that voice reminded me... when it was about ready, I could bring the grass back.

Though that voice mostly scolded me. Even when I prepared to weave the grass together, it kept grumbling.

[So clumsy! Your hands are ridiculously clumsy. Don't go around saying I taught you to weave! Absolutely embarrassing!]

I'd been scolded so many times. Hearing this, I just pursed my lips and kept working.

After weaving the reddened dry grass into a bracelet, the next task was simple.

Just find someone in black clothes at night, forcibly shove it into their hands, and remind them: "Give... give him..."

Give to who again? I couldn't remember the name.

But the item should reach that person properly, right?

Being too close to food was a huge test for me. I didn't dare stay long, afraid I couldn't resist licking them. I handed over the item and immediately ran.

From one mountain to another. Leaves on the trees slowly withered and fell, then turned green again, then yellow. The earth was covered in silver-white once more.

That voice said worriedly: [What are we going to do? How long will this continue? All because of that rotten bastard piece of garbage trash!]

Every time, the voice quickly turned furious, loudly cursing a name I didn't recognize.

The cursing was extremely vicious. I felt a bit scared, but also thought the voice was absolutely right.

Though snowy days had their advantages. The snow on the ground could fill my stomach. No taste, though. Always made me shiver when I swallowed it.

One day I encountered food in the mountains again.

How strange. Food usually didn't come into the mountains. And they were so small.

The bigger one tightly protected the smaller one, holding a branch to face a wolf with green eyes.

My brain suddenly got smarter for a moment. I realized the wolf wanted to eat them.

That wouldn't do!

I was indignant. Even I could only drool over food—couldn't even lick them—and this wolf dared steal food from me? Too much!

Fortunately the clouds were thick. The sun was blocked.

I tried stepping out from the tree's shadow. Jumped twice. Didn't feel any pain.

Perfect. Before the sun could break through, I charged at the wolf in one burst, kicked it flying far away. It finally crashed into a tree and rolled down.

The wolf howled once, collapsed on the ground motionless. Blood gushed out.

My traitorous saliva started dripping again.

I'd encountered animals in the mountains before. That voice forbade me from eating the food that walked around and talked, but eating this was fine.

Actually these things didn't taste good either, but one meal could last me several days... especially when winter came and food was hard to find. This wolf would save me from hunger for a few days.

I rushed over, scooped up a handful of reddened snow and swallowed it. Didn't dare waste a drop.

While I frantically ate, those two small food items approached from behind, saying in worried voices:

"Um, thank you for saving us. Are you very hungry? Your clothes look thin too. You'll get sick like this. Would you like to come to our house?"

I turned around slowly. Saw their red eyes. My heart seemed to be gently bumped. An inexplicable sense of familiarity welled up.

Hm? Had I seen them before?

But it was better not to get close to them. I was afraid I couldn't resist licking their faces a couple times.

So I stood up, dragging the half-dead wolf into the mountains.

The two small food items whispered behind me: "Brother, will that sister be okay?"

"She should... be okay, Nezuko. The mountains are dangerous. Let's go home first. Next time we'll ask Mother, then bring some food and clothes to thank her properly."

Nezuko... I hadn't heard that name before. Probably not someone I knew. Must be my imagination.

After eating that wolf, I could finally last a few more days. With my stomach not hungry, I hid in a cave and started sleeping.

But a few days later, more food came to the cave.

Their scent was very similar to those two small food items. I'd heard this was called being blood-related.

That male also felt familiar somehow, but he kept coughing softly. The female supporting him carried a huge basket on her back.

I curled up in the cave, staring at them curiously.

Now that my stomach was full, I wouldn't drool over them. But why did they come here?

The female set down the basket from her back. Took out prepared rice balls and dried meat, plus a set of clothes and straw sandals. Placed everything by my cave entrance.

Those things looked more delicious than fruit and animals. I couldn't help swallowing again, wondering if I could eat the food that food brought me.

That voice didn't pop up. Probably meant it was okay.

"Thank you for saving Tanjiro and Nezuko." The female who set down these things smiled at me. Her smile felt comfortable.

And that male who looked uncomfortable slowly approached, bowed to me and said: "I've heard stories about you in legends. Though I don't understand your current situation, you must be struggling against something."

"I'm very sorry we can't help you much. We can only do this. But please keep persisting."

Huh? What did they mean? Couldn't understand at all.

But the voice accompanying me also said: [Chihaya, don't give up. Don't surrender to that bastard!]

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