Chapter 440: A Shocking Debut! The Great Gretchin-ism!!
Kian kept spinning the con:
"My poor, helpless little Gretchin. Weaker than an Ork Boy, less stamina than an Ork Boy. An Ork Boy grows bigger every time he fights, but you lot stay small forever, no matter what.
The Ork Big Meks trick you into doing the grunt work, scavenging their scrap, promising you weapons and big war-machines, then stringing you along forever without ever handing them over.
The Ork Boyz don't think of you as people either. Get them worked up on a good WAAAGH and hungry after, and they'll treat you as nothing but a meal!
So pitiful. Gretchin truly are so, so pitiful!"
The words struck a chord instantly. Every single Gretchin in the crowd burst into wailing tears.
Kian made a few sympathetic clicking sounds, then shifted his tone to righteous fury.
"And yet! We Gretchin are, without question, the single most vital part of all Ork society! By what right do we suffer such injustice?!"
That one left the Gretchin scratching their heads. Gretchin, the most vital part of Ork society? They weren't quite following.
Kian pressed on:
"When the very first spore lands on a planet's surface and grows into a mushroom field, what's the first thing to crawl out of it? That's right. A Gretchin!
The very first Gretchin to crawl free of that mushroom field immediately, by pure instinct, starts tilling the soil, fertilizing, watering, coaxing that mushroom field to flourish!
It's only through the Gretchin's tireless cultivation that the Ork Boyz, eager for a scrap, are ever able to grow at all!
And those Ork Boyz? They don't care about any of that. All they know is charging forward, hacking and slashing, no idea whatsoever how much the Gretchin sacrificed for them!
The Ork Boyz get to WAAAGH like maniacs up front, riding that high, and never once look back to see who's holding the whole household together.
Those choppas and sluggas in their hands? Painstakingly scavenged and crafted from scrap by Gretchin hands.
That mushroom brew and those roasted mushroom skewers they're gorging on? Picked by Gretchin hands from the mushroom fields!
To put it the way you shrimp-tin-can humans would say it: we Gretchin play mother AND father, raising these eager-to-fight Ork Boyz up strong, asking nothing in return, and how do they repay us? By turning around and eating us like roasted mushrooms!
Ungrateful curs! Absolute ungrateful curs, the lot of them!"
That line hit home instantly. The Gretchin all started to reflect.
Right, why should the Ork Boyz get to be born tall and strong, free to hack and WAAAGH to their hearts' content forever?
Meanwhile Gretchin stayed small forever, stuck doing all the logistics, tending the mushroom fields, and getting eaten as emergency rations whenever things got desperate. Why?!
Every Gretchin in the crowd started seething, grumbling in protest.
One Gretchin at the front looked up, eyes brimming with hope, and asked, "Grot Marjack, so what should we do?"
Kian let his voice swell with passion and bellowed:
"Why should we Gretchin be oppressed by the Orks?! Why do they get to hack and slash up front while we're stuck doing logistics in the back?! Why does it always end with US doing the dishes?! Why should Gretchin be defined by any of this?!
No! Starting today, we Gretchin RISE! We Gretchin are no longer the oppressed!"
The words sent a surge of fire through the crowd. They stared at Kian, eyes shining.
Kian's wire arm gripped the wand and swung it back and forth in wild, passionate gestures, and something like a mustache seemed to sprout beneath the rice cooker's painted-on nose.
Sensing the crowd's fervor had reached its peak, he raised his voice and delivered a line that would shake the world to its core.
"We Gretchin can hold up half the sky too! From this day forward, the age of Gretchin oppression is OVER!
We shall now implement Great Gretchin-ism!!"
A collective gasp swept the crowd, every face lit with awed incomprehension.
"Grot Marjack, what IS Great Gretchin-ism?"
One Gretchin asked, practically vibrating with excitement, feeling like enlightenment was juuust out of reach.
Kian tilted his head up, gazing into the middle distance at a forty-five-degree angle.
"Great Gretchin-ism, simply put, is Gretchin Supremacy!
From now on, in greenskin society, Gretchin shall be first class. Snotlings, second class. Orks, mere third class."
The moment those words landed, something ignited behind every Gretchin's eyes.
One Gretchin, gaze burning with resolve, asked, "Grot Marjack, what kind of society will Great Gretchin-ism build?"
Kian answered:
"We shall build the ultimate society, one where every Gretchin has something to hack, every Gretchin gets his fair scrap, and every Gretchin WAAAGHs free!"
The Gretchin pressed further. "By what means shall this be achieved?"
Kian answered: "By means of struggle!
To achieve the ultimate society envisioned by Great Gretchin-ism, we must proceed in three stages.
Stage One, which is now: the Ork Boyz are strong, the Gretchin are weak. The revolutionary program of this first stage is self-preservation, lulling the enemy into complacency, while conducting sabotage behind their lines. We must strengthen ourselves without ever letting the Ork Boyz catch on."
The Gretchin asked again: "Grot Marjack, what would this look like in practice?"
Kian answered:
"For instance: from now on, when you find two spare parts, hand only one over to the Big Mek. Keep the other hidden.
Then secretly study at his side, learn his techniques, and use your hoard of hidden parts to build your own weapons and gear, breaking his monopoly on the technology.
Another example: the mushroom fields naturally produce Gretchin, Ork Boyz, and Snotlings alike.
When a Gretchin or a Snotling sprouts from the field, immediately recruit them into your ranks, strengthen your numbers.
But if an Ork Boy sprouts instead, snuff him out before he can grow. Bury him back in the ground and let the field remake him into something better."
The Gretchin asked once more:
"Grot Marjack, once the first stage of revolution succeeds, what then? How does the second stage unfold?"
Kian said, "Haven't worked that part out yet — I mean, we'll deal with stage two when we get to stage two!"
Looking at this particular little Gretchin, resolve burning in his eyes, sharp incisive questions one after another, Kian could tell: here stood a true, dedicated soldier of Great Gretchin-ism.
And so, Kian declared, voice booming:
"From this moment forward, I grant you the power of the magic monkey, and I bestow upon you the title of Great Revolutionary!
You must lead all your fellow cunning, deceitful Gretchin to overthrow every Ork Boy, and strive with everything you have toward the Gretchin-Supreme society envisioned by Great Gretchin-ism!"
Kian had only meant to set this one Gretchin up as a rebel figurehead, someone who'd quietly eat away at Ork strength from within.
But he never expected that the instant he finished speaking, all the WAAAGH energy that had gathered inside him came rushing out in a single torrent, flooding straight into that Gretchin's body!
Kian immediately felt his spiritual anchor destabilize, felt himself starting to slip free of this ridiculous puppet body.
His heart leapt with relief. Once all the WAAAGH energy had been drained out of him, it seemed, he'd finally be free of this doll.
Meanwhile, the Gretchin who'd absorbed all that WAAAGH energy began to undergo a very unusual transformation.
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