Mera naam (✨GULABOO✨) hai....
Aur ye kahani kisi hero ya celebrity ki nahi hai....
Ye kahani ek simple ladki ki hai—
jo lucky bhi hai aur akeli bhi.
Meri kahani shuru hoti hai Haryana ke EK chote se shehar 🌃Bhiwani se.....
Bhiwani—jahan garmi tez hoti hai, log seedhe hote hain, aur zindagi disciplined hoti hai.
Yahan log emotions kam dikhate hain, par expectations bahut zyada hoti hai..
Main yahin badi hui hu ....
Mera bachpan bohot strict tha...
Pyaar tha, par dikhaya nahi jaata tha🙃...
Care thi, par shabdon mein nahi, sirf rules mein✨...
Mujhe yaad hai jab main chhoti thi,
ghar mein shor kam hota tha.
Daant hoti thi, par hug kam..
Sawaal poochna pasand nahi kiya jaata tha.
Aur agar main zyada bolti thi,
to mujhe "badmash😜" ya "ziddi😬" kaha jaata tha.
Isliye maine bolna kam kar diya...
👶 Bachpan: Jab Main Sirf Ek Bachchi Thi
Bachpan mein mujhe lagta tha sabka ghar aisa hi hota hoga.
Maine dekha ki parents strict hain, teachers strict hain, society strict hai.
Har jagah ek hi message tha:
"Good girl bano, chup raho, rules follow karo."
Main school jaati thi, uniform pehenti thi, line mein khadi hoti thi.
Sab kuch disciplined.
Aur mujhe praise tab milta tha jab main silent, obedient aur topper hoti thi.
Mujhe lagta tha pyaar earn karna padta hai.
Achhi marks💯 lao, to log khush....
Galti karo, to pyaar 💔kam....
Isliye maine galti karna chhod diya—
ya kam se kam galti dikhana...
Main class mein zyada bolti nahi thi.
Par main observe karti thi.
Logon ke expressions, teachers ki awaaz, classmates ki baatein—sab kuch notice karti thi.
Main sensitive thi, par kisi ko pata nahi tha.
🏡 Ghar Ka Mahaul: Strict Aur Shaant
Mera ghar zyada emotional nahi tha.
Yahan feelings se zyada discipline important tha.
Mujhe sikhaya gaya ki:
Ladkiyon ka zyada bolna achha nahi lagta..
Zyada hassna cheap lagta hai...
Zyada roona weak hona hota hai...
Zyada dream karna practical nahi hota
Isliye maine apne sapnon ko chupke se dream karna shuru kiya...
Diary mein, soch mein, ya chupke se raat ko.
Mujhe yaad hai jab main chhoti thi, main choti si baat par ro deti thi.
Lekin jab mujhe roka jaata tha,
to mujhe laga shayad rona galat hai.
Dheere-dheere maine rona bhi kam kar diya.
Main strong banna seekh gayi—
par andar se.
📚 Padhai: Meri Pehli Struggle
Bhiwani mein padhai ko bhagwan mana jaata hai...
Yahan marks sab kuch hote hain.
Aur mujhe bhi yahi sikhaya gaya.
Mujhe padhna pasand tha.
Par mujhe pressure pasand nahi tha.
Jab result aata tha, sabse pehle marks pooche jaate the.
"Kitne aaye?"
"Class mein rank kya hai?"
Maine jaldi samajh liya ki meri value mere marks se jodi ja rahi hai.
Isliye maine mehnat ki.
Kabhi kabhi sirf isliye nahi ki mujhe subject pasand tha,
par isliye ki mujhe disappointment nahi banna tha.
Main lucky thi ki main padhai mein theek thi.
Teachers mujhe achha samajhte the.
Parents bhi proud feel karte the.
Par koi ye nahi poochta tha ki main andar se kaisa feel karti hoon.
🌙 Raat Ki Khamoshi Aur Mere Sawaal
Raat mere liye hamesha special thi.
Jab sab so jaate the, main chupke se ceiling ko dekhti thi.
Aur sochti thi:
Main badi hoke kya banungi?
Kya main kabhi khud se khush ho paungi?✨
Kya koi mujhe samajhega?
Din mein main obedient thi...
Raat mein main philosopher thi....
Mujhe lagta tha main different hoon....
Par mujhe nahi pata tha different hona good hai ya bad.
💭 Akela Hone Ka Ehsaas
Main lucky thi—
ghar tha, parents the, school tha, friends the.
Par fir bhi main akeli mehsoos karti thi.
Meri feelings zyada thi, par express nahi hoti thi.....
Mere dil mein baatein thi, par zubaan par nahi.....
Class mein sab haste the, gossip karte the.
Main bhi hasi, par half-hearted...
Mujhe lagta tha main crowd mein hoon, par belong nahi karti....
Ye loneliness loud nahi thi....
Ye silent thi....
Jaise kisi room mein ho, par door band ho.
🌱 Main Lucky Bhi Thi
Aaj jab main peeche dekhti hoon,
to mujhe lagta hai main lucky thi.
Mujhe education mili...,,
Mujhe safe environment mila..,,
Mujhe opportunities mili..,,
Par luckiness ke saath ek cost bhi thi—
emotional distance....
Mujhe pyaar mila,
par words mein nahi, rules mein.
Mujhe support mila,
par understanding mein nahi, expectations mein.
Isliye main lucky bhi thi,
aur akeli bhi.
🔮 Aane Wali Zindagi Ka Andaza
Mujhe tab nahi pata tha
ki meri zindagi mein do cheezein sabse badi role play karengi:
Padhai📚 – jo mujhe strong banayegi
Pyaar ❤️(Boyfriend) – jo mujhe tod bhi dega
Tab main sirf ek bachchi thi.
Mujhe nahi pata tha heartbreak kya hota hai.
Mujhe nahi pata tha self-discovery kya hota hai.
Main sirf ek ladki thi
jo chupchaap ek strict shehar mein
apni jagah dhund rahi thi....
✨❤️
Bhiwani ni meri roots hai.
Yahin maine discipline seekha😅..
Yahin maine silence seekha...
Yahin maine strong hona seekha...
Par yahin maine
apni feelings ko chupana bhi seekha...
Aur shayad,
meri self-discovery ki journey
tabhi shuru ho gayi thi—
jab main ne seekh liya
ke khud se baat kaise chupayi jaati hai...
✨❤️
School meri zindagi ka wo hissa tha jahan main roz jaati thi,
lekin kabhi poori tarah pahunch nahi paati thi....
School ka uniform pehente hi lagta tha jaise main ek role pehenti hoon—
obedient student ka role.
Hair properly bandhe hue,
shoes saaf,
aur chehra serious...
Teachers ke liye main ek "achhi bachchi" thi.
Jo zyada bolti nahi,
jo homework time par karti hai,
jo class mein attention se sunti hai.
Par kisi ne ye nahi dekha
ke main class ke bench par baith kar
kitni baar khud ke saath baatein karti thi.
🏫 School: Discipline Se Zyada Pressure
Bhiwani ke schools mein ek baat common hoti hai—
marks = izzat.
Har test, har exam,
ek naya pressure le kar aata tha.
Aur main har baar apne aap se waada karti thi
ke is baar better karungi.
Kabhi-kabhi main sochti thi,.
agar main topper na hoti
to kya log mujhe waise hi pasand karte?
Mujhe yaad hai jab kabhi marks kam aate the,
to daant sirf marks ke liye nahi hoti thi—
wo disappointment hoti thi.
Aur disappointment mujhe daant se zyada chubhti thi...
Isliye maine khud par aur pressure daalna seekh liya.
Main apni hi judge ban gayi.
👭 Friends: Haste Hue Chehre, Andar Khali
School mein dost the.
Main akeli nahi thi—
par fir bhi akeli thi...
Group mein baith kar hasi-mazaak hota tha.
Gossip hoti thi.
Crushes ki baatein hoti thi.
Par main hamesha thodi alag feel karti thi.
Main zyada bolti nahi thi.
Zyada open nahi thi.
Aur shayad zyada safe bhi nahi mehsoos karti thi
apne dil ki baat kehne ke liye.
Kabhi-kabhi jab main bolna chahti thi,
to lagta tha meri baat itni important nahi hai.
Isliye main chup reh jaati thi.
Aur dheere-dheere
chup rehna meri aadat ban gayi.
🌸 Sensitive Dil, Strong Mask
Main sensitive thi—bahut zyada.
Chhoti si baat bhi mujhe gehrai se lagti thi...
Kisi ka tone change ho jaaye,
to main poora din uske baare mein sochti thi..😌
Par main ye kisi ko batati nahi thi.
Kyunki mujhe lagta tha
ke zyada feel karna kamzori hai.
Isliye maine ek mask pehna—
strong ladki ka mask.
Jo roti nahi.
Jo complain nahi karti.
Jo sab kuch handle kar leti hai.
Logon ko laga main strong hoon.
Sach ye tha ke main sirf chup hoon.
🌙 Jab Raat Meri Dost Ban Jaati Thi
Raat ke waqt main asli Gulaboo hoti thi.
Din mein main expectations thi.
Raat mein main khud thi.
Main diary nahi likhti thi har roz,
par main sochti bahut thi.
Kabhi ceiling ko dekh kar,
kabhi khidki se bahar andhere ko.
Raat mujhe sawaal deti thi:
⁉️Kya meri zindagi sirf marks aur rules tak simat jaayegi?⁉️
Kya main kabhi bina dare bol paungi?
Kya koi mujhe bina badle accept karega?
Mujhe answers nahi milte the,
par ye sawaal mujhe zinda rakhte the.
💭 Khud Se Door Jaana
Sabse ajeeb baat ye thi
ke main dheere-dheere
khud se door ja rahi thi.
Main jo mehsoos karti thi,
wo keh nahi paati thi.
Jo sochti thi,
wo bol nahi paati thi.
Aur jab koi poochta,
"Tu theek hai?"
to main muskurakar kehti,
"Haan."
Ye "haan" itna aasaan tha kehna.
Aur itna mushkil jeena...
🌱 Pehli Baar Different Mehsoos Karna😁😚
Ek waqt aaya
jab mujhe laga main alag hoon.
Main zyada sochti hoon.
Zyada feel karti hoon.
Aur shayad duniya
aise logon ke liye nahi bani.
Maine khud ko change karne ki koshish ki.
Zyada normal banne ki.
Zyada cool banne ki.
Par jitna main change hui,
utna main khud se door hoti gayi...
🪞 Aaine Ke Saamne Khadi Ladki
Ek din main aaine ke saamne khadi thi.
Main apne chehre ko dekh rahi thi.
Wo chehra jo roz sabko dikhaya jaata tha—
calm, controlled, sorted.
Par mujhe pata tha
ke is chehre ke peeche
ek ladki hai
jo samjho jeenaa chahti hai.
Maine khud se poocha,
"Tu kya chahti hai, Gulaboo?"
Aur mujhe pehli baar
is sawaal ka jawab nahi aaya...😥
🙂😛
Jaise-jaise main badi hoti gayi,
waise-waise duniya mujhe aur zyada samajhne lagi—
ya shayad mujhe lagne laga
ke duniya mujhe samajhna chhod rahi hai.
Umar badhne ke saath expectations bhi badi hoti jaati hain.
Ab sirf "achhi bacchi" banna kaafi nahi tha.
Ab mujhe "strong ladki" bhi banna tha.
Jo pressure sambhaal le,
jo emotional na ho,
jo apne sapne khud ke liye nahi,
par situation ke hisaab se dekhe.
Main chup-chaap sab observe karti rahi.
Kaun kya kehta hai,
kaun kya expect karta hai.
Aur har baar
maine apni awaaz ko thoda aur neeche kar diya.
🎒 Badi Hoti Umar, Bhaari Hota Dil
Teenage years aate hi
zindagi aur confusing ho gayi.
Bachpan ki simplicity chali gayi,
par clarity nahi aayi.
Ab mujhe khud se zyada sawaal the.
Main kya chahti hoon?
Main kaun hoon?
Aur sabse mushkil sawaal—
kya meri feelings valid hain?
Mujhe lagta tha agar main zyada mehsoos karti hoon,
to shayad problem mujhme hi hai.
Isliye maine mehsoos karna kam karne ki koshish ki.
Par feelings ko suppress karna
kabhi kaam nahi karta.
Wo chup hoti hain,
khatam nahi hoti...
📚 Padhai: Sapna Ya Majboori
Padhai ab sirf subject nahi rahi.
Wo meri identity ban gayi.
Jab main achha karti thi,
to mujhe lagta tha main kuch hoon.
Aur jab main thak jaati thi,
to mujhe lagta tha main fail ho rahi hoon—
sirf exams mein nahi,
zindagi mein.
Maine apni thakaan ko ignore kiya.
Kyunki thakna allowed nahi tha.
Break lena kamzori maana jaata tha.
Mujhe lagta tha main lucky hoon
kyunki mujhe padhne ka mauka mila.
Par kabhi-kabhi
ye luck hi bojh ban jaata tha.
🌪 Andar Ki Ladayi
Meri sabse badi ladayi bahar nahi thi.
Wo andar thi...😪
Ek taraf wo Gulaboo thi
jo expectations poori karna chahti thi....
Aur doosri taraf wo Gulaboo thi
jo bas khud ko jeena chahti thi.
Dono ke beech main phansi hui thi....
Kabhi main khud ko samjhaati,
"Sab theek hai, tu lucky hai."🤩
Aur kabhi dil kehta,
"Par tu khush 😉nahi hai."
Is conflict ne mujhe chup rehna sikha diya.
Kyunki agar main bolti,
to mujhe khud ko hi explain karna padta....
🕊 Khamoshi Ki Aadat
Khamoshi meri safe place ban gayi.
Bolne mein risk tha.
Chup rehne mein control.
Jitna main chup rehti,
utna logon ko lagta
main mature ho rahi hoon.
Sach ye tha
ke main apne aap se door ho rahi thi...
🌸 Lucky, Phir Bhi Akeli
Log kehte the,
"Tu lucky hai."
Aur main agree karti thi.
Kyunki main bhi ye maan chuki thi.
Par lucky hone ka matlab
ye nahi hota
ke aap akela mehsoos nahi karte.
Main surrounded thi,
par connected nahi thi.
Mere paas log the,
par koi aisa nahi tha
jiske saamne main bina dare keh sakoon—
"Main theek nahi hoon."✨
🔍 Pehli Baar Khud Ko Dekhna
Ek din—
sirf ek simple sa din—
mujhe mehsoos hua
ke agar main aise hi chalti rahi,
to main khud ko kho dungi.
Main khadi thi,
aur mujhe laga
jaise meri zindagi mujhe dekh rahi ho
aur pooch rahi ho—
"Tu mujhe jee rahi hai,
ya bas nibha rahi hai?"
Is sawaal ne mujhe hila diya...
🌱 Awareness: Badlaav Ki Shuruaat
Us waqt koi decision nahi liya gaya.
Koi drama nahi hua.
Koi rebellion nahi.
Bas ek awareness aayi.
Ke main sirf expectations ka result nahi hoon.
Main sirf marks, discipline, aur silence nahi hoon.
Main ek insaan hoon.
Jiski feelings hain.
Jiski confusion real hai.
Jiski kahani abhi likhi ja rahi hai....
✨ Chapter 1 Ka Ant
Bhiwani ne mujhe bahut kuch diya—
strength, discipline, structure.
Par usne mujhe ye bhi sikhaya
ke khud ko chupana kitna aasaan hota hai.
Aur shayad
meri self-discovery ki journey
isi din shuru hui thi—
jab main ne pehli baar
ye maana
ke main lucky bhi ho sakti hoon
aur akeli bhi.
Ye sirf shuruaat thi.
Aage padhai mujhe aur badlegi.
Pyaar mujhe tod dega.
Aur main—
khud ko dhoondhne nikal jaungi...❤️
TO BE CONTI....✨